- [Mark] All right. Ashlyn, where'd you grow up? Where are you from? - Right here in Leslie County. - [Mark] Kentucky? - [Ashlyn] Yeah. - [Mark] Tell me about your family. You had both your parents growing up? - [Ashlyn] No, I actually
was raised by my grandpa, my mamaw, which is my mom's parents. My mamaw, she passed away
when I was pretty young. So it was my papaw trying to raise me and my mom's little sister, which is actually younger than me, two years younger than me. And so we're more like sisters than her being my little aunt. They played poker here all the time. That was my papaw's dream I
guess, to be a bootlegger. But no, he was a straight up hustler. He passed away back in June. It seems like everything's
fell apart since then. My mom, she was around, but like I said, my grandparents raised me. I've been with them. I remember them telling me, they used to tell me all the time they adopted me with a handshake. So like I was mamaw and papaw's baby. My mom was pretty much still a kid. She was having kids, I
guess you could say that. She ran buck wild all the time. All the time getting phone
calls from the hospitals, jails. And yeah, there was a few
close calls, we about lost her. - [Mark] And how would you
describe your childhood? - My childhood, as much
as like being loved. I know that that I was loved as a kid, but sort of lacked that attention, especially in the male, like daddy issues. - [Mark] Where was your dad? - My dad, like I said, I didn't meet him 'til I was seven or eight. You know, me being able have a really very specific memory about that day. And then, I only have
very few memories of him. I know where he's at. And I talk to him all the
time, like if I run into him, but he's just been
another person in my life. You know what I mean? And his brother actually
has been in prison, federal prison for the past 30 years. So when he comes out, he contacts me. And I remember before he went in. Well, he got out and went back in for a parole violation, whatever. And that's when he'd done
the most part of his time. So I remember being 13, 14
year old, a young adult. But at that time, I mean, I
was already a full grown woman. You might as well say. My mom, like I said she was pretty wild. She developed drug
habits upon drug habits. And Jobee's is pretty bad. Like, especially on
that side of the family. And then you asked me about my dad, and my dad's he's got drug problems. But his brother, like I was saying about his brother coming home
from prison, he'd come in. And that's the only
one out of that family. Like my grandmother, my
dad's mom has never seen neither one of my kids,
which that's fine with me. They're the ones missing out on that. My kids they'll ask things, of course kids are curious, but they'll they'll ask things,
and I'll show them pictures. They live here in the same county. It's not like they live states away. You know what I'm saying? But they have all the technology now to where you just pick
up a phone or a tablet. Hey, and you're right there with them, you know, just as good. But, that's their loss. Anyways, my mom, she, she did
have drug habits and stuff. My papaw was a bootlegger. That's how he made his money. He had pool tables. - [Mark] Did he make moonshine? - Well, he didn't make moonshine. He had bought moonshine off
the people that made it, which was a good friend of
his, you know what I mean? So I guess, I remember him
being passed out in the house or something drunk and
people stop in wanting to buy moonshine. Me, 11 or 12 years old,
going in the house, getting underneath the kitchen sink, and getting ever how much
Georgia moonshine they wanted. Which I think now it's $20 a quart. Back then when I was probably 11, it might have been 10, 11 dollars a quart. And I'm talking some
stuff that would sweep you off your feet and knock you slick out. And you won't remember
what you done the next day. But yeah, my mom, she developed more than just drinking habit. She used pharmaceutical
prescription medicine. And so as I got older, I
graduated high school, actually. I was 16. I was 15 and turned 16
that following September. So I was probably 12 or
13 when my mom started. She'd have me go in there. She used to live behind the house here. And she used to make me go into the bedroom and there was whatever two or three guys in there, you know? And at that time I think I smoked pot. I used to sneak around
smoke pot, you know? 'Cause I never had no boss. My papaw was always drunk
after my mamaw passed away. And then my mom, she's just buck wild, wanting me to get buck wild with her. So that's more drugs for her. You understand? So, and at that time she
was pretty much like. I remember being at her house behind the house where I was raised. And guys coming in. And I can remember back, as I got older, I realized what she was doing, because when I'd go to
school, kids would make fun of me like, oh, well, which one is your mom and you doing today? Or which one are you all
sharing for drugs today? And like I said, I'm mad
smoke pot at that time. And drank a little bit. Me and my friends from
school, it was pretty wild. My mom's little sister, which
I call her my sister too. - [Mark] So this pimping
out of her daughter, went on for how long? - [Ashlyn] So, when I get
older, I wanted to experience and all these different drugs. Well back then when she was growing up, there was stuff like LSD,
shit that I've never heard of. - [Mark] How long did that go on? That you were doing that for your mom? - [Ashlyn] For my mom, up until maybe 14, 15 until I realized and I
had developed habits myself, other than, you know just smoking weed. I was like, well if I'm
going to get made fun of, I switched schools twice. If I'm going to get made fun of, and I'm going to let other
people mistreat my body, and mistreat myself like that, then I'm going to do it for my own use. And actually today, like I know you all probably heard of OnlyFans, or like PornHub and you
know, sites like that. Well, right now, of course, there's no kind of work here right now unless you're a dude and you
can get out in the hills, or you're running drugs. And I'm not trying to go back to jail. You know what I mean? At all, I try to do a
little things different. I know I failed at a few of them. I tried to do a little things differently than what my mom had done for me, because I got a daughter of my own. You know what I mean? So I started doing it for
myself, me and my friend. I had a friend that
lived not far from here. She lived not far from here. Me and her were best friends. And as years went by papaw quit drinking. You know, I guess he had
mourned enough over my mamaw. So he quit drinking,
sort of straightened up, and he got remarried. And it was me and my mom's little sister. Like I said, I call her
my sister, stayed here. We were wild. I remember we would drink. If we didn't have alcohol. Get! Get. We would drink rubbing alcohol or mouthwash right on the
school bus right over there. We'd wait on a school bus, half the time we'd skip school because we couldn't go we'd get so drunk on mouthwash and stuff, that we would be nauseous sick. So after I got kicked out
of Leslie County school, because of people making fun of me because of what my mom done, she sold me for her own drug habit. And back then, I think it was O6, maybe. Now, that's a big part of the reason why I don't like staying
here, like constantly, around my daughter because
of the things that I do. I don't do it for drugs, now. Used to, like I said, when I figured out why would I let her do me like that for her own benefit? I was not born to be her
sacrifice, for her own fuck-ups. You understand? So if I'm gonna have any kind
of oopsie-daisies in my life, I'm going to do it on my own. I don't know. I guess that was maturity
hitting me at a young age. And I didn't realize it at that time. You know what I'm saying? - [Mark] So the OnlyFans
stuff that you do now is? - Yeah, well, I've done it since, I've done that for about three years now. - [Mark] And you make
good money doing this? - I make enough money to survive on. Before all that, 'cause
we're kind of behind on all the technology and stuff. I'd say you guys are more
advanced than we are out here. I used to. Some of the old dudes that my
mom had known from way back, they'd stop in and I'd go with them. Some of them would pay me, like I got paid really good
money and that's back then. I did have sort of a broke drug problem. Well, not a sorta, but I did
have a drug problem for real. That's what it was. - [Mark] What drugs? - It was pain pills, pain medicine. Plus marijuana. Like the guys that I would
go and trade sexual favors, or some of them was weirdos. Some of it was traumatic for real. I don't know. Some of them just wants you to clean because they're so old,
that's all they can do is just admire a woman's body. Which I think a woman's body is art. You know what I mean? I really do. - [Mark] Have you cleaned? - Cleaned, and, I mean, some of them nude. So they'd go out and spend
probably like a hundred and two hundred dollars
on these nice outfits. You know, toys. That's expensive stuff. So, and you're getting to keep that stuff and then they'd pay you $200 to clean, just walk around, to look sexy. You know what I mean? So when I actually figured all that out on my own, I was like, well,
you're on your own, Mom, you know what I mean? I'm not doing your dirty work. You can pull your pants down
and do your own dirty work. Me and hers had a rough
relationship on account of that. She tries to lie to me
and tells me I'm crazy. And dah, dah, dah. Well, I didn't develop that habit as a small kid from nowhere. It just don't happen in a kid's head. Well, I think that I'm
going to sell myself to old people or because my
body looks good just for money. - [Mark] Do you blame the role model that you had as a young girl? Or do you blame the lack
of opportunity here? - Both. Both, both. Because I have some friends that has. I've experienced meth,
but like it's real bad around here right now. Like I said, my thing is pain pills I'm not going to say
that I don't do them now, because I do but it's not
as, like I said, I mean I don't have to physically
go out here with, oh 90-year old pervert Joe that can't get his shit working right. I can just pick up my phone, be in my bedroom, jamming out. Like I'm feeling myself,
you know what I mean? And just get on there. You can go live. And it's really good money, and they're not even there, they're another country
away most of the time. Like yesterday, for instance, I was on there maybe
25 minutes, 26 minutes, I think it was actually
'cause it times you on your phone or device,
whatever you're using. And I made $114. Like when I got done
calculating the bids on there. But yeah, there is definitely
a lack of opportunity of any kind of jobs. I started in the medical field, actually. I started in the medical field actually. Let's see, I started out, I
graduated high school at 15. So I had to go to vocational school to get extra credits for
a nurse aide license. Well, I seen in the newspaper they were having the class start up at the nursing home in Hyden. Well, I done it there, and I
took my state test in Hazard. I got my CNA license. I worked my hours on. I had got all my credits. And then I went advanced
into school, got my LPNs. You know, a nurse practitioner. That's whenever I
discovered pain medicine. I mean, I knew of it of course because my mom had been
there so long on it. That's when I really discovered it. And I just had to take a step back. I looked at myself one day
and I said, you know what? This is awful. Because I mean, I loved that job. I did. You have to have a heart
for helping, for real, to have a job like that. And it's something sort of comes back to me being good-hearted like that is from me doing the things that had really actually happened to me that I regretted and I hated my mom. I don't hate her and I respect my mom. That's just the way that I
was raised by her parents. I do go by a set of
morals, I like to think. I don't know. I'm a queer human being really. - [Mark] Do you have any regrets? - All kinds of regrets. I regret not staying at the nursing home, and actually going on
and getting my orients especially now with the
world being the way it is. And down here, like they
lack of medical technology, medical staff, all the time. I remember even having to go in and work 16 and 18 hour shifts. I had just had a baby, my first kid. So I kind of regret not
staying there a little bit. But like I said, that's where
I dabbled into pain medicine. That's when I developed my
pain pill habit or whatever. - [Mark] Do you ever consider leaving this part of the country? - All the time. - [Mark] Taking your kids somewhere where they might have a future? - All the time. But the thing about that is, I'm not real comfortable
with new things, maybe? I don't know how you
would say that, change? I'm not comfortable with that. I'm not comfortable with
meeting new people at all. I guess because of the things that me and my mom's been through. I've got all kinds of mental health issues on account of all that. And I still try to try to tell myself that it was okay, look at me now. She's done good for me. And that's kinda messed up that
I even would think that way. But yeah, I've actually not
just taking me and my kids, no. No, I've actually just thought
about going and getting up, packing me a bag that I can pack, and just walk it off
and never looking back. - [Mark] What about your kids? - I know that my kids are took care of. My little girl, her dad. I couldn't ask for no better father. My son, he's six. He's six. His dad don't really have
anything to do with him at all. So he's sorta the man
of the house, actually. He has been with my mom,
because I had to go to jail. He was 18 months old when I come home. I think he was three
months old when I left. So he was 18 months old
when I come home from jail. So he's been with my mom a little bit. That's probably why I don't
have as much hate for her now. I've sort of let things go about it, about the way she done
me when I was growing up. She was pretty abusive too. Gosh, she still is a little abusive. But anyway, yeah, I know that my kids are well tooken care of. I just, I can't be the mom
that they need, you know? And I talk to them about things like that. I don't whoop my kids,
I don't discipline them. I'll let their nanny, which is my mom, or my little girl's dad do it. On account of where she was abusive. Because, I've got another little boy, and that's another regret is him. He was just born. I was doing real good in a clinic to keep me off pain pills. He was crying one night, and listen this went on
for two, three weeks. Me and my sister took him to
every emergency room around. And so it was Laurel, Perry,
Manchester, and then Hyden. We took him like eight different times. So we took him twice on everyone of them. Over in Perry County, we
took him to the pediatrician and that's when we found
out he had pyloric stenosis, and he needed immediate surgery. But what I was getting at
is I remember that baby. Me and my sister had walked him
so much, and I love my kids. That's why my kids are
placed where they're at, because I can't provide for them. I'm not adult enough. You know what I'm trying to get at? I'm not really sure what I'm trying to. I can't put it in words, but. - [Mark] How old are you? - Huh? - [Mark] How old are you? - I'm 30, I just turned 30 in September. But yeah, I remember me and
my sister took time about, and every time Colson would eat a bottle, he would vomit it right back up. So I was getting aggravated, you know. He wasn't probably a month
old and I remember one night, 'cause I told you, my mom was abusive. This is one of the most regrets I have in my life is letting my baby go. I remember 'cause my mom,
again, she was abusive and that's why I don't discipline my kids. I don't. So when I'm around them, I can tell, I get real short-tempered with them. You know what I mean? So I don't whoop them because I'm afraid that I couldn't stop. I'm afraid. Because I see her come out at me every freaking day, I hate that. Honestly. Again, like I said, I
don't hate my mom at all. I respect her. It's my mother. She put me in this world. She can definitely take me out. And she's always told me that. I'm a firm believer of that. The night that I had tried
so hard to figure out what was wrong with my baby, you know? I felt like I let everybody down because I couldn't get him to stop crying. He cried for three days straight. My sister couldn't. We scrubbed puke up, dah dah dah dah dah. I just remember, and like right now, in my stomach, me telling you all this, I don't speak on it a whole lot. I remember holding his little
arms and just squeezing him. And then I remember coming to, and I had to just walk away. I laid him down on a blanket on the floor and the doctors just acted
like it was actually normal. And I was thinking to
myself, that's not normal. You know? Yes, it was normal when I was growing up because that was all I was used to. That's not normal. So eventually I gave him to his dad. That was his first son,
his only child actually. Which I can go see him and stuff. I just feel like it's easier on emotional attachment
and all that stuff. That's something I really do regret. I regret not being in any
of the three of my kids' life a lot more, because I know how it is not having a mom and dad. And how it is having to raise myself. And actually my six year
old, he's pretty independent. It hurts seeing him be
independent like that because I know that he's just a kid. He should be allowed to have a childhood. You know, I didn't get to do that. I had to grow up really, really quick. - [Mark] What's the most important lesson you've learned in your life? - My most important lesson is. It's not really the life that you live. It's the life that you
will choose for yourself. So, and I'm just now
actually learning that. Like I said, I'm 30. Listen, I was depressed
when I turned 30 this year, back in September, but
I realized I'm naughty. I'm still a child, you know, because I didn't get to have a kid. So the most important lesson
is don't never fall in. They say history repeats itself, but don't never fall into that cycle. Don't listen to what other people says, listen to what your own
mind tells you to do. You know? Just listen to your heart, I guess. - [Mark] All right. Well, Ashlyn, thank you so much for sharing your story,
and good luck with the rest of your life and wherever
you go from here. - Thank you.
