Young Married Couples Meeting by Zac Poonen

let's turn to ephesians chapter 5 and see the tremendous honor and privilege it is to have a christian marriage because there's a special ministry that a husband and wife have to fulfill which most christians don't think of it says in ephesians 5 verse 30. we are members of his body for this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh now that is a verse from genesis chapter 2 when god made adam and eve that verse is quoted there but here he says i'm not speaking about husband and wife verse 32 i'm speaking about christ in the church who is the one who left father to become one with his wife jesus that's what he says here this is a great mystery but jesus left his father and came here to choose us to be his wife you got to understand this the greatness of this it's like the son of a king who's a prince leaving the palace and going into a slum and choosing a woman from that slum to be his wife this is exactly how it is and what does that poor woman in the slum think this prince is coming it's almost unbelievable the wonder of it can you imagine how grateful she should be to that prince for the rest of her life but i wonder if christians see it like that and then it says this is what the relationship between husband and wife is christ in the church if you keep that in mind and then go back and read what it says about wives and husbands wives be subject to your husbands verse 22 as to the lord because the husband is the head of the wife and husbands love your wives verse 25 as christ loved the church we got to keep in mind right from the time we are married i and my wife in our relationship with each other have to demonstrate to the devil and all the demons who are watching us what a wonderful thing it is that christ is united to the church how christ loved a ugly ignorant poor beggar woman as a husband i have to manifest that type of love that's my calling as a christian and how [Music] the church subjects itself to christ in unity like the body to the head the wife submitting to the husband this is the picture we must always have in our mind i have to demonstrate in my life the attitude of christ and the church my wife has demonstrated in her life the church is submission to christ and the demons are to see that so often we only think of ourselves we don't think that every moment in our home demons and angels are all watching us one of the great things mentioned in ephesians chapter 3 is ephesians 3 and verse 10 god's purpose is that the manifold wisdom of god can now be made known through the church to the evil rulers and authorities in the heavenly places that is to the demons and all the angelic authorities that god is showing his wisdom not by preaching it to them saying look at these people in my church down on earth your demons do you see my wisdom there and that's one aspect of that is in our family life so it's not just a question of do other people in the church think i've got a good family life what does it matter they're not seeing us all the time the people in the church see us less than ten percent of our life maybe one percent the other times is these evil spirits that are seeing us all the time seeing what is this wisdom god is speaking about in this married couple here keep that in mind all the time because if you keep that in mind you'll be able to do what the scripture says to live in peace with one another and to live in love with one another remember that you can't come into a good marriage overnight it takes time because of many reasons you are two different people who are trying to come together as one and you have come from different backgrounds your temperaments are different your values are though you're both christians the many areas where your values may be different your way of upbringing is different and you spend so many years in other another home another way of life and then you come together even though your husband your wife is a believer yet you must remember they've grown up with a different sense of values and different things not talking about sin i'm talking about practical things like for example keeping a house tidy supposing you're married either way a husband or wife to a person who grew up in a home where they don't believe in keeping everything neat and tidy and you grew up in a home where everything is neat and tidy and you were taught from childhood to put your shoes and chapels away and to hang up your clothes and do your bed and everything and your partner grew up in a home where they say it doesn't matter throw it wherever you like and nobody is bothered and you don't doesn't matter if you don't do your bed everything can be you know untidy and they say well cleanliness and tidiness is not the main thing the main thing is to be free from sin i agree but after we are free from sin the next thing is to be tidy but not everybody understands that because different people have different understanding of what it means to be tidy and we have to just allow for time for people to change so when two people like this come together you can be irritated by certain things that your wife or your husband does which is not the way you were brought up and then you don't say it because you know you're not supposed to yell and all that and you keep it inside but there's a limit to how much you can keep it inside and finally you explode like a pressure cooker the safety valve is gone and everything is flying up because you've kept it inside so long you're trying to change the other person to become like you so the first thing i want to say to you if you want to have a happy married life is where there is sin by all means talk about it we must give up this sinful habit but if it is not sin don't change don't try to change the other person you'll perpetually either you'll have fights or you will always be so inwardly unhappy that one day you will say something but if you accept from day one anything which is not sinful i'm willing to let my husband or wife be different from me it's not a sin if you don't do your bed neatly when you get up in the morning if you can do it well and good but it's not a sin if you don't do it the same way different people have a different ideas of cleanliness and hygiene so some people say well i don't have that standard of hygiene and other persons no we must be very careful we are different but we must bear with one another because we are different it's very very important little things can irritate you i take an example sometimes supposing you're a person you know you both share the same toothpaste tube in the bathroom and you're the neat type of person who rolls up the toothpaste tube from the bottom slowly and looks very neat and your partner is one who just squeezes it anywhere and gets the toothpaste out and you come next morning and say it's all messed up like this and again you roll it up the way it should be and next day again it's all squeezed here and there it's a little thing but it can irritate you you keep quiet about it because you say we heard in cfc we had to deny ourselves but how long will you do it one day you will explode you know what you need to do say this is not sin god doesn't care where you how you roll up the toothpaste you or you squeeze it here and there that's just one example it may not be that in your life it may be some other area in your life where which is not sin but where your partner is different from you you have to learn to bear with one another otherwise you'll never have a happy married life marriage is two imperfect people coming together brought up in different backgrounds different values different temperaments now trying to be one living in the same house sharing things together the only thing serious is sin it's a favorite expression of mine the only thing serious is sin remember this don't get upset with your husband if he comes one day late from work there may be a real reason for it it's not a sin or maybe he forgot to call you and tell you that he's coming late that's also not a sin it's just a bad memory there are many things we don't think about doing because you may have been exhausted at home with your work and if you have small children and then you can get so upset that he came late and didn't help you that's where you have to say lord is this a sin there may be a real reason why he's late in the same way your wife also maybe there was an urgent phone call that came to your house and somebody told your wife to tell you urgently something and you came home and she forgot to tell you and the next day you discover from the other person hey didn't your wife tell you this i told her urgently to tell you do you know that forgetting to say something is not a sin she did not deliberately hide it from you we all forget don't get upset you know i'm not saying we shouldn't correct it say well please be careful next time write it down somewhere so you don't forget to tell me but little things like this if we get upset and upset and don't realize i'm married to an imperfect person you're married to an imperfect wife you're married to an imperfect husband but because you both come to cfc you've heard about pressing on to perfection but you don't reach that overnight it's something you have to climb it's a mountain to climb so that's very important to remember different personalities different backgrounds make allowance for it and don't think that things will change overnight and with some people it may take longer than others that's also another thing some people tend to change quickly some people tend to change take a longer time make allowance for that we tend to think that many times when we find fault with our partner we think we are the perfect we've never made a mistake we are doing it perfectly only he's making a mistake that's a very arrogant way of looking at it there's nobody perfect we are all imperfect the partners imperfection may be in one area and yours in another area you know like i've often said when new young couples come to meet me i draw on a paper a picture of an egg and then i say i'm going to break this egg with my hand not cut it with a knife when i break that eggshell with my hand it's all uneven it's got pokey edges on both sides and i said this is what you are husband and wife you've got a lot of things that can hurt the other person these pokey edges and he's got a lot of things that can hurt you but look at all these projections as a strength in you and if you put those two pieces of the eggshell together they're perfectly one again i see that's how god brings a husband and wife who are different from each other and when they come together they fit perfectly that means one person's strengths covers the other person's weakness and the other person's strengths cover your weakness it's wonderful if you realize this now you can say this is all wonderful theory brother zach but it doesn't work in my home well it will work if you understand i'm trying to lay a foundation i'm trying to lay a foundation in your mind so that from there you can work on improving your marriage god wants you to grow to have a perfect marriage and that may take 30 40 years don't don't don't give up it's like climbing a mountain you'll go if you work at it every year you'll be higher than the previous year you love each other more you'll be able to bear with each other more than the previous year and your marriage will be such a blessing to each other and also to other people who visit your home you don't have to give anybody the impression that you have a perfect marriage no i don't think there's a single marriage in the world that's perfect because it can be perfect only if both husband and wife have become like jesus christ there's nobody on earth who has become like jesus christ my life is not perfect my ministry is not perfect my marriage is not perfect the way i brought up my children is not perfect i will be perfect one day when christ comes back i'll be like him completely and i must be humble enough to acknowledge that till that day i am an imperfect person in a church i deal with imperfect elders in a home i work with an imperfect wife who has to work with an imperfect husband we recognize this all the time it'll be easier don't ever get into your mind that you are more perfect than your partner you may think you are because you see certain areas where you are better than him or her but the other person can also see areas where he is better than you but you don't see it this is the great problem so always remember that your imperfection that your partner's imperfection proves that you've also got imperfections now i also want to tell you that we're not able to see our own faults clearly it's like if there's a mark on my face a black mark i can't see it it's there i can't there's a black mark on my back i can't see it and many parts of my body i can't see but it is there something ugly something black but another person can see it it's like that with our weaknesses you may think yeah i look okay maybe you do but somebody else can see you something there on your face remember that also in marriage there are things in you which are a source of irritation to your partner maybe he or she is keeping quiet so that's good of them but there's still an irritation to them that recognition will help you to bear with that person's irritation in your life i remember many years ago i was thinking like this in dealing with a certain brother that he seemed to have a particular weakness and it bothered me because when i tried to deal with him i found there was this problem always coming up this particular weakness and the lord said to me that you have a weakness too which you don't see you see his weakness for example i'll tell you one of the things that i saw in the church uh early days was how people were so lazy and coming on time for the meeting i mentioned this before also i would try to be on the meeting on time but the lord said that's because you were in the military you always knew how to come on time these people have not been there and also if you have the spirit of a servant you say you got to be on time but the others can come when they like and also some people may have small children who just when they about to start for the church meeting maybe one of the children want to go to the toilet what do you do you'll be late there could be delays on the road there can be many reasons why a person is late for a meeting so i've learned not to judge them in the same way if somebody makes an appointment with you and doesn't come on time it's very easy to get irritated i told him so and so time he's not here there could be many reasons why he couldn't come so i would say we need to recognize that also in our marriage relationships that when i see a weakness another person what the lord told me then was okay maybe his weakness is he's not punctual your weakness may be in some other area so if you have to bear with him in one area he's got to bear with you in another area once you recognize that your fellowship becomes wonderful so if you can recognize that in marriage you see a particular weakness in your wife or your husband and you say i've got to bear with that he's always like that doesn't seem to change or she's always like that she doesn't seem to change that should be a constant reminder to you that you've also got a weakness which the other person is bearing with all the time but never said anything very graciously she never said anything and he never said anything but he's bearing with it so if you both learn to accept that gradually you'll become more and more one with each other and don't think this bearing with one another is a very painful thing once you grow up to the place where you love one another really love one another the bible says love bears all things 1 corinthians 13. it can bear anything because you come to that place of love you know think of a mother the the greatest example of love the bible speaks about is a mother's love for his little newborn baby think of the problems a mother has with a newborn baby morning till night it wakes up in the middle of the night so many times and messes up the diapers and messes up the floor sometimes and cries and gets sick but the mother just bears with it i mean it's it's a terrible thing if the mother gets fed up of this child and says why in the world did i have this child no mother doesn't say good mother never says that he just bears with it bears with the bears with it so it's possible to bear why does that mother bear with that child and never say even once why in the world are you like this or why you always trouble me can't you be a little better can't you sleep a little more at night instead of waking me up so often why does a mother not say that to her child because she loves that child but why does she say that to her husband because she doesn't love her husband i tell you that's the reason you may think you love your husband or you love your wife but you actually don't you love your child particularly when it's a baby so when you love someone exactly like says one corinthians 13 you can bear everything person being completely different and say okay lord and the one what is the reward god gives you for bearing with your partner like this the reward is more christ-like there is a reward in everything that you do when you obey scripture i'll tell you something when i do something to please the lord and in order to please the lord i have to deny myself or die to myself do you think god leave me without a reward no he says if we die with him we will live with him so there's a reward god gives us in the sense that we become more christ-like you will become more christ-like and if your partner also goes that way gradually you'll become more and more christ-like in your relationship with each other and then it'll be a glorious home and who will be blessed through that first of all your children what is the greatest inheritance you can give your children it's not money i'll tell you that children who get a lot of money ruin themselves you get all these children of rich people they really ruin themselves with plenty of money the greatest inheritance you can give to your children is the atmosphere of a godly home that they have grown up in they can grow up in that atmosphere that is an inheritance you're giving them that they go away one day from your home and they get married and they say hey i'd like to build a home now exactly like the one i grew up in that's an inheritance you're given them that'll do a lot more good to them than money or even education that they can have so that's why when we have built a good home ourselves we can reproduce it in our children our children observe a lot of things from a very young age and there are impressions in their mind that they will overlook all our mistakes if behind it all they see a godliness and a love in the parents i made a lot of mistakes in as a father i don't think i brought up my children perfectly i can think of many mistakes i should have spent more time with them i should have taken them out now and then alone and you know maybe prayed more with them i did what i could but i don't think anybody is perfect but i did one thing i prayed for them i pray that god would lead them to be godly but there are many things any honest father or mother will say as they look back over their life that oh i could have done it so much better i think even in my marriage if i had known the things i know today when i got married if i started like that then it had been so much better but i mean we were in a church with and never had any marriage seminars there was no question of teaching uh married people how to live i think most christians in india like that but it's good that we can talk about these things here so please remember this bearing with one another is a very very important area in marriage and when it becomes too much remember what we said earlier this morning god will never allow you to be tested beyond your ability that's a great verse 1 corinthians 10 13 to remember partner may have if you bring god into your home there's too much fitness in my children and so many things problems in school never never does god allow face the trial which is too much for us he will always provide a way to this solution to every i think god has a solution to every problem it's one of the things i've learned through my life god has a solution to every problem some of you grown-up children you may find it difficult with your children i want to tell you god has got a solution to every problem don't give up and if you go to god in prayer he will answer it you know there are things we pray for our children there are things now i'm i we don't stop praying i mean once your children get married you start praying for your grandchildren but think if you have a particular problem in your married life or in with your children and you're praying about it and supposing you go to god and say lord you said that if i ask in your name you will grant it and i'm going to keep on asking like the widow who went to the judge and kept on asking asking asking asking men should pray do you say lord i'm going to be praying like that not to make life more come me you know it's very easy for you to pray lord change my partner so life will be easier for me no that your goal in life is not to make life easier for you we just heard in the morning of how paul had so much difficulties in his life so an easier lifestyle and the way of life is not necessarily the best for us but lord my home is not glorifying you the way i and my partner are living is not glorifying you lord that's what i want that's how we should pray lord the way my children are growing up is not glorifying you forget about what people say what people think about your children is absolutely unimportant word zero say lord they're not glorifying you that's why i'm praying lord our marriage is not whether other people in the church know anything about it unimportant they're not the demons are watching us all the time lord and i'm not glorifying you before satan and the demons are watching our life at home i wanted to glorify you keep this in mind keep that which the bible says then one or two practical things you know the first commandment in the bible the very first commandment of any type in the bible not what god told adam don't eat of the tree of knowledge that was not for all humanity that was only for adam but the first commandment for all humanity in the bible is in genesis 2 it's a command that god gave before sin came into the world once you come to genesis 3 sin has come after that the rest of the bible is all commands given after sin came into the earth but which is the only command given by god before sin came into the world in genesis chapter 2 there's only one command god gave for humanity before sin came into the world and that's in genesis chapter 2 verse 24 a man shall leave his father and his mother be joined to his wife they shall become one flesh now remember adam did not have a father or mother so why is that verse coming there it says in the previous verse that adam got his wife and they became man and woman but what has it got to do with father and mother when adam doesn't have a father and mother he doesn't have to leave anybody it is written for the rest of humanity the rest of us and if you recognize that god considered this such an important commandment that he gave it before sin came into the world then it must be really important and if you were to ask me which is the commandment which particularly in india christians disobey married couples it is this commandment most married couples are more attached to their own parents than they are to each other here it says you got to leave and then cleave if the leaving is imperfect the cleaving will also be imperfect so the first question you need to ask yourself you wonder why you and your partner are not cleaving more to each other ask yourself have you done the leaving properly if the leaving father and mother is not proper the cleaving will also not be proper this is really true in many many many christian homes what does it mean to leave your father and mother when my wife and i got married as i said we were so poor we could not even afford house rent i had given up my job i had given up all my savings to god's work and i used to work among villagers and students i used to get very very little and whatever my my wife was had a compulsory one year to work in the cmc hospital in valor and you know how much doctors were paid those days 290 rupees a month and we had to we sent it all to her father because he had many other children to educate so our income was very little we couldn't afford rent so we lived in one little room in my parents home did i leave my father and mother i did because i was not emotionally attached to them even though we were living in the same building the point is not physically leaving some of you leave your father and mother physically and live another house but your attachment to your father and mother is still there so the leaving is not physical primarily i learned that in my life but my wife and i would make our decisions this is right the beginning of our married life you can't prevent parents from coming and giving you advice and you must listen to them some of that advice can be very good because they got a lot of experience on this earth so listen to your parents sure but be wise supposing your dad or your father-in-law tells you something after you're married as to how you should live or where you should go or what you should do and you don't agree with it let me give you some advice don't get into an argument my dad used to give so much advice to my wife she listened her father would give me so much advice he was a very strong man but he didn't realize i was also a strong man so we he would tell me so many things and i would listen listen listen never argue with him we'd go home and i'd never do anything that he said so he next time i'm next time he met again he would tell me so many things i would listen listen listen never argue once we went away we never listened to we did what we wanted finally he gave up so isn't that a better way than arguing and saying no i don't agree with you and don't try to run my life why all this just keep quiet and don't do what they say take what is good my point is you and your wife must decide together my wife and i decided what we were going to do my dad had certain other plans good plans for her and for me and i said no but that was decided between me and my wife and i didn't get an argument with my father or her father that's what i mean by leaving and you can do that even if you're so poor that you have to live in the same house but most of you don't have to do that don't let your parents by remote control run your home the earlier they recognize that you have left that doesn't mean that you don't care for them the great example in married life is also jesus jesus was never married but i'll tell you how he's an example one day when he was 30 years old he got baptized and he left his home in nazareth moved to another town called capernaum and rented a house there that's where he lived for the next three and a half years and the very first instance you read at the marriage in cana his mother says son they don't have any wine and he says woman what have i got to do with you she must have got the shock of her life because for 30 years he rewardedly said yes mommy yes mommy yes mommy i'll do that immediately mommy yes mommy yes mommy yes mommy yes mommy and all of a sudden he turns around and says what have i got to do with you he had left his home he was now married to his father in the ministry is a picture of how we leave our home as men and get married to our wives and we have to say you don't have to call your mother a woman but he was the son of god he could do that say mommy we'd like to run our own life i really appreciate you i say whenever you speak to your parents and you have to disagree with them always start by saying true things that you're really grateful for not flattery but things that you really appreciate your parents for for all that they sacrificed and did for you from the time you were a baby helpless baby they took care of you educated you brought you to the place where you have a job so many things you have to be thankful for when you were sick they looked after you everything that you can think of and say that you really love them and appreciate them but you would like to do things a little differently now that you're married if you say it like that it'll be much better than the rude way some people say well don't try and interfere in my life or something like that we must never be rude to our parents we must honor our parents till the end of their lives so that's very very important and that also you see in the case of jesus that though he's told his mother don't interfere in my life when he was hanging on the cross he took care of her so it's right to take care of our parents when they are weak and sick and old as much as you're able to among all the children now jesus had four brothers and two sisters but because he was the oldest he took that responsibility saying i've got to care for my mother so that's the balance that you don't let them interfere in your life but you care for them and provide for them and if they're in financial need you must help them and that's where there can also be tensions between husband and wife why are you sending money to your parents there are real cases like that i mean the question sometimes i've asked brother zach can i my wife does not allow me to send any money to my parents and they are in need they spent so much money on me educating me that's why they don't have enough money now i said okay the bible says don't let your left hand know what the right hand is doing so don't let the left hand know what the right hand did in uh sending some money to your parents and help them and you don't have to tell your wife about it if it irritates her and upsets her you know there are different theories on this some people say you must be 100 honest with your wife about everything that is the ideal and if you are both the perfect husband and wife that is the best without a doubt but if you are dealing with an imperfect partner then you have to choose something which may not be ideal for the sake of better fellowship that because you're not cheating on her by sending money to your parents you're doing something legitimate and good but she may not appreciate it enough and then there's no need to tell her of course if she asks you you have to speak the truth you don't tell a lie but what i mean is if you think that something you say uh will upset her don't unnecessarily say it and put a weight on her head that she can't get rid of i believe we must walk in the light but the bible says that we walk in the light in order to have fellowship if we walk in the light it says we have fellowship 1 john 1 7. so the whole purpose of walking in the light even between ourselves is to have fellowship if the fellowship is broken then your so-called walking in the light is not helping fellowship it's breaking the fellowship so you've got to think about is this which i'm going to say to my wife or husband going to build fellowship or break it our aim must always be to build fellowship so we must be wise in the things that we say to one another now don't misquote me and go around saying brother zach said it's okay to be dishonest with my wife no that's not what i meant that's not what i said all i say is seek for that which will build fellowship remember that your wife is a weaker vessel something like don't make her carry the heavier suitcase if you got two suitcases i know in the villages the men will make the wife carry the heavy suitcase on the head but we've got a little more sense here we the husband must carry the heavier suitcase and let the wife carry the lighter one so just like you don't put a big burden on her head some information that you can give to your wife can be a big burden on our head why give it for example if you're under tremendous pressure in your office and you're in danger of losing your job if your wife is a really spiritual woman by all means share it and say let's pray together but if she's not so spiritual she won't be able to sleep at night for the next few weeks after having hear her hearing that you're losing your job you put a burden on her head which he cannot bear so this is not a standard law you must decide what is the spiritual level of your wife and what can i tell her which will not be like a big one ton weight on her head that she can't sleep with at night some things you've got to bear yourself there's nothing wrong in being dishonest in these not dishonest in not revealing certain things i mean i remember when i was in the navy there were certain secret things that codes and communication and all which i was not supposed to even tell my fellow officers i had to keep it to myself so i definitely are not allowed to tell my wife in the military it's like that it's not dishonesty it's against the law to reveal secret military matters so am i being dishonest with my wife no and why should i burden her with things so please remember this principle that the purpose in all communication is to build better fellowship and don't burden her with things which may destroy the fellowship or which may be a big burden to her you're doing it out of love just like you don't make her carry the heavy suitcase you don't burden her with things which he can't uh lift so if we keep these little principles in mind that i want to build fellowship more that's our aim in everything is to build better fellowship and i withhold certain things that will destroy the fellowship keep that in mind also you know suppose you know the you know the act supposing your parents have a certain opinion about your partner that's one of the clear examples where you should not tell your partner that supposing your parents tell you i think you got a pretty stupid wife are you going to be honest with your wife and tell her that you're stupid if you go and tell your wife that you don't say that i say you got to conceal that why are you being dishonest with your wife by not telling her what your parents said no you're trying to build fellowship in many many things you have to be very careful here that fellowship doesn't get worse as a result of something that you said so in the matter of uh in the early days of our married life you young couples especially god gives you a few years before your little children grow up where you learn to live together in peace every married couple will have fights in the first few years of marriage am i right or wrong everybody's quiet i'm absolutely right it was right in my life because we were imperfect and those days we didn't even know about victory over sin if you know it because we are trying to live together it's not that we hate one another no we don't but we haven't got victory that's why we get upset get angry and raise our voice what is the solution solution is be quick to ask forgiveness and be quick to forgive and this is a fundamental law in the marriage don't talk about past failures on either side don't remind each other about past failures unless you want to destroy your marriage now you may say i understood that i'd like to see if you're going to obey it from today onwards it's a tremendous temptation when you're irritated to remind your partner of past failures and that's not good even god says i will not remember your sins anymore it's not that god has forgotten there's a difference between god saying i've forgotten your sins and i will not remember it anymore if somebody has hurt me there are many people who've hurt me in my life or tried to hurt me god made it work for good but i remember it but i don't hold it against them if i see them i won't tell them hey you're the guy who did this to me in 1983 no that's not i remember it but i don't hold it against them i say like god i will not remember i haven't forgotten it but i won't remember it against you that's what god says god hasn't forgotten anything and i'll prove it to you supposing god forgives all your sins today and tomorrow you don't forgive somebody how does he put all your sins back on your head if he's forgotten it he hasn't forgotten it you know the story of the king who said all the debt is back on your head because you didn't forgive your fellow slave so god doesn't forget but he says i won't remember that is the standard for you you may never forget in all your life all the wrong evil things that your partner did in your marriage but you must not hold it against them that's what i'm saying you can't do anything about your memory but you you can do something about your attitude i'm not asking you to change your memory i'm asking you to change your attitude which is i won't hold that against you somebody has apologized for something and asked forgiveness end of matter i agree if they have not apologized you can still forgive of course but a marriage won't be so good if some matter is not settled we must forgive everything we must not wait for someone to apologize before we forgive supposing your partner husband or wife did something which was really wrong and you say your attitude must be okay it's all right i just forgive it i ignore it but until that person apologizes may if they're ignorant of it sometimes we can do things in ignorance they don't know it's wrong then it's okay but if they know it's wrong and they don't apologize you must still forgive but the marriage will never be what it should be i want to say to you that if you know you have done something wrong you know jesus said you come to the altar and you give an offering to god and there you remember you hurt somebody it may be your husband maybe your wife maybe someone leave your gift there god doesn't want your gift go and settle that and come back so there we learn something that if i remember if i don't remember something it's okay but if i remember that i have hurt my husband or wife i must go and settle that it's something we must do immediately god god is not even going to listen to you after from that moment onwards god will not listen to you now i also say very often we can hurt one another without knowing it that's a very common thing in marriage that it's called misunderstanding you say something and the other person took it in another way that happens a mom between brothers it happens in husband and wife you didn't even have that in mind but that person got that impression and there can be misunderstanding and maybe they don't say it immediately a little later it gets exposed and you say hey i didn't mean that at all far from it that can happen so and that can happen both ways so we must be merciful mercy is a very very important quality in marriage be merciful to one another as god has been merciful to you that's one of the first plaques we put up on our be merciful to one another is god's being merciful to you very very important to remember that our calling is to [Music] treat others just like god has treated us that way you can build your marriage each must be merciful to one another the thing that competes with mercy is judgment see james chapter 2 says in james in chapter 2 and verse 13 if you are not merciful to other people it says your god will not be merciful to you i want god to be merciful to me in the day of judgment because even if i am free from conscious sin there are so many others unknown since i'm guilty before god of a whole lot of things i don't even know so i want god to be very merciful to me not only in the day of judgment i want god to be merciful to me right now and it says god will be merciful to you if you are merciful to other people i'll tell you this the way you treat other people is the way god will treat you we've had people working in our home i never call them servants i always call them helpers and as far as i know i've tried to be merciful to them to be kind to them to anyone who worked in my home exactly the way i wanted god to be towards me and i've seen that if i'm kind to people who are beneath me in society like a servant who works in your home i've seen that god has been exceptionally good to me learn to be kind to people who are lower than you in society and you'll find amazingly god is very kind to you i've seen some uh people who imagine themselves to be very spiritual who are very hard on their servants at home even in cfc i it always goes badly with them they may not leave the church they may be there but look back over your life and see when you find god being hard towards you ask yourself have you been hard to somebody who is lower than you in society maybe you're reaping what you're sown it says your judgment will be merciless to those who have not shown mercy to others i preach very high standards according to god's word but i've learned to be merciful to people it's to me it's a major part of my new covenant understanding and you know it's mercy also that brings physical healing i've always wanted to be free from sickness not for myself but so that i can be fit to travel and serve the lord i say lord i want to be healthy only for one reason i want to travel and serve you no other reason for that i need mercy let me show you a verse in philippians in chapter 2. philippians 2 it says uh he's talking about a full-time worker who was serving the lord philippians 2 25. i thought it necessary to send you ephiphroditus my brother and fellow worker and fellow soldier who's also your messenger and minister to my need he was longing for you all and he was distressed because you heard he was sick he was so sick to the point of death that means a very fatal sickness but god had mercy on him see the word mercy and on me also and now he's recovered i'm going to send him to you how did he recover from his sickness which is almost to the point of death that means he was one foot in the grave and he came out god had mercy on him why because he must have been merciful to others that's a law blessed are the merciful for they shall find mercy so i say if you want to be in physical health be merciful to others and that is a selfish reason for being merciful the good reason is that god has been merciful to you so it's very important in marriage especially to be merciful to one another and i'll tell you it'll make a tremendous difference in your physical health and it'll make a tremendous difference in many many areas of your life and you'll have more grace to bring up your children properly so since i'm talking mostly only to young couples primarily now i don't want to talk too much about bringing up children that's at a much later stage in your life but i would say one thing we must teach obedience to our children from the time they are small from the time they are one year old because they understand the word no i think no is one of the first words that children understand i've discovered that i saw that with one of my grandchildren you know when grandchildren grow we forget about how our children our children are also the same when they were small but it's like a re-education of how children are so one day i saw one of my grandchildren going near this staircase it's too small it's probably one year old and too small to climb the child would have fallen down and the father or mother said no it understood it didn't go the next day i saw the child going near the stair stairs and looking around to see if anybody was watching it remembered that is a day i understood even a one-year-old child understands the meaning of no so remember that that they must it's for their protection that we have to teach them obedience we must be very i was very strict from very young age for my children for two things obedience and speaking the truth tell them never tell me a lie i don't care what you did worst possible thing but tell me the truth i may not punish you i will just ignore you leave it i may ignore it and leave you teach your children to obey you 100 and never to speak disrespectfully to you and usually they are more afraid of the father than the mother so but then when they're young they'll be equally afraid of both it's good when children are young that you don't let them speak disrespectfully to you even when they're two or three years old to tell them that's not the way to speak to daddy well that's not the way to speak to mummy sometimes it may not require a spanking it may just require what you know go and sit in your room what my children when they are disciplining their children they call it time out i used to tell them going lie down in the bed for half an hour or something so they take it seriously i remember one of my grandchildren was time out sitting facing the corner of the wall and annie went to him and he said grandma don't come i'm on time out i have to sit here they took it seriously for half an hour i'm not supposed to see anything about this blank wall we don't have to physically punish them every time but some type of discipline that you know that you don't appreciate that disobedience or that rudeness honor your father and mother is the first commandment the bible says in ephesians 6 the first commandment with a promise he shall live long on the earth god will bless you it will go well with you honor your father and mother that it may go well with you do you want it to go well with your children then teach them from age one to honor their father and mother by obedience by speaking the truth and speaking respectfully these are simple things but if we try to follow these simple principles that i've just said in 20 years you'll have a good marriage not tomorrow but it'll get better and better and better and better i'm saying 20 years so that you don't come next year and say hey brother zach my marriage is still in a mess don't worry it won't it'll take time you know it takes time to build a happy marriage but if you work at it you work at it you work at it i guarantee you'll have a wonderful marriage by that time which it'll be your home will gradually become a foretaste of heaven without any yelling or screaming or any of that over a period of time don't get so condemned about raising your voice at your children you know a three four year old child he doesn't understand soft speech i mean i used to i saw that with my children i'd say drink your milk no response drink your milk no response drink your milk no response drink your milk immediately you know why it's like if i was speaking to them in he hindi understand hindi what to do so in english there are two levels of english children understand one is soft english the other is firm english there are two different languages all together so they didn't understand my first language that's why you can't blame the child i was just like i was speaking to them in gujarati or something can't blame them when i spoke to them in the language they understood they acted immediately so that is not a sin i mean it's just like if i speak to them in the language they understand that's not a sin so don't condemn yourself for raising your voice because that's the language they understand the other way i look at it is supposing someone is 100 meters away and i say hey i want to speak to you i'm not angry with him he can't hear me if i speak softly he can't hear so sometimes i found when my children are sitting at the table they are physically there but their mind is about one mile away they can't hear me poor child is one mile away can't hear me when i raise my voice ah he hears me because he was at a distance so i'm not raising my voice because i'm angry i'm raising my voice so that he can hear me so that he can understand my language i say that because some parents condemn themselves oh i raised my voice i asked him this question do you hate that child of yours no you don't i say then you're okay don't condemn yourself but don't use that towards your husband this is i'm only talking about only talking about the way you should speak to your children your husband is not so stupid to be one mile away he's there right there you can speak soft

Channel: SermonIndex.net

Views: 6,945

Rating: 4.9310346 out of 5

Keywords: Revival, Character Of God, Free Sermons, Video Sermons, Jesus Christ, What Is The Gospel, SermonIndex, What Is The Truth, Zac Poonen

Id: UXW7Q6Q_0yU

Length: 66min 37sec (3997 seconds)

Published: Mon Apr 20 2015