Aliens: Colonial Marines Angry Review

you [ __ ] it up nobody was looking forward to this game more than I I really really wanted it to be good I was among the first to cry out and it's apparent cancel ization please please don't cancel aliens colonial marines please gearbox gearbox your bucks listen to me just calm down calm down listen to me okay whoa let it be game over for this game I ignored some of my friends who had their own concerns you get separated from your group and it's chaos Joe Joe calm down man I really do think this game might suck so after many years of waiting the game is finally here and this is gonna break my heart aliens colonial marines is a colossal [ __ ] disappointment borderline insulting to any fan of the franchise my first impression of this game was terrible do not I repeat do not start your experience by playing this games first mission on soldier difficulty level alone it's awful the aliens move so stiff and sluggish completely out in the open just charging your position with no intelligence they're AI is downright in it hello my baby hello my honey hello baby my hearts on fire if you refuse me how do you lose me then you'll be left alone baby and tell me I'm your characters do the stupidest things like exploded grenade while a chest burster rips through their ribcage because I don't know [ __ ] it he wanted to kill his fellow Marines too since he was gonna die or are maybe it was to trigger the trailer cutscene either way it still contrived and nonsensical it kills me because I am a huge fan of the license I'd be the first one up here screaming the game's praise from a mountaintop the first one to come to his defense but I can't and in retrospect I think it was way too forgiving of ABP 2010 when it came out and while that game isn't as bad as some say they probably deserved more like a 6 I let my excitement get the better of me back then but then comes a game like colonial Marines that slaps me in the face making me realize just because you have the license doesn't mean that fans should forgive some of the asinine choices here wait so that's a no way in this story you play as a new marine named winter whose platoon is sent out to investigate a distress signal sent from Hicks you explore the sulla Co you return to lv-426 it's not destroyed for some reason which is totally cool with me because I finally get to visit there like I've always wanted and obviously you get to battle the Xenomorphs once again the story presented here is actually canon it's the Fox approved sequel to the James Cameron aliens and I wish to God it wasn't sure there's tons of fanservice referring to the original Bishop separate legs the century guns you even discover Hudson's ultimate faith but these Marines you are with are barely fleshed out there is no reason to care at all about any of them even when I points are clearly meant to are you sure you're okay it was already dead O'Neill I'm fine alright I pulled it off when I woke up nothing's gonna happen to me which is good to see some familiar faces try to describe any of the Marines personalities in the game you can't basically there's three guys two girls and Bishop one marine in particular O'Neill is so unlikable he's downright annoying as hell sure you okay O'Neill I'm buying quit being such a little [ __ ] he's the one guy you're supposed to like too but you can't because of his god-awful AI come on O'Neill you got the smart gun shoot something with it he tags along with you most of the entire game and never ceases to amaze it's not doing jack you're gonna give us the smart dip into him he gets in the way runs way ahead of you in levels for no reason stares at walls and barely fires at enemies and when he finally does it seems like a smart gun is firing BB pellets it makes plain without friends scarier has been any part in the game oh I thought he was down he started going in the animation where he stumbled with the [ __ ] O'Neil get the [ __ ] out of the way [ __ ] I knew you just killed him you piece of [ __ ] and now he leaves well don't you O'Neil you're always in the way you don't do [ __ ] oh but here's the thing that kills it for me by the second level after the tutorial you were fighting humans with guns happen we are under attack by human forces in the control room freaking humans instead of you know the [ __ ] aliens there goes any build-up for or terror for the xenos now it's just wailing yutani mercenaries you'll be battling the corporation for revenge right out of the gate throughout the entire game I get the whole corporation angle I do it makes some sense and honestly if they didn't focus so much on you fighting them the entire whole time it might have been a good angle like if you have them show up to [ __ ] with [ __ ] and try to clean up control just as you've been pushed up against the wall your last breath and you've got nothing left and the aliens are just on top of you well you were alone for a while you know and they like inadvertently save you while also becoming this new Menten menace but not right off the back come on guys it's like there was zero respect for the Xenomorphs here in aliens I think that aliens fans people who really love this franchise are going to be really happy with the way in which we brought this forward it's got a very strong story it's got great action it's got an interesting enemy fans should be expecting to be scared they should be expecting to be excited it's different we're approaching the first person shooter differently we're even approaching how we have a main character talk to the first person in a totally new way that I don't think anyone's done before this is not engaging an interesting story extension that we were promised the game has a twist to and in it it's a surprise it thinks is really good apparently a marine from the original aliens movie has survived you can't be serious oh I'm serious and when he's revealed it causes more waitwhat questions then it's good for well who is it huh Hudson I'm trying to think characters we didn't like definitely see die Oh a poem nope and we are given a single sentence and wave explanation hey I'm here why that's why okay I've gotta know just tell me okay oh [ __ ] yeah [ __ ] yeah no no cut [ __ ] so when we sat down to design the characters in aliens Co Marines we wanted to make new and interesting characters and not just rip off the old ones the final thing I'll say about the story is the ending that ending the last boss battle is hardly a battle at all maybe lasting me all of two [ __ ] minutes literally you kill eight soldier aliens hit a few buttons cutscene done that's all the creativity and this boss that you guys bothered with it's also got a deus ex machina to explain everything that we fought for was something for something worthwhile it wasn't I don't know if they're trying to sequel bait here but this was hardly a satisfying entity we got everything six years and development for this help they don't even go to collect the other Marines left you know stranded on the planet so much for never leaving a marine behind that's not to say that it's all bad occasionally the game does something that feels more like an alien's experience the Raven portion takes away your guns it and it mixes running from a threat that you cannot defeat come on come on wimpy man hopeful oh [ __ ] here comes something turn go get them oh my god run run I guarantee I doubt it's not gonna drop down here too big others and it has the essentials Ino close encounters in a very thematic well done sewer level it's easily the best thing in the game it shows the flashes of brilliance that the rest of the game needed these weird husks are all littered about and they turn out to be a new alien type that are blind and there's no sense movement it was the one time that it got my heart going as if you move too much they come right at you and straighten your face and you have to stay perfectly still super cool if they put one right in front of you oh I'm gone don't move though your [ __ ] oh my god just stay still they still say that's aliens huh Joe Joe I'm down I'm down I crouch down and what are they all around you all right there there calm down they've calmed down the game does really nail its atmosphere and its authenticity environments are absolutely stunning beautiful the level domes you know the backgrounds are so well done they have me say who owes ah often and there's a good amount of detail in the level themselves aside from a very few oddly placed low textures and even an untextured black hole or two where the aliens come out oh wow that is really I didn't notice this when that is really bad why they didn't bother just a simple text yeah sound design is also solid utilizing ample sound samples and clips from the movies it sounds perfect except for a little bit of the cycling on the aliens pulse rival in the open the music is perfect that with dramatic flourishes hitting just the right moments one of the few things the new few things the weapons the customization options allows you to level up and personalize your weapons as you've never been able to before which can then carry over into multiplayer and even more impressive is how they manage to introduce a few new weapons for the Marines a very tricky thing to do but these new weapons look great and they fit right into the universe as if they've always been an option in the colonial marine arsenal we got tactical smart missiles these plasma pulse rifles are Bionic ballbreaker left however there's not much reason to use your motion tracker other than to role play the game mean in aliens that aren't just dumb missiles it actually needed like an alien bug hunt level where one stalks you and it's very quick you never know where it's gonna come from unless one of your guys has to track her out it needed a level like that it doesn't have one the player models look dated in the cutscenes but they get the job done it's not exactly a triple-a budget and resources here but this is on the PC the Xbox is a totally different story there's screen tearing there's multiple bits of framerate loss and uglier textures if you can seek out and get the PC version it's cheaper too as far as gameplay goes the major issue with this game is that it's far too [ __ ] easy soldier difficulty level provides zero challenges and just serves to highlight the enemy's numerous issues with both the AI and your marine AI you you could completely run through entire levels in less than five minutes ignoring aliens along the way never firing a shot and still win on hard and difficulty level you must absolutely must play with ultimate badass difficulty and even then it's really not all that hard up until the last few missions and with the upgrades that you unlock along the way you basically just breeze through the enemies on further playthroughs and there's no game + or super ultimate get away from her you [ __ ] mode or anything like that so the replayability is next to nil in this just very scripted linear corridor shooter there are collectibles though throwaway dogtags more interesting audio logs with some Easter Egg stuff about newts parents and that kind of [ __ ] but by far the best collectibles ones that actually care about a ton or in certain was searching like a rabid dog hoarder the legendary weapons from the film I have never wanted to find collectibles more than [ __ ] like Hicks's famous shotgun puts its pulse rifle and Vasquez's legendary smart gun complete with movie accurate markings yeah oh hell yeah it's got a bandanna and everything adios oh yeah stop for a second welcome back over here in the light I'm trying to move oh yeah finally one of the best parts of the game touted as a core feature was supposed to be the fact that you can play with up to three of your buddies in full co-op drop and drop out and you can do that there's even two players split-screen however as for Marines you all feel exactly the same if you were expecting an actual dynamic class or a roleplay mechanic like I was it's not here I was thinking it'd be cool like you'd have like a guy that focuses on being a smart gun or someone who always keeps tabs on the motion tracker another who loves the shotgun and another who worships like me the tried and true pulse rifle but you never feel like a unit ever you just feel like four Gunners it in fact most this may be the most unforgivable thing in the game for marine lovers you get to use the smart gun for maybe a total of ten minutes in the entire game what the [ __ ] I love the smart gun that's mark on that big thing what's been fun about that is in video game form now you can see what it's like to actually use it we've created a you know the user interface and there's a little eyepiece that comes down what is what's on that IPS we never saw that in the films this is just unbelievable in our aliens game the smart gun is iconic as the pulse rifle it's lazy as [ __ ] every aliens in a VP game has had one up until now what they couldn't find a way to balance it in the game mechanics maybe because the aliens are a lot slower here than when they've been a lot faster in the past I don't know also there's not one thing specifically designed or highlighting the fact that you're playing with four buddies no puzzles no co-op objectives the only time I was reminded that I'm working together with someone is when they get killed and they fall to the ground in a last stand mechanic they can still fire but they aren't able to get up even if they killed someone like you can't like last an in Borderlands 2 one of your partners has to come get you in time to heal you up before the timer is up the e3 2000m o is completely gone it's even in the game at all and so you're gonna see what-what the game actually looks like not just screenshots but the actual gameplay so you never get to wield the flamethrower equipped our loader that I was so looking forward to know no more of this focus look at me how many fingers am i holding up is fine up to one this is Rhino actual what the hell just happened down there that bit has more marine characterization than we have now aliens can climb on the ceilings on the walls it's all driven by sophisticated artificial intelligence yeah look to prove my point further I want to show you guys something look at this you can see here the game has 11 levels total more like 10 with a boss battle ok this took me and a friend's 7 hours to complete on ultimate badass mode it's five or six hours on easier difficulty levels probably even faster now not counting the tutorial or the crack boss battle there is a total of three alien focused levels three in aliens colonial marines most of the focus is bali humans three complete levels devoted to that with three more that has a mix of humans and aliens battling you and each other every time it tries to go into more firefights with in the human direction it feels like a bad attempt to appease the people that play Call of Duty games and that should never be in my aliens game period who approved this now I devoted the whole release day just to playing all the multiplayer modes hoping that someone it could make up for the disappointing single-player campaign and luckily it could certainly be pretty exhilarating at times damnit still at the top [ __ ] hmm it's easily the best part of this game but it's all considered it cannot save the overall package however without AI to worry about things work as they're designed to the motion tracker in particular becomes the Marines best friend it is vital in multiplayer that Marines stick together in order to survive and stay alive as the aliens here are pretty powerful allow them to close the distance and you're done which makes last-man-standing situations in escape or survive pretty desperate affairs both sides can spawn power-ups with Marines getting flamethrowers centuries and smart guns well the aliens can give birth to the butthurt pipe Zeno's press e to awaken the world the boiler and I can explode up on these fools go for it go for it go for crusher the living tank it is just all so satisfying to and multiplayer tool and some of the gruesome fatality and Sonya rivals and I've always enjoyed the asymmetrical gameplay that aliens games have been known for and while this might not be the best version of it it has its own merits you'll level up as you play and there are a lot of new abilities and attacks as an alien to unlock this is something new and unique along with lots of skins and customizations for both sides you can create some really beastly lookin genomorphs Kenner style only for multiplayer modes ship with the game though so there's not really a lot to go on here and it will likely only take you about a day to unlock and see everything so I don't see the multiplayer lasting us very long especially without dedicated servers and the ability to launch with fewer than the full amount that is sure to become a problem later in this games lifecycle I'm also sad to report huge wasted potential at such vanilla modes there's no innovation here there's no alien life cycle mode with you know facehuggers or chess bursters there's no red verse black alien mode that would be freaking cool it was just a wasted opportunity and others you know the unique most pertained to the Marines trying to escape but we would have liked to have seen something very impressive or unique here in these types of modes the mentality was all wrong the game could have been made immediately better by improving its AI or getting rid of the NPC companion brains all together putting you alone more often more more of its excellent lighting system putting less focus on battling humans the intentions may have been good the hard honest work to make it feel authentic and aliens is all there but the focus is completely in the wrong areas it does nothing to convince you if you're not already a fan of aliens I hope someone in the future sees the potential for survival-horror in aliens franchise with some action elements imagined like amnesia mixed with aliens holy [ __ ] that would be a game everybody would be talking about the more I think about it the more angry I get so I better stop here the final verdict for aliens colonial marines it's a four out of ten it would have been bad enough with its misguided focus its limp storyline and borderline insulting attempts to retcon and fix the lore when combined with horrendous AI and a half-ass ending not even the handful of fun multiplayer modes and customization options can save this overall package if you ever wanted revenge on weyland-yutani this is your game if you want a good aliens game play any of the AVP series even the 2010 version I did a bit of research too many different companies were brought in to work on this game during its six year development cycle time gates Studios was said to have worked on it just as much as gearbox on single-player elements nerve software for multiplayer stuff why if this was your dream project why delegate an outsourced so much work we're aliens fans and you know we've taken the risk to tell the story of what what happened next these aliens are gnarly like Chloe Marines are badasses they can handle anything right except for this I want to know who sabotage this game's development all these contributors may have done more harm than good without one dedicated focused vision on what the aliens experience should be about there is a season pass already on sale for 30 bucks and includes 4 DLC add-ons throughout 2013 both multiplayer and singleplayer but they don't tell you exactly what the full list includes all we're told is the first one bug hunt which is literally just a multiplayer horde mode not exactly something that I would be trying to use to tantalize people into buying it hopefully they will bring more alien focus levels and some more innovative modes to the multiplayer and I was clued in by a source that they're still in production and they'll focus more on the xenos so at least I'm hopeful for what's to come but until then I'll see you guys on the next on the next angry Joe show but close it now you know how it feels angry Cho you know what the [ __ ] of betrayal feels like is it rain start on your head and it smells a [ __ ] I hate it

Channel: AngryJoeShow

Views: 6,393,517

Rating: 4.8754058 out of 5

Keywords: Aliens, colonial marines, gearbox, fps, sega, parody, gameplay, lets play, multiplayer, xenomorph

Id: UGX2WE4QUw8

Length: 33min 11sec (1991 seconds)

Published: Thu Feb 14 2013

Reddit Comments

[u/[deleted]]

Damn that game looks sooooo bad.

Honestly, if you want a good Aliens vs Marines game, the best one is Natural Selection 2.

So go on, who was the marine from the movie?

[u/TheVGamer]

Poor Joe, that review was hard to watch. You can just see all the enthusiasm crushed by this shit game. A sliver of him simply died off and I can only imagine how many people feel the exact same way.

[u/Kallelinski]

Natural Selection 2 is a better Alien game than Aliens: Colonial Marines.

Ever went around a corner and looked into the eyes of an onos?

Or going with 3 marine buddies into a new corridor and suddenly 5 skulks are dropping down and take a bite from you? You just panic, while gathering your shit together.

[u/PresidentCleveland]

Which marine from the movie is still alive?

[u/piderman]

That 2008 video.

[u/TheNormalSun]

"You fucked it up." That was all i need to hear from a Gearbox-"developed" title that is not Borderlands.

Seriously, what is it with them releasing long awaited titles and fucking them up ?

Can't they just do it again, but better ? Is the money that much need that they just rush it out and hope for the best ?

Are they the next THQ of developers ? Or am i just overthinking it ?

[u/Sergnb]

The deadpan look on his face as he says "you fucked it up"... Never I have empathized so much with a youtube reviewer as I did just there

[u/Rug_d]

I have only watched a couple of this guys vids ever, but man.. he looked so sad about this :( I was really hoping this game would be good (dodged the bullet of preordering it though) but he seems pretty crushed ... poor fella.

[u/MisterCrow2]

So has Gearbox or anyone there put out a statement yet? I imagine one is coming and will probably be at the top of games for a day or two.

EDIT: I'm not saying they need to put out a statement, they don't, but I'd be surprised if they don't at least acknowledge this incredible fuckup, especially considering how much they talked up their "love of Aliens" over the last 6 years.

I'm surprised they didn't just ask for another delay and let Sega sue them, the press they are getting is absolutely brutal. It's not enough that the game is bad but the actual development of it sounds like an embarrassing tale if the info is to be believed.