Why You're So Stressed (And What You Can Do About It)

you say wellness the first thing people often think about is their energy but the second thing they often think about is stress the reason we get attracted to wellness conversations is because at some point we got so stressed it jacked up our health it jacked up our happiness and all of a sudden we're like like frustrated with life so we had to build wellness practices into our life for better like coping mechanisms right and so that's what we're gonna talk about a little bit here but maybe in a unique way for you because if you're living in a state of perpetual stress we know what that does to you it does things like you know kill you early it does things like I don't know lead to higher rates of divorce it does things like I don't know lead to higher rates of recidivism where you go back to jail earlier if you're stressed like stress leads to some of the worst behaviors in the human condition and you and I both know I mean how many times I've been stressed out and you you got flippant with your wife or your spouse how many times they've been stressed where because you were stressed you forgot to do something really important how many times when you were stressed you like you did not feel like working out so you turn to comfort food how many times have you been stressed and it just absolutely murdered at a night of sleep like you could not sleep because you were too stressed you woke up with anxiety and you doubted yourself it is a poison and it's a natural part of life too though so we better learn how to deal with it because stress is never going to go away so many people think well one day I'll become so successful I'm not stressed anymore like yes when you're dead that's the only time maybe up in heaven that there's maybe no stress on this earth on this planet and in this time there will always be something you you could be the most extraordinary human on the planet and you'll still feel a level of stress I was in an audience one time and speaking an event with the Dalai Lama and somebody in the audience asked His Holiness do do you still feel stress and he gave great belly like jolly hearted laugh like he's just laughing like he didn't even have to answer and everyone knew it is of course of course he still feels it I mean please imagine if you were like like like pushed away from your home country for most of your adult life and I don't know the whole world kind of look it to you as like a leader and I don't know an entire like religion and culture saw you as I don't know their Idol like it's kind of a pressure situation of course he's stressed of course everyone stressed people always have Brennan do you get stressed I'm like do I breathe like how do we imagine that there are these super human souls who don't get stressed I think we've all been sold this bill of goods it's a total falsity it's like oh just be a peaceful warrior oh yeah well go with that peaceful warrior in war and go ahead and strap a heartrate monitor to them and they'll be peaceful in their mind but their heart will be going like this there's physical stress there's emotional stress there's like esoteric stress there's like existential stress we're never going to escape every kind of stress so what can we do like what's the way out Brendon in this session I want to introduce you to three simple ideas that will help you so much that are a little counterintuitive now I know some of them you know right like if you're stressed go do some physical exercise you're stressed go do some meditation but those things those are what I call like relieving practices but there's also things that are more proactive practices that can prevent how much relieving practices you need does it make sense like stress builds up so you go release it doing something I'll teach you a process for that too but there's also some specific things you can do to make sure it doesn't build up as much or in some cases at all in the important areas of your life what I've discovered is a lot of people aren't really aware of where their stressors are why they exist in how intense they are so what happens they kind of explode one day it's like the stresses are like building up like steam in a pipe and you can keep ramming that steam in there but one day it's so intense it explodes have you ever like exploded on somebody because of your stress like you freaked out at somebody at work or you found yourself like you're driving in the car and someone kind of cuts you off and also got you freaked out and you're and you're like that's not me that was the stress it had just built up and maybe you are unconscious of it but it kept building up and building up and building up and leading to a bad behavior we need to have a practice in our life on a regular basis to evaluate where we're being stressed and why it's happening and what level intensity it is when my personal practice in my life is you know I do my high performers planner every Sunday and you can do the same thing print it out and just ask those questions where am I being stressed and what's what's causing it what's going on here and if you'll do that just that awareness of what's causing a stress has been proven in studies to decrease our stress the funny it's just being aware of what it is helps you kind of like get clarity and with clarity comes a little bit of them of like certainty and a little bit more of like oh that's what's going on for me I've ever had that we had a couple of weird week sudden you're like that's what's been going on for me and soon as you know what's been going on you kind of feel better stresses like that so identify those areas and now let's talk about three big things you can do that you probably never really thought of that will help deal with it and prevent it so first big idea expectations most of our stress comes from unrealized or unconscious expectations we wanted it a code like this it's not going like that it's frustrating me it's stressing me out right because when you get everything you want are you stressed when everything goes just like the way you anticipated are you stressed no you're like man this is great it's when your expectations fall apart when you wanted this it turned out like that you weren't ready for it and now you're freaked out so what do we have to do we've got to learn to better manage the expectations and important parts of our lives and that is so critical so let me give you a way to do that in every context that you're about to do and every goal you're about to try to achieve and every project you're about to start with your family at home or at work what I want you to do is always have a clear conversation about expectations where you share your expectations and you solicit what other people's expectations are going to Disneyland with your hubby and the kids okay what happens all of you go to Disneyland and no one had a conversation up front and now the kids want to go in like in the moment the kids are tearing your arm off to go over here but your son wants to go over there your husband's like I'm hungry I want to eat I hate this and you're like I need to and you all freaked out you didn't prepare you didn't take just that that literally that simple thing of like hey husband we're going Disneyland today what would you like to experience today well how would you like this to go hey Susie we're going decently on today how do you want this to go like what would you love about today these pre conversations of expectations save misery later people don't do it you get your team together hey let's go take on this brand-new project and everyone starts bum-rushed on the project but no one said okay what's your expectation what are you supposed to do what am I supposed to do what's the deadline what's the date who's in charge of what and so what ends up happening is this big rat's nest happens and now there's like everyone's trust why are you doing this why are you messing with this get out of Island and now everyone's trying to set boundaries later everyone's trying to have the conversations later the deadlines are missed people and everyone's just completely upset why no pre expectation conversation you got to think about whatever you're about to do to do that and here let me tell you the easiest and the most fundamental and the most important area to do this in is in your relationship if you have a relationship with you know your your significant other your intimate partner your lover your spouse oh my gosh please do this simple thing on Sunday look at the week ahead sit down with your spouse your partner significant other and just say hey honey here's what I have coming up this week and here's what I'm kind of hoping for here what do you have coming up this week what are you hoping for because when you both know the expectations that each other has for the week you can support each other you can cheer each other on and now when the expectations go sideways you have a little bit of camaraderie be like oh how do you remember that meeting I wanted this to happen it didn't go well and she's like yeah oh my gosh I'm so sorry I know you wanted to go like that it didn't go well yeah and now you've got empathy and sympathy and compassion you have a comrade as you're trying to achieve things one reason stress can really overtake our life is because we approach our life so low we just kind of bumble into things without clear expectations and without a comrade and now things turn sideways so I sure love for you to think about areas are stressing you out and now how do you more explicitly communicate in that area dealing with stress same thing but the bend here the focus here is expectations what are your expectations this also brings up something that's really important unrealistic expectations how many of us want everything to go absolutely perfect and every time it falls apart we fall apart we didn't get what we want and now we're so stressed so upset so angry and that upset and anger spills out onto the people that we really care about it's a real problem and so you got to sit down and have real clear expectations with yourself and also asks just a simple question is this expectation gonna help me feel good about life is this expectation real in such a way I'm gonna feel good about life or am i setting up myself up for failure right off the bat because if you're setting yourself up for failure over and over and over again no wonder you're so stressed okay so the first idea clear expectations have the pre-con conversations before you go in the meetings with the teams with your spouse everybody clear expectations that decreases stress later on number two let's think about number two as a physiological approach to dealing with stress so number one was kind of like psychological I'm getting clear about expectations number two is more physiological and what I love to introduce you to is this concept of dealing with stress called the release meditation technique okay if you haven't heard about RMT it stands for release meditation technique so RMT is a way of releasing stress in your life okay and it's just a simple sort of mantra based meditation I've been doing it you know 15 years maybe something like that and what I do is several times throughout the day for me usually it's about three times throughout the day I'll push back from my computer or all excused myself from that meeting or I'll take a minute to myself and I'll close my eyes and I do two things in the released meditation technique number one is I try to release the tension into my body so I might sit down might lay down I'll close my eyes and I just focus for a minute or two of releasing the tension in my legs my feet in my hips in my stomach in my shoulders my arms my neck in my eyes and my brows and I'll just try to release a little bit of tension second thing I do is I try to release thoughts so that's what takes me in a traditional meditation is where I go into a mantra based meditation and for me the mantra is literally the word release so I close my eyes and I repeat to myself release release release release and as I'm saying the word release my intention in that moment is to release that tension in my body and to release the thoughts that are coming up and as more thoughts come up I just let them fly by by returning to my mantra release and I do that over and over and over again sometimes I do it two minutes sometimes it's ten minutes sometimes it's 20 minutes on my a game like the days I know I'm not like the best of Who I am I do two 20-minute sessions of release meditation now I'll be totally honest with everybody and I know you have your own wellness practices too that maybe you're not always consistent about is you want to be I always get one 20-minute session in and maybe forty percent of time get to in but what I can track is the forty percent of time when I get to in I feel better the next day because stress is something that accumulates right it just builds and it builds and it builds and it's like ah so you need a consistent process of releasing that tension one thing I teach a lot of my like high level highly creative people is I say here's what I love you to do I love for you between every activity let's say you're doing email and now you need to create a keynote or a PowerPoint presentation between every major activity I want you to push away from the desk close your eyes do the release meditation for two minutes just release release release and then before you open your eyes set an intention for how you wanted to do the next thing well because here's what that does is a lot of our stress is carrying over from previous activities right your three o'clock stress isn't really just because what happens in three o'clock your three o'clock stress is the accumulation of 10:00 a.m. 11:00 noon 170 emails 40 DMS four phone calls kids screaming that's what's building up at that 3:00 o'clock and so once you realize wow stress is an accumulation you go you know what then several times throughout the day I'd better be dumping it let it go release it and that is the ultimate spiritual practice we think one day we're gonna you know one day we're gonna go on top of the mountain and meditate for ten days and that's gonna release everything no because we're gonna go back down back into the valley back into the hard work back in the challenge back in the suffering back into the publications and Monday is going to hit and we'll feel stressed again because it builds the ultimate spiritual practice is learning to release tension several times throughout the day tension mentally tension emotionally tension physically is that consistent release throughout the day not just once not just one 20-minute thing Brendon it but several times throughout the day that actually frees you and so that's why I like to tell people do it between activities I do that all the time I might let's say maybe I'm riding one of my books I've been working on that for an hour to three but now I need to do some phone calls before I do the phone calls I might sit up stand bounce in place a couple times close my eyes bounce in place take ten deep breaths sit down repeat the word release to myself several times and then ask how do I want these phone conversations to go what's my expectation going into these phone conversations oh yeah this is what I'm after let me make sure I clearly communicate that okay good and it's that break in between activities that gives you sanity when you feel like you're losing your mind you know why no break isn't it true you feel like you're kind of losing your mind because there was no break you did 79 activities with no break and you're about to lose it the pipe is building up ready to burst so release meditations release techniques throughout several activities throughout the day okay that's the second big idea first idea clear expectations second idea release activities whatever that has to be for you several times throughout the day or in between activities and then the third big release is the release of feeling like you have to do it all yourself this piece is about getting really strategic in one area and that is I want you right now to identify what is the biggest outstanding dream or ambition you still have in your life like what is that next big thing you so want you so desire you so want to climb up and achieve like what's that next thing the next big thing because here's why the last big thing was so hard you went at it too alone you thought you had to figure it out you had to push all the buttons you had to manage all the people you had to earn all the money you had to take all the responsibilities you had to do everything that's why that climb was so dang long and so dang hard this time you're gonna take that track and so that's what I want and I want you to immediately immediately structure it so you have support from day one for some of you that means today you can go on the internet and you're gonna hire your very first virtual assistant for some of you that's gonna go home you're gonna go home and say honey I know we want to go here I need your help so you're gonna do these activities and I'm gonna do these activities does that sound smart how should we do this up and you're gonna divvy it up right off the bat not wait to do it that might mean you go into your team and say team I need to delegate 40 percent of my activities right now to you and I need to know that you got it here's your quarterly goal here's your quarterly goal here's your quarterly goal but you need to structure up the support for you this next climb because you know it in advance when you know you have support on the climb you are way less stressed when you feel like you have to do it all yourself my friend that creates an existential esoteric stress that can't even be measured feeling alone on the path of purpose is suffering feeling alone even if you're doing good things doesn't feel good we're talking about wellness here we're talking about your well-being and we can't achieve it without social support but you need to structure it and you need to do it and you need to do it now hey it's Brendan and I hope this message finds you and your families well I wanted to go here and let you know that I have unlocked my wellness master class for free to my entire global audience anyone anywhere in the world right now for free for the next 14 days obviously health and wellness has and more important to you know us our families our community and at the same time right now a lot of people really struggling with wellness issues the Wellness issues of how do I stay emotionally centered and deal with all of this overwhelm and the stress and this chaos right now how do I find healthy habits and actually stick to them how do I know what my future might even look like when I'm just trying to deal with today you know I took on all these concepts in my course called wellness master class it was based on when the world's largest study of the most successful people and how they deal with energy management and you can click the link in this post right now to take the course for free

Channel: Brendon.com

Views: 205,900

Rating: 4.9390049 out of 5

Keywords: personal growth, motivation, inspiration, motivational video, motivational speaker, inspiring videos, inspirational quotes, motivational quotes, life quotes, life coaching, high performance coach, success strategies, the charge, the motivation manifesto, brendon burchard, self help, personal development, self improvement, wellness, stress, stress relief, staying healthy, meditation, health, improve wellbeing, release tension, stress tension, dealing with stress, healthy habits

Id: OPE-sYGUHz0

Length: 20min 37sec (1237 seconds)

Published: Thu May 07 2020