Hello everybody! My name is Markiplier, :D and welcome back to Job Simulator. As you can see, we've got these delightful, delectable, golden game cartridges! BOINK *cough* weirdo *cough* (Job Bot) A true grease monkey! Get under the hood and get your hands dirty in our simulated mechanics shop! Uh, okay. Just a second. Now if you don't remember why this is actually in progress, it's because I tried to record it first before I even did... What did I do? (idk man) 'Gourmet Chef'? Yeah. Before I did that, I tried to do this but it crashed, didn't work but now everything has worked out, so this is going to be good. So let's do this! Let's fix some cars! :D Well, I don't need instructions 'cause I know what to do. But, at the same time... Haaah! I meant to get it in the- sorry! YaAAaaa! Okay anyway, that was a fun start. It's the only fun that I'm gonna have! 'Cause I literally am just an auto mechanic! What do you want, lady? >:( I already know! Actually, I don't even remember. What did you want? (Mark) What did you want?
(LadyBot) Good morning, human. Huh? (LadyBot) I require a tune up. (Mark) Do you?
(LadyBot) Let's take a look under the hood. WOW!! (JobBot) This one just needs a little fluid. No problem. OH! How do I fluid you? BEH (Crescendo) HaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAA Boink! Argh, it wasn't enough! I need more fluid! [Wimpy] Eh.. [grunting noises] (JobBot) This vehicle's power source seems to be unacceptably inefficient. I know! It's so bad! A potato? It's just so last century. Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah (JobBot) Well done, that's looking very (JobBot) ~CAR~ (JobBot) Press the button to drop it back down when you're finished. I know, it's very, 'car'. (JobBot) In shops like these, everything had price. (JobBot) Make sure you bill the customer for the use of your highly valuable time. There you go~ Have a good one, ma'am! (LadyBot) Thank you, human. You're welcome, it's almost as if I didn't just do this for you before, so have a nice day. (JobBot) Very good, human, but we're just getting started.
(Mark) Thank you! [Over Excited] ohHHHH (JobBot) The world of (JobBot) ~AUTOMECHANIC~ (Mark) [Way too Excited] oHHHHH 0o0 (JobBot) has so much more to offer. No, not really! As far as what I know, it's the exact same thing over and over again, then exploiting people for the money that you don't really deserve. HELLO! What can I do for you, little boy? (Customer) Human, I have this coupon for a "Slzbot Special",
(Mark) AHH? (Customer) whatever that is.
(Mark)OOOOhhh (Customer) Says that there's a discount, so hurry up and- (Customer) take care of my car.
(Mark)Agghhhhhh I gotta ask my boss, don't worry about this. (Slzbot) Human, over here. (Mark) Heeyyyy
(Slzbot) I'm Slzbot, (Mark)Heeyyy
(Slzbot) the owner of this fine establishment... (Mark) YYeeahhhh (Slzbot) and this bot's got a coupon. (Mark) Yeahh
(Slzbot) so let's take REAL good care of 'em by sabotaging their car. (Mark) A good idea!
(Slzbot) So they'll come back later for more work! OKAY! It's good, I'm gonna- I'm gonna agree with that one. Ohh, let's see here. You don't need, BAHRRR. (Slzbot) Ok, pistons in the engine, don't need those. [Sabatoging] BHUHER [More Sabatoge] BHUHER [Sabatoge Grunt] BHAHERYAR (Customer) Uhhhhhh... yeah. (Customer) Just uhh, recombobulate the, the, tha thing there. (Customer) How about my... headlight fluid? (Customer) How's that looking? (Customer) Heheh, yeah, I know about cars. (Slzbot) Headlight fluid? (Mark) AAHHH!!! (Slzbot) You name it, we got it! (Slzbot) Get this bot some headlight fluid, human. I know, I know, I know. Headlight fluid, I know. This eh *chuckle* Honestly this one took me a loooonng time to figure out I was like, "What the fuuck does he want from me?" This doesn't even make sense! (Slzbot) Hey human, (Mark) Whaaaaaatever! (Slzbot) While we're dealing with fluids here, (Slzbot) Why don't we spice up their gas tank with a little secret ingredient (Slzbot) that'll ensure they're back later for more work? Uhuh... I'm gonna piss in their tank. I'm gonna zip down my pants right here on camera, stick my dick in this thing, and then piss with reckless abandon to destroy their engine. I saw it in 'Me, Myself and Irene', and I'm gonna do it right now, goddammit! *Unzip sound* *Running Water Sound effect* [Relief] Ahhhhhhhhhh... No. Ok. I need sugar. Ahh! I'm getting tangled up in the cords! They're gonna get me! Ooohhh hello. *nom* *nom* *nom* Aghh! *nom* Ah, my fingers didn't work for a second. *nom* *nom* Alright, this seems like good customer service. Why not!??? Huubleh! You didn't see a thing! If you saw sugar flying past you, it was actually cocaine. Don't worry about it; we threw it in for free, you're gonna be doin' just fine. Goodbye, sir! Have a nice day, it ain't no lemon. (Slzbot) Here's a coupon I came up with when you're done messing with their car. (Mark) [Over-Excited] OOOOOOOOOHH I LIKE-A COUPONS There you go, buddy! Eh, uhleh. Ahh! There you go. Have fun! With your life money! (Slzbot) Nice job with that bot. (Slzbot) You did alright, human. (Slzbot) Now you keep at it
(Mark) Thanks boss! (Slzbot) I'll be in the back counting the money. (Mark)Thank you, the only thing I ever live for is your approval. And it's so weird that you're a computer looking at another computer while you're standing in front of a giant computer statue of yourself, but hey! I won't complain because I've got this little version of you as a computer behind a computer in front of your own computer. On my shelf. That's a reminder of how cool you are boss, thank you. Heeahh What do you want? Your headlight's busted, I know this shit. (Customer) [raspy Southern accent] I just got this beauty at the local junkyard. (Customer) It just needs a little love so I could drive it legally. (Mark) Uh huh.
(Customer) What'dya say? Uh huh. How 'bout you get a one-eyed headlight, and then you need- (Customer) The air filter's not doing too good either...
(Mark) Eugh! (Customer) Could ya take a look at that? (Mark) No, not really. (SlzBot) The air filter's under the hood, human. Keep up, all right? [High pitched] I-I GOT IT! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? I GOT IT! (Customer) -You think you could cover that up with a fresh coat of paint? No, I don't think I can, but I'm gonna try! It's yellow! Like your belly... You- *Screaming* It's in my lungs, I can't breathe. (Customer) That looks good as new! (Mark) Not really. (Customer) Makes that old hood ornament look (Customer) ~AESTHETICALLY DISPLEASING~ (Mark) Uh huh. (Customer) Think you can swap that out with somethin' new and shiny? (Mark) I'LL DO MY BEST! I don't know what sort of thing I did to the atoms or whatever- Woah, that's not there anymore. OK! Boink! Good enough for me! (Customer) -my hard drive, it's like a whole new car! (Mark) I know! (Customer) Gimme that bill so I can show it off to my buddies. You got it! I'm so happy that you're so eager to get a bill. Most people wouldn't be, but there you go! Are you a robber? Have you robbed anyone? Have a nice day! Go fuck yourself! That's my typical statement to all my customers. They love it, they like, "Ah Mark, he's so silly!" "In whatever the hell he does." "In whatever the way-" What the fuck do you want? Oh yeah, you're the emissions tester. Something like that (Customer) [Russian accent] Hello human, I'm required by law to do emissions test on my vehicle? (Mark) Yesh?
(Customer) Get it done so I can get out of this dump. (Mark) OK, I'll do that! Bluh, let's do it! Hang on, wait. (SlzBot) Hey, this looks like a lot of work. (SlzBot) Let's see if we can figure out a shortcut.
(Mark) Fuck. (SlzBot) Check my stash. See if there's anything in there that could help us (Mark) Boop! Yep , that'll be good. Ooh, that seems horrifying! I'm sorry about that. (Mark) I'll get that fixed up right away.
(JobBot) Back when cars were driven by humans, (JobBot) drivers would use (JobBot) ~AIR FRESHENERS~ (JobBot) to improve the breathing quality of the air within the vehicle. Uh huh? How 'bout one of these? That's probably tolerable for a robot Why am I even concerned? 'Cause you don't breathe air, do you? Only me, a silly little human that's stuck on this [Intensly] PLANE OF EXISTENCE WHERE I'M SLAVE TO YOU ROBO BASTARDS! [grumbling] You'll never be me! Gimmie your MONEY! *roguishly* YOU GET OUT OF HERE (Customer) So, does this mean I passed? Yeah, fuck you (Customer) Well, I did my part. Catch you later human. Alright, have a nice day! Go fuck yourself! Thanks boss, you can stop lookin' over my shoulder like a /creep/. I know how to be human, You know how to be a robot, So let's just leave it at that and not think about the love and connection that we're feelin' with each other right now. 'Allo! (Customer) [young, female voice] I'm just having the worst day ever. (Mark) Uh huh (Customer) My tires are shot and I need some replacements. (Mark) Ooh, geez, this doesn't look too good either. I better replace these. Wooah, that's smokin' up a stooorm! I'll get to you in a second. Alright fuck it, let's do the tires now. Aaalright, let's get this shit offa here... Little bit a- [Hopefully] OOOH! Aah, shit. Ahh, meh that wasn't good enough anyway. That looks ok. Get one of these... pass it over there... Boink! Turn it over to the other side... This time I'mma get you! Two points! ....miss. Two points! Augh! Bounced off the rim! If anybody doesn't know what I'm referring to... They need to go see the first video from this channel. *stuttering* -- literally look up the oldest video on this channel. I think you can still sort it on the video, ah, section by... oldest to newest? (Robot voice) [muffled] Could you put a spare tire in the back of the car so I'm a little more prepared?
(Mark)...Should be good. (Mark) Eh? Oh, you want a spare tire in the back, that's right. (Mark)Yeah, go--go to my channel and sort it by oldest to newest. (Mark) You'll know what I'm talking about if you haven't seen that.
(Customer) I'm pretty sure my engine's overheating too. (Customer) It's making all kinds of weird noises. (Mark) Yeah, I noticed that, I was trying to fix it. (JobBot) When an engine's running hot, (JobBot)~FLUID~ can be used to cool them down. (Mark) What kinda fluid do you want? I've got oil, but I've also got Sriracha... Maybe that's gonna do it for ya. Ehh...Is that doin' it? Maybe I should just pour it on here? Ooohh, that's right, I wasn't actually supposed to DO that. (Customer) I spilled my slushie on the way over here... could you fill it up for me? (Mark) Aahhh?
(JobBot) Before nutritional implants, humans also needed (JobBot) ~FLUID~ --from time to time. (Mark) [high pitched] I don't know... you're a robot, so this is cool, right? I mean, I just came from the source, so if you got this from the guy that I know over there, (Mark) he's an asshole so don't even worry about that.
(Customer) Thanks, human! (Customer) Maybe this day is gonna turn around for me after all! (Mark) Probably not, considering I'm gonna leave you with only two of these! (Customer) -Let me see the damage? (Mark) Yep, damage is gonna be...bloooah, pretty bad. There you go, though. $1,966 (Customer) Oh, this is nothing compared to my student loans. (Mark) Oh.
(Customer) Thanks for getting me back on the road! (Mark) That's sad, but you already told me about your sob story, so I DON'T GIVE A FUCK. K bye, have a nice day, go fuck yourself. Hi boss, are you still gonna be watching? I thought you had money to count. Why are you bothering me? (JobBot) Back in the age of capitalism, shops like this would be hesitant to question a customer's needs. (Mark) Ey buddy, how you doin'? What do you want, Bandito? (Customer) Human! I need an emergency paint job! I suddenly decided I hate the color of this car. Uh-huh. (Customer) ...normal paint will do, I'm... not on the run or anything. Yeah, probably. Good thing you got a gas mask and I don't. (Customer) I'm gonna need some more gas too, if you wanna fill it up. (Customer) I've been on the run- I mean, I've... been having fun! (Customer) Fun ride! Just a... *muttering* Alright, you know. A..As does please the customer! I am all about serving. Th..there we go! (Mark) Good enough!
(Customer) Let's wrap this up by (Customer) giving me a new license plate? (Mark) Mmmsure?
(Customer) Yeah, just to really drive home that unique new look! Alright! You know what? I ain't too much to complain about nothin' about that- Ohh, that's right! This is a weird car! Everything's on the FRONT! You robos are WEIRD! Ehh, not S34TL3 (Seattle). S1L1C0N (Silicon)... M4S!... M4S H01 (Mass Ho!) You get a Mass Ho, you big bitch! What else do you need? (Customer) Perfect! Just finish up whatever you're doing and drop the car (Customer) so I can flee- I mean, leave normally. I'm trying! It's just not working! I'm- I'm-I was dropping as fast as I could! (Customer) Okay, just give me that bill. You know I've got the cheddar! Yeah, I know you do. That's a funny joke! Again! Okay, bye! Have a nice day! Come again soon- go fuck yourself. I'm gonna just preemptively spray... (Mark) 'cause I don't even feel like dealing with you.
(Customer) Hey human, (Customer) I'm participating in a car show tonight, and I wanna look my best. (Customer) Think you can give my car a looking at? (Mark) Yeah, whatever.
(Slzbot) This one's all yours, human. (Slzbot) Just drop the lift when you're done.
(Customer) Mmm, nice colour! (Customer) I can dig it! I know you can dig it, just shut up and stop talking to me. (Mark) I don't even want anything to do with you!
(Customer) Nice! (Customer) Looks AND smells fresh!
(Mark) Uhh... You need... ... little bit of this, actually- That is tiny! That's so cuuUUUUTE- Sorry 'bout the burp. Sorry. Apologies. (Customer) I can see you're busy, so just drop the car when you're finished with it, alright? I will! I wanted to go through this entire transaction without even looking at you, sir! (Mark) And now you made me do that!
(Customer) You've done a pretty good job at this! (Mark) So how 'bout you eat a giant bill?
(Customer) Just hand me the bill and I'm outta here. HUOOOOH GET OUT OF HERE! (Customer) Thank you human! See you again some time! HOOOOO SHUT UP I HOPE NOT! IF I HAVE TO SEE YOU AGAIN I'LL THROW MYSELF INTO WHATEVER THE HELL THAT IS! GO FUCK YOURSELF okay. I love my job. *dripping with sarcasm* (Slzbot) Okay, human. There's a big race going on today. (Slzbot) And I've decided to sponsor it. (Slzbot) We're guaranteed to make lotsa money off this! (Mark) Okay.
(Slzbot) We just need some advertising.
(Mark) Okay. (Slzbot) This is the sign we're gonna put out. (Mark) Okay!
(Slzbot) Start by hanging some decorations on the sides there. (Slzbot) Use anything! Whatever looks good. D-uhh, I'm not gonna use what LOOKS good, I'm just gonna do what's easier for me to reach at one time. Babediboopbapboop! Good enough for me! (Slzbot) Here's some old paint I had lying around. (Slzbot) Make something cool in the middle,
(Mark) *High-pitched* OHHH! (Slzbot) then hand me the paintbrush when you're done.
(Mark) *Even higher-pitched* OHHHH! *Impossibly high-pitched* THANK YOU! I'll do my best! Let's see here...
[You all know what's coming.] Ahh, okay. Ah-huh, ohh! Yeah! Oh, that's righteous! Ohh! Oh yeah! Oh okay! Alright! Yeah, that's good! Hang on, let me put some... Put some details on that... OH YEAH! OH that is good! euh... YEAH!
[Told you.] Okay! Alright! There you go, sir! Have a nice day! How 'bout this?! (Mark) Everyone's gonna love it!
(Slzbot) That looks so uhh... (Slzbot) Good enough! (Slzbot) Our post!
(Mark) YEAH! (Slzbot) Now we just sit back and wait for the customers to come swarming in! Do I remember you? I think this might be where it crashed. I don't remember you, what- Oh no, I remember, you're the racer. (Customer) Okay, so I was racing super fast as usual and, (Customer) out of nowhere there was all these oil and debris (Customer) and I spun out and my car's all messed up now so- *Mocking* ehnehnehneh (Customer) *Pant* Can you help me or what? (Mark) *Mocking* Blehblehblehblehbleh
(Customer) Well then, come on! If you got the money, then why wouldn't I help ya? I just don't care about much. But I do care about money! So as long as you got the money... (Mark) Do-don't worry.
(Slzbot) Give this bot the best we got, human. (Slzbot) These racing types are always willing to shell out the money for the top brands. (Mark) Yeah? Well, I'm gonna give her... Every single tire's gonna be a little bit different, because it helps out with mobility or some bullshit like that. There ya go! (Customer) Ok, maybe that'll work, (Customer) but I feel like it can go even faster. (Customer) Could you load up the 404 with some turbo N2O? (Customer) The fastest you got. Pour it right in there... (Customer) Let's do this! C'mon! Let's go! Alright. You know, if you say so, I'm gonna just... BLUEEHHHHH... Gas... How's that? Look good for ya? Good enough for me. Alright. Done? Already? Ok, bye! AAH! My nards! They got roasted... Have fun... don't die... Also, go fuck yourself. That's *unintelligible* (Customer) Interesting! *nervous chuckle* If you're sure this'll work, I trust you. (Customer) Ok. Now it's time to win this race! (Customer) I'm outta here!
(Mark) Lady, I'm not sure if anything-- Why did you make your pit-stop here instead of by the race track? I mean, they have mechanics for that! Eh, go yourse-- *unintelligible* Oh no... I don't know this one... What do you want?! Do I have to clean out your stupid car? (Customer) Hey, man... Can you help me clean out my *unintelligible* van? (Mark) *whispering* What is this?...
(Customer) It's really gnarly in there, and... (Customer) I'm picking up some weird vibes... *realizing* This is an electric car! Ah! Eww eww... Eww... *NOM* *NOM* *NOM* It's so gross in here! *NOM* *NOM* I can't believe you *NOM* live like this! (Mark) *unintelligible*
(Customer) Uh... You got anything
(Mark) BOINK! (Customer) to help out with the... smell? *Mockingly* Uh no. Maybe you should shower, 'cause that would be nice.. I just-- I have magic powers; I can go right through this sum-bitch. (Customer) That's looking a lot better... So, I'm trying to go fully green, man... (Customer) Could you switch my battery out to something that really... vibes with my style? *Mockingly* Uh... "Vibes with your style?" I'm going to give you a gas-guzzling son-of-a-bitch. OH! This'd be LOVELY! I'm just waiting-- THERE WE GO! I knew it would grow back soon enough; that's how nature works. And one of these, just to mix it up! Let's get some organization here. Yeah, that'll vibe! That'll vibe! Oh shit, that won't vibe. Goddamn it; you're so picky! Aw shit; I needed that. Fugg off! Alright good enough. BOINK! Alright, you got your style vibes. (Customer) ... love it; it's totally green... *angrily* It's not green! They were red flowers! Get your eyes checked, lady. Rose-tinted goggles... There you are! Man, that hurts my eyes; seeing those so close. (Customer) Looks good. I'll see what I can do about this bill. Wait, you'll... you'll see? I'm taking these! If you're not gonna pay me, I'm gonna take these, and shove these in my eyeballs. Boss, I got you a flower. I love you. JobBot... Eh fuck you... Oh, back again, are we? Well, "J0B - B0T" (Job Bot) that's odd... (Bandit) Hey, Slzbot, I got the car just like you asked. Let's get to work, before he comes looking for it. (Mark) *nervous squeak*
(Slzbot) This is a special job. We got to uh... strip this thing down for parts. For... for reasons. (Slzbot) ... grab everything you can. Hurry up! (Mark) *stammering*
(Slzbot) Leave nothing behind. *evil chuckle* (Mark) *confused babbling*
(Slzbot) What's a bot need an air filter for, anyway. (Bandit) Hold on; here he comes. Act nat-- (Customer) It took me a while to find where you parked my car, Valetbot. (Customer) I never would've expected you to get it tuned up for me like this (Customer) It's great! Are you done with it? Can I drive it home. (Mark) *nervously* Sure...
(Customer) A free tune-up?! This is the best valet service ever! Ok, have fun. I don't know how that's moving. (Bandit) I'll be back for my share of the earnings later. (Mark) Um... Ok.
(Slzbot) Let's just call that last job a little bit of... "personal business." (Slzbot) Just pretend you never saw anything, alright? Ok. I have a funny feeling I'm gonna be shot in the back of my head when I'm in the shower tonight. (Slzbot) Whoa. That car looks pretty messed up. Whoa... Jeez, man, what did you do? (Customer) You gotta help me, human. I took my dad's car out last night with my friends, and now it's a mess! He's gonna kill me! (Mark) I'm pretty sure...
(Slzbot) That novelty air freshener looks... (Mark) Ah shit! What the hell happened?
(Slzbot) incrimiating. Better remove that, too. Alright, you got it, boss. Well, this looks fine; nothing wrong with this. But I mean... I remember that exact outfit being on *stuttering* a girl bot in the very last episode, so, what did you do...? (Customer) I just realized he's totally gonna know I used the car because of the mileage counter. Can you do something? (Mark) I don't know...
(Slzbot) Ha! Classic. (Slzbot) I used to do this all the time when I was a kid. Just throw the car in reverse, and put the pedal to the metal. Aw, damn it; I'm on the wrong side! I don't know how to do this; I'm officially at the part where I don't know what I'm doing! I'm still gonna piss in your gas tank. *Unzip sound* *Running Water Sound effect* [Relief] Ahhhhhhhhhh... Just 'cause that's my hobby, but anyway... Ahhh! I mean, this seems like the brake pedal... Alright, good enough. Close enough. Whatever. (Customer) ... bit more evidence in the trunk. Think you could get rid of that, too? Wait, ok; "evidence in the trunk." What am I about to be surprised by? Because if it's not a dead body, I'm gonna be very dis-- aw. Ooh, I wanna watch this. *Mark realizes he can play the horn* oOH I used to play trumpet! I did this in high school! *trumpet horn noise thing* I was first chair! *trumpet horn noise* I'm good and talented! *more trumpet* I don't regret my life choices! *trumpet* I could've been a engineer. *trumpet* And contributed to society! *trumpet* Instead I'm pretending to play a game! *trumpet* In virtual reality!!! *trumpet* And all of my crushing woes *trumpet* And thoughts keep me awake at night!! *trumpet* I just think about all the wasted... *trumpet* Potential that went to waste. *trumpet. Mark realizes what he just said* I can't even say words right DOOOoh oOEhoHEHohoO WE LOVE YOU MARK (Customer) How 'bout we spice it up with some custom bling? Custom bling? I don't know what that is! oOheo... Here, have that. Kobe! (Mark) Good enough. That got big. Unlike the other ones. (Customer) Niiice! (Mark) *mockingly* Niiice! (Customer) This is gonna be seriously si-iick! (Mark) YEAAHHH! [Markiplier's mating call] (Customer) What is this? A bill? AHAHAHA! I'll get my dad to take care of this. (Mark) Wait, hang on! I love you! Go fuck yourself! What was that all about? Why didn't he pay? Gohd damnit.The better- next guy better be better than this. (SlzBot) Every year, we have a float in the local parade. (SlzBot) We get to decorate this... (Mark) Oh. (SlzBot) ...with a bunch of gritty, old parts... (Mark) Oh! (SlzBot) ...and bill the mayor for it. It's great. (Mark) Oh, okay. I'll do my best. (SlzBot) So, let's give this thing the works. How 'bout a fresh coat of paint? (Mark) Fresh coat of paint? It's a float. Get in there. You better work. Get...nawwww! Oh, come on! There we go! That's the stuff. Uhhhhh, that color is pretty boring. Wow, it worked. Hot damn, I didn't even know that was gonna get in there. BOINK! Did that work? Did I... (SlzBot) Those circular platforms on the corner are where we can display some parts. (SlzBot) Fill 'em up with stuff you wanna showcase. (Mark) Okay. Umm, I like that. I LOVE JOB! JOB IS COOL! This is already an ornament, but I'm gonna make it into a hood ornament. Okay! This very bland and colorless, just like my soul! Oh, it's a perfect match! Okay! Let's turn this bad boy around. And put the last....depressing ornaments on there. Oh, I can hang them. Nah, I'm not gonna do dat. Put these upside down so people know that my life is in termoil. Yay! Eh, I could be playing "Dark Souls" right now. And instead I'm doing this! AHH, I LOVE THAT GAME! Ughh, I LOVE IT SO MUCH EVEN THOUGH IT'S HARD! Mmmm, there we go. Okay. What's that? Mo-ore?! You really want more? Eh. Uh. Yeah, okay. That works. Physics be damned. Well, shit. Wha- I didn't mean to do that one, but... Kobe! Eh, shit. Uh. Uh- Smith? Uh... (SlzBot) This is great. We're gonna get so much money from the Mayor. Drop it when you're done, and we'll send it out. (Mark) But I wasn't naming all the basketball players I know. Johnson... Umm... T-b- Uhh-b... *gibberish* Umm... Smithers! I don't know... Umm, a- Weinstein! I don't know, man! How would I know?! I don't know basketball. I don't know sports. I was a nerd. (JobBot) ... where humans drove slow processions of decorated vehicles in a line. (Mark) Wow, humans seem weird and lame. Why would we even do that? That seems boring. Man, I'm glad you guys took over and gave away all of our freedom to everything else except for us. Huh. (Customer) Hello, human. I recently purchased this car to promote my new smoothie business. (Customer) I was told it was a lemon, so I thought it would be great. (Customer) I don't understand - what's wrong with it? It's making a sound like- *grinding*. (Customer) Could you take a look? (Mark)I-I get this joke. (JobBot)Lemons everywhere! You'll need to do some serious de-lemoning on this vehicle. (Mark) *Laughing* I uh, I understand the joke, but I think you went a little overboard on it. Even the fluid is lemon. Let's make it I guess- I guess we could make it not, not lemon-colored. Oh, jeez, what is this? C-uh,....Curry, Steven Curry! That's a one! (Customer) *unintelligible* (Mark) Uhh, how about doughnuts? Doughnuts is better than la-man. Doughnuts is way better. Back. Anything on the back? Oh! I almost missed you. Oh wait. Oh! Well, this seems obvious. Why did you hern? Okay. Oh, two for two. Oh, three for three. Oh, four for four! Oh my God, this is gonna be a disa-..a disappointment. AHHH! I did it! I'm the best! Look at meeeeee! Good enough! Have fun with some lem... and- that. (Customer) ...to my personal account to be taken care of. Have a highly functional day, human. (Mark) Wha-you-uh-uh-you also, I love you, fuck yourself? I don't know. Okay. What could I possibly do for you? I have no idea what else to do innovate this senario. (Customer) I'm on my way to get married. I thought you could help me decorate my car with some- [robotically] debris. (Mark) [growly] Whaaaaa...? Uh. Uhh, debris? I'm not sure I understand that. (JobBot) ...was an ancient human tradition to attach garbage to the back of their vehicles for attention. Oh. Is this what I'm suppose to do? 'Cause I remember. The life lesson learned here is: "All marriage is garbage," apparently. (Customer) *unintelligible* Debris equals love. (Customer) Put it inside, put it outside, put it everywhere! Jeez, you are bizarre. Okay, but whatever you want. I gotcha covered. I think anyway. I mean, don't I have any leftover debris here? Alright, there you go. Eggshells. Good enough. Oh, that was broke. Whatever. Alright, more of this. What do you-what? Ohhh, okay. I though you just wanted it in your car. I gotcha covered I didn't know that was all I was doing. (Customer) Now, for one last tradition: break a bottle of my family's finest grape juice on the car. Uhhhhhhh, *mumbling* Did your family make this? *shatter*
(Mark) I don't know what that's all about.
(Customer) You did so much for us. (Mark) Moseltov! (Customer) I guess you're like, part of the wedding party now. (Mark) [high pitched] Yay!
(Customer) Do... you have a gift for us? You can just throw us something in the trunk. *mumbling* I don't know. I have some money in here maybe you want... Ohhhh!!!!! I know what's gonna give you the best marriage you'll ever have: remembering someone else's time of prostitution. Anyway, there you go. Good enough. Happy wedding. (Customer) Oh, wow, a gift! You shouldn't have!
(Mark) I really shouldn't have. That was probably meant to burn. (SlzBot) ...dicount on this, buddy. Wedding jobs are double price. Oh. Well, alright then. Hey, I'm fine with that, I don't care. There you go! (Customer) Oh. Well! Uh... I'll sort this out. Gotta get going, or I'll be late! Okay. Have fun with your divorce in three years. Boy, I'm pessimist about marriage, aren't I? OH WELL! (Mark) BAD ME!
(SlzBot) I'd love to keep exploiting this free labor, but that's all got for you, human. (SlzBot) Not bad. Not bad at all. Okay. Well- uh, you dropped your money, sir. Good-bye! I'll stay here forever, I suppose... (JobBot) I hope this has given you a better understanding of what it was once like to ~AUTO MECHANIC.~ No, it hasn't. I don't feel like I learned anything. (JobBot) You know how to get back to the museum if you want to. (JobBot) I'll just be hanging out here while you do whatever you want. But I didn't make any money! I didn't even get to keep... NOOOO, MY CASH! My porn! (JobBot) And there you have it. Now you fully understand what it was like to job.
(Mark) WHOO! (JobBot) And that means your time here in the job simulator is complete.
(Mark) YEAH! You gonna kill me now? You gonna recycle body by shoving-- whoa. (Scientist), Hey there, JobBot, we've done it. The research and development team has created a way to job, differently. (Scientist) Stand back, human. (Mark) *sceams*
(Scientist) Ha ha, yes! (Mark) WHAT?!
(JobBot) What great timing. (JobBot) This should help with museum human retention. (JobBot): Give these Job-mods a try, human. What?! Hawhhhh. Hawhhhhh! Ohhhhhhh! "Dollhouse Mode?" Does that mean everything is tiny? I don't think I wanna this that. Can I do this? Can I do it all? Can I do it all? Can I have it all? *mumbling* I'm just gonna test this to see what the hell happens. Alright! I'm gonna go in free play mode. BOINK!YAY! I DON'T WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN! LET'S DO THI-Oh go- (laughing) Oh my god! (Mark) Oh!
(Jobbot) Hello, human! (Mark) Hello!
(Continuing): Welcome to the Accurate Simulation of (Mark) What the...
(JobBot) ~CONVENIENCE STORE CLERK.~ What?! What?! WHAT?! WHAT?! OH MY GOD! AHH! I didn't even know that was possible. Hello! Hi! How's it going in here! I'm giant and watching you pee! *Unzip sound* *Running Water Sound effect* [Relief] Ahhhhhhhhhh... I'm a creepy giant man. Oh my Gohd! In low gravity too, right? Hah. Wh-- okay, then, you said "low gravity," not "no gravity." Holy crap. Oh my God- Oh, it's so tiny! Oh, look at this moldy donut! I'm causing auto-traffic collision! Okay, well anyway, That is all time I have Job Simulator. So thank you everybody for watching. I really hope you enjoyed this. I don't think I'm gonna be making anymore video with the modification modes. I will see you, In the next video. Bye-bye! *outro music*
