[laughing] Lily,
no climbing on the Parmesan. [growling, biting] [gasping] [growling] Lily,
that is very disrespectful. We taught you not to be rude. Okay. Which one
of you taught her to be rude? Wasn't me. [belching] [clattering]
Who's in here? It's the middle
of the ding dang night. [growling] [growling] [shrieking] Lily, how did you get
out of your crib? Snack! No, no, it's not snack time,
sweetie. It's time to- Snack now! [grunting] What is going on with her? She's supposed
to be the sweet one. - We heard that!
- Not cool, Mom. - Ah, come on.
- Sorry, kids. Love you. No! No! No! No! No! Snack now! No, Lily, you clearly need sleep and you have school
in the morning. Wait a minute. School.
Maybe that's where she's picking up
this bad behavior [gasping]
That makes total sense. Maybe she's got a new friend
who acts like this. [gasping] [laughing] [sighing]
Finally, some peace and quiet. Fascinating. Okay, first thing
tomorrow morning, we march right in there
and find out who's ruining our precious Lily. Snack, snack, snack. That won't work. If she sees us there,
she'll know something's up. We'll need to get creative. Whoa! Nice save, hun. You ready
for a fun day at preschool? So ready.
[squealing] Did I tell you
they have a trampoline? Yes, sweetie, 43 times, but remember,
the reason you're going is to keep an eye on Lily. You need to find out who's
encouraging her to misbehave. I'm on it, Mom. Don't forget your lunch, Leni. [groaning] LJ, I've got more Parm for ya! [laughing]
Whee. Lily, Jackson,
put down those juice boxes. Jackson's bad, too? One bedroom is not enough space
for all these dollies. Lily, Ellis,
this is not how we use tape. [laughing] Alice is bad, too?
I can't believe it. [squeaking] [grunting] [laughing] Ah! This is worse than we thought. Audrey, Jackson, Ellis,
Flynn, Max, Tilly; cute name,
Joey, Monty, Solly. Every kid in that class is
a bad influence. [groaning] Hi, Lily. We have
a special playdate for you. Hello, Miss Lily.
My name is Aidan. [sniffing] Uh! And I made your favorite,
Parmesan sandwiches. That'll be all, Cliff.
[meowing] He's been helping
in the kitchen. Aidan is a very good boy. So, you know, [chuckles],
just do whatever he does. My lady, do you want to play
alphabet blocks? [banging] [shrieking] [gasping] Lily, what happened? <i> Feeling dizzy. So co-</i> Miss Lily is a very bad girl. I having fun. [chuckles] We're so sorry! Enjoy the apology Parm! And they're rolling it back.
It's picking up speed! [grunting] Lily, there's plenty of cheese
for all of us! Be a Gouda girl!
You're acting like a monster! [grunting] What has gotten into you, Lily? [grunting] Lynn, I know
why she's acting like this. It's the cheese. Too much cheese can really,
you know, back up the plumbing. Ah, of course. And when that happens,
you get, you know, cranky. [grunting] [growling] I know what we have to do. [dinging] These triple brand fiber blast
muffins ought to do the trick. [sniffing]
Ugh. I added chocolate chips.
I'm not a monster. [rumbling] [toilet flushing] Feeling better, sweetie? Much better. [kissing] [sighing] You know what this means? He could turn us
into the undead. [all]
Gasp. Our life long dream. Just think. One bite from him
and we'll never have to wait for another season
of Vampires of Melancholia, 'cause we'll be living it. We can be just like Edwin.
Forever. [thundering] <i> ♪ Da da da ♪</i>
Some for you and for you. A lot for you And some fresh O neg
for Count Lucilla. [chuckles] Garlic bread, Lucy? Hiss. Oh, yeah.
Forgot the no garlic thing. Family picture time. Oops,
forgot Lucy doesn't show up. [laughing] Let's do this. Boris wants eternal life
and unbridled power. Me too, Boris, but we can't
just go up and ask him. Lucy's right. That never works
on Vampires of Melancholia. It's way too desperate. We just have to play it cool
and get him to notice us. Let's come back tomorrow. That'll give him time
to settle in. What's with all the cars? Ah! We were right. They were all
turned into vampires last night! [gasping] Gasp. Mrs. Bernardo? Mrs. Bernardo,
you've been gifted eternal life and power,
haven't you? [hissing] One thing's for sure,
he has terrible taste. He's building an army
of the really basic undead. Wait, Morpheus, that's it! This guy must think
we're already vamps! Cause we're so goth. I know what we need to do;
we need to go normie. [eerie piano music playing]
[gasping] [groaning] Okay everyone, it's time
to walk the normie walk, and talk the normie talk. Lemonade, get your lemonade. Huh? Uh,
just two children full of blood, selling lemonade
for a marginal profit! [groaning] Ahh! My other eye! Drat! He didn't go for it! Dear, friends!
Enjoy this carnivore's delight! [groaning] I also have potato salad
and coleslaw. Mmm,
Boris loves a good BBQ y'all! [groaning] Let's crank this up a notch! Here he comes!
Water vessel fight! - Water selfie!
- Whee! Laugh laugh, us normal kids love
water based frolicking! [groaning] Oh, come on!
We pulled out all the stops! I even drank a pumpkin spice
flavored beverage and he still doesn't want us! What in the underworld can we do
to become vampires?! Maybe we should just give up.
Our dream is dead. No. If anyone deserves
to be vampires, it's us. I know they don't do this
on Vampires of Melancholia, but I say we just make
him turn us. So wait, we can ditch these
absurd breathable garments? Oh thank goth. Listen to all those people! He must be inside turning
more vampires! Well, we're next!
Future Vampires, descend! There he is! Bite us! Turn us into vampires! We beg thee! CUT! Can you get off
my casting director please? But he's a vampire! Uh. Okay, I know I'm pale and I work
for Vampires of Melancholia... [gasping] ...but can
you spare me the wisecracks? Wait a minute,
you guys are filming Vampires of Melancholia? Yes, and you kids are ruining
my big break! Confused Vampire Number 7 is
the role of a lifetime! Mrs. Bernardo? Why didn't you just tell us
what you were doing yesterday? [scoffs] A good actor never
breaks character! Uhh, I mean, uhh,
[hissing] Okay, that's enough, it's time
for you meddling brats to go. You're in the shot! Sigh. - Wait!
- Huh? These kids are the gloomiest,
creepiest, weirdest creatures I've ever seen! So kind. Even their grandpa is creepy! [chuckles] Boris is only nine,
but still very flattered. They'd be great
for the season premiere. They're obviously real goths and not just a bunch of randos
from the mall. Rescued from your mortal state,
my creatures of the night. Rise, and embrace
your newfound vampire power! [moaning] Oh, huh, hiss! My minions, have you shed
your earthly attachments? Our human life is no more! Yo, and you dudes are gonna love
the no bedtime thing. [groaning] Thanks for helping us,
like, not go extinct. It was our displeasure. [hissing] Aw. Stella said he's one bad bunny,
but there are no bad bunnies, just misunderst- [screaming] Jazzy, come back! Hey? Hey, keep that thing away
from my prized petunias, Loud! I'm trying! Whoa! Whoa, oh, ah, ah! [groaning] Sorry about that, Mr. Grouse. [grumbling] Sorry's not gonna bring back
my petunias. [growling] Now, let's try this again,
but with a leash. Now let's walk. [groaning] Let's try food motivation. Jazzy, this is butter lettuce. All you have to do is sit
still... And you can have it. [groaning] Jazzy! Jazzy? Jazzy! Jazzy! Oh, hey! It's Lola! Lana, what's wrong? - Look!
- Oh no. You lost your bunny! Take my ride to go look for him. Thanks, Lols.
That's really sweet. But you better not fart
in the driver's seat! [gasping]
Oh no you guys, look! Flip, did you see an unhinged
rabbit come through here? Well, what do you think, champ?! I'm not sitting up here
so I can inspect my nacho cheese machine! Uh, give me a call later.
I'll fix up your shop. Okay, which way did he go? The rabbit, which way did he go? Okay, what way? [groaning] [groaning] Hey, sweetie,
how's the bunny training going? Terrible. I lost Jazzy. Could you drive me to Stella's
so I can tell her the bad news? Of course, and hey, why don't we post some flyers
on the way? And when we're done, I'll treat you
to some ice cream. Did you get trapped
in a car wash again? No, worse. We had to close
Reininger's early. There was a rampaging bunny
on the loose. It was like Easter, but awful! - Jazzy!
- To the mall! Thanks for the ride, Mom.
Hops, you come with me. Everybody else,
stay put for your own sake. Who's still up for ice cream? Look! There's Jazzy! Gotcha! Hey,
I demand you release that bunny! His name is Jazzy
and he's in my care! What?
[mumbling] This is Snazzy, and he escaped
from my pet store earlier! But he looks exactly like Jazzy. It's like they're related
or something. [gasping]
Wait a minute, does this rabbit have
any siblings? Yeah, one, but I sold it
a couple days ago to some girl. [gasping] Hops,
I know what's going on. Snazzy is Jazzy's twin! Sir, I would like to buy Snazzy. Ugh. It all makes sense now! That's why both bunnies
have been bad. They just need their twin.
Like Lola and me. I mean, sure,
sometimes she can be awful, but I still love her,
and need her. And if Snazzy has twin powers
like Lola and me, he should be able
to find Jazzy by smell. [sniffing] Like right now,
Lola's getting her nails done at Susie's Salon. [sniffing]
Hm. I wonder what Lana's doing
at the mall. Okay, your turn, Snazzy.
Sniff out Jazzy! [sniffing] Whoa! Whoa! [sniffing] [gasping] [squeaking] Jazzy! You're back! Come on, let's get both
of you guys to Stella. And congrats
to our own Liam Hunnicutt, whose cow, Daisy,
gave birth to a baby boy. The proud mom had this to say:
"Moo!" And now to Clyde McBride
with Clyde's Culture Corner. Thanks, Lincoln! Girl Jordan is
about to break the school record for the most books checked
out: A whopping 47. I'm being told none
of them have pictures. Whoa, whoa! Uh,
I'm getting a breaking bulletin! A suspect is
in the principal's office, in connection
with the stink bomb thrown at last night's dance.
We now go to Stella Zhau. That's right, Lincoln. The student is inside
at this very moment. Viewers, I'm going to try
and get a statement - from the suspect.
- Oh! [gasping] [groaning] [gasping]
Rusty?! [groaning] I'm innocent, I swear! Did Principal Ramirez say
why she thinks it was you? She wouldn't tell me who, but there were witnesses
who claimed to see me throw the stink bomb. And now,
I'm suspended for a whole week. I hate havin' to escort one
of my baby birds off property! Thanks for ruining our dance! Nice job, clown! Dance ruiner! This is a travesty of justice!
We have to clear Rusty's name! Guys, you know what this means? Yeah. He's definitely
not getting his deposit back. No, it means
two suspects are cleared. We know who the culprit is! [yelping] Confess, Boy Jordan, ya snake!
You rented a white suit so you could throw
the stink bomb at the dance and pin it
all on Rusty! Um, what are you talking about? I didn't rent a suit
for the dance. Andrew and I went
in cat onesies. Awe. Rusty's dad must have written it
down wrong. Maybe it was another 'J' name.
James? Jason? Jackson? Or maybe it wasn't even
a 'J' name, which means it could be anybody! I hate to say it, but we failed. I'm really sorry we couldn't clear your name,
Rusty. Thanks for trying, guys. I'll just stay in disguise
until the end of middle school. Hopefully,
I'll get used to these heels. Three, two. Today's top news story: Turns out Liam's baby boy calf
is actually a girl. When pressed about the error,
Liam's Mee-Maw said, "My bad, y'all.
It's hard to tell." You guys!
I know who framed Rusty! Principal Ramirez, meet us
at the lockers immediately! News team, follow me! This better be good. We had just cornered
Bolhofner's bobcat. Can you keep it down?
I'm giving a pop quiz. Hey, what's going on? I know who the actual
stink bomb culprit is! Girl Jordan!
[all gasping] Of course!
There are two Jordans! [scoffs]
That's absurd! I didn't do it! Oh, no? Then open your locker. Fine. [gasping] I am as shocked as you are!
Who put this in my locker?! That's what you should
be investigating right now! [sighing]
Okay. It was me. I framed Rusty. [gasping] [gasping] But why, Girl Jordan?
Why'd you do the Rustman wrong? Because, I was mad at you. Rusty and I were
home ec partners. It was our final project:
Sponge Cake. It was flawless, until... Check out the Rustman's
new moves! [grunting] [gasping]
Nooo. It was the first F I ever got.
I knew I had to get him back! [growling] I rented the same style
white suit Rusty wears to every school event.
I found a red clown wig. I even studied his voice. And they were like,
"No way you could eat that entire hoagie, dawwwwg!" [laughing] Dawwwwg.
That's when I knew I was ready. [laughing]
[screaming] I'm really sorry.
I went way too far. Aw, I'm sorry about the cake. You can go ahead and suspend me,
Principal Ramirez. Do you have to suspend
Girl Jordan? Can't we just call it even? Okay, I won't suspend her, if you do me one favor
and keep teaching. It's just so hard to find
good subs these days. [gasping]
You got it! That must be the front door key.
But how do we get it? I could distract him,
with my sick dance moves. Rusty, you've given me an idea.
I know how to get those keys. Hey, Mr. Bolhofner,
do you know how to... dance? [groaning]
I picked up some moves when I was stranded
in the Sahara with those Irish step dancers.
Why? There's a dance coming up
and poor Rusty here can't dance. Would you mind teaching him? I guess. Got nothing else to do. Ah!
[chuckles] Alright. Follow my lead.
And one, two, three... One, two, three.
One, two, three... Ha ha. Okay,
we're clear on the new plan? Hey there, Mr. B. Great fire. You know, I've got
a new hobby these days: cellars. Boy, do I love a good
old-fashioned cellar! heh... Weird. Yeah, well, not a lot
going on in Royal Woods. So... any chance I could see
the cabin cellar? Knock yourself out. How about a... personal tour? [grumbling] [groaning] Gah!! The key broke!
[gasping] I just need something
to ram the door with. [banging] Hurry! Skull-hofner is coming! [yelling] Everybody, run for it! [growling] [screaming] Oh, we're done for...! I, Lincoln Albert Loud, leave to my sisters
all my Ace Savvy comics. And you're not
allowed to hock 'em to make a fast buck, Lola!
[gasping] [screaming] [whimpering] [roaring] [whimpering] [roaring] What were you thinking,
locking me in the cellar and running out into the woods?!
You could've been hurt! Well, it's just, we thought- We thought you were gonna
turn us into people jerky. [sighing]
I shoulda known. This was all
about those dumb lies people say about me. Come on, let's get you inside. As soon as the storm settles,
I'll take you kids home. I think there's a spare tire
for the van in the shed. I'll wait out there
so you don't have to worry about "Skull-hofner".
[sighing] Funny. I'm tough enough
to wrestle a bear, but those cruel rumors hurt
my feelings. I feel awful about what we did. Me, too.
Mr. B is actually really cool. I bet if everybody at school
knew what he was really like, those rumors would go away. Yeah, dawg. Wish there was a way we could set
the record straight. [gasping]
Rusty, you've given me an idea! Fine... I'll cha-cha with him. Not that. [grunting] [whimpering] See? Mr. B isn't a convict,
or a mobster, or a cannibal. If you get to know him, you'll find out
that he's a great guy who's brave and loyal. Oh, speaking of which, here's
the bear-wrestler himself: Mr. 'Cool-hofner'. [cheering] Uh. Everybody get to class.
Or it's detention! Hey! Thank you. [chuckles]
"Cool-hofner". [humming] [gasping] I took the liberty of
upgrading everything. Let me walk you through it. Oops. Maybe I should let
you explain first. [laughing] [clearing throat] Okay.
You've got bifocal cameras, hearing-aid two way radios,
rocket dentures, and, oh, this is my favorite:
A remote walker launcher. All accessible
through your watches, of course. Whoa! You'll also need disguises. Now get back in there
and crack this mystery. [shrieking] Okay, we're in.
Now, what would David Steele do? [both]
Check the security cameras. How are we going
to get past her? Leave it to me. Hello, young person. Can I interest you
in a hard candy? Candy? From a stranger?
Don't mind if I do! [snoring] Wow, Lisa's chamomile sleepy-time
hard candies work instantly. Ooh, I hope her nose is okay. [gasping] Dang it!
The cameras are disabled. The culprit was ahead of us. - Ugh!
- What was that? [gasping] Seymour! We'll grab you some ice. Clyde, look! Someone's messing
with the drainage controls. That's where the water's gone.
Hey, you! Get back here! He's getting away! Stop!
[gasping] Whoa. You are busted, sir. We know you've been sabotaging
Sunset Ca-- [gasping]
Nana Gayle? Who the heck are you two? It's us, Lincoln and Clyde. Nana Gayle, why'd you turn
to a life of crime? Oh, Clyde. I'm not the bad guy,
I went undercover to find him. I don't want to move out
of Sunset Canyon. I just unpacked. Huh. What a twist.
So do you want to join forces? We can share our Intel,
and you can share yours. I'm in. So whatcha got? Nothing. You? Also nothing.
Oh, well, that's disappointing. But I was about to check clues
by the pool's control panel. Oh yeah,
maybe there's something there. I can't see anything. Hmm,
maybe Lisa's watch has a light. [grunting] Uh-oh, I think
we accidentally activated the rocket walker. [yelping] [thudding] [helium voice]
That one is our bad. Weird,
why do I sound like an elf? [Helium voice; laughs]
Me too. It's like we're
breathing helium. Whoa, we are breathing helium. That machine looks like it's sucking it out
from the walls. And what's
with all the balloons? [both gasping]
I know who the culprit is! Come on out, Vic. [clapping]
So you figured it out. The guy
with the family balloon business who wanted access
to the ginormous helium deposit under Sunset Canyon. You almost got away with it too. You even put on roller skates
to throw us off. Well, aren't you
just a regular David Steele. Too bad I have a getaway plan.
You'll never stop me! Yah! [coughing] Come on, Clyde. Vic's been sabotaging
Sunset Canyon trying to get everyone to move. [gasping]
Come on, everyone. Over there,
he's trying to escape. Ha-ha! See ya, losers.
[laughing] - Oh, no you don't.
- I got ya, Lincoln. Be careful, Clyde! Oh, get off! We need to pop his balloons! [gasping] Lincoln, the rocket
dentures in the watch! [gasping] [screaming] Guess you can say
that wraps up this case. Yep. Just one thing left,
what to do with Vic. As head of the board,
I say he fixes everything. Come on,
let's hit the hardware store. You're buying! I'm Katherine Mulligan,
here with Lisa Loud, the pint-sized genius
who discovered a dinosaur bone in her front yard.
Tell us, Lisa, what are your thoughts
on this new species that I've already dubbed,
Loudasaurus? Uh, the thing is... is... uh... Dr. Loud doesn't have any further comments
at this time. How would you like
to have your very own show? [gasping]
My own show? Your story is very compelling. A five-year-old who found
a dinosaur bone in her yard? Exciting stuff. Okay, um,
I should clear something up-- The show would be broadcast
everywhere. Yeah, I understand,
but I really must- You'd have the opportunity
to get children from all over the world
interested in science. [gasping]
Interested in science, you say? Uh, could you give me a moment
to consult with my associate? [whispering] Todd,
it seems my erroneous discovery has lead to some
unforeseen benefits. <i> But are you okay with being
a liar, liar pants on fire?</i> Look, I see the irony
of lying about science to get other kids into science. But in this case,
the ends justify the means. [clearing throat] Dr. Loud,
have you made a decision? Let's do this, Doc! [music playing] Oh, cool! [laughing] Whoa! Science! Hm,
should be around here somewhere. <i> It was fortuitous
that the back door was unlocke.</i> There. The Celurosaurian
Theropod. Street name, T-Rex. How's the glue job look?
I used Father's failed attempt at bechamel sauce
as an adhesive. This T-Rex has over 200 bones. No one will notice if I replace
one of them with my fake bone. Now, beam me up, Toddy. [whistling] [whispering]
Abort, abort! [screaming] [whistling] [groaning] Phew. [grunting] Ah, dang it.
This will have to do. Going live in three, two, one. Welcome to 'Facts Matter', with your science hostess
with the mostest, Lisa Loud. Today we are
at the Royal Woods Museum and our special guest is
Dr. Alvarez. Thanks for stopping by, Lisa. I believe you have
something special to show our audience? Indeed I do. This is the dinosaur bone
I discovered in my backyard. And today, we are going to use the museum's
carbon dating machine to determine what era it's from. Texture looks good.
Shape looks good. Color looks good. Lisa,
this bone is museum quality. Go ahead and use my machine. [beeping] Ah! And it's 100%
from the Mesozoic era. [cracking] [shrieking] [cracking] Uh, we should wrap this up.
Todd, play the wrap-up music! What's the rush, Dr. Loud? We still have 20 minutes left
in the episode. [cracking] Dr. Alvarez! Look out! Dr. Alvarez? Dr. Alvarez?! Todd, initiate search protocol. <i> On it.</i> Oh, what have I done, Todd? Dr. Alvarez got crushed
by two tons of osseous matter because of my lies. Lies? [gasping]
Dr. Alvarez, you're alive! Lisa, what lies?" [sighing] Well, the dinosaur bone
I found wasn't real. It was a amalgam
of loose bird bones bound together
with a low-grade cheese sauce. So I swapped it with one
of the bones from the T-Rex. That's why it collapsed. [gasping]
Lisa, how could you? I justified it by telling myself that kids around the world
were getting into science because of me. But science is honest
and I certainly haven't been. I'm so sorry. Lisa, wait. It would be a shame to let
all your knowledge go to waste. You're clearly good
at inspiring kids and getting them interested
in science. You mean,
I can have my show back? [laughing]
Absolutely not. You have to earn
my trust back first. How would you like to start
by giving tours in the museum? Really? I'd be honored.
