Battleship: The Blockbuster Attempt That Sunk Itself

i'm jason jason what holt jason holtz don't you have hope doesn't sound jewish uh well my dad's jewish my dad is too you don't have to join the israeli army you do how when are you going to join um in the 2000s hasbro decided to take their wide range of ips and adapt them for the big screen their first attempt with transformers was a massive success and spawned a franchise that would crash and burn horrendously killing millions of people their second was gi joe rise of cobra which sure was a movie after two absolute hits hasbro was sitting around and thought you know what kids find really cool battleship battleships we really gotta milk that current hot trend of battleship then another executive said that's a great idea and you know what i think when i imagine a battleship adaptation aliens aliens both of these executives were charged by the geneva convention the following year but it was too late battleship the movie was greenlit and debuted in theaters in 2012. the end result was a film that combined every overused trope and director style at the time a trend i've noticed with a few of my videos is that i tend to give a piece of media that isn't perfect you know some benefit of the doubt battleship is fascinating to me in just how irredeemable it kind of is mountain right now wait what's going on why the island's under attack attacked by who i don't know people are using the word alien aliens it can't be that bad right first if you like this movie that's completely fine uh just probably genuinely re-watch it before giving me anything in the comments second if you say it has fun moments yeah you're right it's just this scene and that's it so let's briefly and i mean briefly talk about what happens in the other 90 of this film you know if you attack iran now they're going to fight you back right there's going to be blood would you rather take that now or let them get a nuclear bomb it's the most serious issue facing our planet today more so than the movie battleship which i'm very excited to have directed and i love rihanna she's a great actress [Music] the battleship movie begins with an absolute trip through time and space scientists talk about shooting a laser into space to talk to aliens hard cut to two guys hanging out in a bar one guy called hopper hopper is a bit of a loser if he looks familiar it's because hopper is played by the guy that was john carter once and never in anything else his brother is a captain of a navy ship and he wants hopper to pick his life up new direction a game change you're joining me in the navy hopper responds to this by hitting on a girl breaking into a convenience store for [Applause] and getting tased by the cops turns out that girl hopper tried to get with was the admiral's daughter and he probably embarrassed his brother in the navy's eyes what's the solution to all of this have hopper joined the navy of course an undisclosed amount of years have passed and hopper has gone from literal deadweight to a weapon officer on a naval destroyer oh and he's also dating the admiral's daughter anyway the japanese navy's in town in both countries are having war games it's meant to be a time of friendly cooperation and learning experience for everyone involved hopper though really hates that one japanese captain and they get into a fist fight everyone gives him the typical speech that he's got talent but he's just lazy you're a very smart individual with very weak character leadership and decision-making skills you're a loose cannon meow meow fuzzy face you've seen this before well i wonder if there will be some extraordinary situation from which he can prove his worth oh wow an extraordinary situation from which he can prove his worth you see this whole time aliens have been following the signal established earlier and head directly to beat up this one nerd fracturing one ship and sending it spiraling directly into hong kong [Music] hopper boops the giant ship and accidentally sets off a simpsons movie style dome that encompasses all of hawaii coincidentally sealing off the islands from the entire us navy you know except for our main characters of course because movie has to happen all communication is dead radar doesn't work the only way any ship can operate is by firing and viewing manually turns out the aliens only react when weapons are aimed at them or they only attack weapons and not humans the movie kind of flip-flops on which it's supposed to be but getting back to the story the aliens blow up two allied ships including hopper's brother leaving him the reluctant hero but like super reluctant like he's actually incredibly useless so many other characters actually do a lot more in the plot than hopper his rival japanese friend figures out how to use the buoys in the ocean to create the actual battleship game and take out three ships his girlfriend does more the aliens are defeated and blown up their shield goes down and they face the full force of a trillion dollar military budget the end okay let's talk about the problems i find this movie fascinating because the only way i can truly describe it is if you took elements of battle los angeles and transformers and brutally mashed them together because i don't know if you could tell but the visual aesthetic and directing style of this movie is just michael bay light and that faux baynes trickles down to the very core of this film and they don't just copy michael bay but other directors of the time too like say just throw some jj abrams in there as well this is what's popular right i truly saved the show it's like the worst elements of this period in time we're chucked into a blender and this was the concoction so the best way to show this is through visual presentation one lens flares so many lens flares in fact half of the time what even is happening is this just to cover up for the shoddy cgi two emulating michael bay bay style only worked for like three movies nobody should ever try to reproduce it three the absolute over reliance on cgi a video essayist talking about how bad cgi is what will they think of next four whatever the hell this shot is what is this i've literally never seen a blockbuster ever do this yeah so those are the visual issues there's a lot more but i'm trying to condense this the overall aesthetic of battleship 2012 is that of a mobile game ad like this kind of looks cool but you know the real visuals of the game are are not going to look like this i don't know should i talk about the story or characters no no i guess i should it's just draining looking at this for too long you know how about we take a break and all come back nice and refreshed have you been in the israeli army no what how did you get out of that are you a draft dodger ah how are you how are you 25 you got to join the army [ __ ] [Music] so i actually remember this around the 2010s it was often peddled in pop science fiction blogs that when aliens ever meet humanity it would be like columbus meeting the natives as in you know not good and you just know that the screenwriter that wrote this saw that line and thought man it sure would be deep to include this if there is intelligent life out there and they come here it's gonna be like columbus and the indians even though this is the one alien invasion story where that line is not applicable at all independence day sure war of the worlds also sure but the aliens in battleship are the nicest invaders ever as you see they actively go out of their way to make sure that the main characters are never harmed whatsoever nobody in the main cast actually dies except for you know they only attack when human guns are literally pointed right at them and they don't even go after actual humans they just go after i got a weapons feeling about this kind of bad feeling like we're gonna need a new planet kind of bad feeling okay what are you talking about they could have just killed you all right then and there and instead decided to leave i've seen people interpret the aliens not being overly violent in this movie as them actually being good that this entire movie was simply started over a miscommunication and my response to that is no they're just written badly the movie seems to switch on a whim when the aliens will and won't use violence and they have no qualm just killing side characters say even if the aliens were secretly good and this was a misunderstanding then why even bring up the columbus allegory in the first place if there is intelligent life out there and they come here it's going to be like columbus and the indians only where the indians what are you trying to say movie are you saying the spanish only attacked the natives through misunderstanding you know in some ways let's compare this to battle los angeles those aliens were designed to be fought by a specific branch of the us military with small squad-based raiders that were perfect for marines to deal with the aliens in battleship aren't simply designed to be fought by the us navy they were designed to be fought in an adaptation of a board game every aspect of the way these aliens acted and were designed was for them to be easily destroyed by warships blindly firing like in the game their ships despite coming from space don't fly they hop on the water like dolphins they don't use lasers or any sci-fi weaponry that can't be deflected by a modern warship they lob big shells which can be easily dodged by a ship from world war ii which brings up the biggest question why aliens in the first place well it's simple really marketability this movie was an attempt to please as much of the general audience as possible world war ii that's too historical ships fighting in the modern day well that'd be too political so the best next thing was chosen an enemy that would cause no controversy whatsoever aliens but even though some believe the aliens were good we know the main reason why some of you may like this film to this very day [Music] you

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Id: AJTRKg5ApbA

Length: 13min 16sec (796 seconds)

Published: Thu Jan 20 2022