10 Toxic Tactics of the Female Covert Narcissist

Welcome! Today, I'm talking about 10 toxic  tactics the female covert narcissist uses once   obviously the love bombing stage is over and the  devaluation stage has started. The idealization   and devaluation cycle is a pattern of intermittent  reinforcement that deeply confuses your mind,   your heart, and your soul. It preys on your  deepest human needs and desires as well as on   your neurological motivation and reward pathways.  So, devaluation is a projection and a discharge   of negative emotions that the narcissist has  towards their true self. They release that on you,   they discharge it on you, it's a defense mechanism  to keep you or anyone else from getting close   or recognizing their discarded and rejected  self and it is also a method of controlling   you and keeping you from rejecting them. You'll  never leave them because you're too busy trying   to prove your worth to them and eventually to  yourself, dedicating all of your time, money,   energy, and other resources to this puzzle  that you're trying to solve. This quest   that you're trying to conquer and the sense  that if you can just prove your worth to her,   you will win some grand prize...  her unconditional love and approval   but the truth is you're getting sucked into  playing her hopelessly rigged long-game that   ends with you either being discarded if you're  lucky or psychologically dominated if you stay   in too long. I'm Lise Leblanc. I'm a therapist and  master life coach practitioner and in this video   I'm talking about these 10 toxic tactics of the  female covert narcissist and these are the tactics   she uses to dominate and control you and in time  you will very much become like a little puppy dog   seeking her approval always trying to please her  giving her everything you've got and in return   getting the bare minimum she will likely throw  you a bone here and there to keep your hopes up   but in the end it's a very slippery downward  slope and it's really important for people to   recognize the signs of a toxic partner especially  when it involves covert narcissism because their   psychological abuse can be very very Insidious  and narcissists whether covert overt or hybrid are   almost always lacking self-awareness and they take  zero responsibility for their abusive Behavior   or for their own healing now obviously there are  also toxic and abusive covert male narcissists but   I find there is not enough resources for men who  are being psychologically abused which is why this   is the focus of my videos so just a reminder that  this content is for informational purposes and it   is not intended to replace professional supports  or services and if you like this video please   take a moment to subscribe to my channel and hit  the notification Bell so you don't miss anything   okay so here are 10 toxic tactics of a female  covert narcissist in no particular order   number one the female covert narcissist will  entrust you with her most vulnerable experiences   and information and she'll do this very early on  and she'll talk as though you're the special one   she's never trusted anyone like this before  but after the love bombing stage is over she   will start to act as though she made a big mistake  trusting you she will accuse you of doing things   to make her feel insecure and unsafe not putting  her as a priority not defending her not keeping   her happy and secure like you promised to do and  this negative shift in her will be entirely your   fault and the only way to get the good version of  her back the version that you fell in love with is   to show her and prove to her that you are good  enough that you are worthy of her trust and of   her love and that you can give her what she needs  so the female covert narcissist will be sending   you strong repeated messages through her words and  actions that if you want this version of her that   you had in the beginning and if you want the fun  the fantasy future that you envisioned with her   you'd better get your [ __ ] together and show her  that you're the man that you said that you'd be so   all the pressure to make this relationship work  quickly falls on you you need to fix yourself you   need to try harder learn her and in order to win  the long game she needs to give you some hope so   she throws you a few crumbs here and there you  have a nice time together a good conversation   sex you feel like you're getting somewhere  like your efforts are really paying off but   then boom something little some little thing  you said or did sets her off and again she's   disappointed in you pulling away from you blaming  and rejecting you her sweetness turns bitter no   matter what you do but through this pattern  of intermittent reinforcement you are being   trained you're being programmed to believe that  you are defective you're flawed and you need to   figure out what she needs and if you don't you're  not worthy of her or anyone else for that matter   number two the female covert narcissist is super  passive aggressive and she will create arguments   out of thin air by accusing you of being negative  being in a bad mood having a tone a look even   though you're a hundred percent fine and nothing  is wrong she just keeps pushing to find out why   you're mad until you actually are mad or she baits  you into fake fights by pushing other emotional   buttons and once you react it's all about that or  maybe instead of accusing you of being mad she may   act upset but then refuse to tell you what's wrong  refuse to communicate about it making you beg to   find out and beg for forgiveness without even  knowing what she's upset about and after it's all   over you look back and still you don't even know  where it came from or what it was about and that's   because it's all fabricated this is an attempt to  discharge her negative emotions onto you keep the   upper hand and keep you thinking that you are the  problem number three she is incredibly defensive   and if you try to talk about something that's  important to you or something that's bothering   you she will dismiss minimize or shut you down  in other ways she will not be open to hearing   you out or to any sort of compromise and if she's  done anything to contribute to the problem even if   the entire problem is something she's done don't  expect her to take any responsibility whatsoever   or to apologize to you and if by some chance  you do get an apology it is a ploy to get you   to see that you are ultimately to blame number  four the female covert narcissist is extremely   careless impatient and Reckless with your emotions  especially if what is hurting you is related to   her so if you cry or show your sadness it will not  phase her one bit zero empathy she will see it as   a weakness and use it against you later so if you  can fight any fears or pass traumas with her at   the beginning of the relationship you can almost  be sure that this will be used during arguments   as reasons why you are the way you are and why you  are at fault for whatever is happening number five   you cannot win with a female covert narcissist no  matter what you say or which way you turn it will   be wrong you can count on that for example let's  say you're having an argument and you decide to go   for a walk to cool off she'll be angrier because  you're running away without trying to resolve   things if you stay she'll get even angrier  saying you're being too aggressive or pushy   number six the female covert narcissist will  compare you and your relationship to others   and again no matter how much you do for her how  much you spend on her whether it be time money   energy it's not going to be enough you will try  harder and harder but you will still feel unworthy   and unappreciated meanwhile she is making very  minimal effort or contribution in the relationship   although she will act and seemingly believe that  she is doing everything these comparisons make   you feel like you've done something wrong like  you don't deserve the closeness the connection   and the love that it's all your fault and this  can pull on your competitive nature making you   want to show her prove yourself that you  are as good or better than the next guy   in the long run you work harder and harder not  realizing that for every step forward you're   taking several steps back number seven along  the same lines many female covert narcissists   will start grading your performance for example  she might say you are only a six out of 10 last   night or that vacation was only 40 percent of what  I was expecting and she will show this chronic   dissatisfaction with the amount of affection or  compliments you give how much money you spent with   you know whatever effort you put in and she will  be you know grading and measuring your performance   to other people to yourself just letting you know  that you're not satisfying her leaving you feeling   like you're on thin ice always nitpicking at you  criticizing and putting you and your efforts down   again no matter how hard you try and so she treats  you as though your performance is the bare minimum   and you need to step it up a ASAP if you want to  keep her and if she is happy for a little while   you can count on this being followed up by more  disappointment and you know if you grew up with   a parent that you could never please you may find  yourself falling right in line with this familiar   pattern of begging for crumbs of approval and  becoming a pathetic tryhard in a game that like   I said before is completely rigged against you so  in case you're still uncertain let me just say it   clearly you cannot win at this game it is a no-win  situation 100 of the time now maybe you'll need   to keep trying a little harder a little longer  to really believe this but let me just say be   careful because you may find yourself stuck in  her long game as your entire life passes You by   number eight the covert narcissist will have a  lot of boundaries that go one way any boundaries   or rules that you have will be disregarded and  if you need or want anything it's unimportant   or stupid the double standards when it comes to  any type of boundaries is absolutely ridiculous   number nine she needs to know and control  everything you do when you go do groceries   you go to the gym you talk to someone she  accuses you of this thought and the other   this is not always due to jealousy but often it's  just to do with controlling you she questions not   only what you do but how you do it as though  you can't do anything right you are treated as   completely incompetent and you will likely find  yourself starting to doubt yourself on everything   second guess yourself check on check with her  on almost everything that you do as though you   didn't even have a mind of your own afraid to make  a simple decision and fear of having to deal with   guilt trips silent treatments and other negative  reactions what you may not have figured out yet   is that no matter what you do the outcome will  be the same it's actually very very predictable   number 10 overtime gradually you will be stripped  of any self-worth and self-respect you ever   had you will be constantly adjusting yourself  trying to figure out what you're doing wrong how   to please her and eventually you'll look in the  mirror only to see a shell of the person that you   used to be you may even start to see the monster  that she's painting you out to be feeling like you   are completely unraveling mentally and emotionally  but once you can see these toxic tactics and   predictable patterns of abuse more clearly you  will also see that you have become the narcissist   puppy dog her human pet completely dominated and  broken down psychologically so don't take my word   for it just look back to when this relationship  started and ask yourself is she getting better   or worse has your relationship improved or  deteriorated are you evolving or devolving   emotionally mentally spiritually if you like this  video please subscribe to my channel and check out   my video on how the female covert narcissist  traps you which I have linked right above

Channel: Lise Leblanc

Views: 715,015

Keywords: narcissists hate you, things narcissists hate, how narcissists treat, how to outsmart narcissist, how narcissists control you, how narcissists manipulate, how to leave narcissist, leaving toxic people, vulnerable narcissism, covert narcissism, hypersensitivity, introverted, manipulative, blame-shifting, gaslighting, covert nacissist, vulnerable narcissist, working with narcissists, female covert narcissist, female narcissist, female narcissism, male victims of narcissistic abuse

Id: kdB0NY9JmUY

Length: 14min 4sec (844 seconds)

Published: Mon Oct 24 2022