7 Mistakes Single Men Make | Kingsley Okonkwo | Part 1

hi there welcome to another youtube video and today we're doing seven mistakes single men make all right if you're here you're lady even if you're a guy if you have not watched our previous video titled seven mistakes single women make you need to go and watch it but this one is for the men several mistakes single guys or single men make all right and if you have not subscribed to my youtube channel go and subscribe right now right now all right so seven mistakes single men make number one choosing beauty over character choosing beauty over character i understand that men are naturally moved by what they see the way men were created you know men first are attracted by beauty they fall in love first with beauty all right but however you need to train yourself to become a bit more discerning you need to train yourself to look beyond the physical and also look at the character because at the end of the day the fulfillment and happiness you will get from that relationship of marriage will not be dependent on just looks alone it will be dependent more on the person's character all right i know men are moved by what they see usually joe can say the first time adam met a human being it was a naked woman that he saw so since that time you know men have been moved by what they see they are always attracted to a woman's physique all right that's not a bad thing however that can't be the main basis for picking somebody you want to marry all right that can't be the main basis you have to look beyond the physical and look at the person's character all right the description i want us to read proverbs 31 verse 30. he said favor is deceitful favor means charm okay i said so you can say charm is deceitful and beauty is vain it's about a woman that fears the lord she shall be praised did you get that it's a charm it's deceitful you know charm can be faked can be put on it's a beauty when the real chips are down beauty is vain it doesn't matter much that's what i mean but they said the woman that fears the lord they were trying to talk about her character that woman that has a godly character a good character she's the one that should be praised so as a man you need to learn and train yourself on how to look beyond the physical look beyond the physical and look out for the character interestingly even though most men fall in love with what they see uh because of when i was getting married it was not the case for me at all uh because i was a bit knowledgeable about relationships and um so i knew what i was looking for i knew that there were a lot of beautiful women there's no scarcity of beautiful women there's only a scarcity of virtuous women the bible actually says you know a virtuous woman who can find you know it's a price is far above rubies so there's no problem with beautiful women there are beautiful women everywhere where their scarcity is in virtuous women so i knew what i was looking for i knew beauty was not enough i had seen many beautiful ladies you know that i could not even stand so i knew that was not the issue so the first time i met my wife place was dark so a few of my classmates were together we went to her house together you know we had a meeting on a street so i went to house after the meeting and it was already dark and there was no light outside the house when she came out so we could i could barely see her her physical you know features however i could hear her talk because she was talking to us and i i i knew i had to meet her again because she was very intelligent and the way she was talking she had a sense of humor and things like that so i knew i was interested in meeting her again and that's how i kept in touch so i didn't see her physically but i knew that there's more to a happy marriage or a happy relationship than just a person's looks and all men need to learn that all men's the lender that you need to look beyond the physical appearance physical appearances usually are often overrated you know everything around us is sold based on physical attraction they sell cars with beautiful women they sell houses beautiful man they use attractive power of attraction or the power of beauty to to woo people however it is highly overrated because at the end of the day you know it's not the beauty that will keep your marriage you know most older couples will tell you if you if you ask other couples you will have that's what couples why they are successful in their marriages they will have this beauty you had this is somebody married for 20 years 30 years 40 years saying that oh the reason why our marriage is working is because my wife is beautiful or my husband is handsome no it's usually about character it's usually about character you see they've learned by living together for so long and living happily they've learned that even the beauty is important but beauty is not the main thing so you will see them laying emphasis on qualities like kindness oh she's very kind she's very caring she's intelligent she stimulates me mentally meekness meekness you know weakness can i correct her easily if i'm talking to her does she listen is she quick to change or is she defensive you know peaceful you know she peaceful because most men don't know some of the important needs as a man you need to know the important needs for you in a relationship one of your most important needs is peace of mind you know um solomon uh solomon is my relationship professor he has if there's anything more than a phd silverman had that because he surveyed one thousand women all right you know so solomon solomon wrote in the bible that you know when you live in the same house a troublesome woman that you know the man will run to the roof or run to the wilderness you know it's just showing that men love peace of mind at that time the beauty won't matter it's it's the qualities that really matter so things like peace of mind you know other qualities like that you know whatever you think are really important so find those things out know yourself know yourself you can't build just on looks all right you can build on looks most of the thing you call beauty is overrated i mean it's programmed it's programmed into your mind because you've watched a lot of movies you you've seen it in magazines so you have built up that expectation of what you think beauty is by the end of the day that woman's looks will hardly be a problem i i don't know if i've ever even had a marriage that broke because somebody said my wife is not fine i don't think i've ever had that that's always the reason i'm not mind this one again is that she's not fine i've not heard that however i've heard that she's troublesome i heard that i can't trust her i've heard a lot of other things i've not heard she's not beautiful so what am i saying pay attention to what really matters all right pay attention to what really matters don't just choose because of beauty beauty is vain it's fleeting it can disappear but the woman that fears the lord that has character i can you know i can't count the amount of times guys have reached out to me and said oh pastor k help me uh my wife doesn't listen my wife is troublesome my wife is this is that you know they are always pointing to character flaws and i'm wondering so why did you marry these things were obvious and evident before you know so why did you go ahead to marry so i tell the young guys that are not married yet look out for the character that's what will matter even though at the beginning it doesn't look important at the beginning you are first attracted by looks you need to look deeper to focus on the person's character all right what are the wisdom points for this particular one number one remember the importance of character so you constantly need to remind yourself about what i'm trying to say remind yourself of how important it is how people's character is important so remind yourself of the times when you've met somebody that was very handsome or very beautiful but you couldn't stand their character that their character was so bad you didn't want to know them you didn't want to hang out with them i've had those experiences loads of times made a very pretty girl you know nice girl and once you start talking to her you see that her character is so bad you know that you can't even stand her you can't even have any kind of conversation with her or she's she's she's not you know um intellectually stimulating enough so i'm just trying to say remember how that you know built outward beauty doesn't always you know mean inward beauty you need to remind yourself so that whenever you see another beautiful person you don't just jump away and fall in love you know without first knowing the person all right another one number two make a list of qualities you consider to be attractive you need to know many men have never thought about it they've never researched it make a list of qualities you believe is important to you qualities you find attractive for me it was very easy for me to say is number one i wanted a strong woman so i had never wanted a woman that was that i needed to do everything for you know and i never wanted that i wanted a strong woman i was a woman that could be up and going that could do things that could really help the things i wanted to achieve in my life so i wanted a strong mother woman that would just sit down and just make her nails and can't do any work you know that i need to feed her you know i was not like that so when i met my wife then she was already into she was doing her master's uh in school then and she was also learning other things but i decided she learned how to bake learned how to do decorations in the halls you know she was that kind of person that was always doing things she didn't just sit down idly so for me that was important you know it's something i liked another thing i i liked for instance was um intelligence you know i'm highly stimulated mentally i don't care how beautiful you look i i'll get bored quickly if you're not stimulating me mentally so i'm just saying some of my own qualities you know so you need to find out what are the qualities that you consider attractive outside of physical looks all right what are the qualities you find attractive make a list of them make a list of them it will help you be able to make a decision easier when you meet somebody all right beautiful [Music] all right welcome to point number two remember this video is titled seven mistakes single men make seven common mistakes single men make all right uh number two not learning about relationships not learning about relationships this is a very common one most guys somehow just feel that hey i don't need to learn about marriage all i need to learn about is how to make money you know when i have money i will have women we have marriage you know and they kind of slack off in terms of learning about relationships and that is a big mistake men naturally gravitate towards work or recreational activities that's why you see men get emotional you know when we usually say women and emotional men are not emotional what we're trying to say is that men are not usually emotional as regards relationship but men are emotional beings also do they usually get emotional when it comes to their work or recreational activity so you see men um at work or you know something has to do with position of politics you see the emotions coming out their veins coming out of their neck you know they are arguing and they are hustling and they are you know they they are interested in in in business seminars career development seminars you see guys there but when you have um singles meetings or marriage seminars you have more women there some men don't see the need so many of us need watching this video i even know some of you watching is your wife or girlfriend that sent you this video you know some men are like that they just think it's not important you know they gravitate towards work or recreational activities you see many stadiums when you see a man city you know beating arsenal in the city of it is full of men wondering what i am you having us now okay you know so so this is full of men now there are few women in the stadiums but the more men men gravitate towards work and sports recreational activities you know recreational activities we love cars we love things like that however you need to now consciously start to learn about relationships because to succeed in marriage it cannot be by chance all right romantic relationships will play a major role in your long-term happiness i can't say this enough i can't emphasize this enough for guys guys listen to me romantic relationships will play a major role in your long-term happiness you know how you run your marriage your marriage will matter at the end of the day it might not seem so now right right now you might think all you need to do is get it right in your job or getting right in making money your business your career but i'm telling you with the benefit of hindsight now i'm telling you look marriage will play a major role in your long term fulfillment so don't don't rush and say you don't need to learn about marriage you just want to learn about business don't make that mistake i can never forget um the first millionaire god used me to mentor and this was many years ago many many many many years ago i think about 15 to 18 years ago so i'm talking a really long time okay um because part of my dreams earlier in life was to raise at least a hundred millionaires you know and one day they can all give me one million and i'll be i'm just okay all right but one of my dreams was to raise a hundred millionaires so this was many years ago so um there's this young guy he started a business found his gift i began to mentor him in fact he found this gift from a message i preached so he began to pursue the gift and i began to mentor him and he became wealthy as in this guy was traveling all over the world even when i had never seen you know an airport before you know this guy was rich blessed you know so i also wanted to stop mentoring when he became of age i wanted to start mentoring him as regards family life and relationship you know but he kept telling me that pastor k you know i don't need to learn about marriage you know whenever you are doing the business meetings let me know whenever you want to mentor me in business let me know but i don't want to hear about you know the marriage thing he doesn't really need it and that's what he said and some years after you know by time i met him again after a while he had had like two bad marriages too i had like two bad marriages and i'm not surprised because he didn't invest in that area he invested in business and he was doing well in business he was doing well in business but he didn't do well in marriage and the reason is simple where you invest is where you harvest where you invest is where you have that so he didn't do well in marriage because he didn't invest there all right so you need to remember that you know you must learn about relationship all right your happiness will be tied to it let me read the scripture to you genesis chapter 2 verse 18 he said the lord god said it's not good for the man to be alone god said it's not good for you as a man to be alone that means there's a part of you that will need that connection with another human being especially in the area of marriage there's a part of you you might not think so now but i'm telling you there's a if god himself said it's not good for you to be alone you know it wasn't adam that prayed for your wife it was god that said look you are not going to be your best if you don't connect under human being and he said i'll bring him a helmet and he brought the woman all right so um learn about relationships okay don't make that mistake learn about relationships men and women are very different men and women are so different we are not the same and this is what causes a lot of challenges in marriage because the man wants to love the woman as if you know she's a man and the woman wants to love the man as if he's a woman and that causes problems men and women are very different so there's no way you can actually succeed in a marital relationship without learning there's no way you can you can you can't do this by chance you can't gamble into this you can't do this by chance you have to learn you have to be deliberate to succeed in your marriage and you do it by learning you have to consciously learn now what do women need you know what what the men need you know i told people when i'm speaking to men i tell them the first man did not fail at the place of work the first man failed at the place of family the first man adam did not feel at the place of work everything was fine in the garden he was cutting the grass keeping the garden well where he failed was that he didn't tend the guardian of his wife he attended the physical garden he didn't tend his wife that's why we are called husbands husband is from husband man the husband man tense tense he was so adam was so focused in keeping the physical garden he didn't keep his emotional garden between his wife and that's where he failed all right most men are making the same mistake today they are hustling to succeed at work but they are neglecting again same mistake that i made they're neglecting the family and it's still causing the same challenges a course upon the work of the man's hands everywhere if you check it you know the way to reverse the cost is to succeed when adam failed i don't feel that marriage succeeded at work you need to reverse it you need to also score and succeed in family that will not bless your work don't forget when that i'm failed god crossed the ground so he became he started the hustle if you want to reverse it just bless your wife love your wife genuinely and you will see the change all right you see the change so don't make that mistake of lord learning very important all right let me just scripture to you proverbs 18 22 he said whoso find that the wife find it a good thing and obtains favor of the lord so so when adam failed in marriage there was a cross on the ground they said when you find a good wife and treat her right there will be favor upon your ground do you understand so you literally reverse the course you see that in malachi you know god was not receiving their offering why because of how they treated their wife you see the malachi chapter 2 you also see it in first peter 3 god said the way you treat your wife without answer your prayers or not it's all there in scripture we reverse the course that adam brought you know by succeeding where he failed and you you will live a more fulfilled and you know a happier life if you can do that you will be more fulfilled you know if you have a good marriage so men don't notice that usually but i'm telling you for free if you're married right and love your wife right okay listen if you're married right and love your wife right you will definitely succeed and you live off of your life i tell people all the time there's nothing i've agreed with my wife about that we've not received nothing everything we agree that we want to achieve at the moment we agree and continue to agree it always comes to pass all right what are the wisdom points wisdom points for this one number one start learning about relationships start learning about relationships guys make up your mind from today you might not be in the mood you might not feel like i'm not talking about how what you feel like doing i'm saying what you have to do what i feel like or not start being a bit interested in relationship issues all right attend seminars watch videos like this follow my pages subscribe to my channel buy books learn invest in knowledge start learning about relationships slightly about relationships don't say it's just a woman thing don't say i don't need to read a book don't talk like that start learning about watch videos and buy books you know start learning about relationships you will you would you'll be happy to do it you also have daughters don't forget you'll be happy to do you need to counsel them and help them number two wisdom point get a mentor get a mentor in the area of marriage and relationship that means either i get somebody that's a marriage coach to mentor you from time to time or you you know you you listen to people that speak about it a lot but get a mentor that way that person just upgrades your knowledge and you know inspires you men are move more by what they see than by what they hear so you have pictures of role models that are doing marriage right that will inspire you to also do better as regards relationship number three pay attention to all the ladies around you one of the easy ways to learn about women you know is to pay attention so you don't have to have to wait till you you're in a relationship or that or when you're married start learning now from the list around you so to see your sisters your mother your you know ladies around you start to pay attention to how they think start to pay attention to how they speak there's a lot to learn there's a there's a world of knowledge out there just by watching women when you go to the office you walk pay attention to how women react to things how they process things start to pay attention now it will make you a better man by the time you get married so that you don't have to use your partner to do all the learning you'd have at least learned some things before you marry all right [Music] welcome to point number three of this powerful video titled seven mistakes single men make don't forget if you have not watched the one for women go watch it several mistakes single women make and if you have not subscribed to my youtube channel make sure you do it today all right number three several mistakes single men make number three is not managing your sexuality or their sexuality not managing your sexuality um it's a common mistake singular make single men kind of feel that they don't need you know to to manage themselves um statistically we know that men have a stronger sexual drive than women now it doesn't mean that women don't enjoy sex it doesn't mean that women don't want sex however men have a more aggressive and stronger drive because of the the the hormones that flow in men is called testosterone so it's generally more aggressive especially sexually speaking all right so men generally have a stronger sex drive however that is not an excuse not to manage it self-control is very important self-control is very important you know no matter how strong your sex drive is you have the capacity to manage it and you have to manage it just because you can sleep around doesn't mean you should just because you can doesn't mean you should just because you can doesn't mean you should so you need to manage your sexuality all right things like celibacy and chastity is not only for women men generally from themselves believing that always women that should keep themselves these women that should have you know chastity and all that no it's not for women alone it does also for men men need to learn to manage their sexuality a lot of men have hot people they love or have lost things that they love because they couldn't manage their sexuality i'm telling you something you must manage now if you check history both bible history and even current history you see so many men that have lost either families or lost careers lost their positions because they couldn't manage their sexuality this is a big mistake to think that because i'm a single guy you know i'm not it doesn't matter no you are going to eventually hurt yourself and hurt the people that you love you must manage your sexuality you know so men focus on conquering the world when they have not even conquered themselves so men focus on conquering the whole world and they've not conquered themselves you need to learn how to manage your sexuality i can never forget some time ago a young man called me in tears that he just contacted hiv you know and i said how do you know he said he just did a test i said why did you do a test he said for many years he has been celibate for many years and he said just one some months ago before that call like one or two months for that call that he had sex with someone just once and later he found out that person was infected and he tested himself some months after and he was positive one encounter you know the risk is too much so you see abstinence is not just for women abstinence is not just a fairy tale it's not just something we're saying it is very important it protects you all right don't think because you're single you can sleep around with anybody casual sex is never casual at the end of the day all right let me say this with casual sex always has casualties casual sex always has casualties all right so you need to understand that so manage yourself manage yourself manage your sexuality i understand your sex drive is strong however it can be contained it can be contained very important so let me read the scripture to you proverbs 31 and verse 3 proverbs 31 verse 3 it says give not thy strength unto women nor thy ways to that which destroyed kings did you see that he said give not your strength unto women he said no thy ways to that which destroyed kings what are they saying here they're saying look that's not the way to go don't think because you can that means you should no just because you can doesn't mean you should you will have many opportunities to mess up i'm telling you don't take it don't take it mastering and managing your sexuality is one of the keys to succeeding and lasting all right very important so self-control is important and you must be able to you know give yourself to it all right wisdom points number one make a list of reasons why you need self-control all right make a list of because it's important you process these thoughts and think oh why don't you manage myself i mean what which stories can i reflect on that showed people that were great and lost their position i can go on and on there are many stories from bible days you know many people that lost great opportunities because of sex even right to current times we've seen presidents that have lost their position uh because of sex we've seen um top business executives that have lost their position because of sex and so on and so on and so on i share i usually share this story you know whenever i teach this to young men some people tell me oh but i know so and so that is sleeping around and it's succeeding i know so and so that's sleeping around i succeeded you see you can't judge a movie by the middle of the story you need to allow those movies to end and see how the end is it's never pleasant it's never pleasant all right i can't count the amount of married men that by time they die we find out they had many children and remember all these children are growing up in homes without their father's present i remember one very popular story um somebody that was the top executive in fact the ceo of the largest fast food chain in the world largest in the world you know this guy was earning millions of dollars every month uh millions of dollars everybody's the ceo of the largest fast food you know company in the world and guess how he lost his job he had sex with a staff of the company i'm sure a sales girl or somebody like that and in fact it wasn't ripped it was consensual both of them were not married because he was divorced at the time the lady was not married so there was nothing morally in court wrong with it but officially in their in their office structure is a senior staff is not supposed to have that kind of a sexual relationship with the junior staff so he had to resign i mean because of sex he lost the job he was earning about 3 million out there about monthly dollars monthly you see so that lack of self-control you think it's it's cheap it's not cheap casual sex always has casualties all right so take note of that so make a list of reasons why you need self-control this is one of them number two start to build your character and determination start to be your character the best way to build your character is to grow spiritually if you're born again christian for instance you have to grow spiritually that's the best way to build your character and determination and your strength your capacity to overcome so start to build your character and determination start now start now in in in in in prayer and studying of the word in in keeping your mind clean all right those of you that have not watched my video i did a video what nobody tells you about sex so it will be on my youtube there somewhere go and search for it and watch it it will also help you then point number three wisdom points always put clear boundaries in place so put boundaries in place all right if you know you shouldn't be in some certain places or be close from certain people start to put boundaries in place all right if you shouldn't be visiting people in dark places you know you know some relationships that are dangerous or tempting for you start to put your boundaries in place all right because boundaries will save you all right very important thank you next [Music] point [Music] you

Channel: Kingsley Okonkwo

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Keywords: David’s Christian centre, Pastor kingsley Okonkwo, Looking for Pastor Kingsley Okonkwo Message, pastor kingsley okonkwo mp3 messages, pastor mildred okonkwo, pastor kingsley okonkwo youtube, pastor kingsley Okonkwo Spiritual growth Message, pastor kingsley Okonkwo video message, Pastor k, DCC Pastor, Davids Christian Centre

Id: TjRkGAwJGDA

Length: 27min 27sec (1647 seconds)

Published: Sat Jul 25 2020