Andrew Schulz Funniest Podcast Moments

follow the instagram [ __ ] yang monkey [Music] last night i had a very uncomfortable situation where at the club yeah what happened i i did that he's laughing right now i already i it's got to be dude i did stand up i did whatever i just stand up yeah jeremiah i'm leaving i'm about to walk out scot-free we had a great time go do another spot everything's gonna be great laugh factory and uh emily at this store goes hey do you wanna do a spot in the main room joey's on it burr's on it greg fitzsimmons on it i was like hell yeah of course and we're walking through the main room and she goes yeah you know it's um it's like it's a benefit for people on the spectrum and i'm like hold on it's like [ __ ] people here like what's go because i just don't i was like i'll just pass i don't know exactly how to do it you know yeah and uh then she goes no no no it's like people in a halfway house to me halfway house is you were you know had some drugs you maybe were in jail locked up and they're trying to bring you back into that regulation i usually say drug i go to drug addicts or drugs it doesn't matter yeah right halfway half yeah so i go halfway okay i'm walking in the back there's some guys with like beards like face tattoos i'm like oh there's some rough guys that's trying to get their life back together and i'm excited because i'm like these guys aren't going to be offended [ __ ] i can [ __ ] go in [ __ ] yeah i get brought up on stage i do a couple jokes things are going really well and then i go into this bit this [ __ ] bin right and you see how like quinn it is now yeah like if you multiply how quiet it is now by like a thousand that's what that full room felt like really it got real quiet and i'm like this is weird but you were crushing before that because i saw you early on it was good i'm not i'm not the guy who like says i only killed everything like i'm the most critical of myself it was going it was going well yeah it was going hard took a little turn took a little turn and then i would say i got it back up to about like 50 percent right that's a hard hole to dig out of it we were really the hardest we were doing very deep okay we're done very deep help us out so i walk off stage and diaz goes uh he goes he goes he goes hey uh what why'd you close with the [ __ ] joke it's a benefit for retouch [Laughter] he goes yeah it's for [ __ ] retouch it's okay don't worry about it how about the sound guy he goes dude balls man to do that [ __ ] joke and brother goes but i thought it went pretty well about fifty percent done bro i go back and it fits him is like blank don't no people were just staring at you some people were there just to see burr andrew schultz is here i'm here man what's up man nice to meet you have we ever even met no i think i've seen you in new york i think i saw you in new york kind of you were hanging out maybe came by the the village lantern yeah but i never we never i think officially met though i have a funny story i think you had butt sex with my friend whoa yeah and it's a woman yeah yeah yeah yeah let's start with that there at least thank you yeah uh lindsay was her name and you guys met at spring break this is back mtv days oh a long time ago yeah from buffalo huh and this is what she said star would heat so this is what she said take a sip of coffee yeah so she goes because i was like oh i'm gonna you posted or i posted i was gonna come out here and do this and she was like this is so late can you send me a picture of her yes i'll say it no did i i don't know i didn't send you any picture i wanted to surprise you and uh so i said okay boom we'll talk about when we get on the podcast so she goes yeah like we met at the spring break thing i think you were hosting it i met her at young break yeah spring break okay break and um i think you guys had a wild night or something like that maybe some butt sex in the shower she's not totally sure she thinks it was butt sex but it was it was a while i've only ever had butt sex one time when i was a youth yeah and this was how that's how i lost my virginity was butt sex yeah by the bowling alley actually tiffany lane's bowling alley on highway 190 and it's still open shouts to tiffany lane that's a plug picking up splits out back hey whatever i do wins and this is not winning what's going on and he realizes oh [ __ ] fame is not about hiding out in the hills and then coming out and do a movie two two times here one time a year fame now is about hey how you doing hey i'm here hey this is my family hey this is everything that's going on that's what we do i'm normal i wouldn't like you guys what do every one of your fans say when they meet you right they know you they know you know you guys i mean they do and they do what was what was fame 10 years ago 15 years 20 years ago he goes no nothing why is johnny depp a bozo seriously he's supposed to wait why is because he has no friends he didn't come down to the real world and go what the [ __ ] are you doing why do you have so many necklaces he doesn't have a friend who can tell him hey bro enough with the [ __ ] look at that dude go to the top left one and you can see the whole front row of brian cowan's first spell is a delight hit the arrow hit that arrow on the side see that arrow on the side come see me this saturday yes i'm done until 2020 i do the red rocket tour doing small theaters yeah go can you get the tickets for the red rocket tour andrew santino.com go to andrew santino.com baby pulling up on one of the dates i'm going to check out the dates you want to come through seriously i would love to yeah honestly i would [ __ ] love that because i i had so much fun when we did our show the other day tony and we should we did we did like a q a after we were just [ __ ] around and it was so fun man will you seriously come to a date i'm going to pull up i promise you come to a date absolutely especially if you're anywhere this is all shobs dates he puts it up for shob debris because he has ct he doesn't remember where he is he doesn't know where he is right now so many i have no idea i'm going to be performing at ufc 48 in tulsa hey where are we at right now what town are we in right now he doesn't know don't see anything what no that exactly that makes sense because charlie was used as you got to kill charlie okay charlie was vietcong yeah charlie was in the jungle and charlie was somebody who were killing him yeah so there's a violence attached to work and we were there my uncle's name's charlie yeah charlie is charlie would never use for a vietnamese person yeah and [ __ ] is also a little bit borderline right i feel weird saying it but i was like tap on her finance friend i'm like damn that chap no no so this is an american thing to be upset by the word this is like asians don't care about this [ __ ] like they kind of do american asian zoo but like asian asians if you're a pakistani yeah so if you're [ __ ] in a hole right you really give a [ __ ] if you lop off the last couple letters i took a [ __ ] in the ground like that's more offensive i was like hey ground turd like that's a little bit more worrisome right it's like shut the [ __ ] up i was i was at a show i'm at a show it's a while ago way a long time ago way long time so i'm at this show a girl her brother her mother and father are at the show they come up they say hi afterwards whatever girl's hot right we're just kind of like talking vibing the brother's kind of cool i say i'm going to some party at this some club or some [ __ ] like that do you guys want to come the girl and her brother come to the party we're all hanging out at the party everything's cool we're all drinking it's fine we leave the brother goes i'm going to go home leaves me with the tight move bro now here's the thing the father put his daughter's [ __ ] in his brother's hands in her in his son's hand bad move right because he was like take him make sure she's good right and then the brother was just like you're on your own right so now it's me and the girl you probably thought you were safe probably whatever it is we go back to my we go back close to my place as a diner outside of my place i'm sitting down and eating food at the diner right and she's eating kind of young like explain like she got chicken fingers no you know the jellies that open up like that yeah she licked the jelly well that's annoying it it's annoying but it was also childish did you also order a vanilla vanilla you don't need chocolate milk chocolate chips you guys want to have happy meals with this diner because i want a toy someone's going to occupy me there's no [ __ ] toys at this place so she she's doing crayons scratches drawing on the [ __ ] napkins that they have so she just looks she just came across when you i'm like i'm like how old are you and she goes i'm 18. i go okay you got to go home i had no [ __ ] clue uh-huh that this girl's eight now you know he's legal is legal oh you're a [ __ ] 18 is legal i might be a [ __ ] no no no no we got to do all of schaub's things this is like the fifth one this episode dude especially if they're born in 1987. it's got the exact hour they're really nice [Laughter] honestly that's good man roman reigns good news speaking of transgender though you said transgender right sure this person here this gentleman nick nicki jolly who's a gay rights activist it's kind of similar to the justice smaller thing oh yeah he faked the house fire yeah he burned his own house or a fake house fire and his own dogs his eyes are on point oh man yeah he's such a i think he's blind in one eye he has to be right [ __ ] kidding i think he's blind from uh it's almost like okay that's a tough song yeah it's a tough sell if you're a lady he looks like a woman who decided that he wants i'm confused but anyway he looks like one of those things making coffee and men in black yeah they're like what are you doing here oh my god oh my god oh please yeah there is there is there is some stuff going on there low ears their ears are very low on the head hey you guys look at the left holy [ __ ] what do you have now like as far as support goes so but do you have an agent and stuff like that you like you were you have to fire my manager fire your manager yeah i don't have a manager now either you don't need a babysitter what we need are producers right right like we need i don't know if that's your role but like i need i have a guy who does all my video nick very questionable role but also has done a great job in helping me you know build what's going on yeah especially for a premature very so i'm saying dude just do my best every day we don't have post-mature babies he could have gone post if you wanted to i think he came out early because he was curious go and post that's [ __ ] we gotta look into that in like 10 months 11. dude comes out with dreads full hair yeah black dudes come out late i could imagine that like damn he was supposed to be here on wednesday you know he shows up with two other black dudes y'all didn't know they were down here with me hey we were man my boy had this [ __ ] joke that i i just thought i gotta send him this tag but like he has this thing about how like turtles you know with the the plastic straws like how the plastic straw thing is oh yeah cause they eat them no he goes it's he goes this is fake they go what do you mean he's like he goes he goes you're telling me a turtle could be swimming and then a straw is coming at him so fast and direct that it lodges in its [ __ ] nose is that what you want me to believe so so the tag i want to give her is like no peter that's peter's jesse smallette like they're staging it's a hoax it's just jamming straws and turtle noses right 100 they do eat the plastic bags so they think they're jellyfish ah so turtles yeah but they're strong yes turtles plastic bags yeah and also they live to 200 they're probably trying to kill themselves they live too long this is a long ride bro like imagine being that slow for that long oh god it's totally it's like the arctic shark or the iceland shark he's just swimming around looking for some of these killers i'm just trying to be killed i feel like that's hell i feel like bad people be come back as an arctic shark you're going to live 500 years in this cold weather and you're just going to swim around looking i really believe they've never seen two of them yeah i really believe stalin and hitler and pol pot and all this all those [ __ ] are arctic sharks i'm serious [Music] uh [Music]

Channel: YINYANG MONKEY

Views: 118,822

Keywords: andrew schulz, comedian, yin yang monkey, andrew schulz funniest podcast moments, tfatk, andrew schulz tfatk, theo von, this past weekend, andrew schulz theo von, podcast compilation, funny moments, the fighter and the kid

Id: GMLwB8MsKho

Length: 13min 34sec (814 seconds)

Published: Wed Jul 29 2020