Moonfall: The Greatest Disaster You've Never Seen

um Cinema is a mirror by which we often see ourselves Cinema is a mirror that can change the world they made a movie about the moon smashing into Earth they made a movie about the moon smashing into Earth [Music] ouch Roland Emerick a director I just can't stop talking about please help me I don't know what it is about Emerick movies they never have particularly good plots or characters they're fundamentally bad films but I'm a sucker for disaster movies and he really is the only one still doing them Emerick is proof that sometimes just sticking to a particular Niche is all it takes to put food on the table just like talking about Emerick movies after a long career of having America get destroyed by aliens climate change and an ancient Mayan prophecy I thought emmerich was done with these type of movies can't really top 2012 there were no more worlds to conquer or were there moonfall was a movie I was just excited to hear about when it was first announced the concept just sounded so dense as a scholar in the disaster genre I knew I was going to be in for a true emmerich experience a real classic and I guess I was the only one because nobody saw this movie it bombed out the box office the budget for this was 146 million dollars in the US it made 19. it was pulled from theaters after six weeks I think more people saw videos about moonfall than the actual movie but if you did see this movie it changed your life forever I would not describe moonfall as a good film God no but I just don't have the heart to call it bad don't get me wrong there are so many fundamental flaws here but man it's so insane I can't dislike it it's like a dog that tore up your furniture and [ __ ] on your rug oh I can't stay mad at you this movie feels like it came out 10 years ago like it was originally slated for 2008 but got sucked into a time portal only recently was it spat back out now you might be thinking all right that's cool and all but how do you make an actual movie just from this plot the moon Falls cool where else is the plot gonna go you have no idea Our Story begins with like a minute of logos a true sign that we the audience are about to watch some high art all of it's spliced together with footage from Apollo 11. this ain't Dark of the Moon Neil and Buzz aren't about to discover Sentinel Prime we're introduced to our two main characters Patrick Wilson and Halle Berry they have actual character names but at the same time do you care through this totally normal dialogue that isn't forced or clunky at all we learned these two are the best of Chums what does it even mean to miss the Reigns Down in Africa the lyrics are I bless Reigns Down in Africa what is that a thing some people get confused by isn't that like the only part of the song anybody even remembers is this a common thing I didn't know about this poor attempt at witty banter is suddenly interrupted by the smoke monster from Lost off he goes the smoke monster shuts off all the electronics on the space shuttle before burying itself into the moon an event that nobody else happens to see despite it being on the side facing the Earth Ten Years Later Patrick is a disgraced astronaut NASA blames Patrick for the space shuttle disaster as a way to cover up the whole alien monster story a passing meteor or a solar flare could have caused that kind of disturbance correct why blame Patrick for all of it instead of just saying it was a natural disaster why are they publicly blaming an astronaut for not detecting a meteor something that's not even in his job description why did the script forget what the job of these people are they ruin this guy's life for literally no reason his wife left him for Michael Pena who owns a Lexus dealership and his kid is a loser who goes on Joyrides getting chased by the police Sam from Game of Thrones is also here I always wanted to be a wizard who hacks into a telescope and discovers the truth that the Moon is just shifting off its orbit don't you just hate it when the rules of gravity and physics fall apart really ruins a Tuesday Sam tries to tell NASA but they won't listen so like any redditor from 2015 he asks himself an important question what would Elon do laughs what somehow Sam is able to tell the world about the moon incident how does he do this I I actually don't know how like I thought he hacked into NASA's alert system or something on the first watch but uh nope I I really think he just posted on social media and everyone immediately took it seriously it's trending on Twitter oh God it's trending on Twitter that is something Elon would do because of this news alert from an unidentified Source everyone begins to [ __ ] Panic it's pandemonium in the streets okay all right quick pause it's something I've been wondering ever since I saw this movie if you got an alert that the moon had shifted off its orbit how many people do you think would actually care it's not like saying an asteroid or nuke is headed their way there's just no precedent to go off of if everyone got a news alert that said the moon was leaving its orbit I think the first main reaction would be why is this on my phone but in moonfall in the first minute everyone immediately understands the ramifications I just can't help but laugh at all of this take a look around you man it's worthless whatever such a Bonkers problem and everyone plays it so straight tell me there's been some kind of mistake I wish I could but the math actually checks out so it's happening the moon's coming to Earth We're in the Majora's Mask timeline as frantic Shoppers continue to stockpile supplies as mounting Moon Terror fuels the mass migration Moon Terror NASA discovers there is a giant hole on the moon so they send out a team to investigate it goes about as well as you would expect the tides are coming in and Wrecking up the place luckily absolutely nobody is out on the streets so I'm just assuming everyone is fine day after tomorrow in 2012 had thousands of people tripping over each other and in moonfall we have like 20 convention goers at a Holiday Inn all right so what's going on here the smoke monster that's attacking the Moon is some sort of mechanical machine like Nano machines yeah you you know since it's a robot the solution NASA has is to EMP the hell out of it to stop whatever it's doing to the moon so just like the Will Smith classic iRobot if you kill the robots you save the world the only problem now though is that NASA has no working spacecraft in any capacity so they dust off a space shuttle like it was that Xbox 360 used to own before it died of red rings and just like your Xbox the shuttle breaks down for a [ __ ] reason uh an earthquake just coincidentally happens exactly where the launch site is it's not enough to destroy the spacecraft but it's enough to slightly damage some engine parts you know that's unfortunate it's a bit of a setback everyone just gives up the president the military all of NASA who aren't our main characters they pack up their bags and leave home oh damn I really wanted to save the Earth but AutoZone is closed today and you know my schedule's so busy and they got that specific part of the shuttle I needed well it was a good run the military goes to their bunker in Colorado and resorts to their original plan which is to just nuke the moon the military everyone has such such wrinkled brains even if he detonated all of the nukes on the moon at the same time it still wouldn't blow up this is a massive Celestial body larger than North America we're launching a counter attack large parts of the moon will rain down on us what's the plan here truly all hope is lost or is it as you see the closer the moon gets the stronger its gravitational pull will be so why not just use that as an advantage it can't be done if we launch when the moon is directly above us the increased gravitational pull should give the shuttle a boost all you need is Halle Berry pressing the big red Go Button we're underwater guys sorry science enthusiasts you don't win today they zip past every Boulder and rock crumbling off of what used to be our moon all without taking a scratch the gang tries to trick the smoke monster into eating the EMP but the plan falls apart all because Sam forgot to set his phone to airplane mode because of Sam's chronic Tech usage the Earth is truly doomed there is no Bruce Willis to stay behind and detonate the moon not giving up on the earth just yet our Trio decides to go inside the hole to confront the monster head-on the moon rock begins to shift into metallic Steel must be the whole of the megastructure the moon's mantle is just a protective shell all right so I might have left out one important piece of the story the Moon is fake the moon's actually an artificial megastructure and the entire moon is hollow inside it houses a Dyson Sphere with a white dwarf and the guy who called it all from the very beginning was Sam what would Elon do the whole movie Sam schizo rants about how the moon isn't real and the further along the plot we go the more you realize oh [ __ ] this guy's right each one of these movies takes a batshit conspiracy theory and then just makes it real it lured them in with humor then you make them think it's beautiful and because this giant spheroid is made up of sci-fi alien metal it isn't going to break up once it gets close to Earth the moon dust and the rocks are all just a facade the smoke monster turned the moon into a giant bowling ball that's careening into Earth to kill all of humanity after running away from the smoke monster the gang crashes inside one of the moon's hangers they wake up in that one room Squidward was stuck in apparently this entire time the moon ran on an advanced version of Windows 7 and it has its own construct AI that runs everything [Music] the space AI just begins lore dumping on Patrick and by proxy us the audience This Disaster B movie from Roland emmerich has lore deep lore billions of years ago an ancient civilization controlled most of the Galaxy all was right and good until it wasn't the advanced AI the aliens used to build their society just decided to Rebel one day so there was a galactic spanning war between the aliens and the AI and the ai-1 destroying all of the shield Worlds the aliens built except for one the last refuge for the alien's descendants foreign [Music] yep the moon was built by ancient humans ancient space-faring humans that's the plot of moon fall 2022 so I'm going to be honest I love this if you're going to have a movie about the moon slamming into Earth there better be an explanation for it oh why is the moon out of its orbit why can the shuttle fly out of the water and then moonfall just goes boom ancient humans built the moon shut up I got you now you [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] the funniest part of this whole artificial Moon thing is that NASA knew about it the whole time the Apollo missions discovered it was Hollow NASA found out the smoke monster existed decades ago and was even trying to kill it but then they just didn't the only shot we had struggler was little x-ray seven it was shut down show for budgetary reasons all of this was thanks to budget cuts I entirely forgot to talk about the B plot of this movie uh you do know how to start a car right so the second part of this movie is the kids in the obligatory Chinese actress going on a little road trip adventure they have to get to safety how do you get to safety from the Moon slamming into the planet you tell me probably not by going high up into the mountains though where the Moon is the closest and the air is the thinnest so they go high up into the mountains the Rockies have a bit of a crime problem apparently because the kids are immediately carjacked by some goons smart ass and these goons are some minor antagonists for the rest of the movie the two villains in moonfall are an Intergalactic AI that has been fighting Humanity for billions of years and some rednecks you a college boy so anyway our trio teams up with space Alexa to destroy the robot before the military nukes the moon let's go you son of a [ __ ] I don't think the nukes are the main thing anyone should be worrying about anymore but to save the world that rejected him so Samwell tarly of horn Hill finally accepts his Destiny as a PC Gamer and destroys Xbox once and for all the moon avoids narrowly crashing against the Earth the world is truly saved you can tell it's saved because the movie ends with this happy orchestral music and our characters are all smiling at one another okay well let's make this clear the world is basically over right like everything is dead I I can't think of another movie other than the knowing that had this amount of total Destruction this movie is like one of those videos You See online that says what would you do in the situation and then it's just this I don't know what would I do die I guess sure you technically accomplish your mission and stop the Moon from completely crashing into the Earth but it was still barely like I'm a D minor is technically passing forests were ripped out of the ground the Chrysler Building is just in the Rockies the last of the American government got crushed by a rock I'm pretty sure what just happened was a thousand times worse than when the asteroid hit the dinosaurs all of our main characters are going to live in an absolute hellscape for the rest of their lives we're talking constant famine space debris will constantly fall from the sky this is now just the Earth from Cowboy Bebop a constantly changing landscape riddled by asteroids human civilization is permanently stunted this planet is just unsuitable for life now but at least Sam gets to hang out with his cat fuzz Aldrin in virtual reality so that's cool conclusion so there you go that's moonfall it's kind of disappointing this movie failed so badly we need more stupid films like this just absolute schlock Roland Emerick certainly isn't at the height of his career anymore but I like that he can still make stuff that feels like it came from 2008. that sounds like a backhanded compliment I hope he just keeps raising the stakes in these disaster movies the amount of things being destroyed goes beyond our planet so I propose his last movie should be as magnum opus and I have an idea I call it Andromeda foreign what am I looking at here sir our galaxy and Andromeda are supposed to collide together in 4.5 billion years but the readings I'm getting are off the charts they don't make sense I've done the calculations on my telescopometer and that I English damn it well sir if my calculations are correct our two galaxies won't Collide in 4.5 billion years anymore the impact will be in 4.5 weeks my God my email is open Emrick contact me I will write that movie this is not a joke [Music]

Channel: PointlessHub

Views: 3,078,061

Keywords: PointlessHub, PointlessHub Moonfall, PointlessHub disaster movies, disaster movies, 2012, Day After Tomorrow, Moonfall, Moonfall review, Moonfall: The Greatest Disaster You've Never Seen, The Greatest Disaster, Moonfall movie, Moon crashes into earth movie, moon movie, pointlesshub review, pointlesshub, funny review, transformers, pointlesshub transformers

Id: S0RSf9D3W6Q

Length: 17min 8sec (1028 seconds)

Published: Fri May 26 2023