>> GOOD AFTERNOON, FOLKS.
THIS IS CAPTAIN HITNART IN THE FLIGHT DECK, JOINED BY FIRST
OFFICER NEWTON. >> HOWDY, FOLKS.
WE REACHED OUR CRUISING ALTITUDE, SO I'M GOING TO GO
AHEAD AND TURN OFF THE FASTEN THE SEATBELT SIGN.
[ DING ] COMPUTER SAYING WE'LL HAVE YOU
IN SAN FRANCISCO JUST A HAIR PAST 3:00.
FOR NOW, SIT BACK, RELAX AND ENJOY THE FLIGHT.
THANKS FOR FLYING JET BLUE. [ CLEARS THROAT ]
SO, AS I WAS SAYING, I NEED TO GET LAID.
[ LAUGHTER ] I'M VERY BACKED UP.
>> ME, TOO. THESE PIPES BE CLOGGED, SIR.
I SAW AN OLD SCOOBY DOO EPISODE ON THE AIRPORT TV AND
DAPHNE WAS GETTING ME HOT. >> OH, YEAH.
I'LL BET VELMA HAS A LITTLE BODY UNDER THAT BIG SWEATER RIGHT?
[ LAUGHTER ] >> YOU BET SHE DOES.
YOU KNOW VELMA AND SHAGGY WERE BANGING.
IMAGINE SCOOBY AT THE END OF THE BED WATCHING.
RAGGY, WHAT ARE ROOING? [ LAUGHTER ]
UH, NOTHING, SCOOB. ME AND VELMA ARE JUST
WRESTLING. >> GOD, I NEED TO GET LAID.
>> WHAT THE HELL ARE THEY TALKING ABOUT?
>> YEAH, HI, PLEASE STOP TALKING.
YOUR INTERCOM BUTTONS ARE ON AND THE PASSENGERS HEARD ALL OF
THAT. >>UH, HEY, FOLKS.
ON BEHALF OF JET BLUE I'D LIKE TO APOLOGIZE FOR THE ADULT CHAT
YOU JUST HEARD. A BUTTON ON OUR INTERCOM BROKE.
JUST ONE OF THE MANY SMALL ELECTRONIC PROBLEMS YOU RUN
INTO ON A VERY OLD PLANE LIKE THIS.
>> A VERY OLD PLANE? >> ALL RIGHT, CALLING THE PLANE
OLD DIDN'T GO OVER WELL WITH THE PASSENGERS.
YOU MIGHT WANT TO SETTLE THEIR NERVES.
>>OH, MAN, THANKS. YOU'RE AN "A" PLUS FLIGHT
ATTENDANT. >> I'M NOT A FLIGHT ATTENDANT, I
AM A SKY LIAISON. >> OKAY.
>> HERE, I'LL TAKE THIS ONE. >> OKAY.
>> HOWDY, GANG. FIRST OFFICER NEWTON HERE.
THIS PLANE IS JUST FINE. WE SPOKE WITH AN ENGINEER WHO
TOLD US, OLD PLANES ARE THE >> THE BAR?
AT BUFFALO WILD WINGS? THESE PERVERTS WERE DRINKING?
>> HEY, FOLKS, JUST REALIZE THAT BAR COMMENT MIGHT HAVE MADE YOU
THINK WE WERE DRINKING BEFORE THE FLIGHT.
NO, SIR-REE. I DO NOT DRINK.
IT MESSES WITH ALL THE MEDICATIONS I'M ON.
>> OH, MY GOD. WE'RE GOING TO DIE.
>> AND YOU, YOU ARE DOING JACK ASS TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER.
>> HEY, LADY, YOU'RE FREAKING SCREAMING.
>> HOW ARE YOU NOT FREAKING OUT RIGHT NOW?
>> BECAUSE I TOOK ADVANTAGE, BABY.
I'M FULL ON -- HAKUNA MATATA. JET BLUE IS REALLY WORKING US
HERE. >> WHY DO THEY KEEP SAYING
JET BLUE? THIS IS NOT A JET BLUE FLIGHT.
>> BY THE WAY, TEEN COMEDY, BOOKSMART IS OUR FEATURED IN
NIGHT MOVIE. FUN FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY.
MAYBE NOT THE WHOLE FAMILY. THERE'S LESBIAN STUFF IN THERE,
BUT I DON'T THINK YOU SEE THEM GOING DOWN ON EACH OTHER OR
ANYTHING. WHOA, WHOA!
I SHOULDN'T HAVE SAID GOING DOWN, CAUSE IT MIGHT MAKE YOU
THINK OF THE PLANE GOING DOWN, WHICH IS NOT, UNTIL WE LAND
SAFELY IN SAN DIEGO. >> BUT, THIS PLANE IS SUPPOSED
TO GO TO SAN FRANCISCO. THEIR GIVE ME A XANAX.
>> I WISH I COULD, BUT NO. >> ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT FROM THE
FLIGHT DECK. SO, UH, SIT BACK, RELAX AND SIT
BLACK. SIT BLACK?
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? SIT BLACK.
SIT THERE AND START RAPPING IN YOUR SEAT LIKE -- SORRY IF THAT
WAS RACIALLY INSENSITIVE. I DID NOT MEAN IT THAT WAY.
YOU KNOW WHAT, FROM NOW UNTIL CHRISTMAS, NONWHITES FLY FREE ON
JET BLUE. THAT'S NOT REAL.
I JUST MADE THAT UP. SO SIT BLACK -- WHOA, SAID IT
AGAIN. BOOK SMART.
ENJOY THE FLIGHT. OH, OKAY.
LOOKS, LIKE WE'VE GOT SOME CHOPPY AIR.
MAN, TURN ON THE FASTEN THE SEATBELT SIGN.
YEP, THERE YOU GO. >> OH, MY GOD!
>> HAKUNA MATATA, BABY.
