Zooming With the Homies (ZWTH) EPISODE 88

oh yes please my video is what's up peeps appreciate y'all pulling up tonight last night of the week oh hey man just just chilling brother you gonna send them shoes back like though when can i get my shoes back which ones you talking about my mother man the shoes with the guitar man i'm lit bro man you you you to step on bugs in the pyramid nose those are some some fancy duds i'll say these these are amazing they were nice man really nice man shout out to lfls shoe company black on shoe company you know what i'm saying say word man let's have a good time tonight man we're going to be chilling i mean how you feeling bro i'm tired bro we um i literally i got cut from set at six well 6 15 6 17. and came back to the valley literally had enough time uh to run upstairs use the restroom and then come in and and get started bro i've been i've been running all day am i am i or are we busier now bro i am so much busier now ah keenan bro yeah i'm shocked at how busy i'm shocked how busy that i am because i was nervous about all this stuff i'm sure most of us was i was just like man money's actually still coming in i appreciate all opportunities man bro you doing juice fast right now what you got over there it looked like some pressed this is water you water green bro it's just just water your water is green he said you could see here you see how he said now but didn't show us don't worry about it drink your pond water man go and drink your amphibian water hey man no i'm trying to live bt you out here eating salads and hot dogs all in one i mean listen there's no carbs chop a hot dog over a salad actually don't sound like a bad idea ain't gonna even hold you yes what if it's a vegan hot dog what if i take a vegan dog you get hot dog over a salad that's kind of lit y'all take vegan burgers and ground them up oh [ __ ] to here i almost didn't see you you blended in too much with something [Laughter] what's happening y'all hey man they love you well hey i came in on vegan burgers and salads or something i don't know what i was eating hot dogs vegan hot dogs over a salad that's uh keenan just cooked he says he says look at the way bt looks and built right that's a bt thing that is not a keenan thing no it's only cause i'm slouching if i sit up then it's like yeah yeah the whole time this is a big shirt no i do not know what inspired this great streak but i appreciate it man you know what if i'm gonna be honest uh i've seen um uh the temptations like six times uh since since march mm-hmm and uh remember that [ __ ] uh flynn and i was like if i gotta wear masks you're gonna need to see you don't even know who i am before i get i don't want these mix up so i was like you know what how can i identify myself without getting a tattoo on my forehead there it is i appreciate it or dressed like to hear that that's what it was it was one of you don't do that i'm always just minding my black business you know saying i'm just i'm just minding my business you want to say hello hey you want to say hello yes did you hear what you said that's a black mother right there that's a black mom right there my father might even say hello no my hair is not done you know what's funny is that's how long your mom's been around you being in entertainment she's talking about y'all they're gonna be calling me candy yeah i see why your mom's your best friend bruh she is hilarious bro she's so funny man that's f it's super it's super funny how how savvy she is to you being in the internet space or like online or in entertainment because she was like no no i know what's going on over there that mean that means she's in tune with the social media just in general like she's like no y'all be out here killing people like that nah i ain't about to be dragged out she told me earlier i know these fools you doing this show with tomorrow that's how older people talk now i'll play with them that's what you hear a lot yeah you know keep things on the home train don't be fighting them over here oh man we're gonna go ahead and get started i know tony's gonna be late because he was on set with me and caleb's gonna be a little late because he was on set to me he got to drive an hour to get home and tony went did his otf right out there at the castle they're gonna be a little late but we still oh you got our only fans tony got the only fans no not even that only tony fans on the journey nah so they're gonna be they're gonna be pulling up in a minute we got we got a couple more people pulling up it's gonna be a good show though he getting scolded who gets scolded the first one was amazing it was a great it was a great uh i'm sure it's hilarious again right now i'll watch my debates through a filter i'm gonna watch what trevor noah said i'm gonna go watch what jimmy fallon said it's like if i feel like something was interesting i'll go back and watch the whole thing but i don't okay we made and lost it oh we lost it am i pausing yeah it's kind of choppy right now i don't know what the [ __ ] is going on i own this completely froze up though i'm sure they'll be back in a minute though okay you look better now oh well is it better now yeah okay it's like what the [ __ ] is going on all right oh did you start yeah it's good though oh kevin's not here so i can cut let me shake him like he's faster like oh sorry mr cavs i won't use that language i throw these titties around here look at that around camp anyway let's go ahead and get it started man welcome to another episode you guys know this is like my date night like i feel like i'm on a date with all of you guys i'm so happy i'm so happy this is the keep your distance comedy show takeover man uh everybody gonna see if tonight's show will be on tomorrow's show so if you want to see them live or somewhat live virtually live you know when they think you need to go ahead and copy the ticket right now cop your ticket yeah calm and you got a number of promos to use for everybody out there on promo or y'all can use mobsters that's my promo i ain't never on the show but i always got a promo for y'all y'all know me i'll hook it up all right froze up again but we're gonna get her back soon she's ready but we're gonna go ahead and jump right into these young intros ladies and gentlemen uh first and foremost man we're gonna get it cracking with my homeboy man he's the uh ball here phenom the beard is flourishing over there you know what i'm saying uh you're welcome you're welcome keenan you're welcome amazing podcast called animation um very funny comedian uh you check them out on uh tony baker and friends uh the special is out right now check that out on amazon prime and uh a couple other you guys on peacock too uh i don't know if it's on peacock i know it's just on a gumroad and uh amazon prime okay okay uh so you can check that out you can rent it or purchase it i think the purchase like 500 dollars so you might as well hold on to it that's what i did ladies and gentlemen amazing comedian writer producer podcast host makes you know it's my homeboy keenan bakedown what up man aka black planet hazelnut aka proprio for life g on black planet [Laughter] and told bell man he always every time he sleeping you see me with the beard now he's like you're welcome because i used to go to town man how do i do it dog how do i get the beer what do you what do you put in there you know what i appreciate that because because you didn't get out here with a beer to act like you didn't have some influence so i do i do appreciate that katie keaney would ask kinder will ask and i give him some tips and then look look at your face look at your face tell me what you think look at him look at you look at yourself below the nose down now you different i'm gonna i'm gonna protect you later time for those tips cause mine's a flurry but it won't get full like kenny's like i need that full beard bruh hey man you know we gotta it's gotta be a conversation we gotta talk texture we gotta talk about care okay well you know what i'll bring your bottle with and we'll get it going you know it's funny uh to hear as i hit him up and he have no dark-skinned beard tips he was like now y'all good it's like i got nothing for them dark beers bro you good y'all winning already man we need help you're good bro you've been getting down for a minute man i only i've only been bald faced like once one year the last 10 so hey man you know i got you know i just trimmed it the other day yeah i'm just i'm letting it i'm letting it i just got the shower so you know it shrivels up when you get in the shot i gotta let it dry [Laughter] who got that tv on because somebody turned their tv down just a little bit everybody that's my mom watching the debate that's i'm trying [Music] thank you so much respect for the mothers in here he turned into squealing drifting i get it it's all good we'll figure it out next up ladies and gentlemen no stranger to the show man uh when i first started he's one of the people that came on every week and uh kicked it with me man uh also goes by many names one of them is vincent dracula jones uh i got the tuskegee project out right now uh the du-rag phenom as well um from 16 different places i don't know which one is first but ladies and gentlemen put your hands together for content creator writer producer director comedian and actor mr b t keynes hey what up yo what up dope man hey man first of all man uh i love you brothers uh and but you know i love you i miss y'all i am very excited about tomorrow uh it's been a this has been a active week we get zooming with the homies and keep your distance i am a happy happy person hey tammy happy person uh yes for those of you in the chat that have not seen me do stand up tomorrow uh you got y'all got a hell of a show lined up for y'all yes ma'am let me tell you let me tell you it's gonna be a hell of a show uh ladies and gentlemen um she needs no introduction it's funny as hell a lot of you guys have seen it on a lot of 80d content uh seen on squad cast you've seen on here on zuma with the homies uh you may have seen her breasts on their own uh only fans page because uh they have something completely separate from what she got going on uh ladies and gentlemen i want y'all to make some noise for the mother comedian actor writer producer miss kinisha busting the building bus what up bus yeah you know i this is my date night i don't get to go out he took the baby i don't want to see him or the baby you know right now i'm single until they get back as i'm living hey i'm having a great time singing baby yeah [ __ ] that man that's right damn right i zoomed in not this top two but it's nowhere to wear it i'm like i'm wearing this [ __ ] for zooming with the homies i ain't got a top just for you you know i don't have no bottoms on but my tops is just for y'all it is like we appreciate the hood geisha right now [Laughter] excited to have you ladies and gentlemen uh moving on um somebody else that needs no uh introduction since this is his first time coming on he's been a crowd favorite especially with the ladies they always ask hey where's tom bell coming back when it's time for that one i was like i thought you were talking about me my bad i'm waiting for jay to get the intro too i'm sorry i'm sorry let me let me be humble for a second you can see 47 different projects that have all come out within the last two years um you know movies shows uh netflix shows he's done it all they've all ended but he got the check and that's all that matters ladies and gentlemen he also has the credits and the sec uh too many series to hear we've been over this mini series hey finish has baby lifetime miniseries than this brother right here and he's an amazing comedian fantastic actor writer producer all of that ladies and gentlemen one of the coolest people i've ever heard i've met in my life ladies and gentlemen makes you know it's mr tom bill in the building thank you thank you thank you always a pleasure to be with my friends right now i love everybody on here and uh jay is amazing to see you brother so like uh go ahead and introduce jay i don't need no more to hear wait tell did you say miniseries yeah i thought i talked i thought i could please mini series myself that was that was a job like shoulder pop that was a little pop right there right there mini series or something but a series [ __ ] people be like y'all didn't do more than ten i mean like we was only supposed to do ten you get your facts wrong fake news fake news out here we stopped all in the middle of season two on purpose that's how he was supposed to go taco 17 episodes we just leave you forever creative integrity i appreciate it yeah next up ladies and gentlemen uh a very funny comedian uh like a big brother to a lot of us out here man he's always so loved always embracing new current uh trends and and and always like adjusted beautifully um he has a couple podcasts out but one of his shows is what you think it's a live stream show you catch that on this youtube channel uh but above all a fantastic and amazing comedian uh storytelling and storytelling oh man don't don't even get me started on the storytelling um you catch them on dl hughley's show as well ladies and gentlemen i really need no more of an introduction um amazing comedian writer father husband producer uh director ladies and gentlemen mr j phillips in the building what's going on god all that was me i got my own horns [Laughter] hey jay got that nice crib bro i went out to james crib yeah he had to put me to the sideline hey man you been in for a couple hours you ready to uh i had to walk him by his elbow towards the front for you i was like hey i ain't gonna swim yet man he's like brother you came over here to write i was like yeah you right you're right i know where j live but i ain't never got invited oh man what i'm gonna think about but i don't know the address well we'll fix that my birthday this weekend oh well my birthday next week i'm gonna have a a very minute small gathering at the house i love my new [ __ ] i'm there good then all y'all coming in if y'all want to there it is ain't nothing about it okay i'm just i'm not even i know i know what you're gonna say and i'm with you i believe in it i know we on the same page but somebody gotta read the words ain't nothing in my new bottom i got a pilot coming up in december i can't say things like that right now can't remember gentlemen um welcome to another episode with the homies man i want to thank all my homies pulling up tonight don't have a fantastic show because we still got two more people that's gonna pull up two or three more people that's my pull up tonight um i want to uh thank my guests for pulling up and uh if you guys want to bless them with something for taking time out of that evening uh blessings with the company the jokes and entertainment you guys can go ahead and bless them on the cash out and at this time i'm gonna ask all my guests to change their name to the cash app right now canisius already has has keenan bt uh jantone if you guys want to uh change it go ahead and change it to hell or you can change it to your um your promo for uh tickets to uh keep your distance uh tomorrow whatever your promo is whatever you want to do it's up to you man we just want to thank you for pulling up on us tonight um we're gonna have a great time man bt talk to me baby what's new with you man man it's funny man we was talking about the the busy this man it's been it's been active and aggressive as of late i am super juiced about tomorrow because we ain't got to stand up man in front of people man bruh bruh stand up in front of me it made wasn't it that last show was uh for me and bus was on together was the uh the show and at nate's club is super funny and everything before they had to be the comedy union before that it's like bro it's been a in front of people i am i'm super dumb dumb excited um and we were talking about a little bit i think before we went live man just about like how busy it's been like auditions are back cracking and guys yeah picking up yeah it's about that time i'm like okay we had it and that's you know uh tear we've been having to make adjustments because you didn't adjust it to quarantine life then we out here creating our own avenues everybody it's like yo it's a it's a lot man i yeah it's a lot right now fam don't any dope watching everybody be like oh catch they lanes and everything and yeah yeah still work together that [ __ ] [ __ ] fire bro it's like man like i looked at the calendar and i was like all right i ain't did vince the dragon jones in a minute so like i gotta i'm gonna do a a halloween party for visit because it makes sense it's like vampire dj what we talk about it's like you know what i'm saying i was like all right yeah man it's just like finding finding your lane and and progress i'm i keep looking at my vision board i'm like not exactly but kind it's like it's morphed but it's kind of getting to where i was what i was looking for what i was trying to get to so i'm i'm i'm great man it's oddly enough it's a it's a weird great time all right i'm doping we uh pat and i actually doing a scary okay um next friday yes we got keisha e we got tony baker we have precious and we have cp they're all performing it's gonna be three rounds we're gonna do 80s pop and rock we're gonna do 90s on being and we're gonna do with hip-hop and uh we're gonna have a good time doing it man it's gonna be like it's it's it's crazy that we found this space like you said and just really just use it to the best of our abilities but it's so dope too like tone said see everybody find that groove find their lane jay got a new show out you know something love it everybody's like everybody's finding that thing tone got a in crowd if you haven't been to in crowd as a comic man you've got to see this facility man it's really next to a live show i can't i can't wait to have everybody here's done i can't wait to hear everybody else on like i mean you know we're in a good spot right now we're going to be doing more shows so like man i can't i cannot wait if you haven't seen it yet check it out in crowd comedy uh on instagram just at in crowd comedy man it's dope jay got to have you over keaney got to have you over kb got to have you over uh uh uh [ __ ] let's everybody come on man bt let's go man everybody got to come through man because once you do it you you fall back a little i wanted to go back i'm looking forward to going back because it's a lot of fun man and it's it's not like the other virtual shows that i've done neither is kev that's one thing about kev's cab show you got a small audience tom you've been there a couple times you've seen it kenny you've seen it yeah i don't think you've been there yet oh no i've been there i couldn't get here i couldn't take it no more i i looked at the flyer and like if you know what it was it was wednesday night it was your wednesday night afterwards i'm looking at the flyer uh it wasn't just it's five [ __ ] on the show i love i'm going bro i'm gonna put on the mask they're gonna have to kick me out i'm i'm so glad you said that because you know and i love kevin i love we all love kev all of us love camp but as many times i've seen that flyer i was like i mean oh i had to run about a cab for sure i was like i don't need to be on the show like that i'm coming to kick it bro you're from the town [ __ ] where is the hometown i was like yeah that still was helicopter he was like oh let me get you a date 20 years from now i'm like yeah write me in with cam when kev texts me it felt like he hit me with you up right [Laughter] oh but i was like i've been watching these [ __ ] for months and now you're going you up first of all i'd love to get up but like you know i wouldn't even uncross your legs and fix your lapels before you spoke like i'm not sure if i'm ready let me let me reiterate my masculinity to have this conversation cause i was feeling like you know but it wasn't just it wasn't like yes i want to get up i'm excited about doing the show tomorrow but it was just being not only can we not do comedy we ain't around it yeah like like like so when so we do the show in may right so every remember now buzz will tell you thursday we super safe we do the show thursday pack crowd we come downstairs out of the green room do the show we go right back up to the green don't touch your [ __ ] i don't want that covey right yeah i don't know but keep going two seconds that first set of no in the club third uh friday we do it again when we do the show we do the set and then we just run back up let me tell you something about that late show friday i was like dog i miss the people [ __ ] i'm just gonna have to catch you over there because the interaction and like us losing the social interaction it's a lot famous there's a lot to take out but i mean like it don't like people really don't know how good it feels like because i mean no matter what you're doing if you're doing a hot 7 10 25 45 hour if you if you any kind of time when that set go how you want to go and then you want that pat on the back bro like you got like you gotta you my rules always been i need three people to be like yo man love i yo you was fired at night he was killed and you get that little moment you you lock eyes with somebody it's like yo man i really had appreciated me my girl loved it you know whatever you need that [ __ ] it feels amazing yeah man you know you know your job was done at that point yeah yeah it is coveted comedy is like sex with a condom you know like i was just putting my mask on and running back upstairs i want to feel y'all i guess i've been lucky man i've been able to get back out um last couple weeks i've been able to get out not [ __ ] hey jay let me tell you something you can't say you got back out [Laughter] yeah i'm just saying i've been back out lately man um so it's it's still weird but the the messed up part about it is i'm i'm not going out like like headlining like i used to go like i go out and rock with on dl show which is still dope because i'm a junkie i feel like i still got to go and doing six shows in the weekend and still doing six shows in the weekend they just don't i mean every everybody that's used to doing theaters is coming back and snatching up those nine or ten little spots that's doing all the the weekend dates so it's like i'm squeezed out until the beginning of the year i'm getting i'm starting to get them trickled through here and there but other than that it's like yo i'm i'm i'm feigning so i i'm just rolling with d.l i'll go be a special guest host for a little while let's do that [ __ ] right that's that's like that's what that's i've been entertaining that too bro cause like i mean i've done i've done one full weekend and i got out the same way it's like man at this point somebody's like hell tony you want to come do 30 i'd be like bruh i'm out let me break even basically [ __ ] i'm out here selling merch what you selling hand sanitizer uh that's next week okay i'm i'm selling mass though i am so man i just ordered some ass to come in tony's always disappointed this is i've been with him all set for the past two days and he's just he's just an angry ass old man anytime i see tony get on here like i've been on this i've been on here with tony maybe three times at this point when tony get on i it looked like he got three screens up because tony started like this and he'll look over here and then he'll look at i'm like this [ __ ] intel set up the cat's been doing stuff all on the side so tommy be like he give them a look like a parent like hey hey [ __ ] that don't be watching the debate and the football game that's what that is if you look to the side though if tony ever pan the camera you'll see that's over there like this tony being joined that group cat a lot more that's what it is oh yeah he'd be going in on the group chat i'm i'm looking because i'm feeling like i'm in the time machine because someone looked totally different because he cut back he went back to what's this was 2016 tone face he said you got his underground beer yeah man he don't want to put the work in man i keep having a discussion i'm like yo tony just let it go this is you're gonna have to go through the ugly stage i couldn't do it i couldn't do it i keep i got about to where you were and i couldn't take it i had i had i had a goddamn photo shoot or something to go through and i couldn't get it together i was like you know what stop it let's take it off let's get it down to manageable let's do that and then we'll try that [ __ ] again when i ain't got nothing else to do [ __ ] my total beard was nice for a minute but it just looks scrappy as [ __ ] people don't know my whole right side of come over that's a little no secret that's coming out on zuma with the homies right now i never before said it never before said left side left side be amazing this right side this whole little siren that's a comb over right there that's coming from the sideburn now like i let this get and then this getting i just i just like twist it up and then just pat it in oh that's that's like that little square the topics ain't gonna fix the swoop swoop that's one of the that was actually one of the beer tips that tone gave me you said man you got to keep brushing and i had mutton chops for like six months just mutton chops looking like an idiot out here that's what i gotta keep breathing right we let you do it because we knew you we knew what your goal was oh we get to talking beards he pull up he'd pull up luscious paws straightened his kevin hot combed his beard no he's oh how are you on here that's the products come on man don't been over here but he ain't saying one word told me five minutes ain't saying one word he always working everybody's been talking i was just like i've been in the comments section though that's what i ain't [Laughter] you don't see no movement of the shoulders or nothing i don't have to look at the keyboard you know what i'm saying look at sabrina talk about she need to hear kevin tony the rest first of all tony don't be wrestling ever tony always on his phone and he never rests bro don't ever rest tony tony will sit there he'll drive in the car no need to need sleep i believe i'll take over nah i'm good ugh he'll just fall asleep at the wheel he don't give a [ __ ] he'll put your life at risk and not caring but like nah it's my car i'm driving that's the old news keenan i'm moving off that you were always bringing up the time i almost killed you you know that's what i always know i always talk about your homicide man you always say murder movies about the time somebody almost killed me yeah man how many times we gonna come back to this man that was years ago it was yeah i'm like you're alive ain't you yeah did you die that was years ago [ __ ] [ __ ] i'm partying that was tonight no oh i almost killed you tonight chad's the one who almost killed you kenny you need to focus on that yeah he did almost kill me yeah that was a real action and then he laughed when he almost killed me yeah man i would never laugh at almost killing you man you know who can't drive though you know who came we used to be on tour and we were like no no no no no we'll take it we'll take a second kevin fredericks cannot try to save it and they got the nerve to go out and get a maserati i'm about to say i felt like his insurance note just went up quite a bit like rigs from lethal weapon for no reason why are you driving like mel gibson and lethal weapon three ain't nobody chasing us there's a kill drive like he always just dropped the blunt on the floor man like it was in his lap just like oh it's in my lap y'all crazy you drive fast or you drive slow and i do everything wrong fast out of the lanes uh the maserati i didn't know this if you drift into another lane it'll correct itself and put you back in the middle it better do that for all that money it better correct itself it better do my taxes i better walk the dog they better call all my exes and be like don't call here no more only he's driving a 2003 lancer that every time he turns it on it got to put a new port out he like oh we gonna we going somewhere today get out the way no new car tony you deserve it man he be doing he'll do like a major show he and take that take it on the road he'd be able to put these heavy ass bags of money in the back of this truck like oh man i gotta drive this car has a felony on his record not tony this is the car the car can't vote he can't own the gun or nothing he still won't get rid of him uh what is a what is a lancer you ever seen fast interference i have you know you ever played was cracking man well what is it it's a car it's a mr beast guitar tone oh it's a mitsubishi okay i was asking for the oh that's probably the mate the mate yeah i was just trying to figure who made it i know i've seen it i just know nobody makes it anymore tone mitsubishi like bro why do you still have this we got you know what others you know when i went when i when i saw you get demise right i was very when i was proud i was like yes like if somebody somebody i know know i got that number got one right i was very proud but also at the same time like three years ago i didn't know i didn't know about a maserati suv so i looked it up i saw one next to me on the 405 i googled it do you know that the uh the the slogan for maserati suv the maserati suv is the maserati of suvs they use their own name in the title to promote third person oh i love it i love it i have the freaking i've been holding off on the car forever you know how to use this hey what anisha is so non-tech savvy man hey my computer all of a sudden i think the baby was pressing buttons and now it just keeps saying preparing windows because i turned it off so i'm trying to speak on my freaking phone [Laughter] came in here dressed like t-hawk from street fighter [Music] that is hilarious yeah look look look it really says the maserati of suv i told you it was not [ __ ] the arrogance how clean it is though to here oh it's a night it's a very nice vehicle oh okay if it's a 20 20. 2020 baby we see it clear we went clear wow kev did you consider the uh the tesla and i did but i didn't want to um uh be like plugging my car in and stuff it's like having a phone charger and all that i don't need that absolutely i don't wanna yeah my phone is never charged it'll be an emergency i'd be like we did well i can't even get us out of here yeah i just and then i had heard of this dude had a tesla and um it has one feature where if something happens it'll lock the doors and you can't get out and his son had asthma and he was stuck inside there and i was like oh hell wow wow i don't hear that ain't no doorknobs yeah i know they uh like if you take a road trip in the tesla the amount of times you got to plug up is like it depends if i'm driving to the bay which is five and a half hours 300 miles you got to stop twice yeah one time it's got a 250 they got a 250 mile i don't like stopping anisha are you getting a popsicle in alcohol you never had a liquor pop what the that it's hot you guys never did i don't know but your uh only fans paid about to get popping you eat that whole goddamn uh you could you could take that you could take a second alcohol and dripping that [ __ ] come on baby ain't nobody gonna listen to nothing nobody else saying anisha you gotta stop putting alcohol in the baby spaghettio bowl that [ __ ] when i had the baby i packed up my bar and the shot glasses went so this is all i have when i drink our baby bowls first of all these titties in this popsicle made us forget about these technical difficulties completely first of all i'm being respectful and hiding eating the pop because red kev is on so making sure so i'm being respectful and but i really wanted a liquor pop so i'm sorry rev cab is on ain't nothing wrong with it here look like gi sloppy joe hey y'all remember when gi joe used to throw the uh knowing it's half the battle in on the episodes where it didn't know you're like all right guys y'all didn't really teach us nothing today man don't throw it in and that happened but snake guys had a fight annoying is half the battle i'll start forcing it on season three ain't nothing really happened [Music] what no really no more of the story hey kev was one of the coolest dudes but everybody still look at him like like the big brother that you can't do nothing in front of you i don't i just met kev i'm still i'm still me in front of kev i don't give a [ __ ] what i say to you i love cat i came in as a fan he got to change in two years but we good for right now the more we get to know each other the better i might get but for now i'm still gonna be reckless as me he's my commissioner for like 15 years she ain't changed you see she said she's being respectful how she eating the popsicle because rev cam over here yeah it's still a little brother though you know to here she's eating the popsicle respectful but we can still hear the slurping i'm just like oh yeah yeah yeah you make no noises i still see your head moving i know you hide in your face i'm being respectful nobody's a pop sugar like that but do you do a liquor pop because you gotta smoke it in the liquor and get the liquor off and it's cool if i'm being honest though and if i'm being honest i definitely want a popsicle now like just because because that the red white and blue those used to be the best flavor off the truck that bump up yeah don't know what color the white was but what flavor that was that was the white cherry remember the white mystery laffy taffys and airheads that's exactly what the white thing is i don't know if i've had a a popsicle as a grown man really really really i don't think so just bite it ah kenisha i can't bite it it's it's my teeth i only i only bite popsicle i don't i only buy people no the square uh the icys icy ones astro pop i got nothing y'all [ __ ] know all right i don't know yeah spot the regular freeze pop yeah plastic and a little plastic bag yeah i don't ever i don't never do raw popsicle i gotta be like the little in a little satchel no i don't do it take the popsicle pour a little bit in his hand and shake it around like sunflower seeds and then throw it in how you going you're gonna eat his popsicle i lay mine down on the tray and eat it with a spoon [Laughter] with a spoon because he hit his popsicles and drink it like kool-aid i tried to i tried to rotate the conversation into into positive happy stuff we got right back to the diocese come on y'all ice cream how did you try to rotate it back what part did i miss i didn't rotate it back it just got back there okay that's funny did y'all see the video uh oh boy he's like how you eating uh a banana in public when ladies around he was looking around make sure no ladies around he peeled the banana he took a piece off and he did it like this before hilarious no i didn't see that i think that the proper way to eat banana as a grown man is to just tear off as much as you can bite off you take that [ __ ] off and you eat and you you chew it up you know that's my motto too you gotta insert the banana you gotta you can take you just break the [ __ ] off and drop it in your mouth no what you do is you grab the whole thing and you just mash it and then stuff it in your face i'm talking the real way no you ain't gonna do that at the store you ain't gonna do no goofy [ __ ] like that you're at somebody's house somebody offered you right bananas like harambe [Laughter] hey bananas and frosted flakes though they're incredible i eat cereal too slow to eat frosting flakes i can't do frozen like nice cereal too slow my cereal game my cereal i ate too slow all right i ain't that frosty speed huh why are you eating cereal yeah what you doing in there i like to enjoy my food i chew it i like to taste the flavor i don't know i don't know don't we just lost tony bacon you can't disrespect cereal he'll leave bro i'm not saying it's not delicious but but frosted flakes got it too quick for me not eating cereal they you know stay a little more crisp i mean you're raising the wrong you're gonna need that you gotta eat that good [ __ ] then like them grains and oats bananas are the worst fruit ever invented or nuts oh i hate bananas plantains are lit and banana bread is lit banana pudding well they make banana bread with the banana the best thing i know but you don't really taste bananas in banana bread so you are you kev you want people that don't like onions but like onion rings like me i don't like yep i like sauteed onions i like pickled onions uh but like raw onions raw they got too much the flavor too strong yeah you like onion rings like you'll order them like i've never ordered onion rings i have them if you order them i'll have some but i'm never going to but if you have one oh yeah i'll take an onion i'm not an onion ring uh novelist i don't i don't go out here let me try your onion rings right i'll try your fries i'll try your fries i'm not trying your onion ring but you're letting your knots is all you really need you don't need eight onion rings that's very true okay if we're on the same page you don't want it awesome blossom you don't want the awesome blossom but but see i'm not paying for that but if somebody offers it i will have a couple well gotta take a piece of that awesome blossom i don't respect i don't respect i mean for some reason i respect fries but i don't respect onion rings like that i don't speak onion rings i don't respect uh the blooming onion like that because i know how much an onion costs and i'm not spending 12 dollars on this 13 item right but tone you know potatoes don't cost that much eat that's what i'm saying i just i just i i just said that before i started i was trying to prep okay okay but but but i like them better so it doesn't mean as much to me right i don't know aneesha commission you're muted you're muted i had the music when's the last time you had oh look at tony beggar being silent eating cereal in front of me look when's the last time when's the last time kev was the last time you had onion rings with accoutrement on it fries can have all kinds of accoutrements cheese and all this kind of stuff onion rings don't never have i don't think i've ever had onion rings with anything on it real quick everybody typically do you have headphones because we're getting mad feedback when you'll stop okay let me get some all right that's true loaded loaded on your rings ain't been really a thing like that because you got cheese on your rings though that'd be too much did you put cheese on your razor they come with cheese white white castles you get the cheese on there different throw some bacon bits on it cause white cats are not everywhere fight capsule fire it's like halfway everywhere i'm talking about cats wait a second jay hold on jay hold on let's not get disrespectful hey mu j beauty come on god damn let's go he said nothing in 10 minutes but that right there i know that that's what y'all white castle and that's my story i got my own personal stories against them listen i i stopped there at one o'clock in the morning on my way home when i was in brooklyn and got me a goddamn white calves was full of goddamn food thinking i was gonna be all right and six hours later i regretted every goddamn moment of it not violent never walking that establishment again you don't know what happened to me that day but yeah we do they called sliders i know exactly what happened to you and you went back for more nah i don't really miss it that's because your stomach going ready jay but how did you feel when you when you threw that bag away when you finished you threw that back when you feel great i knew i [ __ ] up after the third bite i knew i was in trouble it was a wrap but i kept going i bought three of them little sandwiches because i thought i was like [ __ ] i can eat a cup i smashed these so i'm in the middle of the second one and i was like man that that first one i don't know it ain't it's like a little aftertaste because they got an aftertaste they never had they started getting strong j it's the bread that's the only reason people tune in for white castle you just like hawaiian if you can get past that penny taste you see what y'all know that aftertaste i'm talking about that's that it tastes like you you drink a shasta you know you put a non-vote battery on your tongue real quick it's like that that taste from that cheap-ass soda that that's that's enough white castor splenda for one night all right all right man i love i love white castle though but i know the consequences but i do it anyway because i know what i'm getting myself into you like white castle over crystals nah chris crystal's better though crystal yeah i'm from atlanta we can grow with white castle but my whole family from the midwest so like i prefer white castle mortar is bristles to save me in college so chris i never had crystals before though what kind of cereal is this it look it kind of looks like a bowl of a bowl of uh white cheddar cheese do you like it are you are you training yourself to like i love it it's the vanilla one right my almond vanilla yup best one tony has become the king of merchandise he's eating his new cereal skibitty paps right now [Laughter] that's a good idea get you a bowl of skimmity packs hey that is that's a great idea right there we're gonna see it tomorrow we're gonna see it tomorrow you could use your you could use midnight to sell the commercials he could just be laying on the ground all weird like your cat is weird tone that meant he you can't watch his anime there's something wrong with that little [ __ ] man you know what he'd be he'd be laid out like julius on uh everybody hates chris somebody used to just sleep in the bed fully dressed your cat can get up too slow most cats pop up your cat get up like an old [ __ ] you know you'd be like oh like hey like his can't get up like he got social security already [Laughter] don't can't like your cat is the type of cat to start packing you owe me money like you know what man i ain't even got it on me okay let me just move some things around i'm gonna get you on next tuesday [Laughter] first of all i don't even eat ty ramen but i do miss it um it's uh vodka some peach something and some of the popsicle okay so i still even when the popsicle's gone i still got the popsicle yeah i'm saying kev say it what are you going to say kev i was going to say nothing canisia i support black women i love you man you just do whatever you got to do i love you so much because i haven't been right since you called me a vagabond or whatever you said i've been still black women too but i'm like what is this tupperware we drinking out of you guys when i had the baby i put my bar up this is all that i have damn this is a baby feeding bowl this is what she eat her oatmeal out of what do you normally drink out of like when is when you want when you want to just you know have some water or something oh we have water bottles it's either this or the water bottles like i drink this is what i get for the liquor because we don't drink juice in our house it's just water or liquor that's it this is the only thing i don't understand wow you got rid of the bar and the the shot glasses like those are impossibly expensive to purchase again yeah but kev kev have you ever lived in a one bedroom apartment with a baby and a dude that's 10 years younger than you then they got extra [ __ ] that you don't need so all i have is this i don't have no room for nothing new baby stuff took over my house i have nothing with the outside kids but you kept the liquor you you can go get a little little bag of them plastic red cups and you'd be good you can reuse them or you could get regular cups and then feed the baby out of those and then when you're not feeding her you would have i might mess her childhood up by being selfish i like that yeah she's got to learn the baby to learn early it ain't about her okay you had a life before that baby if she got to eat out of cups and that's just what she got to do you don't have to drink out of baby food she gotta suffer you don't want her on the couch hey don't be bringing up 2014 like that i wouldn't even took that plan b for you but anyway keep going i'll be right back you're not a father i'm looking at the chat and say down here it's a woman it was like tony come back to texas to see your baby you got a boat you got to post a picture with b with a little gray streak i'm about to be like baby bills the baby i had the baby to have his little pose hitting the finger on his mouth mommy don't tell daddy this is your baby [Laughter] you you remember his his mama at the house and she like wait i got a grand baby [Laughter] i know number two hey mom oh man that's crazy to look directly to [Laughter] i won't tell i should have never started drinking around the smell oh i cannot wait for them but can i tell you guys something that i'm very proud of since we're talking about liquor please do you know that i stopped drinking on stage when i went to nature room i did five shows all sober standard nose everything i stopped drinking on stage that's a big deal i look at it for people who know that's a big deal i never used to drink before i got on stage i got to la and became dependent on liquor i don't know what it is about los angeles the whole time i was in seattle i never drank on stage i just drank after and then when i got to l.a it was like i can't get on stage unless i drink and i became hella dependent like on an entire bottle of liquor at night so i stopped drinking before i got on stage i haven't drank it for that's what i'm saying i barely drink but this is like a date for me like look at this look at this i'm dating [ __ ] i'm sipping i respect that kamisha i really do kudos to you thank you i'm very happy it took a while i don't ever uh i couldn't drink and perform because i i need clarity of focus in mind i'm reckless at the mouth so especially when i drink i get real reckless i mean i'm still good at my job but i like the clarity a little bit better because when you're drinking and you go blink that's when you just go off deep in and start saying stuff you don't have no business saying you're like damn i just busted myself out so at least when i'm not drinking you know i know exactly what i want to do even if i go blank i can it's easier to pull something so you know i started i remember when i started at first i had to have a little drink before i went up and then once i started smoking and be like all right that would be what i would do to come down after my show like all right cool because you know how you had that that that buzzing high after you get off the stage you'll be like all right that'd be my that'd be my little release so but then it got to the point where it was like i couldn't drink at all while i was on stage i don't know why that was it just felt it felt felt crazy but then it transferred to when you get on the road you ain't got [ __ ] else to do you standing on stage it's like let me just hold this beer next thing you know i had three beers in the night and i was like i don't know i just don't i don't i don't drink a lot no more but i went through both sides man where i just couldn't do it to where now it just don't even matter i i just zoned out and rock yeah hey hey j what uh what comedy club did you sneak in here tonight to do the show where you at that echo was bouncing off for every chair that goddamn clutch i'm in my garage that's where i'm at the echo the echo was probably just cause i supposed to put in my um my headphones yeah or because it's a because it's a five car car garage that's that could be the reason yeah no it's three okay i do want to be clear though i drink after the [ __ ] so if anybody out there want to buy me a drink afterwards you know i just don't wanna get it confused i think i'm not drinking after the show it's just before yo kenisha drunk i i have no parts let me tell y'all i love it tell your own story about drunkenness me and her we doing this show way out in the valley somewhere and we all out there i don't even remember this after l.a my car broke down and keon had to come pick us up but keep going broke down so but kenesia is obliterated and every time gets drunk she wants to battle rap anybody breathing she'll be like let's battle rap hold on hold on hold on a battle me tone i'm like yo let's go right now i'm about to hit him with the fizzy bone real quick i'm about to battle rap i'm just like delicious don't get out of here man they can't see me ain't no mic ain't no mike she in the car with us driving away she's still battling the back window hey listen it was these thug ass dudes they were having us but i was out there killing them and they was like hey let's go it's like 3 34 in the morning i keep jumping out the car like oh i got to go pee real quick oh i left my id and then they would come find me and i'm over there just laying them out you know you need to tell me after three shots she like hey yo yo wig cap do you want to place an order mom's spaghetti as soon as she started drinking this is a fact that like if it's a fact and i would not leave i can't find the reasons to get out of the car keon had already drove all the way over there to get us the um well the key on the jay alexander they always look alike to me i could never tell the difference it's one of them too like [ __ ] okay keon remember that sounds like i think it was kion but i don't want to say it's him it wasn't and i'm telling you guys i must have went back to that battle rap i remember like 30 times that i was a champion like every level it was somebody moved for me and i was just going to walk away from the title i hated her cause we couldn't leave him behind we would fall deep in the valley uncertain territory like two hours out of l.a we were in victorville that's hella far it was like a victory i was in victorville it was uh it was up the other way oh oxnard yeah we we in unfamiliar territory like no let's go that's such an aggressive first bar too tone that's like i hated her i ain't talked to kenisha for a while after that he didn't he didn't i would he did no when we had my 90s party we might as well just let it happen now i feel like you still haven't forgive me for that party because i ain't been invited to nothing else and i feel some kind of way about it but keep going we had my 90s party we having the time in my life i mean we kenisha she came in with vodka in a in a minute made thing i was like girl you got strawberry kiwi juice and it's clear she was like it's vodka well i know it ain't juice [Laughter] we having the time of our life and then you know basically all at the same time everybody's like well i'm gonna head out man everybody head out kanisha left we cleaning the house i'm talking about hey there's food left over at the party we should go in the trash i see y'all put a piece of chicken on the top ain't nobody even touched this chicken so drunk battle that piece of chicken i know she did this little piece of chicken [ __ ] got bars no look out cam i'm about to battle this piece of chicken this is why i don't drink as much do you know i slept outside of kev's house and i was responsible i didn't wake up till 10 o'clock and then went home like i literally i had took a nap and then when i woke up i was hungry that's what i went i was like oh the party probably still going it wasn't the door was unlocked that's not slip you didn't sleep that was at least i was responsible and did not try to drive at least i was responsible passed out and recovered and you were ready for round two like oh let's get the parties but you didn't put over yeah we'll get you a hotel she was like i do this all the time i'll be fine i'll see you guys in the morning what kind of videos come on you know that party was live as hell i had the microphone i was going boom i love that party but i have not been invited to another show killed her karaoke performance yo the party got out of control and i didn't grow up doing no parties or nothing like that at some point people started telling other people to pull up that i didn't know oh yeah eight dudes sitting at my front door eating chicken like man this is lit whose birthday is it i was like mine sir why i don't you just come to the parties people you don't know some thugs in there i know trust me i know how to find them what are y'all doing here it was crazy people was calling everybody okay so i invited some of these [ __ ] you didn't know but obviously okay crowd for sure i don't i don't i don't deal with [ __ ] i don't know in my house that would never happen except for the ghost except for the ghost his house is horny joe i know that's why we're like [ __ ] do we move up we just try to see if he cool [ __ ] around and like like [ __ ] with us while we sleep we just gonna ride this [ __ ] out bro like right now all he's done is just like show himself to the kid and like call my name a little bit but like long as he ain't like hide wallets and [ __ ] like that we're like all right [ __ ] calm down wait a minute no i grew up with a ghost that [ __ ] is real that's why i got nervous go ahead you had a real [ __ ] pop up in your house to your kids and and and then call your name out [ __ ] that's when it's time to pack bro he got 10 more months on his lease you know life is real when you got a ghost and a new lease and you're like man i almost just have to deal with the ghost i can't believe it okay if i can't break this lease i gotta deal with two more months of a ghost yeah when you just move in the couch we got furniture that's automatic we saved the house so we got in i got the nag champ i'm burning on a regular basis you know what i'm saying we will be playing gospel on sundays well the sage is for negativity so it might be a positive ghost thing because the stage he was like y'all cleared all the bad ghosts maybe he just trying to get your attention like i'm right to here [Music] but if the tags were good to hear you'd be like yo man and low key man he's he's pulling his weight for the fake what if you had a cool ass ghost in your house just calmly i see your feet bro you like i see you camouflage bucket with the camouflage sweater boy you don't know watching every episode of the lovecraft country with us like me [Laughter] i know her hey i know that's my [ __ ] [ __ ] right there go back go back real that quick it's like they're leonardo dicaprio meme uh to hear where he pointed at the tv [Laughter] and she doesn't gain some weight she used to be thin back in the day back in pennsylvania you know oh my god bb master y'all just ain't gonna decorate for halloween and [ __ ] that girl's gonna be out you're not gonna celebrate my [ __ ] wow you got all the thanksgiving stuff you even have something for labor day june 10. it's cool don't worry about it don't worry about no no no no no no no no oh man we really we really don't like i'm not opposed to moving already like i'll bring them i'll break the money to break the lease i pay the money to break the lease i just like i i can't deal with no like poultry guys type [ __ ] like but you know what i'm gonna taller than me and if she gets possessed and like starts swinging i'ma have to shoot her the foot i ain't gonna be trying to fight nobody taller than me bro i can't do it i grew up with a ghost so that's how i know how real that [ __ ] is i'm not even gonna bring it up because it took me a long a lot of therapy to get over it but yo he's telling the truth if you think you got a ghost you do we grew up with a ghost and you asked anybody in seattle about the greenhouse on martin luther king and alaska even the police was scared of that [ __ ] mom so and martin luther king in alaska that's where when you moved and you lived in the house that john died in there that one did you talk about today yeah but that yeah but there was all so this is what happened so before my i have moved in there this dude had killed his family in the bathroom upstairs so we used to always be scared of the bathroom and then my i had moved in there and then she was dating [ __ ] with messing with these cubans i always was trying to watch my language in front of cats messing with these cubans and they used to play with the ouija board and i know people don't think this stuff is real but it is because it traumatized my childhood so they have opened these portals a lot of stuff going on me and my sister was sitting on the couch and like something stepped on the glasses and the glasses broke and even the police were scared like when they had showed up and someone get out of my house none of the police would go in like it's a long story so they burned the weed first they threw the ouija board under the church the [ __ ] ended up back at the house then they burned the ouija board but all four of the corners didn't burn we went through a lot of stuff as a kid growing up in a haunted trust me and so i got this picture from the goodwill there's this picture of jesus and he has some lambs and [ __ ] and i would put it under my window and i had that orange little bible they would give you for free and i swear to god you could ask any of my sisters we used to sit under the picture of jesus and i would just read the bible and we would just sit under the picture of jesus because when my mom said we was moving in we was like yo we're not going but she made us move it every night for years we would all sleep under this picture jesus i have with a little orange bible because it ghosts be real and tell you and they'd be messing with you and that's the real [ __ ] and now i've got the crying like this [ __ ] got me back i really wish you hadn't told that story right now you got to go to sleep yeah i just love i love when people are saying close to here don't put it on her she continuing the conversation you brought up i love when people say and it was the white jesus at the time too i didn't know no better i love when people say picture of jesus because i ain't seen one i see a lot of portraits but no pictures and i don't know who that is i don't know who joke that is i know i've heard it somewhere but like it should make me laugh every time every time i hear a picture of jesus like he got no selfies out here i don't think he got no [Laughter] i guess one point i didn't even realize that you couldn't got a picture of the lord you gotta [Music] hey that was classic bro is my mic he wasn't here tonight he was in here tonight talking all types of [ __ ] that's one of my favorite moments oh man that [ __ ] was so funny that [ __ ] was so funny we was trying to help him and he he went the whole other direction with it he turned it up louder it was a good time man tomorrow tomorrow's gonna be a good time too just a reminder if you guys haven't bought the tickets already to the keeping this uh comedy show you need to do that right now everybody on here has their own uh promo code we can get three dollars off uh you need to take advantage of that right now tomorrow i think tickets go up five dollars and you right now you can purchase the 48 hour link so you can watch the show always sunday but if you don't do that in advance trust and believe you will not see that show so make sure you get the tickets early do not wait till it goes up don't be part of the late crew okay get the 48-hour pass you can watch it all weekend watch it with your family and friends and uh yeah man don't cry about it later because we all try to every you you got nine different promo codes available to you eight on the screen right now so if you ain't taking a valid saying you know you just don't want it bad enough damn it okay yeah man kevin i appreciate it man i am non-jews bro comedy in front of people fam i'm so excited bro kev can i can i can i tell you how many dms i got about this robe and uh the hair tie that we created being like i ain't gonna lie that's not a bad look i'm like it's a costume but you know we all you know this is what we do so like we all but it's serious the thing about the sketches that's backfiring is people like man the sketch is great buy the tickets no not man i just i just like these like hey hey man we're trying to promote something we're not just doing this for fun they love them sketches it took me a second to see the cut of uh because i i think i hit you for the heartbeats joint and man the the comeback after the flyer with bt's finger going to the i'm sorry no no no no no no the first sketch the pop-out sketch oh my gosh the dialect specialist man when bt's fingers went back we cut back fingers reaching in bro i was not ready for that i mean in the room it was funny i didn't know it was coming on the edit bro that's you i know they got it i didn't even know the show yeah me neither i was ready for it oh man you were singing like you were scared but you know freaking beverly man that was man us bro because because first of all the sketches have all been hilarious fam the godfather's fire i watch god i went back to go watch the godfather oh i forgot about this one oh my god that joker one is everything else the one with the girls but uh that set it off though you don't set it off oh that's my favorite one shantae really really made that go the thing i like about the sketches is i just be coming with like a part of the idea and then the comedians really coming together be like this would be funny that'll be funny this would be fun and that's what i walked in i walked in 20 minutes late i wasn't 20 minutes late i'll go ahead jay i'm just saying one of these days i hope we get an invite to the sketch group oh hey can hang in there you got invited james you got invited you should have been there with us you was invited august and that one day that i missed i got called in to work no we shot all them for in like three hours yeah oh [ __ ] i got there 20 minutes late i get that 20 minutes late because of traffic and everything i got 20 minutes late and they already talking and i was like hey so uh what uh like you know can i get the run down the sketch kev like oh no we just not doing it we're coming up with it right now we're just we bouncing all we all come in but like you know but that's that's like like you said bt early and everybody else said like that's what's double about funny you know just come back together and seeing everybody it's like you should start flowing again and then yeah we gotta let funny people be funny man you can't come with a like a fully written script and like not let nobody like add on to it because we all different and we all different that's what makes it the best yeah passing the popeyes box was not a part of the plan it was she was just supposed to do a popeye's commercial i didn't remember who said it'd be funny if we passed it and then this time i was like i think i think it was one of the guys on the camera yeah it was and then everybody start adding their [ __ ] and then when tone got it then we just for some reason we was just like whoa at the same time that's what it just made it and then we just kept it yeah it was natural i love that camaraderie man this is like plus we all want each other to win bro like that's just yeah yeah that's the you know anybody mad at somebody else's joke everybody like man that's such a good joke one of the yeah one of the things that uh a lot of older older comedians they'd be like they'd be saying hey man y'all be liking each other y'all be helping each other it was not like that we was like man forget him and hurt we out here alone all right man go ahead network tony doing a different show right now he doing a mukbang i'm sorry to hear that it's your job if i may uh you currently watch zuma with the homies because tony baker's is doing fooding with the homies it's a show inside of a show the fact he's showing it to us like this on every item that's i'll go grab a pot of greens i just made it that's what we're doing some vegan chicken i got a big ass pot of greens in the fridge [Laughter] the keenan and the smoke crack was fired too though yeah oh my god i love that oh my what what was that that was that was that was all cavs voice man that was huh oh what is the white stuff what is that there's frozen bananas oh coconut uh banana okay yeah is that spinach can you push the spinach down it's doing too much please condense it don't even listen to us right now you can't hear nothing we saying i just want to kind of know what kind of spent uh smoothie that's about to be i'm listening i'm just showing everybody nasty at this point i need a little bit more berries in there for my personality oh okay you got some cmos in there tony how many frozen bananas you got this freezer yours he had two in separate bags that's what i'm saying that's what i'm saying okay that's what i'm saying i mean how many frozen bananas we got there how many times a long time bro how many kilos of bananas we got in this freezer here with all the ringtones tony got what if he don't blend it he just punch it down into uh he just muddle it with his fist oh totally sure you guys got an ice cube tray you just put ice in there oh no that's the rubber one that's the rubber one where you can bend it this is a little bendy flex oh was it about the tray not the ice i don't know you can you can just freeze the spinach and then you won't need the ice if the spinach and the fruit is frozen you don't need any ice just use milk yeah but if you freeze the spinach don't it lose all the nutrients no i'm not a scientist i don't know i don't know what you say tony you're not supposed to freeze vegetables yeah you're not supposed to freeze two weeks ago i just want him to push it down i don't know why it's driving me crazy but he's about to punch it he ain't ain't got no base to this uh uh blender he's just about to punch it down until he can move that's what i'm saying well you know that was his first job hey y'all mix this up and he gonna drink it straight out the blender thing that's because i believe in tony a sprinkle of cat hair around what if he picked it up and just started shaking like this and the whole thing started [Laughter] oh no you should do it just go ahead and dump that out like yeah [ __ ] that this nasty i'm just trying to see how i explain i ain't quite made it to the health level to be able to sit there and make myself a shake to look like that i ain't been there yet no it's spinach i make i make shakes it might be having all types of [ __ ] up in mine spinach don't spinach don't go that far that that that's finished right there if you cook that that [ __ ] this is my spinach yeah it is that's what i wanted to push it you got to use something yeah i ain't trying to drink it through a straw you got it oh you got one of the uh uh uh cosby show joints like one of them it's a pure rain i got a nutribullet i ain't got one of them uh the sticks you put down i got the nutribullet so it'd always be spilling over though you got to tighten the bt you got to tighten the the top i've been filling it up too far but yeah you're putting too much fruit in there bro no it's not the fruit it's the apple juice it's a mountain dew the apple juice oh apple juice is all sugar you killed the whole smoothie yeah you don't want to watch me you need to put some hemp seeds in there that's what some hemp seeds some cmos that's what you need up in there some bladder a little bit of coconut oil yeah that spin is gone bram crap cram crap what is going on with buzz's wi-fi bad it just dip somebody some fan artist tony bank is making a smoothie i know he got some fans later right now he got to be somebody got to be drawing this right now just take a still shot i i honestly want some uh smoothie now though at this point tony you really done been like man that's all right man that's all right i wouldn't mind that at all [Laughter] okay the smoothie with the uh with i mean you put three strawberries in almost any combination of vegetables it's gonna be delicious no man fresh strawberries is overrated all right fresh strawberries are overrated i agree it's the blueberries blueberries are great blueberries like blueberries uh grapes and green apples is how i get my and that's the best thing and now maybe maybe i sneak in a little bit of agave because then listen if you throw some dates in there you should have three dates a day especially men it's good for your prostate eat the dates cut up three of the dates and put it in there it will give you i've never had a date in my life i could give you one but no you can um just put the just put the dates in there they're good they're really good for your body in the crib right now you sure that's good i'm gonna go on three dates and i'll take care of my prostate i'm gonna fry some chicken i'm gonna fry some chicken and put some lego waffles in the toast and let y'all watch me do that next [Laughter] unhealthy [ __ ] this [ __ ] making me feel bad i gotta get up every day though tony had two bowls of cereal and now you're about to drink this this is your coat your colon is uh is move-in ready yeah it is i'm gonna show you the healthiest [ __ ] at all don't stop eating bro tony don't stop eating them we want to work he was always hungry always [Music] somebody's going to snack a lot the snacker the snack will be killing you down there for me nothing makes me happier than eating super unhealthy salty savory greasy [ __ ] at two in the morning watching tv like it's my favorite thing to do so here goes vegan fried chicken this is what we this is our fried chicken vegan chicken strips this is it right here it's really mushrooms but that's what that's how we do it it's a [ __ ] [Laughter] look at kid face showing it to us in the camera hey man this you know we trying to do a thing or two man you know it is that's what i've been eating for years well three years i've been vegan but this is it it's good though i know i know keenan and tony and i think canisius are vegan vegetarian tone or jay are you missing vegan vegetarian yet no i got restrictions but i i mean i eat i eat whatever i want to but but i got i got stuff i just don't eat because i don't like it or like you don't agree with my body other than that i eat whatever i want i'm not i'm not vegetarian i'm pressed for vegan you know what vegan french dish fresh vegan whatever it's called presbyterium where you only eat some vegan you eat fish [ __ ] i made wings tonight yeah i made wings tonight and in my airfryer i made wings and my wings are unbelievable my wings don't believe my airfry wings unbelievable airfryer wings bro [Music] first of all if they don't got seasoning if then you don't if they if they if they season the cabinet ain't all seasoned out then she can't cook anyway because i use magazines [Laughter] a grilled cheese and air fry it's going to blow your hat off hey your mic sound like you're doing the pa announcement at a high school football game i am [Laughter] blue 42 blue 42 [ __ ] and with another third down like this i wanted to sound like darth vader well you have achieved that because [ __ ] i mean it sound like we in an echo i don't care believe y'all got me i don't know i'm tipsy frying vegan chicken at this point some vegan mac and cheese yeah anisha sit down [Laughter] chipmunks he i'm talking about drinking water you eating water to here oh you really were drinking water no no he's trying not to talk no no all right so no no say something else promote this he put up that picture that picture looked like you making the order [Laughter] this [Laughter] field i would have seen your movie easily like i'm only just drinking water you see you're taking too far jack myself misha we hear everything you are doing in that kitchen oh well let me move out the kitchen girl you gotta mute your phone you opening every door you have you re-organize the silverware like you know i don't put the spoons on the right side i don't like them on the left and i'll put the knives in the middle again i don't know if i don't know a vegan that wears feathers [Laughter] [Music] i'm sorry if it went over your head that's just that's what you're gonna see friday i'm sorry okay i'm not judging anything that tony or uh or can't eat because i am watching y'alls steps and whatever y'all gonna eat y'all don't walk it off did y'all be i'd be hiking for a minute yes i'm like man i'm barely making 10 000. y'all be at 17 19 but like for the afternoon i like to hit 10 000 before before i even get my before i even give it a shower you say wow yeah if i ain't hit 10 000 before i got in the shower then it's gonna be tough what'd you say tony baker i said once i get in the shower i ain't doing no exercises all right yeah it's over i i don't hike with tony before and passed out he sure did man we used to have a i literally they was like why you got a sweater on when you hiking i was like ah oh you didn't know what hiking was was you were you early into hiking bro i this is what happened man i ate a pastrami sandwich before i went hilarious drunk no water and went on a hike and passed out with a sweater on when you were passing out did you feel it or you you knew after i i felt it they saw me feel it i was i was like hey y'all feel good and i started cramping up and my hands literally like did the chris rocky now he'd be doing his hands like this i had chris rockhamps i just like literally like struggled they kind of just guided me down to the floor like this they just gotta meet him and chaz has gotten me down to the floor we had to massage his little hands to be that vulnerable in front of comedians gotta be the worst oh tony tony is the worst person to be vulnerable in front of man he's terrible yeah but yeah i can see tony doing this hold on why am i why am i looking at you there he goes why am i terrible man remember you remember when we was in sacramento and i was telling you a story like a vulnerable store i was spilling my guts out to tony he was like oh he just that was sleepiness though that was in the wrong he and then when he got like super deep and serious i was already halfway out of here nah man i was so autobiographing dreams tony you mean to tell me kenny was like and you know what i didn't have a good relationship with my father you're like yeah i was out of here kids [Laughter] you can't let him be tired right now you need him i can't wake him up that's rude yo tom man you gotta wow your mother listen if tony baker want to go to sleep he going to sleep bro oh yeah tony tony said hey man you know your mind got burned up fires be hot man yeah man it's crazy smoke detectors that's what i'll be trying to tell people was the batteries in the smoke detector because you gotta get the see the v battery that's the only time you need a knife i'm eating were you talking and then did you look at him and he's asleep or you watched him slowly fade down too tired i i was telling you did you know what was happening did you know it was happening not exactly not at that point i saw him at the end of his sleep so when i turned around and turned his back and had a soliloquy and he just he just split out tony see that's why i am the way i am today wait then after that yeah [Laughter] it was a plane crash let's paint the picture it was mad late we was both we we was doing a comedy club we was in the bay area actually yeah and we were staying with keon's homeboy we was we were staying in his garage because he had like two couches in there so we both laid out on each couch and so we already set up for bed this is pretty much me and keenan are pretty much brothers in the bunk bed at this point we ain't got no covers on but i was covered up i had the blanket i was like yeah you know we're just talking but you know it's the wind down and then keita gonna take it serious and i'm all i'm halfway out he hopped off the top of it i need to talk to you son you gotta sit up you you gotta come out the blanket when you know your boy is he laying his heart on the line you you feel like i feel like he was like yeah keenan came down the ladder he hopped on the top bunk and needed to talk okay i got teary-eyed so when i looked over i was like this [ __ ] i'm about to drop a tear and that's what happened to my whole family no man was i able to reconnect with my father like i said the most disrespectful thing was him asking me to tell the story the next day i'll take the sleep you can't do that tony hey man listen so about last night so your mom got hit by a train ran a train let's go through that set again what's the set you were talking about last night i think i was telling you about my with your job would y'all open up to somebody that was half asleep tom you got to understand yeah you know the late night thing you bonding you like man you know what man this is my boy tony i'm a i don't even really be thinking like that you know keenan thought about that before tony turned over tony turned over his stomach keaney didn't even see it [Laughter] tony was laying like this on a pillow and this this might have been this might have been tony and i maybe second road gig or something like that so this you know how on the road you bomb with people so we this is this is a bonding moment i was like we ain't gonna never be friends we go he just has not opened up ever since what happened i've been i've been closed off johnny you know what's funny is he he forgave you in that moment for almost killing him in the car hey you know what man i i don't want to forgive you man [Laughter] i've missed all the forgiveness did the eagles win i was out of here man let me tell you about when tony is done he's done we had a road trip i think it was me him dante and i don't know who else was in the car now we are hella far out with you guys and i'm tipsy as hell i like it's no way that i should've even drove us home and tony just looked at me and was like look i'm we're not gonna make it if i drive and everybody else was faking sleep in the back so here are my drunk ass like y'all remember when i drove they was fake asleep apparently they have no license or nothing but you guys would understand i drove back pretty much naked from i get drunk and i take my clothes off right so i'm like yo and i had to i drove us back pretty much [ __ ] like a two-hour drive tipsy as hell and i'm thinking at least tony gonna stay up and talk with me and help us get home i look over he's knocked out and these two that were facing everybody sleep i'm like yo i could really just kill us all ain't nobody basically a butt ass naked drunk person driving us and i was out of here like do you know how crazy that is like all right she's naked i'm at least stay up and help her nope he when he's done he's done and it was a long ass drive you know what i'm saying he was coming from san diego he's coming back from san diego make sure you put the good gas in yes when he's done he's done it don't matter what the situation is i'm like i should be the last person driving us home i mean i can do it obviously but i probably should have not have been the the best candidate and we're looking to be mad at the uselessness of dante man they knew they knew they heard me yes because tony was like look i'm so tired i cannot drive can anybody drive any and we look and they are both back there fake like dead knocked out and so it was only me up naked going y'all i really am making it after you dude it was like that dude coming to america that fell down the steps that's exactly what they did they fell down the steps i was like hey man one of y'all is driving back well that was me this is 10 years ago i don't get like that no more but back in the day i used to be wild as hell driver though i almost killed kenisha on the road uh man way better it was a it was a puppy on the freeway y'all know i like driving like at night like two in the morning yeah puppy on the freeway so i'm trying to slow down and swerve to miss the puppy kadisha stepped on the gas like man if you don't hear that puppy he's the car you guys he swerved the car and the [ __ ] is rocking like we are about to die don't let him try to make it seem like it was a baby ass slurp holy [ __ ] so i'm like we hitting the puppy like what the [ __ ] so you've plowed through a puppy before you willing to say that right here tonight everybody and i did cry because it was thanksgiving and i felt like you know his family was gonna miss him but that's the only thing but you're supposed to run these things over him we were going like 80 miles an hour you can't swerve 80 miles an hour yeah i can't swerve it was like it was the right decision but at the time i didn't think about it because i just saw uh yeah it was a labrador it was like a mangy labrador was that yeah she was like [ __ ] you called killer i'll never forget that i got too many stories with y'all's on the road i hate it tony was out in under 10 minutes yo you yo you got seven minutes how long was this story how long was the story bro i couldn't finish the story tone he was like how long were you talking how long were you talking and then under 10 minutes oh wait so you poured your heart out in four to seven minutes you got seven minutes this this tony says [Laughter] him the light he gave him the nightlight he was like [Laughter] tell everybody what you were telling me right here right now make it right tony i would never tell you anything again like that all right you know what's crazy is if keenan started telling that story tony gonna go together again he just snack good kenny got this boys what if all of us went to sleep right here why they do it that's what i wasn't even all that green and that shake gonna kick in you're gonna have to run to the restroom all of a sudden i don't remember i remember what i don't remember but like i'll be right back let me tell me the worst part of this story is that eventually keenan decided i can't do this and then you were just fully asleep and he had to sit in that for another 10-15 minutes with a with a wet face kev with a very wet face i bro i don't i can't even explain the feeling that i had when i watched it and you know tony snores this dude talking asleep i'll be snoring like that i'd be talking bro i talk hold on so tony what if you talk in your sleep like that story was boring if he would have listened to me right now he got getting under seven he would have thought i was still up if he was just let it ride i would have been talking back i'd be like yeah man you know stuff be like this sometimes get your boy some cereal yeah grab the cheeseburgers out the trunk [Laughter] yeah i got extra plates in the glove compartment tony we'd be like that's not what happened last time i took the 101 not the 110 to get yup you'd be like what are you talking to he would have a full conversation not one word not a sense of full conversation you like is he is he [ __ ] with me right now he'll be hilarious to hear if y'all was sleeping kidding in there kenny here like yeah and then kenny tried to tell me a story he knew i was tired i didn't want to hear it and i was crying but i also won't be driving he is crazy for that one anyway wait tony what's your what's your sleeping pattern like like like because i know the fitbit tell you everything do you get like real sleep like that uh i usually get around like six hours okay but is it like do you get like the deep sleep parts like you know i show you all the stuff i'll be looking at it i'll be getting some deep sleep it'll be a lot of deep sleep though but you wake up feeling rested yeah congratulations what is this kid's a girl alicia is so noisy over there every move everything i'm not doing anything you know what it's probably my earrings brushing up against the mic she got different activities she's shuffling cards no i think it's my earrings are brushed up against the mic she's not tired because the mic is here it's not the it's not the it was the origami you was over there doing it you know they're making one of these little alumni do you like me yesterday no i didn't have a napkin so i use the notes you got to pick one and flip it he was doing something with that bt we was doing it fast like that made it better yeah yeah all right now okay one two three four five six seven eight all right now touch one more okay one two three that what a waste man what a waste of time because i couldn't feel i couldn't build one of those right now if my life depended on it yo that was serious when you got the four for your eyes only and you could pull the thing out and then it opened up he was like oh they changed the game when they do that this has got to be this one got a lever on it all mines have both says harmony songs and if you push one i would do one of the bone thugs and harmony songs and all of mine had a bone thugs like like your mom own wish five food stamps like it would say some stupid [ __ ] i remember them yeah one of them you'd be like this this [ __ ] makes terrible grades but he is the engineer in the maker series uh the end of the show so let's go ahead and uh start wrapping it up man um you got anything you want to let people know you want to thank you for whatever this is the time to do it let's just go uh let's go let's go let's go tom bill my mom is in town let me get back to my mom real quick hey my name is tom bell appreciate it i'm at tone bell i'll be on uh keep you soaked man what's up keep your distance keep your distance i mean keep your distance tomorrow everybody tonight man i'm so excited i literally cannot wait to do this i mean i got we had so much fun shooting uh the sketches and everything and just seeing these man these funny ass people so i appreciate it and uh i'm out uh we love you i i got a movie coming out december 25th called uh sylvie's love so check that out if you haven't seen my special showtime check that out um where's your movie coming out tone is coming out christmas day uh probably the probably at midnight it's called sylvie's love it's a it's a 1950s it's beautiful it's beautiful i mean we i mean it's covered it'll be on amazon for sure that was the part yeah yes when i shave my beard and i do like the hair with the part and everything so tessa tessa thompson is like the lead in that eva longoria plays my wife like she's amazing everybody's dope man so like if y'all get a chance put on your watch list december 25th um silvia's love uh watch my special and then watch me told me like two days later anyway thank you for uh uh taking love y'all see y'all tomorrow all right see y'all tomorrow kevin was that you no why would i call it out if it was me i don't know everybody else can i mute themselves right now maybe it was tones background jay you still muted kenisha used to have muted bt used to mute it i'm back i'm here i don't know who that is but anyway let's go keenan bt j uh kenisha and uh kevin uh man yeah uh catch me get the tony baker and friends special man on amazon prime gumroad man shout out to tony baker my bro man look out for me with that uh keep your distance comment show tomorrow i'm excited uh give a shout out to troy thompson denzel lebaron jose martinez uh yeah man thank you for shooting me and shoot me a little bit of bread i appreciate y'all man uh i'm excited for tomorrow y'all animation podcast if you're in anime yeah there it is uh bt what you got for him man uh first and foremost uh to hear bro i love you to death man i appreciate uh what you have created allowing us to share our platform and uh just kicking it with my friends makes me extremely happy uh thank you uh kev i love you to death bro i appreciate you uh i don't know it's it's major man you just gave you gave in so many words you gave [ __ ] they dreams back [ __ ] to a certain extent we ain't been able to do the thing that we love the most so i am going to savor tomorrow cause ain't no telling when i'll be back in front of a crowd in front of people again so i appreciate you for that uh kings and crew y'all know i love y'all three thousand uh in the chat uh here we go kiara saw that shaban and i got the balcony world and adam and jose martinez jasmine twisted and appreciate you guys for the cash chefs i think i nailed them all perfectly uh if you're not following the youtube page please follow it if you have not added yourself to the discord please uh do that as well i'm pushing the 10k we had 88 88 on the youtube so we're at 88 22 we pushing all through uh trying to hit the 10k 40 years out um other than that watch give me five if you have not already uh the episodes are fantastic and more give me five on the way vince the dracula jones party halloween night uh we gonna all r b making music slow jams and i'm gonna do some hip hop at the top uh for um and those yeah donate anything you want donate a dollar donate ten thousand dollars either way you're gonna get the same virtual halloween party so other than that uh i love y'all man join the discord man and download tuskegee if you have it all right uh we got next uh all right jay let's go let's go jay felicia tony kiff okay uh first of all i don't know how i'm gonna follow all of that i don't have quite that much [ __ ] to promote uh so i'ma just like stumble around for a few minutes to make my time go is just as long as bps and everybody else's time did as i find things to promote like off the top of my head first of all on my youtube page which is located at j phillips live if you backslash that with the youtube like they do the things that they do that will take you over to my page where you will find the programming that i have started to produce uh which on monday nights i do my mind at a quiet dude 2.0 podcast i live stream that directly there before it goes off on to your favorite platforms and then as well what you think is a show that i do that is quite incredible that i would invite everybody here once again to come do uh tahir has done it twice uh i put an inbox for tony baker no response yet bt coming and hopefully everybody else uh on here will be loving to come do my what you think coming up soon what's your inbox we're gonna be i inboxed you i should have text you i know you you got a billion followers please please i'm just gonna just call you know i could have called you tb i'm not calling you out i love you bro you know what it is i just hope that you do the show one day because it's quite fun and i would love your goddamn comedy on there so with that being said uh i will see y'all tomorrow on the keep your distance comedy show kev i appreciate you letting the brother come on there you know what i'm saying i appreciate it uh let's go kanesha don't tell me you didn't care oh [ __ ] okay look i thought you had me on you hi again i'm so excited to be on keep your distance company thank you again kev we are definitely going to have a blast um i will be doing all my mom jokes so i'm excited about that because i've transitioned you know from popping bottles to making bottles so this would be fun for everybody it'll be a lot cleaner than what you're used to um actually very clean um i have a new show on thebeastradio.com every saturday two p's in a podcast so make sure you guys come through uh follow me on youtube and i have a mommish page on my parents m-o-m underscore ish underscore or you can find me at kenisha buses comedy also i definitely want to give a shout out to nova morgan leticia kiara troy hank lebron jessica's alicia juan brian christopher let me tell you guys something and everybody from the last podcast because when i was on zooming with the homies remember i told you guys i had to get a bridge i used y'all's money to get a bridge so let's work on this one down here yeah your show helps me get my teeth fixed and for all those don't know i got rid of my little baby teeth and now i have real front teeth oh [ __ ] so zooming with the homies you all put in on that so everybody go ahead and drop five so we can get these teeth in order because i got a movie to film and i need these probably whites going but thank you guys for having me and uh remember to take a drink and relax door and covet i don't uh totally bake it bro i gotta you know what i'm saying i'm doing keep your distance comedy tomorrow pull up for that use the tony promo code for your discount you know what i'm saying the child these biscuits uh also uh i got the skippity pap hoodies on sale now order it now it's on sale through monday so get it now it might be a little surprise sale tomorrow kicking off for the weekend so uh we'll see about that there oh don't forget to get tony baker friends like keenan said earlier you got keenan baker on there keon pulley dc urban and brandon lewis on that thing and i think y'all will enjoy it um don't forget to check out daddy issues podcast um follow me on twitch i want to give a shout out to the people that cash out your boy kiara chade troy thompson serene youngblood latasha pritchard brian dixon jose martinez man i appreciate y'all man get that skippity pap hoodie uh yeah i just want to shout out everybody for supporting the show want to shout out tony baker there was a time i was telling him my you know how my father left me and he he fell asleep in the middle of my story man it just really prompted me to just go ahead and reconnect with him after that i want to thank tony for that man he pushed me out of there but nah man make sure you uh uh uh used to hear his code mobster uh if you want to support him personally for the um keeper distance show and just come out man enjoy these new comedians everybody who's on the show is fire you know what i'm saying we booking only fire comedians so come out and watch everybody rock man a lot of different styles man come have a good time and watch us live or on the replay either way thank you so much to here for this for this amazing platform i'm proud of you well thank you brother i appreciate all y'all coming on thank you to the rewatch game thank you to the entire more mob uh big shout out to popcorn world and radio intimate as well shout out to my more mods always holding it down stephen ocon hippy goes uh jennifer rivas definitely appreciate it i said something earlier about the uh price going up on the tickets tomorrow actually they don't go up i read that that comment wrong uh from somebody from the stage crew but i apologize about that but you still should act tonight uh and go ahead and get that 48 hour review link so you can watch it all weekend long i want to give a shout out to kiara lebaron troy alice marie shireen adam jmo jessica wright brother in blue uh taking the stage and jose i appreciate you man thank you so much for the donations um i will see you guys tomorrow most likely at uh bestseller listening before we're gonna try to find something short man something like five tracks we can get in and out um if we're able to make it i don't know what everybody schedules looks like but if not then i'll see you guys on monday on another episode of some with the homes you got

Channel: Tahir Moore

Views: 61,135

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Id: Y9bldV4UxX0

Length: 121min 45sec (7305 seconds)

Published: Thu Oct 22 2020