Welcome everyone! In this video, I'm talking about
how to detox from a female covert narcissist or anyone with a cluster B personality disorder
which includes narcissistic, histrionic, borderline, or anti-social. In this video, I'm
talking specifically about intimate romantic relationships. My intention is not to clump
all cluster B personality disorders together and although there is some overlap,
there they are all distinct disorders, however the recovery process from a
relationship with someone who falls into one of these categories whether it's BPD, NPD,
etc is virtually the same because what they have in common is that they hijack the normal human
bonding and attachment system by using your basic survival needs and human impulses to
intensify and solidify your connection to them and your investment in them to the
point of creating in you an addiction to them. coach for over a decade. If you like this video,
please take a moment to click the like button and subscribe to my channel and click on that
notification bell so you don't miss anything .This information is for educational purposes
only so if you need support with your specific situation, please reach out to a mental
health professional in your area. Okay, so let's dive right in. The first stage of the
detox process after the last breakup is disbelief. Right after the breakup, you might feel relief
for a few days because you're finally getting a break from all of the drama and part of you
may not really believe it's the last breakup, especially if you've had repeated breakups
before which is especially common with BPD, but when you realize she's not coming back or
taking you back and that this is the last breakup, the feeling of relief turns to disbelief because
you don't understand what happened. How did something that started out so amazingly end so
badly? Mentally, you feel confused, disoriented, your thoughts are racing and you just can't get
her out of your head, and emotionally you feel blindsided, abandoned, betrayed, rejected,
anxious, depressed, even physically you feel drained, exhausted, unproductive, and unmotivated
and you just keep asking why? why? why? and you feel like you're going crazy because you
can't understand and you just want to call or text her and get answers or fix this because
this is the worst you've ever felt in your life. There's an emptiness that you feel can only be
filled by her. Like an addict craving your drug, you're in withdrawal and part of you just wants
to you know call, and beg for forgiveness, promise to do better, be better, but you've
been through this cycle so many times before that a big part of you knows that there's
nothing that you can say or do that will work. So, if she's broke up with you and has already
moved on you may feel panicked and desperate to fix things and get back with her, you might
be reaching out to friends family anyone who will listen and knows her to get that advice and
help because you need answers, you want her back, and just like an addict you are seeking your
drug. Stage number two is the replaying stage so you've realized she's not coming back and you're
trying to push her out of your mind but you feel terrible. You're crawling emotionally and
mentally. You can't make decisions. You can't eat, you just feel like crap, that anxiety, that fear,
that sadness, the hopelessness, the feelings of grief and depression are overwhelming and it feels
like things are getting worse as time goes on instead of getting better so you try to focus on
all the bad things that she did, all the hurt, all the disrespect, and the only time you feel good
is when you're mulching over all this negative stuff but then you see something that reminds you
of something super sweet that she did for you, a magical moment that you shared, an intense
sexual experience and that feeling of aliveness you had when you were with her comes back and
so you go back and forth replaying the past and again you want to do nothing more than
reach out and fix this and if you can't fix it at least get some kind of closure and that's
one of the realities that can be the hardest to accept is that you will get zero closure.
No matter how much you need it or beg for it, so you're stuck in this repetitive loop of
replaying the relationship and everything that happened over and over, thinking of
all the ups and downs and banging your head against a brick wall trying to figure
out how this happened, why did this happen. Then comes stage three: self-doubt as you
replay the scenarios over and over. You question what you could have done differently and you
genuinely wonder if you were to blame and this self-doubt intensifies because you need some
kind of understanding about what happened. You ask people around you um you're looking
for reassurance, validation, but you quickly realize that they don't get what you've just
been through and often they'll just tell you what you want to hear: It wasn't your fault. She's
crazy! That kind of stuff. Maybe you have a friend here and there that might tell you that, you
know, you should go back and try again clearly having no idea how toxic and destructive your
relationship was or what a person with a severe untreated personality disorder is capable of but
still you keep analyzing your part. How did this and this self-doubt spins in your mind all day
long for a while, you barely get your work done, you're not taking care of yourself, you're self
isolating because you're so caught up in this loop of guilt, regret, and doubt that just keeps
playing like a broken record in your mind and you get to a point where you're just disengaged with
the outside world and living only in your head. Next comes stage four which is anger and blame
and you may have been angry all along but you get really angry here you now know you're not
getting back together um maybe that's because you have enough insight and self-respect to know that
you'd just be going back into the same destructive relationship cycle or because your ex has moved on
with someone else and is flaunting how they are so much happier without you. They're on social
media acting like you never even existed but here you are grieving, hurt, and that's when
it turns to real anger and you get really angry because you've done so much for her only to be
beaten down and discarded and have them look like they're better off without you like their
new supply is just so much better than you, "proving" that you were the problem. The truth is,
they probably got over you before even leaving you and it's almost certain that they got attached to
someone else before your relationship even ended so don't look for signs that they miss you, that
they're still thinking of you, or that they're sorry because any sign that they do give you is
just going to keep you hanging on emotionally and make you feel sorry for you know losing the
best thing that's ever happened to you. It's a trap. It's very sick and it will just lead to more
anger and blame. Stage number five is the research so if you haven't already started research by now,
you're feeling so bad, no one has your answers, things continue to get worse, and you still
need answers so you start researching and whoa you're blown away by what you find. Finally
some answers for what's happened to you and it doesn't take your pain away but it does
give you some relief that you were not the problem that there was nothing you could have said or
done to change this outcome but your emotions are still over the all over the place so
you're going from anger, blaming to longing, crying, anxiety, reminiscing about the good
times the times and it's just you have this insatiable need to dissect every little detail
and to understand this at a deeper level so your whole world starts revolving around your research
and you just watch youtube videos on and on and on and so I would recommend you not only going NO
CONTACT with your partner if possible or if kids are involved, a hundred percent gray rocking them.
I also recommend stop researching because the research becomes the addiction and it prevents you
from rebuilding your sense of self um from moving through your healing process and in a twisted way.
It's an indirect way to stay addicted and in touch In some way with your toxic ex so once you have
the confirmations and understandings that you need stop researching you know toxic partners, BPD
and NPD and PD because it just keeps you stuck on your ex. It keeps you from moving forward.
It keeps you rehashing the same old stories and it'll drive you insane and it will
likely put you into a victim state of mind and that state of helplessness and
powerlessness is not a good place to be. So this research phase is important but if
you've been obsessively researching for more you have what you need and you don't need to be
reminded every day. There are no more answers for you online and there are no more answers
for you period so stop talking about her, researching, mulching over things, and start
managing your mind away from thoughts of her. Stage six is the acceptance stage and as you step
away from all of the replaying and researching, your mood starts slowly to stabilize
and you start feeling stronger mentally. You notice that you're not thinking about her as
much anymore, you feel like you have you know more understanding and acceptance about your experience
and you don't feel so vulnerable emotionally. At this point, you do feel stronger but you still
feel like a shell of the person you used to be. Maybe you look in the mirror and see glimpses of
the self you used to be and you might go back to things you used to be passionate about but they
just don't hold the same you know appeal. You start going out, you get a new haircut, you
buy new clothes, maybe even start dating, and if you're lucky, your ex doesn't come
around but as you pick yourself up and get stronger there is a good chance, especially if
it's with a narcissist, that they will start hoovering because at this point, their new supply
is probably drying up. They might text you out of the blue with just a "hey, i was thinking about
you"; "dreamt about you last night" or whatever and soon they'll be telling you how they realize
after being with someone else how amazing you are. This happens because now that you've sufficiently
rebuilt yourself and are strong again, they see you as fresh supply, so hopefully you're
deep enough into your acceptance and level of understanding to realize that if you do go back,
you'll quickly see the pattern start up again and not only will you eventually be discarded
again but your healing process will be much more difficult and complex after being double duped
by the same person using the exact same tactics. So assuming you stay "no contact" and don't fall
prey again, you can start moving to the next stage which is the healing stage and the healing stage
is really the start of a new normal, so you know you're solid in your commitment to never ever
go back to this type of toxic relationship and you're feeling better mentally, emotionally,
physically, you know, getting back to the the things and the people that you you know used
to hang out with and enjoy spending time with, but you're still feeling this emptiness
this void and in some ways you've lost trust not only in women but in people because this
experience is so far outside of your paradigm of how the world works that you just can't seem
to put your trust in anyone, even yourself, so maybe you know part of you know there's
still good people in the world in the world and that you're a good person but you're extra
cautious and you don't want to be fooled again. Maybe you you know you start dating again, but
you can't seem to find that special someone and you start perceiving everything as a red flag
or maybe she just doesn't do it for you like your PD partner did because you're not
getting that addictive feeling, those highs that are just so high that anything
else is boring so you feel hopeless and you feel like you may never feel true joy again and so
at this point you usually start realizing that you're ready for the next step of your healing
which is committing to getting back to who you really are, what you really want, to need what
made you vulnerable to this type of person, as well as what you need to let go of in order
to move forward from the experience to figure out how to use it as a catalyst for your
own personal growth and empowerment rather than staying stuck in a black hole, a dark
place that haunts you for the rest of your life. If you found this video helpful, please like,
comment, subscribe to my channel and to learn more about personality disorders, check out some
of my other videos in my NPD and BPD playlists.
