10 Minutes of Ranting About Family & Kids | Romesh Ranganathan

it's not just restaurants and cafes I find irritate Cinema I find annoying I've got the cinema on my own a lot I do go with my children from time to time but I find it very frustrating going with my children because they don't have a very Discerning palette when it comes to watching films I think everything's good and I get frustrated that I can't talk to them about it I went to watch Ice Age 4 with my son it's a goddamn Abomination right I'm sitting there watching it thinking I can't wait to talk to him about it we get out the cinema he goes to me that was brilliant wasn't it Daddy and I can't talk to you can I white colors loud noises you're impressed it was bruv so anyway I go to the cinema on my own a lot I go to the cinema on my own a lot but I like children's films now going on your own to watch a children's film at the cinema is a very selfish thing to do okay because what you are basically doing is you are ruining that experience for everybody else in the cinema because if you go with your kids to the cinema to watch a film and there's somebody that looks like me sat on their own in the theater you can't fully enjoy that film right not a parent if you're a good parent you're 80 watching the film 20 checking to see if that guy starts wanking right that's that's if you're a good parent three kids and I regret it you know I think isn't it isn't it too many who's got more than two kids yeah what a error [Music] can't believe we've done this we are never going to be happy I know I don't know why we did it well it was your idea it wasn't my idea I said I don't like condoms that's very different [Laughter] I love when we had the second one because the first one's a Legend what a kid hello Daddy love you Daddy can I get you some toast daddy oh my God love that boy when we just had him I said to my wife do you know what darling I think we've mastered parenting do you know what I think it is I think it's just about setting clear boundaries and being consistent the second one feral I love him but what a prick this kid is man like I love him but I do not like him sometimes I want him to get hurt there you go I said it sometimes I want this prick to get hurt and let me explain why he doesn't listen to a word I say this kid five-year-old boy doesn't listen to anything I say when we go out he runs away but not in like a cute toddler way he runs away like he's fleeing Isis just headed through the house the kids were excited right because how it works is you pay a lot of money to get in so that you can spend loads more money right the kids are wandering around like this is amazing I'm going to buy some I said no no no no no no no no no no no you're getting one present each right because daddy is being fisted by Mickey here foreign so you get one presentation in fact I made an extra save and I've got a seven-year-old a five-year-old a two-year-old two-year-old doesn't know what's going on so I him off Jeremy I just croissant that we got free from the hotel there you go now technically I enjoy it anyway I got to a point where I'd pitched a show and then they they liked the show and they said we're going to make the show and they go brilliant this is amazing this is incredible the hard work has paid off the luck has come in my dream has come true I'm making this show this is amazing and then this woman sing with her little Cameo oh you fat belly coconut bastard and then all of a sudden so she's a star I'm getting sweets your mum's funnier than you [Music] and for office mate I've got a phone call BBC Asian network will your mum be an Agony On I said no there is no one I'm letting her get a career off my back man are you me god it feels good to get that off my chest man have you tried Behavior charts with your kids yeah yeah yeah we're trying to do Behavior charts with our kids right so we get a chart you stick up on the fridge where you put it where you want but ours is on the fridge every time your kid's good you give them a stick and when they get enough stickers you buy them something because you're out of ideas that's basically yeah yeah obviously you could promise some quality time but what a massive ball like I don't see why I should reward my children's Behavior by punishing myself I'm not saying it's a punishment to spend time with my children I'm saying it's a punishment to organize something you know you've got to book the tickets look at the part just have something plastic and off that's my struggle that's what you do when you buy kids a present isn't it this is for you to leave mommy and daddy alone for a long long time if you get bored with the car have a look in the boot there's a little sedative and so anyway we're doing the behavior charts we're setting our kids targets right we're setting them targets school-based targets my oldest son has been at school for a while the second one has just started right before I think the school is a first point on which I sort of care about what my kids are up to when they're not at home what I mean by that is when my oldest son was at Nursery I've got to pick him up from nursery and the girl there would go a great day today great day today would you like your daily report of what he's been up to what could he possibly have done today let me guess he dropped some stuff and he himself because that's not home not unless he's built a shed I I really couldn't care less about what you've got to say in fact I'll resent the fact you're talking to me now that's the honest truth so anyway they're at school the second one's just started just before the second one started we got a letter home saying please make sure your kids can dress themselves in their toilet trained now I'm hoping Beyond hope that every parent got that letter what I mean by that is I'm hoping they didn't just see us one day I Think Jesus Christ fire a letter off to those Savages the banner I said oh my God what if he's not talking I said who cares yes if he's at school The Bullying alone will stop that immediately put that straight away right plus I don't even know the point of toilet training what is the point of toilet training what happens if you don't do it what are the consequences you're gonna get it eventually honey have you ever met anyone all right have you ever met anyone that's just gone I was just never I was just never toilet trained and now I just where I stand it's sad oh god I've just done much I mean who the hell does that she said she's a wonderful woman my wife I love her very much she she she looks after our three children she does a wonderful job I made the mistake of suggesting that my day at work might have been 10 as challenging as her day and she nearly punched my teeth out through my so I realized I shouldn't have done that she does feel like she's actually defy what she does to me so I've got to do this and then they've got to do that and then I've got to do this got to do that just to justify what she does to me I know how difficult it is to spend time with those children at times right the last last attack on my sanity mate is that they planned it it was unbelievable I was a wonderful went right she's gone out [Music] okay this is what we're gonna do you take a in that corner you take a piss in that corner this is the genius bit I'm just going to grab my dick for no reason trust me if we time it right he will kill himself you know my wife does she makes up deadlines I've got no idea why she does this she makes up deadlines I'll say to her I'm off out now what are you up to and she go well gotta clean the windows by three why is there a window inspection of five past three that I didn't know about I didn't even know we cleaned the Windows you know my deadline for cleaning the windows when I can't see out of them anymore if I come downstairs again where the is the garden Jesus Christ we need to clean those oh God she's a wonderful woman she deserves the very best but I cannot be asked to provide it it's such a difficult conundrum I wanted to be happy but I've got no inclination to do anything about it what do you do what do you do it's a difficult one isn't it I do want her to be happy but I don't want to do anything the way I figure it doesn't have to be an excellent husband I just have to be slightly less annoying than starting divorce proceedings you know that's how I figure it trying to figure out a solution I think I figured it out I think I figured out a way of me not doing anything but her being happy I just think this let her have a boyfriend I think that's the solution you know how people worry about their marriage I don't know what's going on a bit tough don't know where she is tonight I know where my wife is tonight she's with Andy I arranged it so many advantages to having an Andy got an extra Child Care option you've got a mate don't have to worry about his sexual performance anymore because Andy's smashing the out of it Jim it's amazing [Applause] all right you know when you go out with your friends you complain about your other half when you have Andy you're complaining about the same person I mean play little mind games with him no isn't it weird when she does her multiple orgasm face oh you haven't seen it [Music]

Channel: Romesh Ranganathan

Views: 388,408

Keywords: Comedy, Romesh Ranganathan, Comedian, Romesh, Ranganathan, Irrational, Live At The Apollo, Stand up Comedy, romesh ranganathan kids, romesh ranganathan stand up, stand up, comedy, comedian, family, kids, #comedy, youtube, romesh ranganathan mum, romesh ranganathan comedy, comedy video, comedy video 2023, comedy 2023, funny video, funny video 2023, subscribe, universal comedy

Id: DMgL03d9rps

Length: 11min 28sec (688 seconds)

Published: Wed Apr 05 2023