50 Funniest Comebacks, Burns & Insults (Part 2)

nearly 200 dead 14 000 who are sick millions as you witness who are scared right now what do you say to americans who are watching you right now who are scared i say that you're a terrible reporter that's what i say when we go on hunts we run out of animals we chase her i'm full i'm exciting and i'm different well i'll agree with the third you take me back to elementary school i say my abc's to you see i give you an a because you're awesome i give you a b because you beautiful i give you a c because you're confident and i give you this d because uh you deserve it but it's been a great year i learned there's a whole other olson i found that out this year that's awesome where were they hiding her huh she's the best one come on it's crazy this is amazing i can't believe she was the mistake it was uh and england skipper andrew strauss arrived in london proudly showing off the little urn they'll spend four days at home before flying out for the world cup and belinda i just can't understand how something so small can be so impressive well mark you would know about that thank you very much first off i want to say i agree with you sebastian i really am a fond of the uh the winter soldier star um and if uh anthony if you ever need any resistance training for that leg day let me know what did you think about nikki and cardi's uh altercation at fashion week were you you were at that party right no it was called the icon party but there were no icons there everybody was saying i was doing dancing guitars and like they never asked me so yeah i don't know why they did that would you um probably like 10 years in 10 years well not 10 years but i feel like you should be on dancing stars when you fall off oh when you fall off so i don't know i only say that oh no you're on it and i love the black people we need you people i swear because no jew is going to make up a train uh what was this award for i'm sorry huh oh oh viewers choice oh my god y'all thank you you don't really act you don't sing you don't dance you don't have any forgive me any talent but we're still entertaining people but as i say i'm gonna be nice tonight i've changed not as much as bruce jenner obviously now caitlyn jenner of course what a year she's had she became a role model for trans people everywhere showing great bravery in breaking down barriers and destroying stereotypes she didn't do a lot for women drivers but lies that many of you are still at home but if you are heading out this weekend there is some weekend construction you need to be aware of our new traffic anchor anavid reyes has a look at this weekend's traffic yes veronica we are out here live we're at exit 57 on i-24 east if you're looking at traffic don't expect too many delays as you can see out here things look to be moving along just fine over my left shoulder you can see some minor road construction in the area but that hasn't affected things much this morning and oh by the way just real quick my name is pronounced a navid not naveed so if i'm going to come out here and do these live traffic reports and literally risk my life i'd appreciate if somebody back in the studio could learn how to pronounce my name oh i'm sorry you got it navi whose idea was it for the fake pregnancy well i mean when you're having fake sex then you have fake babies yeah well you know what you may have been having fake sex on your side of the bed but on my side i was tearing that this lady is my wife you should be ashamed if this lady is your life you should be ashamed back here on 120 minutes i'm thurston moore of sonic youth interviewing beck who's right here beside me back uh i sort of wanted to ask you some questions about uh you know where you're from and who exactly you are and i can't seem to get any straight answers out of anybody who seems to know you but uh what exactly is your real name is it beck were you christened back all right warren what the hell are you doing here holy [ __ ] warren was he was great on dancing with the stars he came in second and then celebrated by dragging his partner to the top of the empire state building but are you still considered the fat guy when you go to a party or anything because i run into that a whole lot i'm the fat one so does that are you the fat guy in hollywood still or or does everybody like look at you and they're like oh wow you know this is great now you're healthy uh do you have any other questions that are smart things are clearly going brilliantly in your career i just wondered if you are as happy in your private life and will we be seeing our certain mr ashton kutcher perhaps making a trip over here wow how disappointing was that question should we move on to another one absolutely i think that was the quest we've got to move on i think i'm happy and i'm single if that's what you're really asking as used in the sentence the shopkeeper enunciated i'm sorry rachel but we only have that particular dress in a child size save zombie 80 you'd know all about that jimmy saves on v18 my kid sammy you're a black man i took a guess if you ain't black you fell into a bucket of m m's everybody want to know what i would do if i didn't win i guess we'll never know i came in and he was supposed to be the uh my uh kind of my guide through snl and it turned out that he is a [ __ ] stir i'm not gonna guide any lady through comedy that would take me uh first of all i'd have to figure out how a lady could do comment last week we had mariah carey here in the studio you did how was she doing well uh she was doing great oh great yes it's great what i'm curious about what do you think of her what do i think of her yes i don't think of her i one hollywood publication said that me hosting would mean that some film stars would stay away for fear of being made fun of as if film starts to stay away from the chance of winning a golden globe particularly if their film company has already paid for it shaq man you look good you look good congratulations you're you're uh your knuckles have scraped did you walk here [Applause] and the other was i met adele you you met adele oh yeah a lovely woman oh yeah [Applause] oh no no she's thin can we just talk to each other here you know what what is this song uh rolling in the deep she should add fried chicken it is ralphie mae of course is here uh ralphie you like the population of india you're loud sweaty and double in size every year rob served in afghanistan before becoming a stand-up comic then the real bombing began can you tell me the price of this bed eight thousand dollars well that's preposterous i can get the same bid anywhere in town for 25 yes but not with me in it name a number that most men exaggerate 100 69 [Applause] during our sex scene i felt your dick rubbing okay talking of the walking dead congratulations to hugh hefner who uh is getting married at the age of 84 to 24 year old beauty crystal harris um when she was asked why she was marrying him she said because he lied about his age he told me he was 94. oh come on um don't worry hold out and just just don't look at it when you touch it so have you seen the movies like you have to you have to know all the movies i've watched some of them yeah you know some of them any clunkers anything you like you don't like that you know they're good there's some good ones yeah yeah what are you trying to get me to say man that goes without saying but anything anything hey you did a movie too i don't i know i'm i i know i did a lot your movie went straight to audio he was wonderful in that dwayne's got a tattoo right above his ass that says come on sugar ray is a great champion sugar we'd ask you to talk but you know the blacks your lips locked you're the one i've seen in my dreams you want to hear the course no i couldn't hear anymore okay best singer in america oh yeah right i can honestly say you are the worst singer in america truthfully that's my first audition well i'm not surprised it should be your last that way last time at the first debate we had millions of people uh fact checking so i expect we'll have millions more fact checking uh because you know it is uh it's just awfully good that someone with the temperament of donald trump is not in charge of the law in our country because you'd be in jail secretary clinton yeah and people love to laugh i mean that's why people love you but they also know that you you know you have some shock value to you i mean you're on the cover of your book you're wearing a fur and you knew that there would probably be animal rights acting you know this whole interview is becoming a defensive interview are you wearing leather shoes yes you know what i mean i don't want to hear you're wearing fur you're wearing i'm not an actor you're eating chicken you're eating meat i don't want to hear this nonsense i just wanted to show the legs because as i was telling you ahead of time you're going to walk home with more than maybe just a trophy tonight i think lots of men i'm not gonna walk home with any men tonight i'm gonna i'm gonna go hang out with my friends and then i go home to the cat did i scare you guys finally an attractive guest yes you did scare us i never screamed like that in real life you know i was already only in the bedroom well you would never know but let me ask you of course women should be paid the same as men for doing the same job and i'd like to say now that i'm getting paid exactly the same as tina and amy did last year for hosting no i know there was two of them but it's not my fault if they want to share the money is how many of you were at who was at the funeral i was at the funeral funeral yeah funeral yeah were you at the funerals and dan no no no no no they weren't invited jake was not the funeral this is how bad it is for me i was told it was a wedding [Laughter] no word of a lie i showed up to the wedding very solid wedding coffee areas and i was like where's river remember the words of a great negro i say that honestly all peoples are alike we are all working you live in my neighborhood i live in yours right sam right are you crazy i'll send you a new uh show where you sit in the hot tub your body ain't that good you can just walk around without your shirt off if we're ever gonna talk about bodies i want you not to be the one to bring that conversation all right if you don't get out of here shaped like a bean bag they got that thanks for having me you know i uh i was so excited to be here and see shaq and emma and hang out with all these comedians i feel like i died and went to harlem this ain't a roast it's a barbecue and you're still looking like cher [Music] well she looks good for her age unlike some people i can see you right now in the kitchen bending over a hot stove but i can't see the stove and coulter if you're here who's scaring the crows away from our crops

Channel: LaughPlanet

Views: 1,093,639

Keywords: funny comebacks, celebrity burns, funniest insults, roast, savage burns, savage comebacks, interview comebacks, roast battle, celebrity roast, funniest comebacks in talk show history, laughplanet, laugh planet, 50 Funniest Comebacks burns and insults, part 2

Id: uEgkX5nxdKk

Length: 13min 44sec (824 seconds)

Published: Mon Jul 12 2021