(Superheroic Music) ♫Fighter-Man!♫ ♫Fighter-Man!♫ ♫Overall, he's fairly bland!♫ ♫Hit some stuff!♫ ♫Hit some more!♫ ♫Outside combat, it's quite a bore!♫ ♫Look out!♫ ♫He is the Fighter-Maaaaannn!♫ (Jaunty harpsicord music) Gee, I wonder what it does! It's a goddamn MYSTERY! WHO KNOWS! I'll say it because nobody else will: if you pick Fighter, odds are, you're also likely to pick Human because you're basic like that. And that's not just me saying that, it's science. Human Fighters pop out of the woodwork like rabbits on Viagra because people are incapable of choosing something unique even when they're given options like playing as a Kobold Paladin who prays to asteroids just before they crush an unfortunate man's cabbage cart. Just look at me, for example, artistic phenomenon and originator of the satirical "talk-fast" genre of videos. What do you mean, I'm not the first one to come up with the idea? I don't need these lies coming out of you. Everything I make is completely original and everybody knows it. Come on, Master Chief, let's get the FUCK out of here. Fighters are the purest essence of the combat side of D&D, all about hitting things hard and fast, getting into the thick of the fight, and- -Hey, you get out of here, we're not talking about you! They're all focused around rolling more dice than a Limp Bizkit song as well as being straight-up easy baby mode because you get to start using any weapon you want, because you get to start using any weapon you want, heavy armor, because you get to start using any weapon you want, heavy armor, some ranged options, because you get to start using any weapon you want, heavy armor, some ranged options, a free cheesecake, because you get to start using any weapon you want, heavy armor, some ranged options, a free cheesecake, and a complimentary belly rub just for picking the class. Seriously, everything about it is geared towards being so noob-friendly, even a Monster Hunter Longsword player will be laughing at you. If you feel so inclined during combat, you can heal yourself, attack twice, and take a second action to attack twice again all in the same turn - and that's at 5th level! ...Not to mention you getting more ability score increases than any other class means that if you go a turn without hitting at least something, then you must have made some kind of D&D sin that angered Gary Gygax, like getting weighted dice or putting milk in before your cereal. Fighter flavors allow you to pick how you want to be hitting the bad guys, like being a magic bitch that can actually take a hit, or ride a bitch while you cut down a fool, or go all-out Sensei mode and just decide you want advantage for every attack this turn so you're going to absolutely destroy a bitch. But odds are, knowing most Fighters out there, Champion is the best bet because it's basic. Yo, we heard you like Fighters, so we put more Fighter in your Fighter. Just be sure to make your character a rough and grizzle-faced middle-aged straight white man with a two-handed sword and a mysterious and/or tragic and/or vengeful backstory just to fit the bill. Don't want to get too creative now, do we? And now you know how to play Fighter, you're welcome. (Fighter-Man Theme resumes)
♫Hammer, Bow! Sword and Shield!♫ ♫There's no limit what you can wield!♫ ♫Plenty fights, you have fought!♫ ♫Demon Lords, just another THOT♫ ♫This class:♫ ♫Great for a newbie's first time!♫ ♫Plenty of damage to chime!♫ ♫Here comes the Fighter-Maaaaaaaaaaannnn~!♫
Might be one of the better ones, the Fighterman song is great.
You know I would be offended but I have played 4 fighters across 6 campaigns...
Well, that jab on the backstory certainly hit the nail on the head. Touché.
“Demon lord’s just another thot” high level characters captured perfectly in one sentence
I feel attacked. In my defense, my fighter is a dwarf.
Man, the two ton tunic on the magic item shelf is taking me back. Time to base some magic items off of Xiaolin Showdown
Amazing! I miss the MH crap guides, but since I've recently starting playing D&D again, this will do perfectly!
As Someones who's first character was a kobold paladin, I feel kind of justified now!
I love this guy I love the bard one