The History of the World According to 'Ancient Aliens'

[Music] there are questions about the universe are we alone how are the pyramids truly built what are the keeping secret in area 51 so many questions and ancient aliens has none of these answers some of the extraterrestrials they had sex with wonderful earthly females yes it's 2021 and i'm talking about ancient aliens 10 years after the joke died we all collectively agreed as a society that this show was the equivalent of your drunk uncle ranting during thanksgiving dinner we moved on as a species hand in hand agreeing to forget this show existed so how come it's still airing new episodes after 16 seasons who is still watching this how does this have enough content to discuss aliens that are ancient for almost 200 episodes and we all know the hot takes the series is famous for did ancient aliens using anti-gravity and sonic levitation technology help early humans build the ancient wonders of the world moses and the israelites acquired a supernatural source of energy at mount sinai they did so in a way that was designed to tap into the earth's natural energy and these are not simply one-offs or suggestions every implied theory every question might as well be replaced with yes this did actually happen it's like me saying there could be tiny pink goblins underneath my bed mainstream scientists say that goblins don't unplug my phone charger during the night but my niche community of goblin enthusiasts think otherwise and here's the evidence instead of goblins these chuckleheads say aliens it's a secret lore spanning the entire history of the earth that only these ancient astronaut theorists have uncovered so what is this forbidden knowledge when summarized in a neat package the real history that only these fantastic men have pieced together i had to know and i knew others needed to know as well so i strapped myself in and watched every single ancient aliens episode taking notes along the way to piece together a timeline of the world that this show believes actually happened so prepare yourself as you may not look at the universe in the same way again you know despite watching every single episode i still don't know how all of this started and for that we have knowing better one of the first experts in this field ancient alien or ancient astronaut theory didn't really become a thing until eric von daniken's book chariots of the gods which came out in 1968 and it really took off after the documentary in 1970 while studying the bible at his christian boarding school danican noticed that some of the prophet's heavenly visits could be misinterpretations of extraterrestrial encounters with that in mind he started looking at other mythologies rather quickly he noticed that the sumerians hindus chinese and even the aztecs had similar stories and this alien intervention explained a lot about their culture why does every civilization have a flood myth and tales about dragons and giants why did they all build pyramids and how could these primitive people possibly know more about the stars than the europeans i'm not saying they learned it from aliens but they must have learned it from somewhere so now you know what we're dealing with a very sane and reasonable alternative to mainstream history and science and religion and reason is what a mainstream historian would say but here we're all ancient astronaut theorists so where to begin it's simple it all began 450 000 years ago aliens came across earth and discovered neanderthals along with the other homo species earth was the prized planet not only was it rich in resources such as water but also with gold gold is valuable you know and the aliens wanted it but what to do it's not like they traveled across dimensions or the galaxy and have the ability to just strip mine the planet i know you're silly no they have a better idea create an artificial slave species in their image the first two humans were placed into what we would call the garden of eden but really this was a genetic playground for the aliens yet not all was well some aliens wished to give humans intelligence and this was interpreted as the snake in the garden this started a civil war within the alien civilization one which humans interpreted as a war between good and evil across all cultures this was depicted in the hindu scripts or in the bible satan was actually a roguelike alien who gave humans the first spark of true intelligence and this isn't just satan we see the same story repeated across religions there are numerous examples of higher powers giving mankind some knowledge or tool they weren't supposed to have remember prometheus giving humanity the gift of fire it's also a common theme in mythology for the gods to split into factions over what knowledge humans should or shouldn't have or alien factions in this case humans were just left alone during this war and bred with other hominid species this mixing with ape genes was the original sin of the human race and aliens struck early humanity down in punishment the other hominids were destroyed as the aliens decided to wipe out the world of impure human species which was also known as the great flood noah being half alien was deemed worthy to continue the human species by the aliens bringing two of every animal in a spaceship to survive until the destruction was over after this humanity was restarted in ancient samaria where the first civilization was built it was here that the aliens ruled as god kings either instructing kings to rule by their hand or outright ruling themselves the humans had no capacity to understand what they were witnessing the technology was just so advanced outside of their comprehension they could only describe such alien feats as the power of gods humans were created as a slave race even though they had intelligence they had no control of themselves every invention every single action taken in the growth of civilization was taught by some great outside force after this origin for humanity mankind settled down into various civilizations across the world we now have the ancient aliens age of heroes you know a mythology you know a hero it's all of them every tale of hercules gilgamesh beowulf chinese dragon gods and even aztec quits a coddle it's all real your values may be shaken or destroyed but that's okay they should be ancient aliens is a staunchly atheist show after all it has no time for evidence that isn't based on science or logic is it possible by reaching this altered state of consciousness that evidence of extraterrestrial intervention in the construction and placement of these incredible structures to create a great flood humans simply couldn't understand what technology they were seeing and so they worshipped their alien overlords as gods this logic transfers to every single religion for the greeks and romans they would be living on mount olympus zeus himself was leader of the aliens with his spaceship plopped on top of the mountain his massive energy weapon misthought of as a lightning bolt egyptian gods were alien experiments and egyptian pharaohs may have been aliens themselves look at that head no refuting that even yahweh heaven hell angels demons it's all aliens the aliens won't stop right there though this was the age of heroes after all and what were the heroes of old mythology half man half god poseidon fell in love with the beautiful human girl and he made her pregnant aliens bred with human women and yes this does include the virgin mary [ __ ] hell aliens overrule all human societies across the ancient world including atlantis which was a real place aliens come up from the ground and hold between dimensions teaching humans how to build anything buildings stone monuments dirt mounds and most importantly pyramids but why why would an intergalactic alien civilization be interested in humans building temples well ancient astronaut theorists have a few many theories first aliens wanted to prop humanity up and the best way to improve them is to teach them how to build monuments either by giving them the knowledge of how to do so or building the monuments themselves the second is for blood sacrifice why were so many ancient civilizations into sacrificing for their gods it's simple the gods told them to they wanted human blood the third is to have every monument on earth be specifically built on areas of geomagnetic significance as you see the entire globe has a secret geomagnetic grid that if harnessed can be used by the aliens to either fuel their space empire or simply to travel across the globe faster yeah through energy that might have been given to us by an alien [Music] these brick and stone structures have the ability to manipulate magnetic fields and even gravity in such a way that it powers and benefits alien civilizations humans never actually built anything of their own will humanity does not have the agency nor intelligence to do anything okay humans did do things of their own free will they just received occasional guidance from extraterrestrial powers to guide humanity on its path a little intergalactic inspiration never hurt anybody the wheel aqueducts smelting of steel for swords even language itself all were taught by aliens for reasons reasons outside our puny little minds it's all a part of the plan after all of the creation and sexy times were over the aliens were content in what they had done they plopped humans into the world and left humans alone to continue on by themselves their extraterrestrial influence and monuments left to be misinterpreted by mainstream historians who believed ancient people could actually construct pyramids by themselves thus the history of ancient aliens comes to an end the ancient astronaut theory in a nutshell wait there's how many more seasons the first century comes around and aliens are still on earth eventually the old gods leave and the new gods arrive the aliens have been meddling in the middle east for some time jerusalem sees a lot of alien interference like on the temple mount which acts as a portal with aliens and in this region of the world it's going to be quite important in the coming centuries but what changes this constantine saw a cross in the sky and after winning a battle christianity was legalized in the empire but was that really a cross oh you know what it is aliens stay around to dabble in influence wherever they feel like a city in india has nuked off the map by aliens muhammad's journey to jerusalem was just a little thing for fun joan of arc meets with an alien who gives her a sword and tells her to go defend france against the english and for the english king arthur who was a real human being not only was able to pull the sword from the stone because of alien biometric technology but he was even helped out by the lady in the lake or alien of the lake who handed him excalibur a high-tech alien weapon other than appearing as brief religious images aliens didn't really do much on the record for about 1500 years mostly just overseeing the great job humanity was doing with those mongol invasions the viking raids and the black plague they just do little things throughout that time to continue altering humanity the black plague in particular was engineered by an extraterrestrial we know as the grim reaper in every depiction of the plague we can find there's a cloaked figure floating above all the dying humans this wasn't the angel of death this was an alien being thank you it's kind of like when you're in a sim city game and just want to add some natural disasters to mix stuff up that was until da vinci that's right the renaissance the resurgence of culture long lost in europe aliens did that reintroducing technology or new technology directly into the head of leonardo da vinci and the great thinkers of the renaissance they gave him ideas of medicine and even this tank thing that just so happens to look like something else christopher columbus sees a glimpse of an alien ship while sailing to the new world and we all know how influential the aliens were in the americas all the pre-columbian civilizations of the americas have been interacting with aliens for centuries but we're not talking about america we're talking about america that's right the founders knew aliens existed too jefferson washington they all knew they even put an intergalactic symbol of peace in washington dc to prove our alliance with our alien overlords you really thought aliens were done altering our planet we're just in time for the industrial revolution it did happen pretty fast the aliens were planting some pretty naughty ideas of the combustion engine and electricity the only way us modern humans would ever know how to do anything is by alien intervention hell the aliens even go to the wild west to be seen by cowboys maybe even meet them for clarification ancient aliens like any educational content must occasionally require sponsors to keep the lights on in one episode it's sponsored by the hit 2011 film cowboys and aliens one can only imagine what it's like to shamelessly promote a product while also theorizing outlandish history thank you context dizzy thank you unrelated this video was sponsored by nordvpn oh no it's the etip steelers an elite group of underground super hackers funded and supported by aliens and they're coming for your internet information that one search you did using the incognito tab don't think they didn't see that but you can save yourself embarrassment and a terrible intergalactic fate by having nordvpn as a part of your defense it protects your ip address anywhere you go so your consequences can't be traced back to you one day you might be from france and another from japan there are over 5 400 plus servers in 59 countries for you to use sure japanese netflix is great but have you seen alien netflix they implemented 4d technologies so you can get that full experience if you want to secure your internet today nordvpn has a special offer by clicking the link in the description nordvpn.com altis and use the code ultist you get a two-year plan plus one additional month with a huge discount and if you're on the edge it's risk-free with noor's 30-day money-back guarantee those aliens could have stopped jeff goldblum from finding their ip address if they had nord he never would have seen their online activity but alas they chose not to take this offer and look what happened go to nordvpn.com allhist and use all hiss to get a two-year plan plus one additional month at a huge discount there's no risk to signing up but there is to looking away accepting that somewhere somehow an alien knows what you just looked up and he is judging you wow those last 19 centuries sure were fun i wonder what the next century will bring is it possible that the nazis perfected these things or is it possible that the aliens looked like nazis in uniforms how bizarre would that be all right i see where this is going i think you get the shtick by now aliens did everything just everything any important influential thing that your average 7th grader would know about the aliens did it by the 20th century they not only had met with nazis and perhaps taught them to create a portal between time and space but they also taught humans how to build nuclear weapons even though they warned humans a decade later not to use nuclear weapons name any event any situation any person or place ever and it was involved with aliens the spanish flew aliens any u.s president they all know antarctica has a hole in the middle of it that houses an alien civilization i watched 16 seasons of this show just for this bit and you know what it wasn't worth it i wanted to uncover every wacky claim every bizarre take and after pulling back that curtain you know what i found nothing the most generic idea you have of ancient aliens without watching a full season is that they claim anything and everything is involved with aliens it just takes a history book or a religious book and scratches out key figures with aliens and that's the point there's a reason why ancient aliens is still on the air after 16 seasons all they have to do is simply look back on anything that has ever happened and simply copy paste et into the mix you do this for 10 episodes of pop and you never have to worry about content a day in your life and even with literally everything at their fingertips the entire series probably only focuses on like 30 claims in just the first three seasons alone the bermuda triangle is brought up 10 times and it's not just in passing they repeat full segments with a reworded script in different footage they don't just plagiarize history they plagiarize themselves okay that's not fair ancient aliens explores many different angles take the ark of the covenant was it a communications device so moses could contact god was it a food or mana source what about a bomb the stories say it was radioactive it could be any of these things and we discuss those possibilities in multiple different episodes oh you're still here well that's a little awkward okay well even with that said that just sounds like an excuse to reuse old content we just like to explore all of the possibilities for each topic ah yes topics like gods and aliens angels and aliens aliens and monsters aliens in sacred places aliens and deadly cults aliens gods and heroes aliens in the creation of man the viking gods magic of the gods the satan conspiracy aliens in the lost ark faces of the gods aliens and superheroes and this is just up to season 10. anything a god was ever said to do in any religious text aliens did it which brings me to the ultimate core of why this show exists and what the ancient astronaut theory really is ancient aliens is not a history show using science fiction elements it doesn't even take elements from science fiction ancient aliens is a religion its gods are aliens aliens so powerful and influential they control the every whim of mortal man and their great deeds cannot even be fathomed by us except for a few enlightened individuals and most importantly denouncing any gods other than their own all the gods that ever existed or were depicted were not simply a part of mythology they were real physical beings extraterrestrials so ancient aliens goes through any religious text that has ever existed and reads it as literally as possible clearly the gods do not exist as they were depicted so the only other explanation would be alien contact ancient aliens isn't just a religion it's creationism with extra steps in fact the only thing keeping it from really being creationism is saying dinosaurs and humans live together oh come on might ancient depictions of dinosaurs really be proof that humans and dinosaurs did at one time coexist [Music] on the season 16 you can tell that nobody really wants to be there anymore i don't want to be here it's repeated the same evidence of bermuda triangle stonehenge and mayan temples for so long but it continues on because it's easy money history channel is a dying network in part because it decided to promote half-baked mythology like this show or pawn stars uh you know i can't eat donuts i gotta have lean protein he is on a diet we shouldn't be eating the stuff around him all right that's okay you can't have none trump i'm not sweating this but now it's made its deal with the alien devil and it's tied to its most profitable show that's just mainstream history and archaeology closing your mind to the possibilities keep believing whatever it is they taught you in school i'll keep knowing the truth all right well better wrap this up since ancient aliens or the ancient astronaut theory is pretty much a religion like any religion it has to have a good end of the world story right oh boy does it it's just the apocalypse the literal biblical apocalypse four horsemen the battle between heaven and hell sam has to become the devil but you know the alien versions of that two warring alien factions come to earth to fight over the ultimate fate of the planet and mankind the world is destroyed as all the calamities you can ever imagine occur mankind which was never in control of itself is destroyed by two alien factions none of us even know exist except for these guys on this history channel show we should have known and it's all set to happen on december 21st 2012. you

Channel: AlternateHistoryHub

Views: 1,704,442

Rating: 4.8084893 out of 5

Keywords: AlternateHistoryHub, AlternateHistoryHub Ancient Aliens, Ancient Aliens, Ancient Aliens AlternateHistoryHub, alternate history, ancient aliens history, ancient aliens guy, history channel, ancient astronaut theory, knowing better ancient aliens, knowing better, ancient aliens 10 years, april fools, pyramids built by aliens, aliens meme, ancient aliens debunked, the history of the world according to ancient aliens, AlternateHistoryHub Jeb

Id: vDq8vQ0t67A

Length: 23min 19sec (1399 seconds)

Published: Thu Apr 01 2021

Reddit Comments

[u/Conservative_Chick3n]

I feel bad for Cody having to watch every episode of ancient aliens

[u/Wayfaring_Stalwart]

Dear god cody has become the Nostalgia Critic

[u/dukeofgustavus]

I'm gonna hard flex for a minute, I was born December 22nd 1991.

Which means I turned 21 just after the world ended...

TLDR: Don't worry I took care of everything.

[u/JFW1863]

The perfect summary of a show doesn’t exis-