Am I in the wrong for emailing everyone rules to visit my newborn? - (r/AITA)

our /mi be a whole miv a whole for sending an email out with guidelines on visiting our newborn three days ago my wife and I had our first baby boy yes neither of our families are super clear on the whole boundaries deal when it comes to newborns my parents are very old-fashioned and think that letting your kid eat dirt is better than any vaccine and my wife's just have a tendency to be very me me me we held off on visits for the first day I'm a very anxious new parent so when we decided that we'd have people come and meet our son I sent an email out to everyone who said they wanted to come visit I asked that nobody sick come to visit and no children under 18 since schools are a breeding ground for viruses as well because my mother is a heavy perfume user I made a general note asking everyone to either go with light or no fragrance there were some other things I threw in asking people to let me know what time they'd like to come keep it between 95 stay for an hour or less no gift since it'll be a hassle to bring home and try to keep visits two three four people at a time I felt a little overbearing but my wife read it over and said it sounded fine of course I get a few snippy replies Bakula do you need the last four of my social too but most people texted me to let me know when they'd come around safe from my parents and my in-laws my parents show up at about noon while my aunt is already there with her husband and their two adult children I asked my parents to wait outside for a bit so they can finish up their visit without overwhelming my wife and I but my aunt is polite and decides to cut her time short without asking my mother takes the baby and under swaddle my parents are mostly pleasant an hour later my parents are still there and my in-laws show up their grandson in tow my wife tells them that they can't bring him in their grandson starts to cry and my mill starts to scold us for forbidding children so my father pipes up saying that we're being too coddling then my mother starts up and tells us that we've been very rude and cold and says that his grandma it's her right to visit the baby when she please ISM she shouldn't have to RSVP to her grandson's birth she calls me impolite for sending out a demanding email like I did and insists that if I regulate my son as strictly as I did his visitings he'll grow up resenting my wife and I we told them to go and my mother told me she raised me too well to help me be so rude to my own family my mill said that if my wife didn't crack down on me they'd never be visiting again my wife has changed her tune about the whole thing and thinks I was being too competent I really don't think I was that wrong in exercising my boundaries and I think that then not listening as proof it was needed mi v.a whole for sending an email out with guidelines on visiting our newborn too long didn't read I sent an email with guidelines to visit our newborn my parents and in-laws got upset over it mi v.a whole NTA your kid your rules you and your wife need to have a serious conversation about expectations in dealing with family and how best to project a united front while dealing with them NTA most of this is pretty common sense who stays for a long catch up when brand-new recovering mom and baby are still in hospital which I gather they are based on your post unfortunately refusing to respect boundaries and having a sense of entitlement over the newborn doesn't bode well for your future privacy and your wife's recovery please stand your ground you need to do what is best for you your wife and your new babe period ETA Congrats on your son NTA boundaries you will need to have a heart-to-heart with your wife and establish boundaries it sounds like you were on the same page but she changed for her mind it's so important to make boundaries very clear with family members who don't think the rules should do apply to them I know your wife just gave birth and you just want to do right by her talk to her listen to her come together and decide what the rules guidelines expectations and boundaries are for your family there will be pushback that's fine there will be grumbling and beaching and guilting that is just something to work part your baby your family your rules establish boundaries now so that as your child grows it will make it easier for your extended family to follow congratulations hope it all works out everyone sucks here because you are the parent and they should respect your rules but an email with guidelines seems a little extra NT a while I personally think you were doing way too much it's your baby I'm having a baby soon and my husband and I have already talked about boundaries we plan to set with all sets of parents he has a lot because of divorces and whatnot the only people that have rights to your baby as you I would not put up with their comments for a minute NTA I sent out an ultimatum after every birth of each of my six children no sick people vaccinated for flu / pertussis and a few other minor things my wife agreed I'm sorry you have just no family and in-laws there are subreddits for just now go check them out also look at ray said bayless assists the only statement that seems if he is the know kids one if you will ever have another kid you'll be breaking your own rule the rest beautiful examples of healthy boundaries and removing the swaddle yep that can be a great way to have a screaming baby your wife may be in what they call fog fear obligation guilt I may be overreacting but your story seems to support your and wife's parents boundary stomping and ignoring your wishes for your family please read some of the posts on the justness of reddit's see if any of them seem accurate for your family or your wife's everyone sucks here as a parent and a grandparent I see where you are coming from but also where they are coming from yes you have the right to decide who can be around your family and when you also don't want to alienate those that love you in the process especially not the ones that you may be reliant upon for advice or child care needs in the future understand please that having a grandchild is way more joyful than even having your own child all of the fun with no stress and responsibilities so limiting their time with the baby is kind of making you tea here your parents and laws are teiephone not humoring your wishes at least while everyone is still in the hospital recovering they could have at least allowed you to enjoy your new family in private for a few days before trying to have your sanctions lifted don't blame your wife if she is wishy-washy right now her hormones are all over the place she is probably sleep-deprived she is definitely still at more pain and she is going to admit her mind and her body will never be the same again and she needs time to adjust to her new normal congratulations on your baby and lighten up by plenty of hand soap and sanitizer even ask family to wear masks if you like no joke I made my brother-in-law wear surgical gloves because I just didn't trust his hand-washing skills but less your family get to know and bond with your child to NTA boundaries are good your house and child your rules I'm sure your parents and in-laws have used the under our roof rule once or twice now it's your turn am I the a-hole from not inviting my vegan friend to my birthday dinner tomorrow is my 25th birthday and my close group of friends and I have decided to celebrate at a pretty high-end Steakhouse there are six people in our in a circle and we all pretty much consider one another brothers now one of them became a vegan last year which we were all extremely supported off we tried his vegan dishes and heard him out for his reasoning for switching his diet no problem however recently he's become much more blatant and semi obnoxious about his insistence that we all adopt his vegan lifestyle I'm assuming this as a result of the increased conversation about environmental issues and climate change you lecture us anytime he sees us eating meat and we'll even go as far as to make gag noises when we go to take a bite it went from being light-hearted in nature to being extremely condescending and passive-aggressively Road so as a result our friend group came to the conclusion it would be best for him not to attend my dinner since it will be at an expensive steak house and his options for what he can eat will be limited anyways and on a the last thing I want is to be lectured on my birthday when we're splurging on $50 steaks it just ruins the vibe my vegan friend ders found out and is extremely upset about his non invitation however he's also upset about our choice of venue and accused me of being purposefully exclusionary and told me I should have picked a restaurant that we all could have enjoyed on my birthday I pointed out that we all went to a vegan restaurant for his birthday this year and while none of us particularly cared for the food no one complained I haven't gotten a response NTA on either account it's your birthday you get to choose a nice Steakhouse is a great way to celebrate as for not inviting him if he wasn't obnoxious about his veget ISM I am sure you would have invited him he could have had a salad sides whatever it's his pushiness about being vegan that led to his exclusion totally agree but what I will say is that the better way for Opie to handle this would probably be to just talk to his friend I feel like there's a lot of posts on this sub that could honestly be solved by just having a simple conversation and this seems like one of them I understand that it isn't always easy to tell a close friend that something they're doing isn't cool but this is a situation where it's warranted Opie could have sat down with his friend and basically told him look we all love you and were totally cool with your dietary choices but the way you've been acting trying to convince us to stop eating meat or mocking us whenever we do have gotten exhausting we respect your dietary choices and only ask that you'd give us that same courtesy that being said I'm planning to have a birthday dinner at a steak house this year with all of us if you would prefer not to come because of the location I totally understand but if you do want to come I just ask that you be respectful towards everybody else who came out to have a good time and don't want to be lectured if the friend still acts this way at least Opie can say he did everything he could to make his friend comfortable okay Opie is not the a-hole as is in any way but there was a way to handle this situation better in general even if your reasons are just inviting a group of friends to something and not telling one person always backfires they almost always find out about it one way or another then get upset at least this way if a friend chose not to go it would be his choice and he probably wouldn't feel as excluded mt8 both the worst part is making a gak noise when you eat meat around him that would make me stop being around him in the future let alone a birthday dinner it's rude and disgusting and if one of my friends did that they would get a slap of the whole group would call him out on being disgusting secondly it's your birthday and your choice I would have said you're an a-hole for not inviting him if he hadn't been condescending and all-around dong about you eating meat maybe say he's welcome to come as long as he doesn't start complaining about the food and making horrid noises as you eat em ta I'm vegan for reference your birthday your choice I've been filled inners at steak houses and just had sides I've made this dart my choice so I have to deal with the consequences that not everywhere has lots of options it's a choice to do this it's not like you're excluding someone who has medical reasons or analogy most places have at least a few sides the obnoxious condescending crap annoys me to people like your friend are why people think vegans are douches he needs to grow up and stop forcing his opinions on others my policy is only discussed my dietary choice when asked till when it's relevant someone is offering me food or in a discussion like this tell him to NTA but real adults communicate you shouldn't be afraid to tell your friend that he isn't invited specifically because of his behavior there's nothing worse than being left out and not knowing why if he's really your friend you'd be honest with him because he will never consider changing his behavior if he doesn't know why you guys are being mean to him mean in his eyes it really ducking sucks to be left out by your best friends and not know why also NTA for picking what you want for your birthday dinner I just think this was a childish situation and you could have avoided it by just being with this person who you claim is your friend NTA you can pick any restaurant you want to eat at whenever you want especially on your birthday if your friend wasn't such a duck in a hole about his new lifestyle you would have invited them if they want to play the victim of their own actions let them not your problem I pointed out that we all went to a vegan restaurant for his birthday this year and while none of us particularly cared for the food no one complained I haven't gotten a response this is all the logic you need right here in a nutshell tell him you are sorry but with his loud complaints concerning your meat eating a steak house is not a place for him offer that if he can keep his petty vegan attitude about meat eating to himself and be a decent person in public as you all presumably were to him during his vegan birthday you will invite him if not stay home NTA NTA your birthday and he's being a major ask to you guys what is it with people always expecting the birthday person to go to where they want no NTA your birthday your choice and absolutely your right not to have someone potentially spoil the experience by the moanin your food choices or deliberately making gagging noises while you eat that's way more disrespectful than what your friend perceives as a slight against him by your choice of restaurant I'm a vegetarian and will tell you that you are absolutely NT a I tease your birthday you eat what you want you are under no obligation to cater to his desires had a history of being okay with other people living the way they want to and him living this way simply leading by example not through a lecture I'd say it would have been wrong to exclude him but he didn't he has a history of being at Kashia your point about the accommodation on his birthday for eating at a vegan place is telling and quite frankly I'd consider not even having this type of person as a friend n ta you would have been the RFU excluded him just because he was vegan which I expected from the title and I was ready to pass judgment but you excluded him because he behaves terribly every time you eat together nobody has to put up with lectures and gag noises while they are eating especially not on their birthday flow you made it to the end you're ducking beasts I'll cut you a deal smash like and subscribe for more curated content might it's free and that's a great price

Channel: Sir Reddit

Views: 61,508

Rating: 4.900568 out of 5

Keywords: tags.

Id: bOc3iuH9vwE

Length: 15min 30sec (930 seconds)

Published: Sun Nov 24 2019