Andrew Santino Funniest TFATK Moments

[Music] well they're well and you sent back to defend my title as the best podcast guest that's only done this [ __ ] thing one time it was amazing episode it was incredible and all these people are Theo von and and Chris D'Elia and but those guys suck ass I'm here to fight to get your saying to take a loo and women molest hmm you're not gonna come right as like there's no way boy no the woman oh yes she's not gonna she's not gonna come it's axe but in one way it's actually worse right because it's like you're doing this only for the manipulation and abuse power or they get the rocks off after they go home where they're in their office and then figure them so you can look this is a fact to most if not all rapists like a male rapist they don't come either no it's extremely uncommon after yes the physical abuse and control is what rapists is compacted this right yeah they go jerk off in the [ __ ] alley just yeah standing over where it happened there's a lot of bro sites going on right look at common believes all right Rachel rapists don't actual come because they because of this struggle the abuse they love the power dynamic there's a bunch of different parts about it like I guess I guess when I say that I mean strangers if you're if you're attacking someone when it's raping a family and all that stuff all that [ __ ] is [ __ ] way oh I don't know I don't know yeah it's tarnish I figure out who got molested and no one did the only person that got close was you but sound like a good time Josh I didn't really end out his store only fine yeah I don't think I did honestly you grew up in America no I was born in Korea you were born in Korea when I came here when I was like three okay okay hey boy come here Jim what you I want to show you something but when you sit something on your chin yeah you ever see oil come out of one of these things okay you don't got this in Korea do you shin huh he cool real Korea we do a little differently down here chinny chin to chin you gonna take one on your chinny chin chin it's not no hey yes sir bend over chin had to help him help me put on my boots chin put on my boots chin chin goes home he make me put on his parents like what do you make you do Margaret now another ring along it was twined it was just like hand maybe I'll give him that yeah when they're fighting basically oven mitts there wasn't any cancer and like the ring by ring you mean the crowd like is the Donnybrook me there were just a bunch of chickens you're like walking around before plastics came along in refrigeration before refrigeration of plastics but now listen to me the other thing my body's built for one thing and it's not a big give you the mind control check it's built my body's built to fight a bear down and when I got a bear down I'm bearing down I'd be give us an example so much to move around give us some examples good and you're at the front of the pack but when it comes down to actually the long march when that when the fight goes into round 15 and 16 and that happens at aerials it's very old it's been waiting for quite a while dad when the cartel captures our bus and says you guys are gonna be that we haven't slept we haven't eaten we haven't had any water and now they give us hammers and they go you guys gonna fight it out and the winner joins the cartel you think you're gonna beat us with hammers the thing is you get [ __ ] what round it is dead it ain't how is ya hey hey what the [ __ ] was that hopper Papa Papa please Papa please don't call me Papa please call me Dad don't pop I know Luke I got up at your heart I got your ticker don't do that GABA you know what happens when your ticker gets all jibbity jumpity Papa please your baby jumpin you Papa please no Papa last time we had to take you to the hospital and you were there for weeks and weeks because your your ticker look at the floor boy I gotta take you out with this hammer look at the Papa and we can put it up on our YouTube and get millions of views mm-hmm we know our value you're right so get paid accordingly you know and even if you don't get paid put on YouTube and then blow the [ __ ] up with it yeah we got all the options yeah it's it's it's a it's a new way and it's also so young so it's hard it's a hard it's a hard medium I mean you've got anyway your shits gonna be [ __ ] dope on where it ends up on tick-tock or C so it's gonna be dope yeah yeah I want to say this all the offensive [ __ ] up [ __ ] that we say on here Schultz and I cuz I know Andrew well I love him yeah we mean none of it and Shaab means literally when we make jokes and we talk about offensive weird fucked-up [ __ ] yeah we're probably kidding around when Shopp says it if it's real as [ __ ] means it he means he's a is a pedo racist yeah can you sign this out as the Texas cowboy yeah let me tell you something about chinny-chin-chin took a whole bunch of them and I appreciate y'all listening to the fighter and the kid featuring the red rocket and you break the [ __ ] industry Schultz and good old biggity Brendon show the bigot Brendan Schaub the big brown bigot Brendon any dates I know you say oh you know this weekend a I've got to I'm doing two shows at the Ice House in Pasadena on Saturday the first one's already done already sold out and the second one is almost sold out but come see me this Saturday I says I'm done until 2020 I do the red rocket or doing small theaters yeah go can you get the tickets for the red rockets or Andrew Santino calm go to Andrew Santino calm baby pulling up on one of the dates I'm gonna check out the dates um you want to come through seriously I would love to yeah honestly I would [ __ ] love that because I had so much fun when we did our show the other self on Tony and we should we did we did like a Q&A after we were just [ __ ] fun man will you seriously come out today I'm gonna pull up I promise you'll come to a day absolutely especially if you're anywhere this is all shops dates he puts it up for shabd Arica zsc t he doesn't remember where he is he doesn't where he is right now so many you must take time in life you have to and I propose this you won't do it but I believe that once a month once every two weeks we should be having dinners with smart fun people yes just let's make I'll hire they gotta come cook let's sit around have a meal and eat some goddamn food you're more than what you and if you invite me I'll go not yet Kat you're too young and you're a gal can I can I tell you something yeah I'm gonna take you to dinner because of what he just Jesus no I like Kat I don't know Kat yet oh I don't know we're either but I just invited a Do's my brother right there Chin's coming he's definitely not your brother literally not blood there's a little later we're related by how there's a deep thing we have the same mom mom so you have the same mother we do what is her name Jennifer Jennifer Michelle it's a hyphenated name - Jennifer Michelle Michelle yes where and where were you born South Korea Seoul Korea and where was he born come there yeah you were born in South Korea in that area yeah what's the what is it would like where what specifically daddies are they so where he was talking about same spot in the same yeah pretty much the same the same hospital Wow what's the age difference right now yeah at this cell right now the age difference is exactly 11 years yeah 11 years yes your little brother yeah okay can I tell you something yeah it all adds up I believe every piece of it every set everything adds up I mean he can cast the dinner because of what you just said yeah I also want to come too you know what I'm gonna do I'm gonna take her to lunch and then come to your dinner with the fun thing and I might bring her you're gonna crash the dinner with her she'll be my she's on your arm it's Nant were married yeah yeah but on my arm I don't I don't own her Agnes [ __ ] are you pregnant no but she will be with your redheaded baby and and you'll be beating her what do you do set it yeah that I did say it what kind of we would have a very odd-looking baby oh you're both good-looking people yeah but not half asian half a red well let's just take it like that's like making more and it costs more on what you leave with it in like a it's like when you get an urn when someone dies like do you want them in a nice urn and a glass one or a box I'm sure when you're doing things it's way more expensive 18 to start you guys are not 18 deny ffice I'll say this I would cost 17 grand male-to-female yeah great we just say the thousand dollars is better this conversation another 10 minutes a discussion will be at 10 grand where I want to be at what I'm telling you freakin animals is this dude how much are tits though chin to my point tits are almost free bro you could [ __ ] get at it anywhere dudes what I'm they give them away now yeah there's a guy down at Venice Boardwalk that does it if you watch his YouTube video you guys a fan of fake titties bitchin dude dude you know why when your girl hasn't that's why you love them no hold on I yes I've always loved them no first of all I think I would do one on one off because yeah sometimes you won't want to someone you don't like this just the left side I want him sorry you can rotate them to the back with real ones like real ones sometimes you wrote him lazy his wife seems lazy susan but i want to say this though is that so listen your little fellows if you need you're a young guy maybe your bones to having develop that strong or some and you need to get out you you know things aren't going well at home for 20 grand or now it's 17 grand you can get a gender reassignment you can get a vagina you come out here dude sell that young ass to some [ __ ] rich boys out here you can be making 10k masks or vagina you mean sell that young vajayjay not ass is still there you got the ass no but why wouldn't you sell the vagina I wouldn't sell my ass man I know something don't double bro mean you just said you would humble blow realize you're here you're a terrible businessman you get the sex change then you sell your time and you would chop off your [ __ ] and then you'd suck a bunch of guys off you said you're gonna blow first of all you're not gonna give up your ass or your new [ __ ] you just always about gay sex in here have a sex change and give up your [ __ ] man I'm saving a vagina for [ __ ] married you not everybody's forgiven their [ __ ] away to somebody he would be such a [ __ ] as a transgender Theo you just know I would luck and sunny at the library I would be taking care of myself and I had written like two other hidden camera shows mean Ian Edwards wrote this Comedy Central pilot for them I had just met Ian he with open arms was like you know help me out learn how to write sketches for Comedy Central we wrote this pilot that I thought I talked about Anton Rogan I thought was one of the funny things I've ever done and it never went anywhere but we wrote some amazing catches like incredibly funny well I told I did this I talked about this on Rogan recently but like we did a sketch called melon and mayo or the star of the show was his black Adele sheer we convince people in test group that mayonnaise they were eating that was dyed brown was gonna give them melanin in their skin but we told them after they ate the sandwiches so those white people are like I'm gonna go black I'm gonna go black lost her brain we wrote a bunch of amazing sketches lost them I do we chat they almost tried a bunch of it what is frightening is sue try anyway oh my god we wrote a bunch of that they just uh but anyway that was my intro to that world and then I did Punk'd and after Punk'd I slowly started getting in you know I did the office I did a few different start in the office yeah you added the second last season yeah I did I did in college I did journalism and I did a little bit of theater I was the Oh Mike this in my creative writing class this woman came in and was looking for people to like fill in for this play and she had said she was like oh I can tell that you have you have you have something more than you're like putting on because you're you're big and you're you know you're loud you're just pretending that you don't know how to do it you should come try so the first thing I ever did for this woman was I did a vagina the vagina monologues I was the only guy right yeah doing playing a guy who beats his who beats his pregnant wife oh yeah I mean it's so true to life so it was easy for me I've been hitting pregnant women for years right hand is so fat no man it's already these nuts oh look at some of these photos some of those are real sterilized Joe Mande on there what wouldn't HOD who's the guy that's doing all that off ha what's that who's again the cutoff shirt that's me bro it's leather daddy Santino puts on muscle easily yes why why did you do that why did I do that why wouldn't I do that great the photographer said I got this weird leather jacket I said of course Shannon's not laughing at that that's a great clothes and then Oscar Nunez is above me hold on hold on hold on B who's the guy with the shirt off is that Santino Oh buddy that's looking good he's Robbie you God dude you are a good-looking ginger look at you look at the top of those pubes thank you look at it you could see the base of his dick right there that's not jumping root as Roo room that's the root a stump and oh the roots baby roots anyway get all these pictures off of me go anywhere else anywhere else last night I had a very uncomfortable situation where at the club yeah what happened I I did that he's laughing right now I already I it's gotta be in Santa I did stand whatever I just hand up about yeah Jeremiah I'm leaving I'm about to walk out scot-free we had a great time go to another spot everything's gonna be great laughs factory and Emily at the store goes hey do you want to a spot in the main room Joey's on it bears on it Greg Fitzsimmons on it I was like hell yeah of course and we're walking through the main room and she goes yeah you know it's um it's like it's a benefit for people on the spectrum and I'm like hold on with our people here like what's good cuz I just don't I was like I'll just pass I don't know exactly how to do it you know and then she was no no no it's like people in a halfway house to me halfway house is you were you know had some drug store you maybe we're in jail locked up and they're trying to bring them back you understand I usually say drop my I go to drug addict we're drug doesn't matter so I go halfway that's okay I'm walking in the back to some guys with like beards like phase tattoos I'm like ugly some rough guys is trying to get the light back together and I'm excited cuz I'm like these guys are gonna be a finished [ __ ] I can [ __ ] go in [ __ ] yeah I get brought up onstage I do a couple jokes things are going really well and then I go into this bit there's [ __ ] Ben right can you see how like Quine is now multiply why it is now by like a thousand that's what that full room felt like really it got real quiet I'm like this is weird but you were crushing before that cuz I saw you early on it was good I'm not I'm not the guy who like says or killed every said like I'm the most critical self it was going it was going well yeah it was going hard took a little turn and then I would say I got it back up to about like 50% right that's a hard hole to dig out of it we were artists we were very close I walk offstage and Diaz goes uh he goes yes yes hey uh what why'd you closer to [ __ ] joke it's a benefit for retards [Laughter] yes yes for [ __ ] [ __ ] it's okay kid don't worry buddy dude that [ __ ] joke I thought went pretty well bro I go back this is a smaller part rank don't know it because we're just staring at some people were there just to see burr you all right I don't know what the [ __ ] is they just see Bill Bert so I think all those people like oh this is awesome and then all these people that are taking care of a [ __ ] at home are like what the [ __ ] is going on like I'm supporting dude dude the first comic that went on I think was like mentally challenged but I didn't know I thought he was just a comic cuz you know comics registry you know comic can be awkward a little bit yes yes yes I just thought he was awkward and like a series we were doing me talking [ __ ] and he said keep going there's a gate didn't you keep going you going that there's keep going way down forgot there's a J no no I like I get I never get tired of the dum-dum bits like you did to me was like we would we used to do it all the time of him we run into each other and then I go oh you and I did a bit for a little while Andrew it look at me oh thanks Brian Brian he's not the business yeah you left the business when you okay yeah when they gave you this offer to do the TV show school do you think that they do you think that you think they took a shot on you because you've been around for too long Andrew do you think it's shitty question do you think it's hey you're being shitty right are you talented undeniably I will say that I've seen you're very funny on stage you do great stuff on camera are you can you hold a show I mean what a bad bet it's ABC Nezzer let's sing so many ships over there too so this one's gonna [ __ ] fall to the bottom here sir I have a mortgage number two this fall Bryan Callen barely makes you laugh I mean what's the promo gotta say with I'm with Tim Meadows for [ __ ] sake oh man well he's not gonna be able to pull you up from anything he's ways funnier than you he's gonna be way up top making everyone laugh and they're gonna go who's this guy dragging down meadow Tim Meadows SNL radar dragon ladies man's ladies man one of the greatest most brilliant comedians of all times and they got you please take on me they've got me but I'm gonna learn from him and I'm gonna pull it up and we're gonna get you on there is it gay I would love to let me be honest I'm so happy for you John you might have heard that news you know who told me D'Elia crystally if you guys don't know who yes he does he's like a podcast he's a podcast guy youtuber yeah and he he said did you hear about Kalin and my initial thought this is your son he died no no not death he's young and he's in [ __ ] he said did you hear about about Kalin and I said I knew it because the first time I met Kalin nice always nice but like a femme effeminate and I thought he is gay I know and I thought this was a come out party and I got excited I said we're gonna have come out party for about time it's about Jack it's about time he's been to Brendan put him up to this did you show that hashtag it's about time there's a whole thing of r.i.p Kalin as I know it's people were sending yeah I never I never but I'm reading in my life I think he had they say don't do redheads and it vertically said don't do redheaded stuff how much Italian I think he was like why I think I had asked him or something she's almost too on-the-nose huh I was just insecure as [ __ ] when I first like to even talk to him and I was like whatever and then and then I think I had said I got a I don't want to do that right I did like maybe I'll read hit a joke and then he was like you why well you don't need to why does it why do you care it was something along those lines I don't remember the exactly but it made me think about cuz he doesn't do it so I was like oh he doesn't do it ever ever what what is numero No are you are you what are you Italian in Irish half half Italian and Irish Siciliano me too you see the difference is I look I look Irish yeah and I've got the body in the [ __ ] of Anna I don't know you look like a like a little tiny Swedish boy you like a little Swedish boy yourself it may be little tiny Swedish boy I'm a Brian - Calum yeah you look like a nice Brian a Kalin that's an Irish girl and I and I know horrible Swedish this is an Irish guy this is clearly Irish man whoa - yes that's Irish in Jamaican no this is Irish guy so to make this is higher okay welcome to Ireland no that's no welcome to the island of Ireland man the very land come over get some fish and chips and fruit and salad no see that falafel this is Ireland salad couscous on the island of Ireland no that sounds so Jamaican is not even close to Jamaican to make an accent you want to Jimmy I'm Jamaican I'm a big black Jamaican guy everyone knows I'm Jamaican best Jamaican super Australian you're so bad with dialects you don't know I don't I studied in college dude I did dialectical research that was one of my focuses what was your what was your major in college journalism and English journaling journalism major English focus and I had a dialectic subset I did two and a half years of learning dialects around the world came but name a place and I can do it Maori Maori you want Maori yeah okay welcome to diesel no body iya iya puddin or mommy me a whole yuan daughter sheep and you didn't understand the language because I was also knowing okay okay Russian Russian Russians probably probably one of my favorites to be honest with you Russian is easy Russian goes don't you want to eat you want to eat first or do you want to go on your separate ways because dinner is Miette okay now I have to that's now it looks I don't take this the wrong way but that does sound a little bit French well you you're going you want me I got here some more big day okay take it easy barking I hear these and don't make it okay don't make it can I hear it Joplin is easy Japanese is probably one of my favorite wants to do I have to get prepped for it ready yeah did you mind right who I dunno you know how to do this with me I wanna dance on your lap and maybe shake em up ooh supposed to stop here because it's so good did you just get transformed like you were back in Tokyo Japan I'm so [ __ ] Spanish you guys are so wrong I maybe I am I'm telling you you're wrong I went to a [ __ ] school for dialectical research okay maybe we're off I don't maybe my go to college I did go did you go to college or did what college I went to American University in DC DC yeah that's a really good school I know it is what did you do what was your major history economics in history then it was history yeah economics and history well it was economics and I switched over to hist when was the war of 1812 that's a good question in the 1800s sometimes that is a good school what did you go shout here you see Colorado Boulder don't ask anything Rachel came you know what sports hooked up with a girl there left a watch there hooked up with hooked up with a to when I was in college when Harvard fun and world dude had myself a nice delicious big piece of to we're on the heavy heavy heavy bound her I mean she wasn't hard to find hooked up with her left my watch there nice wise fossil pet poor kid bad watch never had a nice stop fossil you didn't grow up with money no money had no money I've made all my own money Wow left watch there good cut and I needed it that's how bad when it went over to the two's house the next day embarrassed you know what you have to do watch walk of shame I had to kiss her again and do all that stuff but do you were glad you get your watch that I needed that elegance you because that that better watch in today like if I left this nice watch leave it do you think about I got money now think about money do I think about it do you think what is yeah what part of your brain none I don't think about it you know I don't know what because you've had no money so you're not afraid of not having money yeah it's fine because some people are afraid I'm not afraid I'm not afraid because I know that I'm gonna keep climbing in this business and keep working hard to do well because if I don't and if it fails okay I'll just go back home and just go do some [ __ ] but I no it won't happen yeah cuz you know why why to hella good too good okay man don't be what do you think I agree with him there what are you doing what are you doing dude you give us money what is that what are those 20s a bunch of hundreds oh but you know what so funny so off-putting I have a tongue I have a ton of them and hey and sometimes so just for I don't know you know I have I got him and then sometimes I'll go around town get my way no I'll bury him just as like a gift for someone if I be fine that's good man yeah so your charity thing yeah yeah all right sometimes I'll Drive I'll Drive in my super fast car and I'll Drive by like a skid row downtown and I'll stop and I'll go do who wants one of these 100 I'll go yeah they'll freak out you know yeah yeah and I eat it because sometimes I wipe my ass with hundreds yeah and I put in a ziplock like a bunch of a bag of poo hundreds and then I go and I go to old to like a like old old homeless people like sad yeah you know yeah ice em soup you know and I smack them in the [ __ ] face with a poo hunters and that's it and I take it back you take it back wipe a while on them I think did I go you know what I want it yeah and I keep actually Peppa Titus you get hepatitis for Christmas and you and I get my hundred back so mine's just Ginsu chin was the last time someone maybe it was traffic maybe you were at a restaurant what's the last time someone did something racist racist towards you racist that hurt your feelings or you're like God I remember a ton when I was younger but not in a long time what was it when you were young what was the moment God they just point on my face I have tiny I just small eyes they said pen and face that's a tough one here like classic Korean yeah pan face I don't think I've ever heard that do you have it you've heard that I've never heard of hands I've heard of that but yeah my own faith Spanish beard is you get us go through the kitchen cabinet dude I'm telling you where I come from the skillet head I heard one kids go [ __ ] off fork face kids you just make up mean things eat butter knife I couldn't I heard so many [ __ ] annoying fire-crotch Oh peas and a fire crotch Opie I had a pepperoni head because I also had pimples it was worse it was like a pimple redheaded kid I mean that's why I says I you know what about big red big red it's kind of endearing I call myself red big red the chewing gum though you know do you know one call you hot sauce hot sauce is cool too I don't mind any that stuff odd being made me hot sauce hot sauce hot sauce hot sauce the results coming in you know Here Come hot sauce nope it was always older kids that thought it was funny to make fun of me in front of chicks no he's always I was actually in front of dudes that's because chicks you still have sympathy their whole lives men don't get sympathy but like girls even they're young and they see someone being mean to say I don't like it they're like that's mean it's not a way to win over no chicks don't like dudes or [ __ ] to make other dudes laugh correct the dude that said yeah exactly it's like the wacom say we but like if I walk in with [ __ ] leopard pants on I'm gonna get rose gonna get lickin the [ __ ] let's do a we bought but that's because we're friends but when people are being like racist like when someone said that to chin when somebody said pan face he's trying to make somebody else laugh by being mean to him correct and not Accord we never cuz of a girl no never never a girl with Joe would never go oh that guy that picks on everybody is so cute ooh did you hear Jeremy called the Asian Panthers I'm gonna suck I love that god never happened not ever bully but that was it was a fire crotch or or or or Opie oh it was actually Opie you know Opie Taylor yeah Ron Howard maybe that was actually um he was killing it that was at me at elementary school that was always the older black kids would say that to me but it was it was a term of endearment so like it didn't hurt my feelings but it didn't know me yeah youko hey what's up Opie here come out because like older black dudes would always do that that's very cool I will stop Opie yeah but they're mocking me yeah but also you're Opie but it's cool that the black guys notice right yeah in Durban you come to Opie what's so pan face what else chin that's not tits not good shabbos gonna have a made a sound by collection of every racist thing he said on here on this episode let me super got it if we filled Brian Collins chair with the Red Rock that's right that's alright the red rocket tour is coming in 2020 come on what's up bro what's up baby y'all shows what's up baby don't trying to do it and then we got to me when the greatest comedians alive right now hey Andrew Schultz we play thank you very all the way from New York man yeah you know I didn't know that that uh Santino and Cowan had like a friendly beef mm-hmm it's hilarious it's not friendly anymore apparently not you know we were on stage at our show the other day at the store in the main room yeah yeah Santini you know Santino is a passionate fiery guy the most fun someone who just goes so how do you really feel about kaolin he says that the Santino and insane to you know just sort of ripping like what bro he's like going is like his material as days look like I let me take the microphone away I go for two people here lighting them up I feel like you're that way with everybody except me really except for you yeah but I but I do that with Kalin because I just his little cocky attitude he's got to way too much attitude when he comes in the greenroom he's got way too much attitude he prances around like he owns the place I don't like it he views his money a lot like the Lea flashes money yeah but it's different because it's fun yeah Kalin does it and it makes me so [ __ ] mad dude I want to choke him out and kill him as little skinny neck I'm back to thinking this is real yeah I think the things he was saying weren't like it's personal oh yeah it was really it was like his hair Stan you like why would you even mention [Laughter] it's too busy too busy yeah oh I got a you know what I can come for 20 I have a lunch I gotta go to a thing that's it everybody everybody here is on their way somewhere they don't have time to stop yeah this is this is a transient city people moving yeah it's the one my one gripe about Los Angeles zero community nobody gets together and has like you know you know your neighbors I actually do only because if you if you didn't have to do when you didn't have kids you drivers correct sir never occur without children you don't know anyone who are you raised by [ __ ] werewolf yeah I know my neighbors when I was single I know my neighbors now yeah Gavriel well but I know them well I read well enough as me with neighbors first and last name the name is large Indian family that's how you refer to these people that is offensive that is so rude in this climate large Indian is large Indian friend his name is Dan the Indian they're moving out next week now the guy next to me is literally a hundred years old

Channel: YINYANG MONKEY

Views: 567,116

Keywords: andrew santino, cheeto santino, andrew santino funniest, andrew santino podcast, andrew santino joey diaz, andrew santino the fighter and the kid, bryan callen, brendan schaub, comedy podcast, yinyangmonkey, the fighter and the kid

Id: _hRV5U7YhP0

Length: 33min 9sec (1989 seconds)

Published: Wed Jan 08 2020