7 Annoyed Tutorials That Can't Believe You're This Bad at the Game

tutorials exist because no one reads game manuals anymore partly because they're boring and partly because they no longer exist which to be fair does make reading them difficult as such in many games before you can get to the fun part you have to slog your way through a tutorial which will gently take you by the hand and teach you how to play unless you're unbelievably terrible at it willfully obtuse or just out to cause as much chaos as possible in those cases you might find the tutorial has something to say about your shenanigans don't take our word for it just consider these seven times the tutorial didn't expect you to be this bad at the game enjoy sorry to make you run the course i know you've been taking care of yourself i haven't been in the field in years sure but trade graft is something you don't forget it's like riding a bike or wearing high heels be careful fisher everything we say is being monitored in splinter cell sam fisher is undertaking all manner of classified covert ops where split seconds can mean the difference between success and failure and the fate of the world can be decided by his skills and decisions therefore it makes sense the folks in charge would want to run fischer through a training course to make sure he could do things like move the camera to look at objects can you turn to the red emergency light on the wall to your left great this tutorial takes place in a big open warehouse full of obstacles for you to climb up clamber over and do the splits between and if you're doing things properly this course should take no more than about 10 minutes to complete if you're the contrary sort however you can take the time to explore this tutorial area where you may find a lockpick a computer containing a password and then a locked security door leading to the observation room punch the code into the store and you can enter the observation room where you will meet anna grimm's daughter who later on will be your tech support in the field and who you're not really supposed to meet yet you must be sam fisher i'm adam grimm's daughter pleased to meet you third echelon lead programmer you've done your homework some of it what a cool little easter egg for curious fans you might be thinking i wonder what would happen if i attacked her you might also be thinking if you're trying as hard as possible to fail this tutorial god damn it fisher i went out on the limb to get you recruited for this detail needless to say it doesn't go well you're fired and the director of third echelon even stops pretending that he's not in a video game telling you it's game over guess it's time to find a civilian use for all these skills sam splits instructor jean-claude van damme stunt double bodysuit model ah he'll be fine fun ride in red faction gorilla there are very few problems that can't be solved by you hitting things with a big hammer people shooting at you hit them with a big hammer building in your way hit it with a big hammer mars is suffering under the cruel yoke of oppression from the earth defense force you know the prescription take two and call me in the morning one occasion when you might want to keep your hammer to yourself though comes in the game's tutorial right at the start of the game when your character alec mason arrives on mars to begin his new life here he is being shown around by his brother dan who asks him to join the resistance before being gunned down by the evil earth defense force or at least that's what's supposed to happen if you're just too dang excited to be on mars and in command of a big hammer you might find yourself giving it one too many practice swings and accidentally launched down into the sky like a golf ball at the driving range at which point you will fail the tutorial the game will end and the text on screen will have something to say about it three exclamation points that's when you know you [ __ ] up well sequel time already huh welcome back i guess i'm sure you missed me more than i missed you anyway things have changed around here since last time so they dragged me back at great expense to explain what's up 2004's spider-man 2 tie-in video game understood that being a spider-man is a tricky business so it included a pretty comprehensive tutorial narrated by sam raimi favorite bruce campbell who you'll remember from his roles in the spider-man films as a wrestling announcer a snooty waiter a theater rusher and of course his triumphant return to the mcu as pizza papa in the game tutorial bruce already kind of seems like he doesn't want to be there but will suffer through you learning how to play spider-man so he can catch his check you don't actually jump until you've let go of the jump button okay now go jump in a lake but that doesn't mean he has to like it if you keep messing things up if you do bruce will have stuff to say about it starting off with pity you're obviously having some trouble you gotta have a point to attach your webbing right moving on to exasperation yeah it's funny how when i said jump i actually meant jump not crawl come on get back here and try it again and finishing with incredulousness that someone could be this bad at a spider-man game well i'm not sure how you managed to die i mean seriously unless you're a professional game tester there's no reason for you to be dying yet okay if anyone asks i am a professional game tester that's a good excuse bruce thanks for that darkness falls as the humans beg their king to save them a noble king known only as the grand wizard [Music] for a thousand years the battle has been waged with only the bravery of the grand wizard to protect as human followers but even though the wizard king is so undeniably cool the drow elf armies continue their attacks they seek the human's most treasured relic the stick of truth south park the stick of truth took the long-running animated show and mashed it together with lord of the rings style fantasy creating an rpg full of mythical enemies magical items and farts [Applause] in it you play as the prophesized new kid who is going to unite the forces of good and reclaim the mystical stick of truth while the rest of the cast take on roles as fantasy wizards rogues and bards with varying degrees of success here you can see our massive stables overseen by the level 9 ranger scott malkinson who has the power of diabetes before you get to any of that though you need to learn how the game's combat system works and eric cardman is only too keen to teach you by having you beat up clyde ah you have procured a weapon yes it's now time to teach you how to fight i want you to take your new weapon and with the bravery of a noble knight beat up that what kick asking you kid what'd i do this being a tutorial it isn't too challenging and if you do it right you'll win cartman's approval and an invitation to his war tent to see the fabled stick of truth itself dude that was awesome you're all like being a clown okay okay you prove yourself worthy douchebag now come inside the war tent and i shall let you see the relic if however you're terrible at the game you might manage to keep messing up your hits and we'll have to watch cartman get increasingly frustrated with how bad you are all right one more time you can't possibly be the same until he decides to just skip ahead in the tutorial to save everyone some time to the tutorial on power attacks which you can also fail okay so you are that name let's just keep ahead and the one about defending which yes you can royally screw up much to carmen's disappointment yeah all right you know what never mind about blocking it's not that important just let them hit you it's fan you can even die in this piss at which point a very obviously disappointed and annoyed cartman will revive you with a magic potion so you can keep doing it until you get it right ouch oh my god you [ __ ] died okay i'm gonna bring you back to life with the special potion or you can keep annoying cartman it's the least he deserves ftl faster than light is a resource management sim in which the main resource is your crew and if you're lucky you're barely managing to keep them alive keeping everybody from looking like arnold schwarzenegger rolling around on mars surface in total recall requires mastery of ftl's many systems which is why there's a sensible and straightforward tutorial when you start the game that walks you through the basics like repairing damaged bits of the ship or re-routing available power to the ship's various sub-systems this is a game that respects your intelligence and expects that you will pay attention to the on-screen prompts and perhaps that's why developer subset games thought it would be absolutely fine to make it so that even during the tutorial every system on the ship could be tinkered with because you know why would you a responsible first time space captain go randomly clicking all these buttons when you have no idea what they do yet for instance the game offers no encouragement or good reason to click this button which looks like it turns off all the oxygen in the ship so why would you hmm still good to know where the suffocate crew button is that freedom to mess with all the controls means there are plenty of ways you can accidentally get a game over before ftl has even begun for instance accidentally pressing the hotkey to open all doors and airlocks when the game is trying to teach you how to safely deal with a fire aboard by opening just one hatch [Music] and every time you fail you get the same world weary message from a game that clearly wasn't anticipating any of its players being this dense about how if this is what happens in the tutorial you may not be cut out for a game about surviving in space yes game but before you jump to criticize answer me this do you see any fire aboard no it's even possible to have your entire spaceship destroyed by the sarcastically weak tutorial enemy this dinky rival craft is here to teach you the basics of firing lasers and missiles targeting enemy systems to overpower your foes in the most efficient way possible and to lose to this enemy ship you would have to deliberately turn off your own shields then wait a good long time for this comically feeble tutorial enemy to slowly chip away at your hull one hit point at a time okay now admittedly there is a small amount of fire you're definitely going to need training before heading into a call of duty game you've got to know which direction to point the gun in how to toss a speculative grenade and of course how to shout we are leaving in a gruff cockney accent most call of duty games feature some kind of basic training level where you're showing the ropes by your commanding officer and call of duty 2 is no different here you're put through your paces by commissar letlev who is keen for you to go grab a pistol and a rifle to begin your illustrious gun shooting career look at your compass the star on the compass shows the location of your current objective now go to the storeroom and get a pistol and the rifle move if you prefer however you can decide that now is the time to take a stand against these violent call of duty games and instead make a bold statement about pacifism by refusing to go and get your weapons which is a fine stance to take of course but an absolutely terrible way to play call of duty dordle for too long and the game will realize you're not cut out for this call of duty lark at which point your commanding officer will declare you to be a traitor and shoot you dead traitor so yeah stick to non-traitorous activities if you want to complete this tutorial like hurling potatoes at your commanding officer's face apparently that's fine good morning soldier and welcome to the m16 qualification range today's task is to qualify with the m16a2 rifle the conditions you will be given 40 targets you will qualify within the fighting position and in the prone unsupported position the standards out of 40 targets you must hit and engage 23 targets in order to qualify as a marksman speaking of failing basic training it's difficult to fail harder than the way you do in our next example in us army recruitment game america's army being officially produced by the us army america's army attempts to show potential recruits what a life in the service is like and what to expect from for example basic training as we see here in the game's tutorial in which you stand in a field and shoot targets with your m16 if you're having trouble telling the difference between bright red targets and your drill sergeant however you might find yourself accidentally taking a shot at your instructor at which point you will be told to cease fire and someone will blow a whistle she's fire the scenario then resets itself giving you another chance to get it right this time choose to have another shot at your instructor however and things are a bit different ceasefire [Music] yes you're now in prison the game does continue but as you're in a prison cell there really isn't much to do apart from wander around look out the window and listen to the sweet harmonica music coming from nearby [Music] since this is endorsed by the us army we have to assume this means you're allowed to shoot your instructor once but two times means jail i don't know seems kind of lenient the army might want to reconsider that one [Music] those were seven times the tutorial couldn't believe how bad we were at their game if you've got a favorite example we missed we'd love to hear about it in the comments below and if you like videos like this why not consider joining the ox supporters club on patreon the links over there on the right thanks for watching [Music]

Channel: outsidexbox

Views: 369,305

Keywords: outsidexbox, andy farrant, jane douglas, mike channell, 7 things, funny, funny moments, funny tutorials, hilarious tutorials, tutorial fails, tutorial fail, spider-man 2, bruce campbell, america's army, call of duty 2, fail tutorial, red faction, red faction: guerrilla, tutorial, splinter cell, ftl, ftl tutorial fail, ftl tutorial, america's army tutorial, red faction: guerrilla tutorial, spider-man 2 tutorial, south park tutorial, south park stick of truth, stick of truth

Id: wHguZiC3lhQ

Length: 13min 31sec (811 seconds)

Published: Wed Jul 20 2022