- Hello and welcome to another edition of BuzzFeed Unsolved Postmortem, a show where we answer your
most pressing questions about the most recent
episode of BuzzFeed Unsolved, which was the Alcatraz Prison Break. I think that's what we called that, right? The Alcatraz Prison Break. - That's what it was, yeah. - All the questions we're answering today came from you guy via our
BuzzFeed Unsolved Facebook page and our BuzzFeed Unsolved Instagram page as well as the comments
section of the last YouTube the video. - Yeah, YouTube.
- On the Network. The BuzzFeed Unsolved Network - BuzzFeed Unsolved Network. - God, I feel like we're
nailing this right now. - It's a good one. - I feel like we're nailing it. - This is the best ep yet. - Do you feel that? - Let's go gram town. Here's from sidekicks.spam Post-mortem, not really a
question, but I found it very funny that when the
guard reached into the cell to wake up the guy and the
head rolled off the bed he, says in sarcastic tone,
knew something was wrong. That is very funny. (laughs) That he went to wake him
up and the head rolled off and he thought, something's wrong. (laughs) I think that's what they're saying. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - They knew something,
what an astute guard. - I wonder if he saw that,
he was like god dammit. This is what I think it is, yeah, okay. Uh like, I looked at the
head, it's good craftsmanship, but I think - It's very impressive. - From like if he was across the room, if I was staring at it from like maybe to that wall right there
which is about five feet away I'd probably tell that it was a fake head. - Do you think he was very devastated too. It's probably hurt his
pride a little bit as guard to be fooled by such a cartoonish ruse. - To be honest, I don't think
he really cared that much. - You don't think so? - I don't think he lost any sleep over it. He was probably, yeah whatever. - I guess you wouldn't give
a shit because you figure. - How much are prison
guards making an hour? Probably like - On the rock, though? - On the rock. Well that place was - You gotta take a little
boat and everything. - That place was pretty cushy. - Yeah. - They loved to play instruments, he let them have a
little secret fort area. - But even if I did, if I were the guard and I realized they had escaped the cell, I wouldn't have been like, oh no, 'cause I'd be like,
what are they gonna do? Build a boat out of raincoats? (laughs) - Yeah, that's true. I mean - Do you think he said that aloud? Oh what are they gonna do?
Build a boat out of raincoats? - What if another guard found them first and was like, eh, I'll pretend
like I didn't see this. - That's like when I was
working at the movie theater. Have I told this story before? And I went to clean the bathroom that wasn't under my jurisdiction, I just thought I'd pop in, clean it up, and someone had taken a giant juicy turd in their underpants and just - Oh, in their pants. Okay, I thought it was
gonna be in the toilet. - No, I just, I opened opened up a stall and there was just wrapped
in some tighty whities like a little child, was a turd. Someone had turded in their pants, taken off their underpants, wrapped up their little poo baby and set it against the wall
like it was taking a rest, and I just saw it, and I was like well I walked in here to clean this, but I'm just, there's no one here so I'm just gonna back out slowly and walk to a different
part of the theater and leave it for someone else. - Just like that, I think that's what maybe a guard did here. They walked in, they saw that fake head, and they were like god dammit, well. - That's a fake head. - Well, pretend like I wasn't here. - What's for lunch? (laughs) - This comes from Facebook
from Lauren Smith. My theory is that they
left their belongings in the water to make the authorities think they had perished in the water. If they were smart, they
memorize the number in the bags to dispose of in the
water so they could call whoever they needed, like their father, to avoid being suspected on the mainland. Super big fans of your show, by the way, hashtag Team Boogara all the way. Super psyched to hear from you guys. Okay, uh, good stuff. Actually, I like this theory quite a bit. Basically, - Yeah, that makes sense. - They abandoned all their items as a ruse to try and make people
think that they died. - Frankly, I don't
understand why the belong I guess, yeah if you made it seem like - You crashed, right? - Yeah, why would you need
to write down the numbers. How hard is it to remember a phone number? - Well, one of the things
that they found that they considered irrefutable proof that the belongings were from the inmates was that they had the list of names that was, you know, relatives
that they were gonna contact on the mainland. - Yeah, just find a phone book. - No, but I'm saying they
wrote that down as like - Oh, to be like
- Fake evidence. - This is definitely us. - This is definitely us. - Yeah, that's what I'm saying. - Here's all the people that I know. - It doesn't make sense that
they would need to do that. - Well they did it. - So the only reason I
could see them doing that, like as they're positing, is
just to make authorities go yeah, that's definitely them! - We didn't posit that
in the episode, though. - Did we not? - We didn't.
- Hm. - It's a good, that's a good thought. - You're using your noggin. - Because if you remember
- Lauren Smith - The boat was never found. - That's right. - So, they probably used
the boat to get to shore. Then they were like, let's
toss some shit overboard. - Yeah, they'll be like here's my watch. - Yeah. - Take out a tooth. (pop) - That way authorities will think we're all a bunch of sea raisins. - Yeah, sea raisins. - Yeah. Alright, what are we going to here? - Gram town. From no it's Nat, for postmortem,
if y'all had a prison, what would you allow during happy hour? Love y'all, hashtag Shaniac. And then a little martini emoji. - If I had a prison, so I'm
the warden in this scenario? - Yup, it's your prison. - What would I allow
- You make the rules. - It's happy hour. - There would be no happy hour. - No? - No happy hour. There'd be a sad hour. - I mean they're people. - Absolute quiet. - They're people, Ryan. - Not anymore. - Well I'm gonna, well
come on down to my prison because we're gonna have a lot of fun. We're gonna have scrabble and popcorn. - Man, I gotta start
committing some crimes to get into that prison. - Yeah, it sounds fun, right? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - And I'll pop it myself
on my little whirly pop. I'll go, I'll start popping it and everyone will be like huh? And then I'll hit the button,
all the cell doors will open, and they'll come and line up. - So your prison
- It's poppin' time. - Your prison, it's more like
the one from Paddington Two. - A little bit, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't want have a
little popcorn prison time. - Your prison sounds pretty fun, but mine, no, absolute silence. - That's unbelievable. Absolute si-, that may
be inhumane actually. - I hope so. - Uh, yeah maybe I'll let
them have something fun. I don't know. - In what way? Dream boards or vision boards - Vision boards isn't good. Maybe they could uh - Movie night? - Thirty minutes of Netflix
a day, I don't know. - Thirty minutes of Netflix, okay. - They'd have one big Netflix account where the login page would have ten thousand different profiles. You'd have to find your profile. By the time you found
it, your thirty minutes would probably be up. - What about like a nice crafts station. - Sure, that sounds good too. I've never had any aspirations
to own or operate a prison, so it's like not something
I usually think about, but - Well now's the time to think about it. - Well that's true. - Because someone asked
us to think about it. - I just thought - That's what we're here for, Ryan. - I just thought about
it, and I thought maybe a Netflix account that was joint between the thousands of inmates or how about a I don't know - Yeah, here we go, here we go,
yeah keep going, keep going. - They could whittle. I don't know.
- They could whittle. - Like basket weaving. - You're gonna give them knives? Is that what you're gonna do? Because that's not good. - Yeah, it'll be fun,
throw a little in the mix. - You're gonna issue
knives to every prisoner and say now these are only for whittling. - These are only for
whittling and basket weaving, and then I'm gonna open the
doors and see what happens. - And then you take them outside for some target practice with some rifles? - Exactly, yeah, now these (wheezes) - Now these are just for the clay pigeons - This is just so you
could practice firing off into the sky for funerals, that's it. It's only for the sound,
so anyways, you're free. This is from YouTube. This comes from Louisa G Two, Louisa G. If you were in Alcatraz,
would you want to escape, and if so, how would you do it? Yeah, I think I'd wanna escape. - I don't think I would, it sounds nice. - Yeah, I mean this did
sound like a pretty cushy - People pay a lot of
money to go there nowadays. - Yeah, I actually was in San
Francisco this past weekend. I thought about going to Alcatraz, but it was a little too pricey for me. - Yeah, last time I was there, I was like oh, I gotta go to the rock. - You gotta like schedule a tour, pay a bunch of money. - Yeah. - These guys got to stay there for free. - Also, I was like on vacation. I didn't really wanna
spend one of my off days going to a prison, a dirty, dusty place when that's what I do when I'm at work. - That's true. - I think I've seen enough prisons. - Yeah. I, uh, yeah I'd chill, I just chill. And it seems like the
guards were kinda nice. I'd probably get a good
rapport going with them. Just hang out. They seem pretty - You're treating it like it's a dorm. Like you're like, eh it's pretty sweet - They seem pretty accommodating. You'd be like, oh could
you move me over here and give me some more
raincoats and pillows, and they'd be like sure yeah. It'd be a cozy little place. - I guess you could say that. I'd be like what's Shane up to. Oh he's actually doing pretty well. He's got like a one bedroom
one bath in San Francisco. It's tough to live up there. - Yeah, that normally runs you thirty five hundred
dollars a month, I'm sure. - Sweet ocean views. - Yeah. - This from YouTube. Destiny Dustin, for Postmortem,
if the scientists got pretty close to Golden Gate
Bridge in similar conditions, don't you think that the
escapees could have got as close as they could in
the raft before it sank and swam the rest of the way to shore. If the raft sank, then
they would have lost their personal belonging that were found. So they're saying that they didn't do the toss the shit over the side as a ruse. They said that they
actually, the raft sunk because it was, you
know, made of raincoats. - Yeah. - And, yeah, I think they
could've swam the rest of the way. - Yeah, I mean if these nerdy
ass scientists can do it I saw some people, they were
tweeting, they were like not all scientists are nerds. Uh, yeah they are. (laughs) - I need to see a picture
of these scientist. - So show me your hunky scientist that exists outside of CBS. - Wouldn't that just be a
hilarious side effect of this show if that from now on, people
just start tweeting pictures of us of scientists that
are like fucking jacked? - Yeah. - Like just ripped, like I'm a scientist. You think I couldn't make it past shore, and he's like flexing. - Yeah. - No, I don't think you could've. - Even if you've got
muscles, you're still a dork. - 'Cause you're still
a dork on the inside. - Yeah, I love DNA and RNA. Well you've never heard of that other one? It's different. - Pick those weights up, put them back down as much as you like. Ain't gonna cover the
fact that you're a nerd! - Yeah, well muscles are probably from lugging all your stupid textbooks around. Oh, oh don't book me. - He's doing three hundred page curls. Yeah, look at that, you'll get real buff. - Intellectual curiosity is important and you should uh (laughs) You should really uh try to
consume knowledge veraciously. But also, scientists are fucking dorks. - We should start that
hashtag, ripped scientist. - Ripped scientists. - And just, people will never figure out it traces back to us. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Get that trending. - Get it trending. - Ripped scientist, to prove us wrong. - Yeah - Yeah, I don't know. I think they would have made it. I think were fighting for
their life, lot of adrenaline, a whole lot of I don't wanna
die going on in their head. Better paddle quickly. You know, that's what I would think. - Yeah. - That does it for this episode of BuzzFeed Unsolved Postmortem. Make sure you watch the
new episode this Friday and send in your questions
to the aforementioned social accounts on Facebook
and Instagram and uh oh and also on the video,
comment directly on the video. - And subscribe to
BuzzFeed Unsolved Network. - Yeah, and maybe next
time, you'll be featured on the next Postmortem. - And thanks for watching, we hit there's a million
subscribers now, that's good. - Oh we didn't mention that! - Yeah, it's exciting. - That is exciting. - It's very exciting. - Yeah, thank you all for
everyone who subscribed. We hit a million this past
weekend, which is amazing. - By next week, let's hit three. - Have we talked about
Midsummer Scream, yet? - Oh, we were at Midsummer
Scream, it was very fun. Thanks to everyone who came out. Here's a photo from it. (laughs) - Yeah, it was good.
- [Shane] It was good. - Yeah, thank you everybody who came out to Midsummer Scream. That was a good turn out. Also, thank you for all the pieces of art and gifts that we got there. I have a whole bag of them. I'm gonna probably post
those on my Instagram 'cause there's some good stuff in there. - There was some really good stuff. - I got a Paddington Bear. - I got a beautiful
drawing of Dan, the hotdog. - Okay, that's it for the show, right? - That's it for the show. Our weekly Q and A concluded. I now welcome you to the part of the show we call the Hot Daga. Hot Dog Saga commissioned
by Ryan Steven Bergara, written by me, and adored
by every single viewer, and if you don't like it,
you can kiss my apple taters. Deep in the bowels of the
oh nine station space buffet luxury resort, two sliders
commiserate in the canteen. Oh hey, Christopher, long time no see. Oh whoa, Alice! Yeah, they
had me up on the lido deck. Life guard duty, heh. Not what I signed up
for, but somebody's gotta keep an eye on those pickles. Huh, yeah, tell me about it. Anyway, I uh (laughs) - Stupid. - I put in for a transfer off station but I just ended up her in the process in processing an admissions bun - I'm ashamed I chuckled like that. - You know, like the song says, sometimes you life don't
go exactly how you planned. True, well glad to have you aboard. I really miss seeing you around. Oh, yeah, I missed you too. The air feels heavy. Oh, uh actually, um are
you about to eat or? Oh no, I just finished, why? Oh well, I could use a hand
interrogating some new arrivals. Little suspicious, we found
them trying to sneak in through the cargo delivery bag. Said they got turned around and lost their reservation
passes in a wormhole. I'm not too worried about it,
just have to cover our bases. Oh yeah, of course. The two sliders walk next to
the temporary leisure break where a family is waiting. From the looks of it, a husband, a wife, and their two children. Oh hey there folks, sorry
to keep you waiting. Oh heck, no worries. I feel so darn stupid, showing up at the wrong entrance and all. It's what I get for letting
my husband do the driving. Oh here we go again. So I fell asleep at the wheel
almost veered into a wormhole. Big whoop. Well, we've all been there. It's a long trip, after all. I'm sure you're all exhausted. I'm Alice by the way, this is Christopher. Oh, we've just got a few quick questions before we get you all checked in Mrs. Um Teresa Matterhorn, I'm
a high powered attorney. I've been looking forward
to this vacation all year. This is my husband, Cecil Ramone. My friends call me the Juggernaut. And our two sons, Delmar. I'm just a sweet boy and that's it. And then Smeech. Wee! Well, a lovely family. Christopher's pulling up
your reservation right now. I'm so sorry for the inconvenience. In fact, to make up for all the trouble, we can offer you some vouchers for Hey uh, Alice. Christopher furrows his
brow at this handheld tablet and then looks nervously
at the Matterhorns. Hm. Do you mind um Can I talk to you outside real quick? The sliders leave the holding cell Oh god, they're gonna kill us. They know, they know! No, shut up Joblet. This was our only way into this place. Just place is cool, turd ball. They're buying it. You don't think there's
warrants out for our arrest? They're probably putting the
pieces together, right now. We gotta fess up. You squeal and you're
cobbler, you hear me? I'll kill you before they get a chance to slap the cuffs on us. No, try me Goondis. You know, we used to be friends. You were my only friend. You locked me in a mind prison, A-hole. Shut up, here they come. Um, sorry about that folks. Just um, putting out fires all day. You know how it goes, as an attorney. Sure, as an attorney yeah. - How much longer we got? - [Shane] I get it. - I gotta go to the bathroom so bad. What do you got here? Okay. - Well anyway, here's those
vouchers for free toaster cans. You weren't in our system, but
I'm not too worried about it. Oh, uh thanks. Well, if you head out those
doors and take the elevator on the left up to the hundredth
and seventy fourth floor you should find your room. Uh and don't forget to stop by orientation to shrink those worries. Oh and by the way, you guys look just like those people on the news. You gotta, you gotta find a newspaper and take a photo with it or something. It's incredible. We'll do that. Thanks for all your hospitality. Come on, Smeech. The family exits. Well, that was uneventful. Well you should know by
now, nothing exciting ever happens around here. Any big weekend plans? Oh yeah, um Seymour's taking
me to the Pasta Parade. Ugh, that guy? Uh, he's a nice guy. Will Maisy and Co track
down Jean, Mike, and Garse. What sinister plans does the
Dark Master have in store? Where's little Pam? All this and more next time
on the Hot Daga, only on BUN. - Well, I gotta go to the bathroom. That was uh - [Cameraman] Stop, you can't, nah, nope. Can't hear you, your mic just fucking - His mic's dead? (wheezes) You've got nothing to say, no. What you loved the episode? - I said I have to go to the
- It was the best episode yet? - I gotta go to the bathroom.
- I can't even hear. What? Oh, well Ryan,
that's too sweet of you. - I gotta go to the bathroom. - Ry loved it. - I gotta go to the bathroom. - He loved it. Let's cut to that clip of
him laughing at it again. (video plays) (laughs) (laughs) - I need to go really badly. - See you next week, folks.
