Provo on a Friday, I like it. Some of you guys are into it, some of you aren't even trying. I appreciate it. That's good. Pointing out to faces. I like it. So nice to be back in Provo. This is my second time here. I'm glad nothing's changed. It's just a bunch of people that look like me in this town. Very friendly. Also awkward. And also awkward. Everyone has a twinge of definitely home-schooled in this town. (audience laughing) There's nothing wrong with that, but we can tell. (audience laughing) It's a lot of very friendly people going, hi, and then nothing to add. (audience laughing) And then they don't know how to leave, they're just hi-- (audience laughing) We were just there, oh, bless your heart. Sweet, young person. So good to be here. Last time I was here was my first time I think in the state of Utah. So I didn't know much about Utah. I just assumed what I think everyone thinks about Utah. That it's just all a bunch of religious people. But since then, I've been back a lot and I've learned that is not true. There's two groups of people in Utah. (audience laughing) There's very religious people and heathens. (audience applauding) And they are two very distinct groups. They'll come up to you. Either they'll be on one side like "hi, yes, we have church to go "to on Sunday but thank you." Or someone else would be like, "hi, "I cook narcotics in a cemetery." (audience laughing) Both very friendly, I want to mention it. So polite. So polite. So polite but very different. (audience laughing) I like being back here. Last time I was here, I talked about my fat cat Jessica. Yeah, some people remember that. I had no idea that video was going to go viral. I had no idea 60 million people would watch me talk about my chubby cat Jessica and that I would have cat people fans. That was the weirdest thing. You just went, I know, I didn't plan on it either. I didn't even realize that it happened, like Dry Bar didn't hit me up to go, hey, by the way, your video is going bananas. You are a cat comedian now. I found out organically by performing. I was in Spokane, Washington, working at a comedy club all weekend right before Christmas. Christmas was like on a Monday that week. And so crowds should have been really light all week because it's the holidays no one should be coming out for comedy. But every crowd was packed. And it was all just women in cardigans. (audience laughing) And I'm like, I think this is from the cat video. And then after the show, these women would line up and show me pictures of their cats. And I was just like, I've made it. (audience laughing) I can't believe it. We finally made it. So it's very exciting thanks so much for having me back. Late show in Provo. This is how it is. I like it. It feels like this is the only thing happening in town right now. (audience laughing) I feel like if we went outside the power would be shut off. And the mayor would be, like, "What are you guys still doing out? "Get home. "This is late." It's just nice to be back. I love it. I like coming to cities where I can pronounce the name of the city. No one's corrected me. I go oh, I'm here in Provo. And they're like, "you said that so "good." (audience laughing) Pronunciation was perfect. Sometimes people get particular. I did a show once in Louisville, Kentucky, and those people corrected me immediately. I walked out on stage, in front of like 400 people, I'm like, hey, so good to be here in Louisville. I had 400 people immediately, "it's pronounced Louisville. (audience laughing) "It's Louisville." And it was not a polite, like, hey, why don't you try it this way? It was a very angry, it's Louisville, Louisville. Now you're just there like, I am so sorry Louisvile. I apologize. They're like, "it's Louisville." And I'm like whoa, whoa? "Louisville." Whoa, whoa? "Louisville." And finally I'm, like, I can't. I can't say it. I think I have too many teeth. I think that's what hold me back. I got too many of these pearly white roadblocks in my face. And I'm just unable to go for whoa, whoa. I'm glad you guys enjoyed that, because they did not. (audience laughing) I had a room full of jack-o-lantern sneering at me. (audience laughing) It was tough to come back from it. And I didn't. I bombed for a whole hour, humbling as I would call it. It's very nice to be back here. A lot's changed since last time I was here. The world ended. For a while, there was a worldwide pandemic. I don't know if you guys watched the news. It was pretty good story there for a long time. I don't even know if it's over, I think. I can't tell. No one's come out to tell us either way. I feel like Greta Thunberg should come out and just give us good news for once in her little life, and be like, "hey, I know "I'm like the Groundhog of bad news "but the pandemic is over, everybody." I think she should be the one to tell us. (audience applauding) She should be given that honor, but I don't know. I thought the pandemic ended in March of 2021, and I actually declared that it was over. I yelled out loud. I declared the pandemic is now over. I have no jurisdiction to do that. But I saw so many other people yelling craziness about the pandemic that I felt left out. But I really thought the pandemic was over in March of this year because I was flying home from Kansas City, Missouri. - Yeah. - Oh, are you-- OK, I've never-- all right, yeah. They do have an airport. You are right. I was flying home from Kansas City, Missouri, and across the aisle, this lady had the whole row to herself and she laid down, face-down into the airplane seat cushion, just face right into it. No pillow, no rolled up sweatshirt, just face into a seat cushion. And I was looking at her, I'm like, yeah, I think the pandemic is over now. (audience laughing) But it is not. There is more. (audience laughing) And this pandemic is just-- I don't know, a bunch of craziness has happened. It feels like a Super Bowl halftime show. That's what it is, like, a really long one. When we're at home and we're just, like, yeah, I guess this is entertaining. But when can we go back to the thing we showed up for, it's definitely entertaining moments but it's a little long in the tooth. And wrap it up. (audience laughing) I miss this. I miss doing comedy in front of people. During the pandemic, I didn't stop doing comedy. I was doing comedy on Zoom. I don't know if you could-- Zoom, the meeting app, yeah, that should have been illegal. But they let us do comedy on Zoom. If you don't know what that is, comedy on Zoom is exactly what I'm doing right now except I would be doing it in my living room, doing it into my laptop screen, which hurts my heart just to talk about. Here's something you might not know about comedians, but if we bomb at a venue, we just don't go back to that venue. There's plenty of bars and restaurants I've never stepped foot back into in San Diego where I live because I bomb there and they've offended me. And when I drive by, I give them an ugly look because I remember that they hurt my heart. But during the pandemic, I was doing comedy on Zoom in a place I pay to live at so I couldn't even leave. (audience laughing) The next day I would just wake up and I'd make coffee in the morning, like, yup, that's where it happened. That's where I lost my dignity. (audience laughing) Now what I did Zoom comedy, I did try to make it feel like the real thing. So what I asked is for everyone to put their microphones on so I could hear the laughter. So it was like this. And I remember in December, I did a company Christmas party at 1:00 in the afternoon, which that should have been illegal. Nothing is funny at 1:00 in the afternoon. You can't do comedy at 1:00 in the afternoon. God's watching. (audience laughing) It's meant to be done at night in secret. That's what comedy is meant to be. But I was doing comedy at 1:00 in the afternoon, and I asked everyone to put their microphones on. And there was an older lady in the audience, I could tell by her voice. She didn't have a video on, it just said Nancy on the screen. And she had her microphone on, but I don't think she meant to because like two minutes into my act, I hit a punch line and everybody laughed. And for a second, I'm like, all right, this feels good. This feels like the real thing. As soon as the laughter died down, Nancy, who doesn't realize her microphone is on, goes, "I don't know how much more of this "I can take. (audience laughing) "I got to get to Costco." (audience laughing) Really taking the wind out of my sails right now. And I do not miss Zoom. I did another company Christmas party that same day. And you know how you can see the other members of the meeting up at the top, I had someone leave my show by closing their laptop screen. Do you get why that hurts? Like they just-- I saw them make the decision and execute. (audience laughing) Like it's dark in here. I can see the first few rows. But if someone in the back was, like, I can't stand this. I got to leave, I'll never know. And I'll leave tonight going, I had a fun show. But this person just looked in my soul and went, that's about enough of you. Do you get why that hurt? She didn't leave the meeting, she left technology. It's like, I'm going to go read a book or something. (audience laughing) Does it hurt my heart? And I don't miss it. I'm glad we're doing it in person again. So much craziness. I got vaccinated, I went and did that. I know that's a divisive statement now. I know, don't even woo or boo because then next thing you know that energy is going to build and we're going to be at the Capitol, just yelling a bunch of nonsense. Don't do anything. (audience applauding) That's what I've learned. (audience laughing) The riot at the Capitol, that was wild. I watched that on TV because I was like, oh, I'm going to watch some count, the electoral votes. And halfway into it I'm, like, this is boring. And I actually tweeted, this is boring. And as soon as I hit Send, it became not boring. It's like the universe was like Zoltan is bored. We'll fix that. Send him in. (audience laughing) I don't know if you guys watch it like I did. But I just watch it on TV. And then all of a sudden, all the people I deleted off of Facebook showed up on my TV screen. And I was like, whoa, is that my uncle? I haven't seen him in a long time. Why is he dressed like a yak? (audience laughing) That was such a crazy thing because they stormed the Capitol. And then I don't think they had the plan for the rest of it. They all just went in there and looked at each other, like, well, what now? And then one of them went, selfies? Should we take selfies? And then they just looked like a bunch of tourists at a Madame Tussauds Wax Museum. (audience laughing) It was fun to watch. It was more entertaining than the electoral votes being counted, I'll give him that. But yeah, I went and got vaccinated. I got yelled at for getting vaccinated by a friend of mine. He's like, "why would you get "vaccinated?" And I was like, whoa, I got vaccinated because I don't know anything. (audience laughing) I never went to college. I graduated high school with a 2.75 GPA average. Average intelligence is what I have. And a bunch of nerds popped up on my TV, and they're like, "you should get "the vaccination." And I was, like, OK. You look like you went to college longer than I went to regular school. So I'll go do that. So I went, and like it seems like 70% of the country listened to the nerds. Meanwhile, my one friend and 30% of the rest of the country was like, "yeah, we heard the nerds "but, we also listened to a Jiu Jitsu "podcast." (audience laughing) They recommend that we reconsider. And by the way, I'm not knocking you. If you decided not to get, it's your choice. It's totally your choice. You're fine. I totally get why a professional fighter wouldn't want the vaccine. I get that. I get that. I've never assaulted anyone while wearing underwear. But I imagine it makes you feel invincible. I imagine it makes you feel amazing. I've never fought another man who is also in his underwear. And we trained eight weeks for that moment. And I've never pummeled him so hard that another man had to run in between us, and go, please stop. You're going to kill him. And then 20,000 people in an arena went, yeah! You ever see a UFC fighter after a wind? Blow. They looked like a Spartan after they just kicked someone in the chest. You imagine what they feel like. They feel invincible. And they come on the news, and they're like, "you should get "the vaccine because there's "a virus that might make you go, "till you die." And he's like, well not me. Did you just see what I did to that man? I'm pretty sure I'll be fine. And I'm pretty sure he will be. But me, I need the vaccine. A month ago, I turned too quick. (audience laughing) Oh, we got some quick turners in the audience? A month ago, I was at a comedy club. And there was a waitress right around here I didn't see, and I turned to quick, almost knocked into her. Stopped, and I pulled a muscle in my neck that ran down into my shoulder. And then for the next two weeks when driving, I had to change lanes based on faith. (audience laughing) There was no checking a blind spot. I was like, we're doing it. I need the vaccine. Two, maybe a booster. I need it. I'm not equipped to survive. So wild how everything turned out, man. I really thought this virus was going to bring us together. What an idiot. That was real thought that I had. I told someone, March 2020, they're like how do you think this is going to pan out, Zoltan? I'm, like, I think this is going to bring us together. What a stupid statement that is? That is really what I thought. Because I remember, there's a famous quote that said sometimes to bring two adversaries together, you need a common enemy. And then the virus showed up. And I'm like, all right, we can hate that together. And we did for like three days. Remember that we had like three days in March of 2020 when we were like, we're in this together. Remember that? Celebrities on their phones, we're in this together. I was at home going, yeah, you're in a mansion, but OK. Yeah. I don't have an infinity pool, but yeah, we're in this together. But we were. We were in this together for like three days. And then the fourth day someone's, like, that virus is a Democrat, and it was over. (audience laughing) It was done. We've made the virus political, which that hurt my heart, because that means we're never going to come together ever. Like if the aliens ever do attack, we're not going to band together to fight the aliens. We're just going to go, let's see how they vote in November. (audience laughing) These guys might be all right. (audience laughing) It's funny how quick it got crazy too. It wasn't long after the lockdown, we were fist fighting over toilet paper already. Two weeks in, I remember there's a guy who trended on Twitter because he threatened to eat his neighbor. Yeah, two weeks in. It's too soon. (audience laughing) There's plenty of food at Costco. Calm down. Yeah, there's a guy on Twitter. He had a video, and he goes, "I'll eat my neighbor!" That's what he sounded like. He sounded like an outboard motor without any gasoline in it, but you try to start it anyway-- That's what he sounded like. "I'll eat my neighbor!" I remember seeing that on Twitter and the only person I could think about was his neighbor. Can you imagine being that guy's neighbor and you're just scrolling Twitter? And you're like, whoa, honey, look, it's Jim from next door. He's gone viral. What's he saying? (audience laughing) Does he still have the spare key? (audience laughing) Because we going to change the locks. (audience laughing) Now to be fair to this guy, I watched his whole video. And what he was trying to say was actually something sweet. He's trying to say, I would never let my kids go hungry. If we ran out of food, I'd eat my neighbor. (audience laughing) Now, I'm not a parent, but that sounds like the right thing to say. That's what you're supposed to say. You're like, I love you guys, I don't love him nearly as much. If we run out of food, we'll just eat him. I think that was the right thing to say. (audience laughing) But I was thinking about me as a kid, like man, I was a picky eater. (audience laughing) I'm pretty sure you couldn't just drop Mike from next door on the table and be like Bon Appetit, and then just-- I'll be sitting there going, we need some sriracha. We got to spruce this up a tad. (audience laughing) So I ended up getting the vaccine. Nothing crazy happened to me. I got sick for a couple of days. My poor fiancee, she ended up having a panic attack after her second shot. It wasn't her fault. She had a nurse that actually told her, "hey, it's "my first time ever giving "the vaccine," which I don't work in the medical field, but that sounds like stuff you learn day one. You don't tell anyone it's your first day doing anything. You lie to that person, and you go, I'm the best there's ever been. But that's not who she had. She had a nurse is, like, "hey, "it's my first time ever giving "the vaccine." She start shooting off syringes like Yosemite Sam, like, let's get this vaccine going. And my fiance is, like, huh, and then she stuck her with it. And then she pulled it out and then she left her thumb on her arm for an uncomfortably long time like long enough for her to go, is everything OK? And she goes, "what, yeah, "everything's good. "You're just bleeding a lot more "than I expected." And then she yelled over to another nurse. She's like, "hey, "can you get that gauze? "Just bring the whole box." So they wrapped her up. They move her off to the quarantine area. It's so full. We're not sitting next to each other. So now she's texting me everything I just told you guys. And I'm texting her back, you're fine. Everything's good. I'm sorry that happened to you. That sucks, but you're totally fine. Don't let it go to your head, because if it goes to your head, then you won't be fine. And she goes, "you're right, "I won't let it go to my head." I'm like, yeah, you're right on. And then three minutes later, she texted me. She's like, "it's in my head." And I'm like, are you OK? And she goes, "no, I'm dying." And I was, like, that's quick. That's really fast. But I'm like, "don't worry baby, "I got you." So I sprang out of my seat like the hero that I am. I ran, I found someone who looked important. I'm, like, excuse me, my fiance is dying, the vaccine did it. Bring everybody. I know how to get help. You have to yell. So that guy got a doctor, a nurse, and a third guy in a suit. I don't know who that guy was. I think he was just a PR guy for Moderna. Like he just kept very loudly telling my fiance, no, no, no, honey you felt like this before you got here just to calm everybody else down because they're all looking at her, like, what's in this stuff? And then the doctor comes by and takes her blood pressure. And he goes, "wow, your blood "pressure's really low. "You're about to faint." And I looked at him, I'm like, what is wrong with you people? Lie. This isn't the time for the truth. Why? Why would you tell someone they're about to faint? Lie to them. And go, you're doing great. You're doing so good. What? I'm not bracing for anything. You're doing great. Not this guy. This guy is like, "You're about to faint." She's like, I feel it. And she starts melting down. (audience laughing) We ended up having to take a wheelchair from an elderly person. That also happened. Apparently they only had one wheelchair on the entire premises and they gave it to an elderly lady. And they ran up to her going, you got to figure your legs out ma'am because this girl needs it. So we booted a senior citizen. After about a half hour and a few bottles of water, she started to feel better. And the doctor goes, "we don't like "to say this in the medical field, "but you had what they call a panic "attack. "You're totally fine. "It was just in your head. "You're good, you can go home." And on the drive home, she was, like, "I'm so embarrassed. "I got a panic attack in front of all "those strangers." And I'm like, you shouldn't be embarrassed about that. Same thing would have happened to me. If I sat down and nurse is like, it's my first time ever giving the vaccine, I would have been like, no, it won't be, because I'm going to wait. I'm going to wait for anybody else. Anybody. Anybody. I don't care if it's a nurse, I'd rather a junkie from under the bridge, give me my vaccine. Is there anyone here with some experience with needles? I'll take anybody. I'd rather a junkie just come and go, "I got you baby." And then just stick me with it. I'd be more comfortable with that than it's my first time ever. I'm not going on your wall. (audience laughing) So good. I did spend a lot of the pandemic working on myself. I think a lot of people did that. I don't know if you guys can tell I'm trying to stand up straight. I started working on my posture because I got an ad on Instagram that was asking me if I was slouching too much. I was just scrolling, and they're like, are you slouching right now? And I looked in the mirror and sure enough, I'm like this. And I'm like, how close are you watching me there? (audience laughing) But what they're trying to do is sell me these rubber bands that go around your shoulders. And they make you stand like a guy that you hate. (audience laughing) You know these dudes that just come into a room, all shoulders and Adam's apple everywhere they go? No one likes that guy. His name's usually Trevor or something. You know the guy, who runs across the gym. I don't know if this is hitting too close for anybody. (audience laughing) So I almost bought these rubber bands that make you stand like a Trevor. But I didn't because I'm like, I have mental strength. I can just remind myself to stand up straight. So that's what I've been doing. I've just been standing up straight. And you know what I learned? Standing up straight hurts my back. (audience laughing) Like right now, this is very uncomfortable. Where all the bones meet, pain. You know what feels good? This right here. This right here has never hurt me once. Never once have I been like this going, oh, we got to straighten out. I think this is where we're supposed to be. You know who I think had it right? That dude in the middle of the evolutionary chart. (audience laughing) You know what I'm talking about? The cavemen? On one end, there'd be a guy crawling. At the other end, Trevor just walking all over him. But if you look in the middle, there's just a guy with like a healthy slouch. I think that's where we're supposed to be. (audience laughing) In fact, if you see a guy with this slouch, this is a good guy right here. Befriend this guy. This guy will pick you up from the airport. He'll be early. He'll have Starbucks ready. This is a good guy. This dude, he will try to date your girlfriend when you're going on that trip. Not a great guy. (audience laughing) I think I'm just going to accept my curved spine because I'm body positive. I love the body positivity movement. I'm not going to live up to Instagram standards of spinal cords. Mine has a bit of a hitch in it and I'm going to love it. I love the body positivity movement. If you guys don't know what the body positivity movement is, that's where your body kind of sucks but you love it anyway. What a great movement? Why would you hate your body? Love it. That's the one you got. You're like, yeah, but that guy's got a better one. Yeah, that guy sucks. You got what you got. You might as well love it. I wish body positivity was around sooner. I could have used it when I was a chubby kid growing up wearing a t-shirt to the pool. I could have used it then. I could have used body positivity then. I thought I look slim, and you know I didn't. That's the chubbiest I ever looked. I would just come out the shirt would be hugging my voluptuous curves. Not anymore, I'm body positive. I was at the beach last week. I took my shirt off. I don't care if my nipples don't match. I'm out there. (audience laughing) Body positivity. My only knock on the body positivity movement, and I think it will evolve over time, but I hope one day, body positivity can move north to include the face. I don't know if you guys noticed body positivity seems to cut off right around here. Right around here. Here down, you've got to love your body. That's your body. From here up, oh, yeah, you've got to fix that. You're like, why? It's connecting. No. (audience laughing) Don't mess with your face, you guys. Your face is beautiful. That's your face. Two people came together, they had an intimate moment, and this is the receipt. (audience laughing) I feel like more people should cheer at that but everyone's always like, yeah, but my parents are pretty ugly. If I want to smooth out some of these dents and divots, I will. I don't know, man. Life was good before the pandemic. For me, anyway, 2019 was a great year. 2019 which was the first year I started to feel like an adult. In 2019, I was 32. And I was like it's time. I was feeling like an adult. I bought a couch that year. It was a big year for me. I'm not saying I never owned a couch before, I'm just saying I never paid for one before. (audience laughing) It's my first time purchasing a couch. It's a big year. I also pay taxes that year, never did that before. (audience laughing) First timer. And I'm not trying to say I was a tax cheat, I always filed my taxes like a responsible citizen. But all the other years the government was like, whoa, looks like you need this. In fact, here's a little extra. We're worried about you. 2019 was the first year they asked me for money. And just like that, I'm now a Republican. (audience laughing) (audience cheering) First 31 years bleeding heart liberal, we got to help everybody. Until they ask me for money, and I'm like, well, you guys got to pick yourselves up by your bootstraps1 (audience laughing) Can't be pulling the wagon for everybody! (audience laughing) That's my favorite joke because it's for everybody. That's a bipartisan tax joke right there. Everyone can enjoy it. One side's like, oh, that's cute. He's being ironic. And the other side is, like, oh, he's seeing the light. (audience laughing) So it works. (audience laughing) So good. I learned so much, man. I used to make fun of millennials. That was something I did. Yeah, I used to make fun of millennials until I did a Google search (audience laughing) and I realized I am one. Now, I don't think they're that bad. That's who I am in a nutshell. I'm a total hypocrite. I'll make fun of a group of people until I realize I am that group of people, and be like, come on you guys. They're all right. (audience laughing) I like millennials. If I did have to pick on millennials, I think our biggest issue is we're too self-aware. We know exactly what's wrong with us and why. And I don't know if that's healthy. Because everyone in my age knows exactly what's wrong with them but no one seems to be getting any better. (audience laughing) Like every person I meet my age, they're like, "I have anxiety." I'm like, oh, what are you doing about that? "Nothing. "I'm telling you so you work around "it." (audience applauding) It's like, no, you did half the job. You identified it but then you got to-- Everyone knows why they have anxiety. They'll tell you right away when you meet somebody, "I have anxiety "because when I was eight, "my brother locked me in a closet, "kept me there all weekend." (audience laughing) It's like that's too soon. That's for tomorrow. That's if we talk again tomorrow. This is too soon. And it's not like we're the first generation to have anxiety. We're just the first generation to look into it. I'm sure previous generations had anxiety. But they didn't look into it. They're just like. I don't know. When I go to Costco, my cheeks tingle and they kept it at that. (audience laughing) You didn't have time to start digging into it. (audience laughing) But that's who I am. I'm a millennial. I'm not manly. I'm not a manly person. I don't know if you guys can tell by my build. I'm not manly. I had someone recently asked me if I could change a flat tire, and I'm like why would I even try? Why would I even attempt that? I have AAA. AAA. Get AAA. If you don't have it, get it. It's $50. $50 a year, you get a flat tire. One phone call, a real man shows up, and he does it all where you stand safely off to the side, sipping a latte, making small talk, like, oh, is that a torque wrench? All right. (audience laughing) That's all you have to do. Someone asked me if I could change my own oil. Again, why would I even try? I don't even know where that hole is. (audience laughing) And also, how well do you think I'm doing that? You think I have a pit in my driveway? That's how I get my oil changed. You drive it over a pit, and there's a troll down there, and that guy is doing-- no one knows that guy. That's someone we keep down there. (audience laughing) Sweep snacks down there for him. He just doesn't get to live in society with us. (audience laughing) Scariest time of year for me is coming up. It's the winter. It's when I got to light the pilot light on my furnace. That is the most terrifying time of the year for me. I got to pump myself up for that like a football player, like here we go. Let's do it. I got to trim my beard and make sure nothing catches. Have you ever done it? You open it, it's just covered in warning labels. It's all, don't touch this. That will explode. That'll kill you. And you're like, I'm just trying to make it 72 in here. That's all I'm doing. I'm trying not to wear a sweatshirt indoors. Why is this a life and death situation? And then when I finally get ready to do it, I put my phone out and I put it on a YouTube tutorial video, so a 14-year-old Malaysian kid can teach me how to light the pilot light in my furnace. And I'm terrified. I go down there like, here we go. And every time I do it, I'm like that's not how a real man attacks this project. A real man just shows up covered in gasoline, strikes a match on his 5 o'clock shadow, and just go-- heat for everybody, cause I'm a man. (audience laughing) And everyone around him, what a man. Yeah, I'm going to go take a shot of A1 sauce. See you guys for dinner. What a man. Not me, I'm down there going, oh, my eyebrows. It is terrifying. The last thing I'll tell you is the least manliest thing about me. And I saved that for the end of my show because it's going to make a lot of you not like me. But no matter how you react, I'm leaving. (audience laughing) Least manliest thing about me is I can't drive a stick shift. Yeah, and that's the reaction I always get. I'm just saying I can't do this. That's all I'm saying. I can't do this. And you know why? Because this is stupid. This is dumb. Do you know they make cars now where you don't gotta? Do you know that? Do you know that? Listen, when you're done churning your own butter, why don't you join us in the 21st century? When you're ready, when you're done bookkeeping with your abacus, why don't you join us in modern times? Because there's no way you prefer this. Oh, yeah, let's go for a leisurely drive. Isn't this great? Look at this. No, can't high five you know. Look at all this stuff I got to do. What's that? A hill? Nice. Let's figure that out. How do you even text in this situation? I'm not a fan. You guys have been wonderful. Thank you very much everybody. (audience applauding)
The whole thing is funny. He gets funnier with each passing minute.