I asked my sister to give birth to my child - (r/AITA)

ah / mi v.a hole mi v.a hole for asking my husband's sister to consider being a surrogate for us my husband and I have been trying for pregnancy for years now and to cut a long story short it seems as though it will never be a possibility it took a long time to come to terms with but we've gradually got there our entire family is aware of the journey we've been on and how much it meant to us with that in mind my husband and I came to his sister Sarah with a proposal Sarah's in her early 30s unmarried and vocally against having children of her own despite this we thought she might be open to the idea of a surrogate pregnancy on our behalf given she would not have to be involved in raising the child's personally my husband is extremely close to his family and the idea of the entire process of surrogacy being contained to his blood felt extremely important to him with that closeness in mind we did not feel it was out of order to ask this sort of question we invited Sarah over for dinner and at the end of it laid out our request we told how we had been saving over the years and would be willing to pay her as much as a regular surrogate would be paid a pretty hefty fee so she would be able to take time off from work if it was required help her out with everything she needed plus we had no expectations that she must help raise the child just because she carried it we told her why it was important to us and how much it had mean and asked her to have an open mind about it Sarah exploded at us she said we were both out of our minds for making such a request extremely selfish and that we had no respect for her disinterest in children she actually left early right now she's refusing to take calls from us and even went as far as to ask my husband's parents to tell us to both not contact her until she decides to initiate it herself my husband's parents are sympathetic to us but say that we should have kept in mind Sarah's difficulties my parents think she is behaving awfully most of my friends are on my side but a few have said that it was a bit of a rude request given everyone knows how much Sarah hates kids it's really weighing on my mind and I honestly never expected this kind of outcome she literally blocked us on every platform she could are we really the ones behaving like an a-hole hitter you knew she's vocally against having children of her own but you approached her anyway without first finding out how far that extends that you had to prep her lavishly for the ask suggests you knew you were asking for something out-of-bounds your language suggests he'll barely respect her why were you even talking about this with her and your husband's parents and with your parents and now you've damaged her relationship with others who shouldn't be involved namely your parents wait until she comes to you and when she does apologize sincerely and profusely for not respecting her itter one of the things that baffle me here is the most people are on my side comment on upside how expecting Sarah to just pop up a baby because she was asked why ROP and her husband so bent upon Sarah being the surrogate mother why is ope going to everyone she knows bad-mouthing Sarah Opie is a unique type of a-hole this would be bad with someone who is not child free but going after someone who is vocally against having children is a special type of a hole and then shaming Sarah to anyone who would listen including this post because this is an attempt at hearing more people tell Opie how wrong Surratt's hitter the lengths people go for children when nature says over and over it's not in the cards for them we'll never cease to astound me your sister-in-law was clearly anti children and you asked her to perform the most difficult phase of having children for your own child I get that you can't get pregnant yourself but can you at least think about the emotional toll there would be to get pregnant with your brother's child carry it to term go through birth and then no matter if your feelings change and transform the child you carried is then taken from you to be raised by your brother and sister-in-law how can you not understand the weight of what you are asking oh but it means so much to your husband to have a blood relative carry it what the actual dark if you have the money for a surrogate then hire a surrogate do you know what a surrogate is a professional child in Q beta who has chosen that profession so people like you can try for a child at all costs despite me thinking you are incredibly selfish for trying to force a child genetically no matter there are so many unwanted children in the world I do believe you have a right to ask her however that doesn't mean she doesn't have the right to be offended grossed out and angry that you would even ask I understand that you are desperate for a child created from your and your husband's genetics and are probably blinded by your desire but holy [ __ ] edit I'm quite fired up about this and I keep thinking of things I hope this truly is a [ __ ] post what if she miscarries what if there's a developmental defect and you and your husband wanted abort first of all unless you did all of this legally you could potentially be forcing her down a difficult road you don't know if the problem is your eggs and your husband's sperm how many miscarriages could she suffer his own sister how would you handle it if you wanted to abort thinking about how fired up and in shock I am and I'm a perfect stranger the more I understand the magnitude of Sarah's reaction ducking insane all of this is exactly why I think this must be a [ __ ] post you wish some people aren't capable of thinking about others feelings just look what exactly Opie wrote we want children it's difficult for us important for my husband so we thought it's okay miv a hole for telling the girl who kissed my boyfriend for a play that she is desperate and pathetic i 19f study drama at uni and my boyfriend is on the same course my boyfriend is a really good-looking guy but he doesn't seem to know it he gets a lot of attention from girls and for the most part doesn't seem to get that they're flirting with him I'm not generally annoyed by this and never really say anything however there's one girl in our class let's call her Victoria who is obsessed with my boyfriend she goes out of her way to be paired with him in group activities for example if the professor picks groups by numbering us one two three she will move herself to be in the same number as him and she recently stepped down from a main role in a play were doing so she could be in a more minor one simply because this character has a romance with my boyfriend I know this is the case because I've heard her say to her friends that she thinks he's hot and whatnot I've never said anything to her about it because she seems pretty insecure always complaining about how she thinks she's ugly and I don't see it as a big deal because my boyfriend doesn't care however we recently performed the play and had a small after-party where she got slightly drunk and was bragging about how she definitely felt something when they kissed in the play and she's going to ask him if he felt the same I rolled my eyes and again ignored it until she actually went up to my boyfriend she was a little bit drunk and when she went up to him I was there too Victoria started saying that she knows he must have felt a spark he's a really good kisser etc I snapped and sort of shouted at her that you sound incredibly desperate going after somebody else's boyfriend you're pathetic if you think a stage kiss means you should be together she looked super embarrassed and walked away and I later heard she'd gone home crying I feel like a dong because she's obviously insecure and whatnot and her friends haven't stopped calling me a beach since mi v.a hole edit she 100% knows that I am his girlfriend I have heard her talking about me being his girlfriend before NTA she took it way too far approaching him about it was out of line she learned an important lesson I feel like this is the rare case where Opie was an a-hole but was perfectly justified there would have been a much nicer way to say it to Victoria that in theory Opie could have said but honestly who would expect that in such a situation Opie reacted like a jerk in a situation where it was called for and ultimately Victoria will hopefully be a lot better for it because being delusional wasn't helping her at all I don't think it's so much as a rare case as this sub expects people to have Jesus Christ levels of forgiveness and turning the other cheek pretty much any response will get you some it a bit understandable answers not responding to a-holes can lead to people being doormats which is something mo this sub struggles with a-holes often not interested in calm rational discussions and sometimes you've got it call an a-hole out to make a point as is the case here at case in point the fourth response at this time is ich because you could have responded better duck that noise if someone comes in with the disrespect blasting like this you should feel justified in putting a beach in her place play stupid games win stupid prizes and goddamn is hitting a dude in front of his GF playing a stupid game edit 3 the idiom is case in point and the idiom turning the other cheek comes from Roman times and indicated you saw the other person as an equal and slapped them open pumped as opposed to back handing someone you saw as lesser some fun facts from this thread for your Friday enjoy the weekend seriously this girl was opening discussing trying to steal apps boyfriend away from her duck responding better NTA she's been trying to get at your boyfriend for a while and you maturely didn't engage because it was clear that she didn't have a chance she literally came up to him when you were right next to him and tried to have a conversation about feelings that's ridiculous and you would try and be nice at first but I don't think you had to be after that happened thinking that a stage kiss meant something with someone else's boyfriend is pathetic seemed like she wasn't going to stop until she heard that am I the a-hole for calling the police on my kid daughter is 16 her mom and I are divorced daughter has been caught smoking pot several times from the age of 14 her mom and I have collectively punished her several times for this the last time we caught her I started drug testing her her mom doesn't agree with it but we have caught her so many times now that I think this is the best way to prevent her from doing it I don't normally go through her room but the router for the house isn't there and I needed to reset it when I go into her room I found a mushroom cap on black paper hidden underneath her desk I look up what the hell it is and it is a spore print for magic mushrooms I go through the her room further to find an entire damn aquarium filled with mushrooms in the back of her closet obviously I am enraged so I wait for her to get back from school and I called the police she was arrested booked and released into her mother's custody her mother is pissed and saying that I may have ruined the kid's life for no reason but we have tried to correct her drug abuse several times to no avail and it has escalated she now has a court date and cannot suit of the law since she doesn't take the rules in my house seriously I doubt she'll get more than probation anyway my parents are also pissed though saying that this could have been handled inside the home and that's why I'm here I'm wondering if I overreacted and would like a more impartial judgment I am making an edit to respond to a few things this was a small 10 gallon tank I guess people are picturing something larger there were a lot of mushrooms in there though my daughter has a small walk-in closet that is honestly so messy that I don't bother to look in there too much because she has been passing her drug tests I have been cutting her slack I honestly would not have called the police if I thought that she was going to get a jail sentence at all hitter getting your child a criminal record over mushrooms is most definitely not going to help her don't rely on the criminal justice system to parent your children I think now is the best time for her to catch a case juvenile records are sealed if this happened in two more years the long-term damage would be astronomical this gives her a chance to make better choices while mitigating the consequences for her future juvie Court doesn't parent most likely there will some form of course mandated rehab or outpatient treatment since this is a first offense and any program worth a damn is going to work on family dynamics as well hitter there are so many better ways to handle this situation you could have first figured out why she had the drugs a lot of teenagers who abuse drugs have underlying issues going on that need to be addressed you didn't try to do that you could have found help with a family therapist or even a personal therapist for her that could have helped her through this time you could have sent her to rehab all of those things would have potentially helped her you did absolutely nothing but make it clear that she can't come to you if she's ever in trouble man she's gonna hate her dad so much he's going to be dismissive of her feelings of hate too but by that point she won't care anymore pretty sure this dude just ended his relationship with his daughter wonder how many years or decades or lifetimes it will take him to actually realize it mi v.a hole I have been a practicing attorney for 20 years and I try to talk people's kids out of going to law school yeah I know you assume we're all a-holes anyway I frequently get asked by people with college aged kids to talk to them about going to law school I know that the parents assume I will try to talk their kid into going to law school however no one ever phrases it that way or specifically asks me to talk them into going I typically happily agree to chat with their precocious undergraduate I never tell the parents what I am going to say to their kids then I tell those kids the truth being a lawyer is frequently a shitshow and not at all what TV or movies make it appear law school is difficult and expensive many lawyers start practicing in their mid to late 20s with over $200,000 and student loans the job itself is often both stressful and boring which is a weird emotional place to be in depending on the nature of the practice you are probably going to be dealing with tight deadlines with real consequences constantly certain kinds of practices family law being the low-hanging fruit here usually generates a lot of stress and negative emotions there are lawyers out there making over $175 K per year right out of school those people are usually working 90 plus hour work weeks it's a grind oh and law firms are typically a pyramid scheme holding out equity partnership as the karat and reward for a decade or so of trench labor a very small percentage of attorneys make it to that lofty perch the median attorney salary in the USA is around $45 K per year try to pay off $200 k in loans on that kind of pay I spoke to an acquaintance's college senior kid earlier this week for about a half hour and laid all of this out the parent then called me up to yell at me for ruining their plans for their daughter's future I told them that I agreed to talk to their kid about being a lawyer in that I never said I would try to paint a rosy picture I even pointed out that they didn't ask me to sell the idea they just asked if I would talk about it the daughter is still planning on taking the L SAT along with the grey and maybe the MCA T so am I the a-hole from not trying to talk these promising young men and women into selling their souls for an esq NT a graduated law school last May and I wish someone had talked me out of going to law school it was truly a terrible three years NTA I'm so sick of this crap from parents good on you for being honest they're trying to force their kids into a degree path they don't want and will be disappointed in I work an IT and a lot of folks try to funnel their kids to that career too without the passion you won't be successful Flo you made it to the end you're ducking beasts I'll cut you a deal smash like and subscribe for more curated content more light it's free and that's a great price

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Id: 1Ay5G4wqBxA

Length: 16min 26sec (986 seconds)

Published: Sat Nov 16 2019