Why Am I Not a Narcissist and My Brother or Sister Is a Narcissist

the three reasons why some siblings become  narcissistic and others don't are one the   emotional development of each parent is different  when each child is born number two every parent   parents each child differently number three each  child picks their own unique survival skill in   response to perfectly imperfect parenting and  number four it is not genetic hang out till the   end and I'll prove it to you let's start with  number one the emotional development of each   parent is different when each child is born what I  mean by that is life stresses and the development   of each parent is not static it changes my parents  were 16 and 18 when they were married 21 and   23. five years is a huge difference their brains  still haven't completely formed they were children   and then they were a little bit older young adult  children by the time my youngest brother was born   they are completely different people also the  the economic situation will be different people   don't realize this or maybe you do maybe you're  aware of this fact but Studies have shown through   MRI that whenever a mother feels stressed during  pregnancy it completely Alters the DNA and genetic   makeup of that child right there now this doesn't  mean mom is responsible because look dad may have   lost his job what if Dad all of a sudden became  an alcoholic between child 1 and child three   it's the combination of both mom and dad that  exert emotional stress on the mother alright it's   not just one it's both this is a relationship what  if Dad disappears isn't there that's Dad having   a direct impact on Mom's emotional condition all  right so throughout life I mean life is all about   a maturation process we are completely different  intellectually and emotionally at 21 to 25 to   30 40 throughout our life no parent is it the  exact same place when each child is born their   beliefs are different their values are different  everything about them is completely different   and so you just think you're giving birth to  the same type of child no that child got formed   completely differently because it's now nine  months later it's now two years later five years   later you are a completely different person than  you were you don't just stay the same I know we   think we do and we think we have the same values  but that's not how genetics work it's not how   the brain and body works we're constantly evolving  and so Mom and Dad are completely different people   at each stage when they give birth to a child and  so what is key is their emotional condition and   so your narcissistic sibling may have been born  during the most toxic most destructive or most   stressful time of the marriage or relationship  that is a huge determiner because as I said   studies show the the genetic and DNA makeup of a  child completely changes just when a mother feels   any level of fear anything someone you know cuts  her off boom sends a surge of chemicals you just   completely altered your child now I don't want  to scare you this is just life it doesn't make   you a bad mother or father I mean some things it's  like okay that crosses the line but I'm trying to   get across to you because everyone wants this to  just be genetic no parent wants to live in truth   or responsibility because they haven't healed  their own childhood trauma and play and pain   and so they feel like I'm blaming them well and  blame is about internal shame that hasn't been   healed I'm not blaming I'm just speaking truth  this is how children get made you're Perfectly   Imperfect you're human you're limited every parent  is going to leave wounds in their child that's   just part of being a parent all I'm asking is we  live in truth and take responsibility that yeah   I'm gonna make mistakes and I'm gonna be stressed  and my kids gonna have challenges because of that   so the blame position of oh you're just blaming  me is somebody who wants to stay the child and not   take responsibility they just throw it all away  you're just blaming me I don't like you and that   allows us to never have to look at the part they  played It's a Wonderful defense mechanism to play   the victim card and the blame card unfortunately  what they don't realize is they're stuck   in the adapted wounded child State filled with  shame so it's when when somebody comments on my   posts with that I just know that they're you know  between four and eight years old in that moment   it's all their shame that was placed into them by  their parents they don't realize it but I do so   I don't take it personally but if they think  I'm blaming them what they're exposing to me   is their unhealed childhood trauma and that's  the part that played in their child becoming a   narcissist now for them to realize that truth  they'd have to do what I did go study go learn   about this and you go oh my God yep I'm not solely  responsible because it takes two to make a child   but I did play a part and my job is to live in  truth as a parent and take responsibility for my   part that's called maturity and moderation  and that's our goal as a parent number two   every parent acts acts and parents each child  differently well let's face it the first kid   always gets the most disciplined no parent is you  know I see that all the time I parent my kids the   same no you didn't like that that level of  Detachment from truth is astonishing to me   every child every parent has a favorite that just  comes out and they connect with it's just what   happens now obviously some parents are better  at you know not giving in to that favoritism   but the rules for my brothers and my older  brother and older sister were completely   different than they were for me I'll never  forget seventh grade I went to my first party   I came home at midnight I was scared to death I  walked in my parents are watching TV and I just   went up the stairs ready for my dad's booming  voice they didn't say a word I'll never forget   that moment I went oh I can get away with things  my brother and sister didn't huh interesting   I knew it right then that there was a  difference that I got assurances and   allowances that nobody else did and you did too  or maybe it's the opposite you didn't get them   but your siblings did every parent parents  their child differently that's just truth   and as a parent if you have a narcissistic child  you need to look at that and take ownership of   it live in truth and take responsibility number  three each child picks their own unique survival   skill in response in part because of the previous  two because you know whatever condition the parent   was emotionally created a different child and then  like my bro my brother got in trouble all the time   and he was the bad rebellious one so I watched  that and I went ooh I'll be good and perfect   I'll be Mr Nice it and Mr Fixit and Mr pleaser and  that's what your child has done too every single   one of them they're different personalities is  what happens is generally you know kind of five to   eight children have enough cognitive awareness to  decipher the family system and what the rules are   and what the dysfunction is and they realize okay  for me to survive I'm gonna have to become this   that's how I'm going to navigate Mom and Dad's  perfect imperfections brothers and sisters all   of it and so they create an adaptation it's the  basis of the worst day cycle I talk about in my   book we all do this none of us are immune  from it even in a so-called loving family   every parent is human and makes mistakes so  every child has had to create an adapted self   to survive the parenting they experienced and so  sometimes children watch the older child and go   the opposite direction like that's what I did some  try to get more extreme they're like wait a minute   wow they get in trouble they get a lot of  attention Okay I'm gonna get in more trouble   that's I did that with illness our whole all of  us kids were sick all the time because our band   our parents abandoned us so much so illness is  primarily about trying to get someone to parent   us and that's what I did and I'm a damn sure  I was the sickest kid in the whole house I was   always the sickest I've got my parents attention  that was the adaptation I developed as soon as   I saw that before I even knew any of this 18 19  years old I talk about the story in my book when   I figured it out because my my back had gone out I  was always in and out of the hospital with a back   problem they could never find out what was wrong  that's because illness and disease is emotion it's   all trapped trauma we haven't dealt with so they  could never fix it well my back went out again   and I'm on the garage floor screaming for my  mother because my crutches are in the rafters   and finally I scream out you selfish  son of a b word when are you going to   stay sober long enough to take care of me I  still get chills whenever I tell the story   because in that moment I had a massive realization  that day was the one and only day my mom was drunk   when I was sick or hurt I realized in that  moment I had been making myself sick and hurt   to try and control my mom's drinking because  if I was sick or hurt my mom would stay sober   that was the last name in my back I had back  problems and anytime I've been sick or hurt   ever since then I've always been able to  identify some sort of emotional trauma   going in going on in my life or a representation  of my adult life that triggers unhealed childhood   trauma and every client I've ever dealt with it's  always the same and I know you may not believe   that because our medical community I don't want  to get off on a rant about all of that but if you   don't know that do a lot of research and you'll  see every illness is tied to your emotions and   if you're not dealing with the trauma you're just  going to stay sick forever so um finally it is not   genetic now this is the biggest one parents want  to pull out the genetic card um so that they don't   have to take responsibility and I know this sounds  like I'm again if you feel blamed and shamed   that's about how you were shamed as a child that's  not about me I'm speaking truth and responsibility   and I'm backing it up with the science that shows  it so I have four quotes here three of them are by   Dr Bruce Lipton the um famous cell biologists who  discovered that the way genes work just because   you're born with a gene doesn't mean that that  Gene is going to activate and you're going to have   that characteristic having a gene means you just  have a predisposition for that potential outcome   it does not mean it's predetermined a gene only  activates when it's placed in an environment   that creates the activation so the only way a  narcissist child they may have a predisposition   because narcissism ran in the family but they  only became a narcissist because of the childhood   environment in which they were raised that's how  genes and DNA work it requires an environmental   stimulus it also you know genes can be reversed  you can be born with a certain Gene but placed in   a different environment or it may activate but  you change the environment you can change the   genetics well that's all my program does is I'm  teaching people how to change the genetic makeup   that got programmed into them as children that's  in their subconscious all right so here are the   scientific quotes from Dr Bruce lifton and Dr  Gabor mate so you can educate yourself and get   more up-to-date information on how genes and DNA  work and you can we can drop this fallacy that the   media and everybody sells that oh everything's  genetic it's just not true all right so here's   just a couple quotes from uh Bruce lipton's book  it's called biology of belief you can find it on   my recommended reading list um just scroll down  click on it and uh it'll take you right to it this   me if you still believe jeans are the source of  the problem you need to read this book all right   specific genes are correlated with an  organism's behavior and characteristics   but these genes are not activated until something  triggers them DNA does not control biology and the   nucleus itself it is not the brain of the cell  just like you and me cells are shaped by where   they live in other words it's the environment  stupid now I'm not calling you stupid that's a   quote from his book what he's trying to drive  home is this misnomer and lie that you're just   born with a gene alcoholism whatever that's not  true you need to be placed in an environment   and experience an emotional environment  for the gene to be activated all right   the next one Our Lives are essentially a printout  of our subconscious programs behavioral programs   that were fundamentally acquired from our parents  family and Community before we were six years old   the fundamental behaviors beliefs and attitudes  we observe in our parents become hardwired in our   subconscious and they control our biology the rest  of our lives or at least until we make the effort   to reprogram that's why I've created all these  programs written my book and everything is to   give people the skills and tools to reprogram all  of the messaging all of the perfect and perfect   parenting we've all experienced we can reshape  and change the the genetic programming but we   have to do the work to do that all right now Dr  Gabor because this whole fallacy that addiction is   um genetic is just not true again you have to be  the the genes have to be put in an environment for   it to be activated and so this is Dr Gabor  mate he's an expert on addictions this is   um how heat ties in the brain development and  everything that happens during pregnancy and   addiction he says Brain development in the uterus  and during childhood is the single most important   biological factor in determining whether or not a  person will be predisposed to substance dependence   and to addictive behaviors of any sort whether  a person is an addict depends on the emotional   condition of mom and dad during pregnancy  it depends on the emotional condition of   mom and dad during childhood that's what creates  addiction everything is about parenting and the   emotional environment we are raised in our whole  adult lives are a reflection of our childhoods   now a lot of people will say you know they'll  bring up the twin studies I find this so fast   maybe they do these twin studies and go  oh well this proves narcissism is genetic hysterical all the people they interview  are between like 20 and 30. they're adults   they completely ignored that all of these  subjects have been raised they've been   placed in an environment for 20 years an  emotional environment and then they go oh   yeah they were just born that way like do you  see how like the inherent problem in that study   for you to determine it genetically you'd have  to do it at Birth because remember genes are   activated by their environment so if you're doing  an interview of somebody 20 some years later after   they've been placed in a certain environment it's  a completely useless study it's not even like   the lack of scientific thought that goes into  creating a study that they didn't even pick up   on that just boggles my mind and that people  cite it all the time I I just so fascinating   how out of Truth we are about the scientific  proof that we become our childhood and and   how we just don't want to take responsibility as  parents that we're Perfectly Imperfect and human well that's why I do this I'd like to see that  change I don't know if it would make things better   there's always the law of unintended consequences  I'm fully open to the possibility that if more   people believe what I say that I could be creating  more problems that because that happens a lot and   intention is good I mean look at all the social  programs they've destroyed they make social all   the you know every government social program  has made the problem worse they don't they're   not effective the the intent is good but it just  exacerbates the problem well the same thing could   happen with everything I'm teaching and I would  take responsibility I don't have all the answers   I just know that the way we've gone about it  where we don't live in truth and responsibility   look at the world I I'm not okay with that so I  guess I'd like to see what would happen and if   I need to take responsibility that I've created  a bigger problem then I will take responsibility   and I will put it I won't play the victim I  will play the Victor I will ask myself what   do I want what can I control what will I not  tolerate and I'll put a plan in place to try   and adjust my thoughts feelings and beliefs and  see if I can't come up with some other process   that is more helpful if what I've developed is  determined is not helpful so that's just how I   approach my life you don't have to approach it  that way I want you to do what's best for you   I just there's concrete evidence you know like I  give in all these videos that the current belief   system and structure doesn't work so I'm  just suggesting why don't we give it a new   shot go in a different direction and see what  happens so I'll leave that choice up to you

Channel: Kenny Weiss

Views: 44,015

Keywords: Kenny Weiss, Emotional Mastery, your journey to success, life coach, Trauma recovery, worst day cycle, Arizona counselor, Narcissist Relationships, codependency, Best Life Coach in Arizona, mental health, the greatness university, Transformational Coaching, Self Love, Relationship Advice, why am I not a narcissist and my brother or sister is a narcissist, why am I not a narcissist, my brother or sister is a narcissist, narcissist, npd, narcissistic brother, narcissistic sister

Id: 1WkQlGxkrvI

Length: 19min 41sec (1181 seconds)

Published: Sat Feb 04 2023