Leaving The Female Narcissist 2 Reasons Men Can’t Let Go

hello my name is Michelle and you're watching from surviving to thriving today I wanted to talk about two reasons why men often stay in relationships with female narcissists even when it's destroying them I wanted to talk about this topic because with the people that I coach them the majority of them are men and these two reasons come up again and again and I wanted to make this video because I know that for men it's not easy to talk about what's going on in their relationship on a personal level it's not easy for them to talk about being targeted by a female narcissists with their friends with their family members women tend to have an easier time talking about their personal lives that there are emotional difficulties whereas men don't so hopefully this video can help anyone that's still in that situation and if you haven't already please subscribe and hit the bell icon to be notified of my latest videos and please share these videos if you feel they can help others okay so let's get started the first thing that I see over and over again is that when men wind up in a relationship with a female narcissists they wind up sharing things that they normally don't share with just anybody in fact they share things that they don't share even in just any relationship any intimate relationship a female narcissist knows how to get you to expose the deepest darkest secrets your biggest mistakes what you feel are your failures your weaknesses things about you that you feel insecure about they get you to feel so comfortable that you share with them and as you start out little by little and they just make you feel so good they make you feel like it's okay they adore you despite all of this they are not like other women that may look at that in a negative way they think you are amazing despite all of these imperfections or or like I said weaknesses your darkest secrets your your mistakes they make you feel loved and feel special despite that and is huge when you share something that you feel people might judge you for or you feel they may look at you differently because of these things and they don't in fact they they up the admiration that's a really powerful emotional connection that's being built ok so on top of this emotional connection the female narcissist then rushes intimacy and she doesn't give just any intimacy it's not just oh this is rushed intimacy we're being intimate fast no the female narcissist goes above and beyond and gives you what you always wished for what you thought didn't exist and she becomes the epitome of every fantasy you've ever had the men that I coach often say that they have never experienced intimacy to the to the degree to the passionate level that they did with the female narcissist so again that emotional connection is intense combined with that physical connection is extremely powerful and difficult to let go of and the female narcissist doesn't pull back or doesn't change until she knows she's got you it's kind of like someone that is fishing and they have their hook in the water they see the fish circling the worm they're kind of nibbling at the bottom of the worm but the fisherman doesn't yank their pull back until that hook is completely immersed in that fish's mouth and then BAM they pull it back and it's it's caught and that's what the female narcissist does they yank that that hook back right when they know they've got you that you are so 100% completely dedicated to this relationship with no walls not only dedicated to it but that you actually need it because it's given you what you've never had before so you have this intense desire and need for this to continue that's when the hook gets yanked back and what the female narcissists will start to do is use the things that you shared your stakes they'll use them to kind of give you slight jabs at and make you feel bad about them and that's very confusing because at first they're admiring you they're loving you despite that and now all of a sudden they're trying to use these these intimate private personal things of your life to hurt you another thing that begins to change is the intimacy either they become like a hollow shell of a person with no emotion all the passion is gone and you're wondering did it ever exist or maybe the next time you'll see it again you'll get a glimpse of it or in some cases the intimacy completely stops so why would a person stay well like I said that connection that physical connection and that emotional connection especially combined together is extremely intense and every time a guy begins to realize that that was something that is they're never going to see again every time they begin to pull away from the female narcissist she throws in a glimpse of what she once was this makes the the guy think okay it will come back and they stay stuck in a vicious cycle the second thing that I see a lot happen wet with men that wind up staying with female narcissists even though they're being destroyed is that they think that they can help her okay this is a guy who maybe doesn't have past wounds is pretty emotionally together doesn't have any insecurities that really bother him so the first kind of female narcissus wouldn't affect wouldn't affect this kind of a guy okay because he doesn't have any unresolved issues that maybe could be used to snare him okay so what happens in this case well what will normally happen is that the female narcissist will give again it has to do with the intimacy will give intimacy to a degree that this man has never experienced before and it is above and beyond any fantasy that he's ever had and it's real it's tangible and he and here it is in this relationship but it is destroying him because along with this intimacy comes the vicious abuse cycle and in this case what I've seen is men they're not so much hoping for the past of what happened in the beginning of the relationship because they're getting that cycle of abuse the extreme highs of the intimacy and all that comes with being the people with the female narcissus and yes they're enduring the lows just to get to those highs again but their motive their motive is this is so good this could stay like this forever if I help her if I just help her to see why after the highs there come all these lows then we can heal back and just stay with the highs so in the first case the guy that's what the female narcissist is kind of looking at the past and what was and that's what keeps him hooked in the second case the guy is looking at what could be in the future and that's keeping him hooked as well regardless neither one is really living in the present moment neither one is focusing on the reality of what really is happening at the moment because they're either looking in the past or they're looking in the future so the key to breaking free of a relationship that is destroying you is to make a commitment to stay in reality in other words focus on what is now okay so asking yourself questions like okay what how do I feel now in this relationship how am I being treated are my needs being met does this feel good is this is what's happening right now what I really want out of a relationship if looking at the present you can't see the good and the positive and you're either going to the past or the future then you know that you're you're stuck in that trauma bonds you're not seeing what's happening at the moment so that's the key to really focus on what's happening at the moment if you're hoping that the future will change because the person will get help regardless stay in the present does that does she look like she wants help now how long do the good behaviors last how long is it good how long is the cycle of badness taking place is this what I want to live is this normal is this healthy for me what's happening right now we can't fall in love with potential with what a person could be because what if they never reach that potential we have to really stay focused on the present and by doing so we can make decisions that will help us so that we can not feel as if our lives are out of our control as if we're being destroyed and there's nothing we can do about it so remember the key is staying in the present moment and when you do this when you ask yourself these questions it's not just a one-time deal where you ask them it makes sense you answer it and then that's it you may have to ask yourself these questions questions that help you to see the present on a regular basis until your mind finally wraps around the fact that the present is what you need to live for not the past and not the future

Channel: Michele Lee Nieves Coaching

Views: 325,402

Keywords: Female narcissist, Dating female narcissist, Moving on after break up, How to leave toxic relationships, Female narcissists, Female narcissists traits, Toxic relationships knowing when to go, Toxic female, How narcissists, Leaving the female narcissist, Why men can’t get over breakups, How female narcissists manipukate, How female narcissists manipulate, How to leave a toxic relationship, Female mind games, Narcissistic wife, NPD, narcissism, narcissistic, personality disorders

Id: a_pVIPfvsT8

Length: 9min 44sec (584 seconds)

Published: Thu Jul 12 2018