Umbrella Corps Angry Review

you the absolute last time that I am resurrecting you demon Joe you yes that's slang now you're supposed to share DNA with angry Joe tell me how do I finally destroy him right to hell gene thank you idiot that is way too obvious he'll see that coming a mile away we need something more yeah so I can disguise perhaps a spinner in a very popular franchise hey what's up baby I'm Jackson bull oh he's a generic umbrella soldier it was killed a long time ago from res Nemo that sounds like a stupid made-up name no he's not made-up everybody killed in the Resident Evil games and facts ends up down here in hell with ours that's it let's get it hey Abraham Jackson Lincoln whatever your [ __ ] name is I got a great idea you wanna star in your home video game oh come on don't be like that of course you do Oh hey did you guys know there was a brand new Resident Evil spin-off game out right now for fans and lovers of competitive shooters yup it's called biohazard umbrella core and if you were unlucky enough to buy it this is probably how things went for you all right brother Oh seriously who [ __ ] thought that this was a good idea I had to push this review up before doom before whatever else because I am so [ __ ] shocked and appalled at Capcom and plus it's been a long while since we've had a proper angry review it's the same [ __ ] level we have literally been in the same [ __ ] level like for I don't know how many missions now how many missions five missions oh wow this is very low effort I don't think I just need to develop for a new lower effort on one of their franchises and granted this is a spin-off but you think they try to put a little more effort into their spin-off because people may not play it if they don't put some good effort into it but I guess I was wrong and trust me you're gonna be angry getting this home and playing it it's like getting punched in the face by corporate then robbed what the [ __ ] was that what the [ __ ] just hit me oh my where's my wallet my wallet what the [ __ ] he took my money how do you think money so quick it just watch me took my money was $7.00 what the [ __ ] and he left the game he left the [ __ ] game what why would you take my money and not take the game well at least I got a game to play this thing should be banished back to whatever board room in hell this thing's spawn from this abomination because it's the single worst sorry excuse for a video game I played all [ __ ] year she came on snow her she's biting your ankles I know what she's doing now she's biting the air while humping me with her vagina what the hell do not I repeat do not buy this [ __ ] [ __ ] this game he said [ __ ] you - [ __ ] this game [ __ ] pieces what's worse is Capcom know how shitty this game was it's worse than Raccoon City by far and they even decided that they couldn't get away with selling it for $60 even Capcom though you know you they wanted to it's $0 it would be way too much as there are countless free-to-play games out there with more content and purpose but that won't stop them from offering a deluxe edition and DLC don't want to play as the generic soldier no worries you can play as the classic Resident Evil characters if you buy the deluxe edition $15 for these scans oh and another $3 if you want to customize your characters with such exclusive colors as plastic orange plastic blue plastic yellow and glossy [ __ ] red glossy red if you can't see what Capcom is doing here and how its banking on our stupidity then I'm sorry no we can't allow this tell everyone you know share this video with everyone you know and tell them to write the hell off and stop molesting the Resident Evil license on these evil spin-offs let me tell you about the game it is so mind-numbing ly repetitive so shockingly lacking and content that it reminds me of last year's Godzilla no worse at least in that game it could lean on its badass nostalgic monsters that's not here it can't hear honestly I think I'd rather play Godzilla because least I'm playing with your character Zakarian so this is this is unless you have nostalgia for the generic [ __ ] bad guys that you shot and killed in Resident Evil there's no [ __ ] point who would where the [ __ ] is the content I just I just checked up and down and there's two [ __ ] modes too and a mission gauntlet it's a sorry excuse for for a single-player there's no semblance of story no cutscenes no bosses no Resident Evil no nothing the game offers no real additional insights into the Umbrella Corporation from which it's named unless you count these [ __ ] Diaries written by Abraham Lincoln oh I'm sorry Abraham Jackson which seemed to be written by a [ __ ] eight-year-old the zombies are very hungry at day every way a for a long time to to try to stay alive but I will hold my breath or anything okay bye [ __ ] roses joke did you write this I rent it and do [ __ ] I didn't touch it perhaps one of Capcom's executives preschoolers wrote this [ __ ] who's gonna tell them know begin recording after 20 long travel average we finally arrived at the Mediterranean Sea unfortunately honkers here to this [ __ ] doesn't acknowledge the fidelity of the sea qbz I hate him in his stupid nose excellent writing in this single-player mission gauntlet called the experiment you've got 24 repetitive generic missions I counted them I put myself through it to count them that's it we found it this is the end we we found it angry Joe knows how many missions there are not even the wiki knows how many missions they say there's twenty there's not twenty missions there's one 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 there are 24 missions I swear to you it's the same [ __ ] map like six times one right after the other collecting the same [ __ ] DNA objective samples over and over should I do this ever fast or something she's gonna get the samples what tell me again like the infected samples samples yes which is this one uh this is level 2 Oh spicing things up already let's see let's see collect infected DNA samples same thing wait a minute how's that spicing things up that's us poison things up this collecting sample yes you expect something else yes whoa Joe we can branch out and play nonlinear mission guess what we got to do we got to either collect the infected DNA or collective infected DNA or guess what good luck the infected deer their goods is approaching the generator level one collect samples level to collect samples level three collect samples level ain't collect samples level 17 collect samples obtain sample obtained sample obtained sample date okay example take sample obtained sample obtained snack one side hmm the controls are [ __ ] and why is their source [ __ ] cover it's a cover based shooter where you're [ __ ] fighting zombies and these zombies don't have guns you don't need [ __ ] cover get off me you're cheap [ __ ] a little [ __ ] slap kills is that it [ __ ] okay why do I need cover somebody tell me why I need cover when zombies don't [ __ ] shoot what a [ __ ] did it go and don't say cover is for the [ __ ] multiplayer when you're fighting other players because no it's pointless there and I'll get to that later but there are serious problems with just about every aspect of this game's design it's as if cap got forgot cap become Japan completely forgot how to develop games choose new patch you can't just make up these terms like true survivor and have them mean anything in this game like true survivor is something that you earn over many narrow line you just run across the map everybody gets the kills that makes it the ultimate there is absolutely no thought this is the this is a colossal embarrassment of Capcom how could they let something like this come out this free right still no aiming with your mouse it's the most disgusting feeling ever maybe because apparently your arm is freakin broken when you hold your freakin pistol who the [ __ ] holds a gun like this who holds a gun like this you don't hold a gun like that I never shoot him in the head of this you should bag what's wrong with my arm is it good isn't that like this he customized your gun isn't he shooting like this you'll have to mess with your sensitivity immediately because your character moves like molasses when you need to quickly turn around which is often when zombies can spawn in when you aren't looking and ambush you constantly the AI is so [ __ ] dumb and cheap leave him alone Shh sleepy love he's special oh you heard me laughing man walking his dog Joe I'm alone oh thing to do with Resident Evil zombies ask you ask you I'm you saying the other man which way did he go damn it don't kill them and oh my god the birds [ __ ] the birds in this game God dang Berta can't even see [ __ ] simple obtain that soaked [ __ ] cheap get off of me just [ __ ] burn simple tank there's a goddamn bird these [ __ ] birds the controls to attack the part is [ __ ] so close to the goddamn crowds button that you're always crouching when you're trying to attack the [ __ ] Birds what is this a [ __ ] [ __ ] sample obtained [ __ ] hate you what's mine but the [ __ ] die I'm gonna kill all the birds in the world come on you better ah come on you [ __ ] [ __ ] I'm in yellow kill me I'm y'all he's gonna [ __ ] respond from the air I knew it [ __ ] area oh yeah the game even sort of penalize a--'s you for shooting zombies in the head that's right in this game it's far more effective to shoot them in the knees or in the butthole they die quicker and since it's timed you don't have time to wait around for the [ __ ] headshot animation to complete and give you the [ __ ] demon example so if you I see I'm wondering you don't want to you don't want to pop their heads off I think go for the headshots killed boss you're going to take someone this game is such a [ __ ] chore to play through there are no good checkpoints and just when you've had enough of the same [ __ ] over and over and over it suddenly requires you to do these these objectives three times in a row in rounds and if you die in any of them you start all over [ __ ] what the [ __ ] this is an experiment alright yeah it's a [ __ ] experiment and how much visual ass torture the devs can inflict on players before we end up turning into zombies ourselves it's killing me damn yeah oh yeah this is how the Plagas and zombies are truly made III know it from now on and what do you get for going through this [ __ ] decals that's a [ __ ] dick out that's the word [ __ ] dick I've ever seen in my [ __ ] life what the [ __ ] there's a trailer at the end for this game that you're just [ __ ] played no boss no no final cutscene oh nothing a [ __ ] trailer remember understood I'm relic or and the whole thing can be completed in less than three hours 24 missions of the same objective over and over over six maps and I think Capcom thought they were making the next best eSports game or Call of Duty killer otherwise why is this [ __ ] taken so seriously there is a surprising level of detail and control of your character customization but what's the point when the actual game is [ __ ] garbage you can only dress up a turd so much but it's still a big [ __ ] smelly turd and I mean it and this if this game has a single person who hacks the code to start cheating there let's be real there's no anti cheat in this game you could just cheat all day long in this thing Capcom is not gonna support this with anti cheat let's try the other one all right take a new weapon and you're smart you got a [ __ ] smirk how do you use that like this let's use it like this oh you you got me I don't think this is smooth we haven't earned that yet if you ever wanted to see how clueless capcom japan is or can be all you have to do is fire up this games online and play for three minutes just three minutes though because no matter which of the [ __ ] two modes in the game that you play one life mission or multi mission with whatever pathetic samey variation of objectives you're gunning for all the matches last three minutes that is not enough time to make any sense of strategy or compelling matches whatsoever not with what they developed here probably look for traveling for free Bob look at the way they polish the Dames it's a six of the three but there's no [ __ ] balance and it gave me with any bothered imbalances against three beat they didn't even bother to balance this game it's three VP what is wrong is that this is Godzilla levels of bed the best strategy is to just run around with your brain or melee weapon out and surprise players copper means [ __ ] wait good dammit but honestly it's not like you'll get to those three minutes quickly on PC it's like 10 hours into its launch and nobody was even [ __ ] playing the thing you telling me the whole world we can't find three people anybody in shared by this game No don't you ask all of them ah if anybody bought this game come join us no we're are lonely guys out here I bought this game released a launch day where everybody's playing it right this is gonna be the most players this game ever has and the game life is already done it's already over with nobody's footing it anymore good good for you guys but then but said the player started to come and I was I was sad I was just sad that I didn't get to them first and I didn't get this video out before they bought it this insultingly underdeveloped spin-off has the gall to exploit your fandom of Resident Evil instead of using its license to the fullest it focuses on 3v3 competitive online arena battles with the generic Call of Duty cannon-fodder brain-dead bad guy soldiers from umbrella and and in that sense it nails it it is a brain-dead clueless game about stupid generic guys that you're supposed to kill in the Resident Evil games that suck balls and they nailed that playing it does in fact suck balls so 10 out of 10 if your intention was to have your player simulate sucking balls while obtaining stickers and decals sucking balls and getting decals that is unreal accord I won all right on that last one yeah I'll be doing it now I know the purpose of the break day this is the purpose of the game it's very rare for me to see such a poor concept actually finished in real lives and make it to the store shelves and if this was ever a good idea it was executed in the worst way possible the final verdict for umbrella core is it to a two out of ten I'm not joking when I say this game feels unfinished I've seen pre alphas that are more complete and have more content than this [ __ ] it's worse than a substandard free-to-play game but it's not free-to-play it is a retail title that was released on PC and ps4 at $40 deluxe edition name any free-to-play game out there it's got more content than the defunct Nosgoth has more content even last year's abomination fear online looks like an epic compare to this [ __ ] and when you have options out there like warframe this is just unforgivable and honestly by this time next week it's going to be hard to just even find a ranks match or a match period this game is dead on arrival but describe calm give a [ __ ] nope they released it anyway to make up for the time and resources they spent developing the [ __ ] turn when it should have been cancelled far before release and if I ever find out who developed this crap I will make them burn every copy oh I see now you guys Dave and Joe and corporate commander looks like a little trip to hell is in order put you up on that screen fire off that music yeah from my personal collection TP twelve shotgun let's do this yeah yeah ha ha yes wait Dennis you're our nation you know who won Capcom one they got your money you fool good very good your food your soul is mad so it's back up playing again [ __ ] your son is

Channel: AngryJoeShow

Views: 3,855,640

Keywords: angryjoe, angryjoeshow, umbrella corps, resident evil, wesker, capcom, angry review, rant, DLC

Id: 5PUsnzNfOwQ

Length: 26min 56sec (1616 seconds)

Published: Sat Jun 25 2016

Reddit Comments

[u/Pedophilecabinet]

Yeah, he seems pretty spot on. The fact that you couldn't find a match on launch day was absolutely pathetic.

[u/ripperc100jr]

I bought this game trying to look at it at a shooter game. It was horrible and o consistently crashed while trying to play (tried like 20 only finished 3). Luckily I was able to refund on steam but my god at least put a little effort into your game.

[u/The_Naked_Snake]

I'd heard people say this game "wasn't so bad", but after watching this...wow.

This game "isn't so bad" if the year is 2006. This game "isn't so bad" if it was a mobile phone game. This game "isn't so bad" if it was free to play.

But as it is? Atrocious. What were they thinking?

[u/kamakeeg]

It's sad when Operation Raccoon City, a poor third person shooter back when it released, is better than your brand new game.

[u/[deleted]]

I literally cannot agree enough about the fuckin' crows. Holy fuck on a pogo stick.

[u/[deleted]]

Dude, when other Joe goes, "So you're telling me, in the whole world, you can't find three people?" was so funny. Can't believe there was nobody on ten hours after it released, hahaha!