how to respond to rude comments at work: 3 Power Responses for rude coworkers

how to respond to insulting rude or judgmental comments at work so I just did a live course and maybe you were there it was on how to speak up stand up for yourself and stand your ground at work during that course I had some questions about how to respond to insulting comments or rude comments judgmental comments in general passive-aggressive comments at work and we get a lot of that because unfortunately we're dealing with a lot of passive-aggressive people these days how can I respond to those comments diminish the likelihood of them recurring and maintain my stance as a mindful communicator you know I don't want to have to lower myself to some level of communication that's distasteful to me err that's not reflective of who I really am just to get the behavior to stop how do we do it I'm gonna give you three ways that you can respond to those types of comments are you ready I have to remember that the first time somebody treats me poorly in public or somebody insults me or judges me that's about them but the third time the fourth time the fifth time if this keeps happening and this is a pattern that's about me because what gets rewarded gets repeated but how can I take away the rewards without lowering my level of communication to that of a you know unenlightened not mindful communicator but still stop the behavior number one do it with a statement number two do it with a question number three do it with an apology okay let's say that I'm talking about the the young woman who was getting comments made to her by men inappropriate comments about her body that we're objectifying her and making her feel uncomfortable first of all the nonverbal of this is before you make the statement remember to turn and face the people head on shoulders to shoulders you know chest to chest not over your shoulder not behind you not something where you're not looking at him but you're making a comment you want to face somebody head-on and make direct eye contact without opening up your eyes too wide because remember you want to use the icy stare the icy stare is where the eyelids are just barely covering the of your iris because if you open up your eyes too wide remember that that shows aggression it shows that they're getting your goat and it's the sign of psychosis so you don't want to show any of those things so I want to face the person and if you have been dealing with this type of issue practice finding your power tone remember that your power tone you can find by looking down in your lab and saying mmm do that okay do that right now mm-hmm do it again mm-hmm if you're riding the bus home or if you're on the train or something just do it anyway mm-hmm mm-hmm okay and now do it but as you finish lift your chin up like this mm-hmm mm-hmm okay it's not so easy when you lift your chin up right mm-hmm okay that is your power tone so that's the tone you want to use when you're responding to these types of comments especially in a public forum and to respond with a statement here's a great statement that you can use John I'm surprised that you would make a personal comment like that to me when to me our relationship has always been nothing but professional you know in this situation a lot of times people will just throw stuff out because they're so uncomfortable and when they do just remember the three second look the three second look is you just look at somebody for three seconds and generally within a three-second period of time of silence people will be so uncomfortable with it they'll just keep talking and people will kind of cook their own goose they'll just keep saying inappropriate things or they'll keep saying things that reveal their true intentions or reveal their insecurities when you just keep looking at them and if you need any more clarification you know that's that they were to say well you know what you didn't seem that concerned with the last Friday night when we were working late you could say well then let me be clear if in the past I have given you any reason to believe that our relationship is at that level of familiarity or intimacy I apologize because to me our relationship has always been nothing but professional will and then no matter what comment they make you can keep coupling it with the that may be but and then repeat what you just said well that may be but again to me our relationship is purely professional and those types of personal comments they surprised me number two do it with a question you know so let's say that it were my boss now who was to make the you know a comment like well I might be difficult for you I could say Mary what have I done to lead you to believe that we are on that level of intimacy or were that familiar with one another that you could make that type of comment to me at work because to me our relationship has always been professional and that's it and then when whatever your boss says you know let's say that they were to say oh I'm sorry I just I was just kidding can't you take a joke that's when you can always say well again to me our relationship has always been professional and so I'd appreciate it if you kept the conversation professional can we do that when you can say things like that to your boss because that's not rude it's not insulting and it's simply laying professional boundaries chances are what will happen is your boss will respect you much much more now than they did yesterday or you could apologize like my mother used to tell me to do this with bullies and it really was a good tactic and it works just as well with workplace bullies where if somebody insults you you know where is calling you out or sniping you in front of other people for you to do it in front of other people is great or you can even do this in private but you could always say mark I apologize for whatever it is that I did to you and I mean that I would never want to offend you professionally or personally the way you've been doing to me but I know what kind of a person you are and you wouldn't do this unless you had a reason so whatever reason I gave you I apologize because I have nothing against you and to me our relationship has always been strictly professional so for you to bring it to that to have a personal intimate level I know I did something if you'd like to talk about it later I'd be happy to but I want you to know I apologize it's very difficult to keep it up with somebody like that especially if you're genuine you know if you were to say I want you to know I I really apologize for whatever it is that I did because I know what type of a person you are and now there are many more tactics that we can use when dealing with these types of situations another good one is asking to see people in private remember sometimes when you're called out in public take it in private but we're going to get into those in future lessons so for now remember there are three steps to starting your communication journey if you have not yet done it number one subscribe to this channel number two make sure to go to dan o'connor training comm and download your personal and download your professional communicator starter kit before number three you come back and you watch more videos or you stay at Dan O'Connor training comm and check out our videos articles podcasts products and more but however I see you in the future I hope to see you again soon this is Dan O'Connor thanking you for all your support I'm signing off

Channel: Online Communication Skills Training Courses

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Keywords: how to respond to rude comments at work, insulting comments at work, Power Responses, insults at work, responding to insulting comments at work, insulting comments, rude comments at work, dan oconnor communication, online communication skills training videos, effective communication skills training course, free online communication skills books, how to respond to insults, personality development video, how to handle rude people, rude

Id: oEWhhEUP6WQ

Length: 7min 36sec (456 seconds)

Published: Tue Apr 24 2018