the red flags when it comes to the female covert
narcissist and how to avoid getting trapped by her and if you already are trapped at the end of
this video I will give you my best advice on is for educational purposes only, so if you
need support with your specific situation, please reach out for help. Okay, so I'm going to
dive right in the red flags that the female covert narcissist displays will be different depending
on what stage of the relationship you're in. If you are in the beginning where she is luring
you and hooking you in, here are some of the big red flags that you will see. Number one:
the intimacy and connection is too intense, too fast, and seems too good to be true, so
if your gut is telling you something is off listen how this red flag might look in reality
is that you will seem to have so much in common. Almost every sentence will start with "me too" and
you will feel like you've just met your soul mate. She is creating the illusion that she is the
perfect woman of your dreams and remember she is data mining and mapping you out emotionally to
find information that she can manipulate you with. She will want to find out as much as possible
about you. Her focus on what you want, like, need, on your past... this might throw you
off because a narcissist is supposed to be self-centered and self-serving right?
Yes, but remember that a narcissist will seemingly do things for you when in reality
they will be used to exploit you later on, so if you've shared with her more in one week than
you've shared with your lifelong best friend, take it as a red flag. Red flag number two is that she
will play up her vulnerability and play the victim and make you the hero of her story. She will
tell you that you are the first person to ever truly understand her and make you believe that
you are the only one who can help her, who can save her from the big bad world. She is using your
need to be needed to create a "we-them" scenario, so if she's really needy of your time, energy,
attention, and your protection, that's a red flag red flag. Number three... her past relationships
always end badly and of course it's because they're all abusers and she may even have evidence
of this as many of them may have been charged depending on what extreme she is on the narcissism
spectrum. Now I'm not saying that if someone has been victimized many times it means that they
are a narcissist but pay attention especially if this red flag accompanies this next one. So red
flag number four... throughout the relationship, but especially in the beginning, the female
covert narcissist will create fake scenarios to make you look like you've said or done something
to hurt her or she will simply pull away from you and when you ask why she will play up her fears of
being hurt. She'll talk about how she's been hurt by everyone in the past, how she's afraid you'll
do the same thing, and what she's doing here is eliciting promises from you. She wants you to
promise that you're different, that you would never hurt her, never lie to her, cheat on her,
abandon her, all things she'll probably do to you, but she wants to pull out as many promises from
you as possible and get you to repeat them because she already knows you're going to do everything
in your power to keep your word. Red flag number five, you are being sex bombed. Now the female
covert narcissist often comes across initially as having a high sex drive and an openness to fulfill
all of your sexual fantasies but this is a tool. It's a way to manipulate you which she often
uses along with love bombing to form a powerful combination that makes you feel like you just
stepped into another dimension of reality. So these first five flags are seen early on in
the relationship, so if you are a loyal person with a strong protective instinct and a need
to be needed you are particularly vulnerable to falling prey to the female covert narcissist
tactics and to missing these red flags. Now if you are already deeper into the relationship, you
will also start to see these other red flags. Red flag number six which is when the mask starts
to come off. Here you start getting glimpses of Mrs Hyde so to speak you will start seeing
sides of her that you'll be tempted to ignore, but these overreactions and bad behavior will soon
start to play out more and more. She will get more destructive and more abusive, but she'll always
come back sweeter and more angelic than before and more and more you'll see this hot and cold,
jekyll-and-hyde behavior that is typical of someone with narcissistic personality disorder
so she will demean you often subtly pushing you away and then pulling you back in to feed her
need for attention, admiration, and whatever else so if you feel like you're giving her
the moon but it's still not enough, nothing, you know, you can do is satisfying her, then you
might be dealing with a female covert narcissist, especially if she's going back and
forth between making you feel like you're everything to her and then like you're
nothing. Red flag number seven... she isolates you from your family and friends or turns
them into her allies. Red flag number eight is that she is very different in public than
she is behind closed doors. Often the only people who really know what the female covert
narcissist is like are her partner, her kids, and her past victims. She cannot only turn
her behavior on and off but she can turn her emotions on and off like a faucet. You might
be in the middle of a week-long silent treatment, but if you have a social engagement, she will be
all over you acting like everything is perfect and then the minute you're back in the car, the
silent switch is slicked back on. Now the last two red flags have more to do with changes
that you start seeing within yourself and these flags happen once you're deeper into the
relationship, once your confidence self-worth and sense of self has been broken down,
you will start noticing these things so what you'll see is that you stop holding your
ground because the consequences of standing up for yourself are too intense and too damaging so you
start to shut down emotionally, to feel helpless, maybe even anxious and depressed and if you
start to pull away from her she will give you glimpses of what attracted you to her in the first
place. She might even build you back up slightly like a cat who pretends to let the mouse go
just to pounce on it again as it's getting away. Flag number 10... you have no idea who you are,
what you like, what you want, what you need. Basically your sense of self is
pretty much shattered. As promised, I'm going to give you the worst advice I've ever
heard on how to handle a female covert narcissist and here it is: to let her know that she's
a narcissist and suggest that she get help. Now if someone tells you this, you
should immediately assume that they know very little about narcissistic personality
disorder because this goes for all Narcissists, don't tell them they're a narcissist and that
they need help... it's not going to work, so find someone who has experience, someone
who can help you figure out what you want what you need and how to strategize to get your
life back under your control. So my best piece of advice is don't try to figure out the female
covert narcissist on your own because she's not like a normal person or partner. She won't play
fair, she won't fight fair, and she will stoop to levels that wouldn't even cross your mind, and
if you are wanting to leave this relationship, you'd really be best off to seek professional
help on how to do this strategically. Now there are other red flags and if you've seen some
other red flags I'd love to know about them, so please comment below and if there's
anything else you want to learn about NPD, please check out my playlist on
narcissistic personality disorder.
