I'm Lise Leblanc and in this video, I will give you seven
clues that your partner does not have narcissistic personality disorder. When it's a person with
NPD, it is virtually impossible to have a healthy At the end of this video, I will give you some
quick and easy experiments to test your partner to see if, you know, if they have high levels
of narcissism but this content of course is for informational purposes only and obviously
not intended to be used as a diagnostic tool. Number one: if you can discuss relationship issues
and problems rationally with your partner most of the time, then you are probably not with a
narcissist. Now in any relationship, there will be fights or times when things get emotional heated
and sometimes nasty things are said, but usually most of the time you can talk to your partner
about things that are bothering you and vice versa without them shutting down, getting defensive,
attacking, or stonewalling you. With a narcissist you don't feel safe talking to them other than
maybe in the very beginning of the relationship. Number two: If your partner can acknowledge when
they do something wrong and they can authentically apologize to you, they can take personal
accountability for their behavior and express genuine guilt and regret, they can take measures
to correct their behavior without you demanding or directing them to, then they're not highly
narcissistic. Again, your partner may not always be willing to take responsibility, but a narcissist
will never truly take responsibility or express guilt even when they're caught red-handed. They may
put on a show for you or express shame, but if you listen, they don't really feel bad about hurting
you, they feel bad about getting caught or about how this might affect them. Number three: If your
partner shows humility and wants to learn from you or from others, they listen to feedback without
overreacting, and they're willing to accept that maybe you know a thing or two based on your life
experiences, then they're not likely a narcissist. A narcissist wants to be the teacher and place
themselves above you. In the beginning, a covert narcissist may pretend to want to learn from
you, but soon they will have none of your wisdom. Number four: If your partner is genuinely
concerned about what you want and need and this can be as simple as wanting your
input on decisions like what movie to watch, where to go for dinner, those kind of things, then
they're probably not that highly narcissistic. Number five: If your partner supports you and are
genuinely happy for you when you are succeeding and in the spotlight, they're probably not
a narcissist, but this one has an exception because if what you're doing makes them look good
and you are not viewed as any sort of competition they can be your biggest cheerleader,
especially the grandiose narcissist, they may brag about you and use you almost
as a shiny trophy that they've won. Number six: If your partner is consistent, they
keep their promises, their actions match their words, they are emotionally stable then they're
not likely a narcissist. Now keep in mind that the grandiose narcissists are often much more
emotionally stable than the covert narcissist but they are prone to hostility, restlessness,
and especially if they're not getting what they want. A grandiose narcissist will get extremely
rude and patient and hostile if they can't get, you know, their needs met immediately. They want
to be treated like a celebrity and they'll lose their cool if they can't get the table they want
or an upgrade at the airport, or just anything. Number seven, if your partner speaks highly of your
friends and family and rarely belittles or demeans people, they're probably not a narcissist because a
narcissist will view almost anyone as competition especially if they have something they value and
that can be success, intelligence, beauty and any compliment the narcissist gives to a competitor
will be wrapped in insults. Okay, as promised, here are some experiments you can try to test your
partner to see if they are highly narcissistic. Now again, these are not diagnostic methods and should
not be used in isolation but in addition to the signs and symptoms of NPD that I describe in
some of my other videos. The best way to detect a narcissist in the beginning of a relationship
is simply to slow things down. The narcissist wants to get you under their spell as quickly
as possible. They will consume all of your time and energy. They don't want you coming up for air
because they don't want you to come to your senses. So pace the relationship, slow it down, pull away
slightly... if you're with a narcissist, they may agree verbally to slow things down, but they'll
actually speed things up. They'll push harder, call more often, show up on unannounced, buy more gifts, or
put irresistible offers on the table, like suddenly they want to take you on an extravagant trip. Don't
mistake this perseverance for love, take it as a sign that they will not respect your boundaries
or if they don't push harder they may move on and find someone else very quickly and if they do
that, you may be left wondering if you just missed out on the most amazing relationship ever. You
didn't. You just dodged a bullet so if they react harshly, angrily, or even pathetically, or ignore
your request to slow things down or discard you, that's a sign that they're toxic. Number
two: tell them about one of your boundaries, any random boundary, and see how quickly they
test it. With a narcissist, you'll feel fairly insecure early on. You'll feel the need for more
boundaries as the relationship moves forward whereas in a healthy relationship, it's the
opposite. The more you get to know the person, trust naturally develops over time and you
feel less of a need to protect yourself. Number three: if they tend to talk only about
themselves, interrupt or cut them off while they're talking and see how they react. I mean no one likes
being cut off mid-sentence, but a narcissist will typically react very harshly to this. They may not
say anything especially if it's the beginning of the relationship, but their body language will
speak volumes, or try telling them a long story about yourself, an experience that you had, and
notice their body language. Are they interested? Do their facial expressions match the emotions
of your story? Or are they off somewhere else or trying to turn the conversation back to themselves?
In the beginning, some narcissists will do a really good job at faking interest in you, but later on in
the relationship, they will not be able to fake it. Number four: Another experiment is try giving
them a small gentle, polite critique. Not about anything mean but just a mention on how they did
something imperfectly, like maybe they were a few minutes late. People don't like being criticized,
but narcissists hate it. Number five: Ask them about their relationship history and if they tell you
about their rocky relationships or tell you that you know you're gonna regret being with them later,
believe them, don't think that you're special, that you're going to change them, and don't believe that
they've changed, if they warn you about how they've been liars, cheaters, how they've manipulated,
or deceived or controlled or were jealous trust them. Now again, these signs and experiments
do not prove that someone is a narcissist but if you're watching this and feeling the need
to conduct these experiments, take it as a huge red flag. Again, it's your intuition telling
you something is wrong and trust yourself. if you found this video helpful,
please subscribe to my channel and check out some of my other videos
on narcissistic personality disorder.
