The Dangers of Staying With A Narcissist

I am often asked some version of the following  question: I'm in a relationship with a narcissist   and I don't want to leave or I can't leave...  what do I need to know to make this work in the   best possible way? A long-term relationship with a  narcissist can be absolutely devastating on every   level and from the outside it's really easy to  say" "just leave!" But there are many factors   that can make leaving a lot more complicated. Ror  example, children, finances, religious beliefs,   a lack of self-esteem fear due to years  of psychological abuse. I'm Lise Leblanc,   today I will be talking about the biggest dangers  of remaining in a narcissistic relationship and   at the end of this video I will give you three  powerful tips to reduce the negative psychological   impacts of a narcissistic relationship. Please  take a moment to like, subscribe, comment, and hit   the notification Bell [Music] first I think it's  really important to talk about why narcissists   treat their Partners in the ways that they do  here's the thing narcissists struggle intensely   with their own self-worth and sense of self  their ego is incredibly fragile which they hide   behind a grandiose false facade so when something  threatens their self-esteem they have two options   one go into a deep self-hating shame storm or  two inflate themselves by insisting that they are   special entitled and perfect while devaluing those  around them and treating others as inferior idiots   narcissistic relationships happen in stages and  if you're interested in learning more in depth   about these stages click on the link above but to  quickly summarize these stages narcissists begin   all relationships with love bombing and usually  sex bombing as well this is where they idealize   you put you on a pedestal act like the perfect  partner by saying and doing incredibly sweet   things for you giving you all the sex you want  going over and above making you feel very very   special they might buy you extravagant gifts take  you on trips and appear extremely helpful during   this stage you will truly believe that all of  your prayers have been answered you will think   that this person is going to make your life so  much easier but in reality they are assessing   you to see if you will be able to supply their  deeply damaged ego during this initial stage   the narcissist is on their best behavior they  might share vulnerable information pull on your   heartstrings and empathy strings and you may be  quite impressed at everything they've managed to   overcome and accomplish but soon their personality  disorder will start to rear its head and you   will meet a completely different side of them if  you've had this type of Jekyll and Hyde experience   please feel free to share in the comment section  below many narcissists are unaware that they are   narcissists and they truly cannot see how their  symptoms and their behaviors are causing major   problems in their lives and especially in their  relationships instead they genuinely see you and   anyone else who threatens their fragile ego as the  real problem and in their mind that problem needs   to be eliminated or at least tightly controlled  the devaluation stage will begin slowly and subtly   but as the relationship progresses you will get  to know this dark side of them really really well   the first time they devalue you maybe you'll stand  up for yourself you may question if you even heard   that right you might try to come up with alternate  explanations you might give them the benefit of   the doubt thinking that this is just a one-off  maybe they're stressed out or having a bad day   But as time goes on it'll happen more and more  frequently soon you will start to feel extremely   confused you may start to doubt yourself and  question whether you really are the problem   you may try to explain yourself and try really  hard to communicate and work the problems out   but no matter how hard you try you'll continue  to be subjected to a variety of punishments and   manipulation tactics that will get worse over  time the narcissist self-worth is so low and   their ego is so fragile that their only way  to feel better is to knock you down as a way   to inflate themselves their tactics are aimed  at instilling fear creating confusion lowering   your self-worth and heightening your sense  of guilt and sense of obligation towards them   ultimately narcissists crave attention and  need others to see them in a favorable light   their deep insecurities lead them to create  this false self and this false reality which   they expect others to play along with even though  their narrative is the farthest thing from reality   if you challenge this false reality no matter  how gently The Narcissist will get deeply deeply   offended and what most fail to understand is  that this is a defense mechanism as much as   the narcissist may come across as confident  grandiose and full of themselves they are   incredibly sensitive to anything that threatens  their fragile fragmented ego and they are working   so hard to protect this fragile self and  when you threaten their ego they see you   as a threat of epic proportions and they will  attempt to annihilate you because in their mind   that's exactly what you're trying to do to them  their behavior can go far beyond insulting and   invalidating you and it can get downright abusive  as they are now seeing you as Enemy Number One   they may discard you at this point or if  they still need resources or services from   you they may keep you around and tightly under  control now not all narcissists have such severe   symptoms but generally if you cross a narcissist  they will immediately depersonalize you and lash   out in destructive ways and they won't feel bad  about it because in their mind you struck first   if you've never experienced narcissistic abuse  you may be thinking if I was treated this way   I would just leave I'd leave so fast but what  you might not realize is that these manipulation   tactics and Mind Games often creep up slowly and  subtly where you used to feel extremely loved by   The Narcissist where you used to be treated like  gold where they went over and above giving you all   of their time and attention now they are pulling  away indifferent or even disgusted by you making   you feel that their change of heart towards you is  your fault so what happens if you choose to stay   in a long-term relationship with a narcissist once  you start to recognize this pattern of devaluation   if you're lucky you'll be discarded which in  the moment might seem like a horrible outcome   but being discarded by a narcissist simply means  that you are not suitable supply for their ego   see the narcissist has very little capacity for  intimacy or empathy and they need others to be a   Dumping Ground for their shame and other negative  emotions they also require constant attention   admiration adoration and validation to keep their  ego inflated so that they don't have to feel   helpless worthless or empty so for partners the  worst fate in staying in this type of relationship   is that it will get increasingly toxic over  time more abusive and no matter what you do   how hard you try nothing will improve things as  you continue your efforts to find Solutions while   simultaneously being manipulated punished shut  down knocked down you will start to feel helpless   worthless nmt if you stand up to the narcissist  set boundaries or expose them in any way they will   retaliate as though engage in some invisible war  against you and once this downward spiral begins   there is no shifting this negative momentum you  will either submit and become a psychological   slave giving them a full license to control and  abuse you or if you continue to challenge The   Narcissist you will discover their endless arsenal  of weapons of psychological mass destruction   no matter your response you will face their wrath  as the narcissist Works to crush your self-worth   and sense of self so the biggest danger of  remaining with a narcissist is that you will   lose your sense of self your needs your values  your goals your personality as you feel more and   more helpless worthless and empty fast forward  5 10 20 30 years and you likely won't recognize   yourself in the mirror you might have trust issues  constantly doubting and second guessing yourself   unable to even think for yourself you may feel as  though you're not good enough for anyone and you   may feel like you just can't reclaim your life  after having been in this psychological war zone   for so long but if you need help recovering from  a toxic relationship contact a therapist in your   area who can help you may also be interested  in checking out my toxic relationship recovery   program in the description section of this  video being in a long-term relationship with   a narcissist is comparable to running a thousand  mile race it's about endurance and your ability   to endure the Mind Games selfishness double  standards and emotional and psychological abuse   but no matter who you are how resilient  you are everyone has a Breaking Point   but my question for you is why wait until  you're broken until you can't take it anymore   don't wait until suicide starts to seem like a  good exit strategy now if you feel like you have   no choice but to stay in a toxic relationship with  a narcissist for whatever reasons here are a few   tips to hopefully help you out number one stop  trying to defend explain or justify your actions   the narcissist is not going to acknowledge or  accept your defense no matter how great it is   putting you in a position where you feel the  need to defend yourself is their ultimate goal   because when you take a defensive stance the  burden of proof is on you The Narcissist can   then simply sit back and relax as you strive to  establish your good intentions and innocence then   when they inevitably reject your defense it will  create more doubt and confusion in you leading   you to expend even more energy and efforts to  prove and exonerate yourself number two stop   looking for acceptance and validation from The  Narcissist this puts you in a position where you   are working very very hard to prove that you're  a good person with good intentions and integrity   however when the narcissist inevitably dismisses  your attempts to gain their validation it further   reinforces the notion that you are not  worthy of their acceptance or anyone else's   number three don't take things personally even  though it may appear incredibly personal when the   narcissist hits you where you are most vulnerable  it's really not about you as an individual in   other words regardless of who the narcissist is  in relationship with they will exhibit these same   behavior patterns so you'll need to strengthen  your emotional defenses and remind yourself that   their insults stem from their personality disorder  likely rooted in a traumatic upbringing this   doesn't mean you should feel sorry for them or  enable The Narcissist but if you choose to remain   in a relationship with them prepare yourself for  ongoing attacks get your bulletproof vest on and   expect the bullets to keep coming and Dodge as  many as possible thanks for watching and I hope   you enjoyed this video if you did don't forget to  like comment subscribe and hit the notification   Bell if you're interested in learning more about  narcissistic relationships click on the link above [Music]

Channel: Lise Leblanc

Views: 16,101

Keywords: narcissists hate you, things narcissists hate, how narcissists treat, how to outsmart narcissist, how narcissists control you, how narcissists manipulate, how to leave narcissist, leaving toxic people, vulnerable narcissism, covert narcissism, hypersensitivity, manipulative, blame-shifting, gaslighting, vulnerable narcissist, working with narcissists, female covert narcissist, female narcissist, female narcissism, male victims of narcissistic abuse, npd, narcissistic, narcissism

Id: K-CeOh8NQmo

Length: 14min 17sec (857 seconds)

Published: Mon May 15 2023