AITA For Refusing To Pretend To Be A Happy Family? [Reddit Relationships Advice]

hey guys check out our new channel for more edit relationship stories relationship hunt link in description enjoy the video am i the antagonist for kicking my son and his wife out after they took my daughter's room i'm a single mom of two dale 22 and kim 15 my late husband passed away when kim was 10 it was too much because it's hard being a single mom everyone in my life has never stood by me where i'm from society tends to be harsh on single moms i always felt much stress with all the responsibilities and everyone expecting me to give up there were many times when i felt like a failure and i never want to be seen as a failure in my children's eyes i want them to look up to me learn from my experiences and learn to stand by themselves and be strong kim is the apple of my eye she went through so much i tend to be overprotective of her as they say i was with someone a police officer who was nice to me but once i noticed how poorly he treated kim i told him to leave immediately i decided to focus on kim dale and his wife are expecting he's been unemployed for months and they left their rental apartment and moved in with us temporarily however his wife started disrespecting kim's privacy walking into her room constantly taking her things and ruining them they brought boxes of baby stuff and stored them in kim's room i told her to move the boxes to the storage room but dale made excuses that the stuff might get damaged dale and his wife talked about staying for a few more months she's eight male pregnant till after the baby is a few months old his wife suggested that my daughter move into my room and they take her room and turn it into a nursery i said no it's not up for discussion dale understood but his wife didn't like it kim came to me saying dale's wife is trying to convince her to give her room to her nephew i told dale's wife firmly to stop annoying kim yesterday i came home and found dale moving kim's stuff out of her room replacing it with their babies stuff kim was in the living room waiting for me she was crying i was livid dale's wife made her a sandwich to calm her down i saw kim's room her bed was moved her fav posters her closet and graphic art some were put there by her dad i confronted them dale said it was his wife's idea and told him she'll work it out with me lattery got into an argument with her i lashed out at her after she said kim can take the storage room i told them to leave immediately they argued for an hour then left my mom and sister called me in the evening asking how i could kick my own son out and told me to let them move back in i refused and now they are calling me bad mom saying i'm playing favorites gail's wife talked about putting the nursery together and taking pictures of it to share on an fb page for everyone to see that's what dale told me which made me feel upset to be honest nta if your mom and your sister feel you were wrong then maybe they can open up their home to dale and his wife what about wife's family maybe they can open their home up to them you are and are protecting your child kim this isn't the first time they call me a bad mom soon as my late husband passed away my own family criticized me and put a lot if pressure on me my daughter is my prio it's my duty as her only parent to protect her this isn't the first time they call me a bad mom soon as my late husband passed away my own family criticized me and put a lot if pressure on me this shows you that you should not listen to your mom and sister at all the same people who were attacking you when you were newly widowed are the same people attacking you for being a mama bear and protecting your underage daughter ignore your mum and sister put boundaries between you and them definitely sounds like it's time to use the block functions for them block emails messages numbers they can have a timeout and think about what they've done [Music] nta full stop no question your adult son and his wife bullied a teenage girl and completely disregarded your authority you had far more patience with either of them than i likely would have had after the wife began intruding on kim's privacy and trying to push her out of her room your son is an adult and so is his wife they've had months to comfortably try to look for a new home man for dale new work instead they've been trying to take over and shirk their responsibilities as adults and soon to be parents you cannot take them back in that will never work out and will send the message to your daughter that you don't care about what they've been doing to her as for your other family trying to berate you for this decision tell them if they are so concerned about your son and his wife they can take the two in and care for them plus baby otherwise ignore them and focus on raising your daughter edited cost typo all of this i'm so angry at that lady thinking she can start making huge decisions like that in a home that isn't hers after she's been told no and to make a sandwich to karma teenage girl down what the actual f she is an awful person it makes me so angry too what complete and utter malicious are that woman is also imagine how entitled she's gonna raise her child to be best to set limits now before it's move out of your house so my child can have a playroom apostrophe nta your deal is a piece of work and has no respect for boundaries she has kicked your daughter out of her own room even after you've told her multiple times not to you were kind enough to put a roof over her and your son's heads even though you didn't have to and they kept demanding more and more if they want more space they might as well find their own place kim lives there and is entitled to her own space especially after all she's been through if your deal is this entitled now when the kid isn't even born i can only imagine what she's going to be like once she's given birth she'll disrespect even more boundaries and probably expect you and your daughter to look after the baby am i the antagonist for not wanting my strict parents near my daughter i f-35 was raised by very strict almost abusive parents they'd yell at me for the smallest stuff and sometimes even for stuff i didn't even do simply because they were angry they didn't beat me but just the yelling was enough to [ __ ] up with my mental health their behavior really gave me a lot of problems as i grew up i felt the need to be the one to break this cycle of abuse i promised myself that if i ever had children i'd make sure to raise them differently not wanting them to keep the cycle going years later i had a daughter f8 when she was born i kept my promise i raised her with the respect and care i wish i received from my parents and thankfully my husband always supported me i always made sure she felt safe to tell me anything she's very polite and well behaved and i can clearly see that it isn't out of fear like it used to be with me it makes me so happy and proud to see that i really managed to break the cycle my husband works all day so when my daughter isn't at school and i have somewhere to go i leave her with my parents ever since she was born i always made it clear that i didn't want them to treat her like they used to treat me they seemed to understand and to be willing to change so i decided to give them a chance three days ago my daughter spent the afternoon with them while i went to a medical appointment when i came back to pick her up what i saw made me flinch my mom f63 was yelling at her for no reason at all she was extremely quiet the whole time my mom yelled like i used to do i didn't say anything just picked her up and left when i entered the car with her she started crying i tried to comfort me before i started driving home and asked her what exactly happened she said she loved her grandparents but they'd often get angry and start being rude to her for no reason even though she was always gentle with them and to make it worse i asked her why she had never told me about it and she said my parents told her not to they were basically doing to her exactly what they used to do to me when we got home i explained to my husband the whole situation and he got just as angry as me we decided to call my mom later after i put my daughter to sleep i asked her why she did exactly what i told her not to and her answer was again exactly what she used to say to me i just am like that and then the worst thing i ever heard her say if i don't yell she won't learn that's just real life so i made a decision i said i didn't want an or my dad near my daughter at least until they started changing their behavior she said i couldn't keep them from seeing her but i said i was just trying to protect her from having her mental health [ __ ] up by them like i had then i hung up part of me says i did the right thing but i can't stop thinking that maybe i was too harsh i was just trying to protect my daughter am i the antagonist nta they need to be out of her life what are the grandparents rights like where you live just to add you need to have a serious talk to your daughter about any adult telling them not to tell on them if an adult says don't tell mom about this or this is our little secret or anything similar she needs to know to immediately tell you or your husband secrets between adults and children aren't okay and her thinking they are puts her at risk also not the a-hole they're abusive not almost abusive abusive they actively went against your wishes as the parent abused your daughter and further put your daughter at risk by telling her not to tell you they knew damn well they were in the wrong or they wouldn't have tried to hide it supervised visitation only if you're extremely generous personally i'd cut contact completely their behavior is deplorable they're abusive not almost abusive abusive this is what i said aloud after reading just the first sentence here what they are doing is called misdirected rage and it's so exceptionally harmful that it typically gets its own full chapter in books about verbal slash mental abuse op you feel traumatized because you and now your daughter have been research has shown that being at the receiving end of misdirected rage produces the exact same brain activity as when we get it over the head with a blunt object moms this is just how i am is her telling you that she will never not be abusive she will never stop traumatizing you both in this way cut contact and do not ever leave your child alone with them again do you have a particular source on the effects of misdirected rage on children i suffered from this my entire childhood and would be very interested in reading any paper or book that touches upon it i'm so sorry you experienced that i first encountered this research in the works of patricia evans sources cited there i'm sorry i can't be more specific but i've seen very little discussion of it online and got the books from the library her writing is somewhat gender-slanted but still some valuable insights i said i didn't want an or my dad near my daughter at least until they started changing their behavior said in a gentle tone so you'll still let your parents see your daughter in the future if they show you they've changed what's it going to take for you to realize your mum will never change your mum told you that's just who she is in other words she won't change she didn't apologize or show remorse and on top of that they got your daughter to lie to you your mum will just pretend to change and do it again nta for protecting your daughter but you're a little naive for trusting that your parents had changed just because they told you they wouldn't yell in six years didn't it ever occur to you to ask your daughter how your parents treated her especially since you knew they are abusive please don't waver and give your parents unsupervised access to your daughter not even if your daughter asks for it i grew up with a monster for a month so if i sound too judgmental i don't mean to be i know it may be painful to hear but this post is accurate your parents don't seem to have any remorse for the way they treated you growing up why are they going to be any different now it sounds like if given the opportunity they will just try to manipulate your daughter into lying to you ash the parents for obvious reasons and you four i said i didn't want an or my dad near my daughter at least until they started changing their behavior why would you ever consider allowing your daughter to be in the same room as these people under any circumstances how much more harm do you want to let them cause her they aren't almost abusive they are abusive and the fact that they told her not to say anything to you means that they are knowingly abusive am i the antagonist for refusing to pretend to be a happy family i 15 f and my brother 13 male are really close our parents split up four years ago and it's been kind of hell armor met a guy jay who has three kids and it progressed pretty fast they moved in with us six months ago yes in the middle of a pandemic despite my brother being immune compromised our dad is trying to use this as leverage to get custody but it's going slow anyway his kids are kind of awful we had to fight tooth and mail not to be put in a room with them me with his daughter and my brother with his two sons thankfully jay decided my brother was too unpredictable and didn't want him sharing a room with his precious boys my brother and i now share my room all three of them 16 meters 12f plus 9 male are brats they will throw themselves on the floor with tantrums when they don't get their own way we hate them they hate us no hard feelings honestly this would all be fine if we could just go love with our dad recently they've been trying to push the perfect family dynamic and my brother and i have not made i easy for them every time my stepdad mentions having two daughters i will loudly say no you're not my [ __ ] dad which generally pisses them off my brother has started doing it also occasionally my mom will mention my sister at which point i completely ignore her because i don't have a sister it's causing a huge rift and my mom is fighting with jay a lot more over us i don't think i'm really in the wrong i have one brother and jay is not my dad my dad thinks we should tone it down but i don't see the point my mom isn't gonna let him have custody and she kind of seems at a breaking point with us she'll either give us up or do something that could be used as evidence against her [Music] nta they can't force you to be happy family as you clearly are not and i do understand why you won't keep going like that my mom isn't gonna let him have custody and she kind of seems at her breaking point with us she'll either give us up or do something that could be used as evidence against her but as far as i understand you can give a statement where you can state that you would prefer to go live with your dad and the reasons so till then you don't have to play nice but maybe try not to make life harder for the two of you during the romantic time we have but because our dad is on the poorer side he is never granted custody it sucks and i hope we can be put with him soon your mom has seven people living in a three-bedroom house your dad's financial status shouldn't really be an issue unless he is incapable of providing basic food and shelter he should also be able to collect child support from your mom he's living in a two-bed flat apartment but has stated he will sleep on the couch which is better than what our mom is doing if you and your brother are already sharing a room why would the courts be upset about you sharing a room in a house of three as opposed to seven can't you tell them the noise and tantrums and inhibiting your sleep and studying nta for not wanting to play happy family jay and his family were your mother's choice not yours you can't force yourself to feel something that you just don't however your father may be right about toning it down for now maybe drop the profanity otherwise you're fine that's fair i'm just commenting here because i also have divorced parents and if you are in the u.s and depending on your state you and your brother are old enough to tell the quarter you want to live with i think this might be the best course of action and you and your brother are not the a-hole thank you for the award and up your dad's divorce lawyer can talk you through this process if it's what you want i did this when i was 16 i was done with the toxic behavior and told my dad i wasn't going to visit him that weekend and i never went back it's been nine years and i don't regret it i also did this at 14 it's such a relief to know you're not going to an unsafe environment nta in not wanting to be forced into a family dynamic that you don't want to be part of i do agree with your dad that you need to tone it down you are still young to be developing this resentment slash anger and i'm sure your dad is just looking out for you by saying it to tone it down i know he is but it feels like i'm letting them win you know am i the antagonist for being unsympathetic to my mother and telling her she made her own bed throw away because this is messy and i have personal slash professional info on my main so some background i'm the middle of three siblings i have an older sister emma and a younger brother sam fake names our father died when sam was a baby and our mum remarried very quickly in hindsight so quickly emma and i now suspect she was seeing the new guy before dad passed tbh stepword not a great dude don't get me wrong there are worse people out there but he isn't a nice man doesn't like kids much and made it known to us for some reason he particularly took issue with sam my working theory is that it's because sam looks most like dad and step it is a type of dude who doesn't like being reminded his wife had a life before him [ __ ] got really bad between sam and steph that after emma and i had both moved out which resulted in sam lashing out a bit it really wasn't oh my god this kid is out of control stuff he mostly started getting in trouble for being cheeky to teachers and he once got brought home in a police car bc he and his friends were drinking in the park though he didn't get charged or even cautioned however mum and step that decided this warranted not wanting him under their roof anymore and kicked him out literally the day after his 18 th birthday he lived with me for a while then emma who is an estate agent helped him get his own place sorted though sam made it plain he no longer wanted a relationship with stepford he tried to reach out to mum several times for a while but was always met with hostility or radio silence and he gave up they now haven't spoken in five years cut to now and the problem stepped had passed away in november and it was hard on mum which i understand and sympathize with however she took his death as an opportunity to reach out to sam again he basically told her that she had her chance to salvage their relationship and she chose not to take it so he's no longer interested in having one with her obviously she was upset by this and she reached out to me to see if i could talk him round i kinda awkwardly told her sorry but no he's right he put effort in years ago and you ignored it you've made your own bed on this one she got upset and started crying i guess she went to emma next cause she asked me what was going on when i explained she said she saw where i was coming from but i was tehran sam was being pretty stubborn idk i feel bad for making my mum cry and i understand kicking sam out was maybe my stepdad's influence but i was just trying to be honest was i the [ __ ] in the process added apparently i have to include the word [ __ ] for this conflict to be valid so yeah mum and emma thought i was being an [ __ ] when they called me harsh and sam stubborn nta she sabotaged her relationship with her son in favor of a relationship with her new husband and cut her son out for five [ __ ] years literally kicked him out of the house with no place to stay if i was sam i would be pretty damn bitter about it you can't just welcome her back with arms wide open after that at that point you're used to a life without any parents in it you can't just welcome her back with arms wide open after that exactly what ops mother did to sam was essentially a deep betrayal and at some point you live with what you did because you can't make amends the timing is so weird as well if she had reached out after maybe two years on no specific occasion i would be more open to it but she didn't reach out before her second husband died which leads me to believe she needs him for something that all now that her husband's died she feels entitled to a relationship with her son her one block is gone and she wants to pretend none of what she and her husband did ever happened i could see maybe being a bit more forgiving if sam had never reached out to her but she rebuffed him multiple times when he tried to be in her life i can't imagine how many problems that would cause a team slash early 20-something even without them having kicked him out i wonder if she mom even thinks she's done something wrong and if she's bothered to apologize to sam really apologize none of that i'm sorry if you were offended by my second marriage crap nta personally i think you were being honest with your mom she really did make her own bed you don't owe her sympathy either she wants her son back in her life once her husband is dead what happens to this new relationship with her son if she marries again you don't owe her sympathy either she wants her son back in her life once her husband is dead she burned her bridges with sam now she's crying because he won't swim across the river to her she made her choice when she put her husband over her son and again when she refused to respond to sam's attempts to make contact there's no tacky she backs is on that just because the one she chose is dead she even tried to get the op to pressure sam when he rightly did not want to have anything to do with her she burned her bridges with sam now she's crying because he won't swim across the river to her i've never heard that i love it however she took his death as an opportunity to reach out to sam again remind her being a mom is not a part-time job where you can come and go at your convenience even part-time jobs don't excuse that kind of behavior so your mom failed at being a mother to sam completely but i was tehran sam was being pretty stubborn stand your ground opus don't let sam get bullied into reconnecting with someone he doesn't want to or else you guys will be the ones getting cut off next sam is an adult and he should make his own decisions just like your mom and stepdad were adults and made their own decisions please keep standing by your brother nta you stated the truth

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Views: 2,582

Rating: 4.951807 out of 5

Keywords: aita, askreddit, reddit aita, reddit open marriage, reddit, cheating reddit, reddit cheating wife, reddit cheating, aita update, reddit relationships, reddit update, reddit stories, reddit funny, reddit breakup stories, reddit confession, relationship STORIES, reddit family relationships, reddit relationship advice, relationship drama, break ups, reddit cheating girlfriend, reddit revenge, reddit creepy, reddit school, reddit relationship stories, tifu, reddit hunt

Id: V4GE5SAAh6c

Length: 24min 49sec (1489 seconds)

Published: Wed Jan 20 2021