I suspect my gf is a gold digger because I make alot of money, am I in the wrong (r/AITA)

r /m IV a hole m IV a hole for calling my girlfriend at gold digger I'm a 29 year old guy who finished residency two ago and am now pediatrician making 160 K I got tired of being single for most of my life so I downloaded a few dating apps and met this girl 26 who works in customer service for a huge company about nine months ago we hit it off and officially became exclusive three months ago overall she is a really great person but there's a few things about her that bother me and I'm not really sure if it's normal or not because I've never really been at an actual serious relationship I always pay for everything on dates I know that I make more than her and it doesn't necessarily hurt me to always pay but she doesn't ever offer to pay or split the bill and she just expects me to always pay the first time she came over to my apartment she was literally shocked I live in a shitty one-bedroom apartment because I want to pay off my student loans as fast as possible so I still basically live like a broke college student she kept making comments about how I should move out and find a nicer place that suits a doctor she wanted to introduce me to her family right away I thought the relationship is too new to meet the parents but she insisted and when we went to their house her parents only asked about my job and salary when we went out and ran into someone she knows she introduced me as her doctor boyfriend these things plus some other stuff made me realize she doesn't really care about me just that I'm a doctor so I told her she blew up saying I'm insulting her and calling her a gold digger and that she's just proud of me for being successful am I the a-hole NTA but you should usually break up with someone that you think is a gold digger instead of calling them a gold digger he didn't call her a gold digger go he told her he felt like she only cares about his title status and she responded by saying oh you think I'm a gold digger that's how it looks from the post NTA it appears you didn't even use the term gold digger but rather your girlfriend inferred it hastily dump her you can do so much better in the future don't tell potential partners your doctor in fact I'd scrub my social media presence of any indicators if I were you in theory that will eliminate the vast majority of people who are only after your money and or status just keep living that fire lifestyle I mean the title is literally miv a hole for calling my girlfriend a gold digger so I assume at some point he said that to her otherwise saying miv a hole for implying my girlfriend is a gold digger would be more accurate or maybe miv a hole for making my girlfriend think she's a gold digger either way based on how I be titled the post and how the girlfriend reacted it appears that he thought she might be a gold digger and made that thought clear to her you could have asked her why she wasn't paying for dates if it bothered you when my fiance made more money than me he paid for things a lot and now that I am making more than him I pay for things a lot more it could be that it's because she's more strapped for cash and is more traditional but either way it's something you could ask about splitting in a way that's proportional to your income I think asking how much you make is a little weird but introducing you to her parents early on really has no bearing on how serious she views the relationship some people just include their families in things more than others lastly people still really respect medicine as a profession it's definitely possible she's just excited and proud of you when I was in grad school the subject of my research was apparently really exciting to people and my fiancee always brought it up I hated it because I hated talking about my research and I didn't like feeling like he was doing it just to show off and I guess in a way he was but he was just really proud of me and loved that my obscure background was apparently interesting to people I'm going to say no way holes here because you can't really read her mind and she can't really read yours it depends on what you actually told her but I'll give you both the benefit of the doubt are you too sensitive about it maybe is she a gold digger maybe I'm not convinced either way don't date someone who works in customer service while you're making 160 km be shocked when you end up paying for everything she is probably barely scraping by with a job I don't know anyone in customer service who makes a decent living info what are her future aspirations does she also have big career plans just because she is making considerably less now doesn't mean it will always be like that for real how ignorant can a person be info does she ask for gifts and gets upset when you refuse to spend money on her or are you only paying for dinners dates paying for dates maybe just her being traditional for lack of a better word especially if you never asked her to pay for her half or indicated she should offer to pay I can see her just going with the flow while I've gone Dutch on most of my first dates I know some men were offended that I pulled my wallet out or would insist on paying so the idea that the man pays is still very prevalent you can't blame her for her parents comments they are their own people though that tidbit could give insight on how she was raised to value prestige and money in a partner so far most of the things you listed don't seem to be so controversial or weird it's common to introduce people by their occupation though not necessary since a lot of people consider their occupation a huge chunk of their identity the house thing well frankly none of her business this early into the relationship is a game not really gold-digging behaviour immo if she had said move into a better nicer place so I can live with you that'd be one thing if all she said was you make enough money to live somewhere nicer than youself admittedly shitty apartment that can be her not understanding your financial situation or priorities she sounds superficial but nothing except not paying for dates indicates gold-digging behavior emo I'm leaning towards you being the art on this one hitter so what she's proud of having a boyfriend who's a doctor that doesn't make her a gold digger and she doesn't like your broke college student style apartment which I imagine most girls wouldn't either what kind of background does she come from while it's rude that the parents asked about your salary it's understandable their parents want their children to date someone successful I make significantly more than my so and I almost always pay for things on dates we've had the conversation in the past and while I know she would love to contribute more she's not really in a position to do so hitter I don't see any of this as evidence that she is a gold digger honestly more likely she's impressed that your pediatrician which could imply that you're smart ambitious and caring why did you insult her rather than having a mature conversation about money hitter a bit I think you jumped to conclusions due to you're an experienced can you square that overall she's a really great person and plus some other stuff made me realize she doesn't really care about me if the only evidence of her being a gold digger is always paying well you should be able to talk about that and ask her to pay for some dates but it's not evidence enough of being a gold digger some relationships have one person always pay BC or gender norms or because of a financial split also this is my girlfriend she's a lawyer at XO this is my boyfriend he works at a non-profit is a pretty standard introduction in my circles I think it's weird that people with money or status can sometimes look look down on people intrigued or impressed by their money and status if you want someone that's not impressed with your money get with another doctor or heiress it makes no sense for you to date a girl that works at a call center and turned around and try to shame her for being impressed no way holes here which is possibly unpopular opinion but I can see an alternate reason for all of these things you've listed maybe she was raised not to pay or to expect men to pay and doesn't realize it's rude maybe she's shocked because your apartment is scary gross and because she thinks you shouldn't be living like a college kid not because it's not lavish maybe her parents are nosy without that being a reflection on her and maybe she actually is proud of you maybe it's cringe but I've death bragged about my husband before not because he does well but because I'm legitimately impressed by I can't tell what he's doing exactly from your info here I know doctors can be really sensitive to this stuff because they are worried about being taken advantage of it's somewhat possible your own insecurity is pushing her away I don't know I'm just inferring from what you've written here either way if you have deep concerns about compatibility you break up with her or maybe be clearer about your expectations from her as your partner it'll look I think it's pretty common to want to meet the parents pretty early on if they are serious about you and as far as her making comments about your shitty apartment she's really just giving you her opinion on what she would do in your situation if my girlfriend was making good money with a super stable job and didn't upgrade to a nicer place I'd put my two cents in all the time as far as introducing you by your job or what you're doing in life I feel like that's not even close to out of the ordinary you're definitely overthinking it that being said it's not something you should never think about take care to always reflect on your life and the things going on around you after all we are only human it's in everyone's nature to be selfish and try to gain something with every action even if done without consciously deciding so am I the a-hole for making a woman who has very little money repay me three thousand eight hundred dollars about six months ago a woman drove off a very busy road up into the parking lot at my work and hit my truck she must have been going at least 40 miles per hour and hit directly on the wheel of my truck because it turned my truck 90 degrees with very little visible body damage to top it off she had no insurance after all was said and done she caused about $18,000 in damage for which I had to pay out of pocket about $3,800 deductible rental car repair costs my a-hole insurance company refused to pay additionally since she didn't have insurance I can't recover the diminished value of my truck which i think is at least five thousand dollars that I will never get back obviously this amount will go down as my truck ages but I'm pretty much stuck with this vehicle for a while now or I have to eat that cost I had just gotten this new truck about four months rather than had to deal with us nearly every day for the 7 weeks it took to get repaired it was a nightmare and very stressful dealing with this I ended up suing her in small claims court and one by default because she did not show up I feel like she wasn't planning on repaying me until she was trying to get her license reinstated unfortunately the state is requiring her to have a repayment plan with me before she can get her license back she has agreed to repay me $100 every other week until paid in full so far I have received one such payment with the next due today now the part where I sort of feel like an a-hole is that my wife and I make about two hundred and twenty five thousand dollars per year combined and after this lady sent me her statement of assets through the court she has about two hundred dollars to her name and makes four hundred dollars per week as a waitress I paid the three thousand eight hundred dollars and sort of moved on financially it is a lot of money but we can afford it she very obviously owes me the money but the $100 every other week very clearly would mean a lot more to her financially than me what say you NTA driving without insurance is unacceptable for anyone what would have happened if you had been in the truck and were left permanently disabled who would have paid for your care it's also very illegal not as illegal as you think insurance is a state law not a federal one and there are states New Hampshire for example that don't require insurance having insurance is still smart just not having it isn't automatically illegal NTA she caused an accident through her bad driving and was driving with no insurance she's is the person responsible for damaging your truck and is the one responsible for the some your insurance didn't cover hard-up though she will no doubt be she broke the law and she should pay for the damage she caused it will also teach her that she should improve her driving and Shore her car it seems apparent there is no money to insure her car with opie seems like a decent person to be concerned I think in his place I'd write it off and collect the good karma NTA but if you're concerned and you are you sound like a decent person maybe work out something with her that wouldn't be as crippling to her legally and morally she has to pay for what she broke but he was the victim can be as lenient or as hard as as you want if you're concerned about her situation maybe reach out and renegotiate to lower payments but it sounds like she agreed so maybe she makes better tips as a waitress than she wanted to tell the court MTA because you're being reasonable clearly this woman is Taffer hitting your car I don't want you to feel like a for asking what's fair she doesn't deserve to get off scot-free but is chasing her down to make a $100 payment for a year and a half worth for headache you can advocate for principle or you can advocate for the value of your own time it sounds like a lose-lose so it's your call no real wrong answers here no way holes here but I would applaud and respect you as a person for doing good for someone else and forgiving the debt out of kindness and awareness of her situation not that you obligated to in any way seeing that you've already moved on financially though it would clearly mean a whole lot more to her than it does to you emotional arbitrage the best of investments Godspeed NTA being poor doesn't meant there aren't consequences to your actions it also seems like keeping her off the road might not be a bad thing as she driving without insurance badly enough to lose her license finally if she wanted to request your goodwill or forgiveness she should have done so before she stiffed you and not after the state enforced a payment plan to get her license back I mean it her even though you are legally 100 percent in the right she ducked up and did hit your car but she's also being taken to the cleaners while she's already struggling not saying you don't have a right to compensation but you are also a bit of an a-hole I can't believe how few answers there are like yes legally you're in the right but come on ducking someone over financially is not nice the question wasn't is she an a-hole for driving without insurance the question was is it a for making a woman pay she can ill-afford that they don't need but she unavoidably owes being an a-hole isn't about legal it's about ethical and moral so yes it are for taking what you don't need from someone that can't afford it Opie has a choice be kind empathetic and forgiving or be legalistic and individualistic that being said if she was an a-hole about it drunk or other mitigating circumstances you could at least make the everyone sucks hear arguments that the dollar sign dollar sign dollar sign is a bi-weekly reminder that her choices have consequences but we don't have any other info NTA you drive dangerous live and that's what happens she's just lucky nobody got hurt NTA and the dangerous driving is what bothers me although Opie could be a good guy and forgive the debt how would it solve the problem of her reckless driving barreling into a parking lot at forty miles an hour is hard to justify she could kill someone next time having a hard life does not mean someone is automatically assumed edit my hard life family produced some Saints some in-betweens and some Devils be careful with the devil's row you made it to the end you're ducking Beast I'll cut you a deal smash LIKE and subscribe for more curated content might it's free and that's a great price

Channel: Sir Reddit

Views: 78,973

Rating: 4.881104 out of 5

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Id: -8Lz1utgQgs

Length: 16min 35sec (995 seconds)

Published: Sat Nov 23 2019