Never Argue With A Narcissist - Do THIS Instead

if you have a narcissist in your life I have no doubt that you are feeling frustrated overwhelmed confused manipulated and tired of the constant scheming so I have some tactics to share today to help you be at ease well maybe not at ease but maybe morities in your relationship with the narcissist but these are tactics that can definitely help you navigate the relationship more successfully for you so whether the narcissist is a parent or a friend or co-worker or a partner sibling these will be helpful okay so let's go through the five tips number one accept that they are unlikely to change this is the first and most important step many of you know me and you know I was a psychotherapist for 20 years helping people with boundaries difficult relationships anxiety right but one of my clients once told told me that she had been told by somebody else when she went on a date to put as is on the person's forehead right so this is not uncommon among particularly women although really could be anybody but you're dating somebody and you might be like oh I like this I like that but I don't really like that but I can change it I can change it no as is you get the person as is right so this client of mine told me that she was given that as dating advice which I thought was great brilliant in fact and I realized we should be putting as is on most people's foreheads but in particular if there's a narcissist in your life put on their forehead as is when you talk to this person when you think about interacting with the person know you get this person as is if they have a personality disorder it's pervasive and enduring unlikely to change tip number two don't take anything personally The Narcissist will compliment you and make you feel good good when it's in their interest The Narcissist will criticize you to mean you belittle you when it's in their interest it really has nothing to do with you so if you take nothing personally from The Narcissist not the good stuff not the bad stuff don't take it personally The Narcissist will project onto you what they feel about themselves so they're likely to call you a narcissist if they ever get the sense that you think they're one right but they will throw on to you what they might feel about themselves or they will throw on to you what they know will get you to do what they want so don't take it personally number three protect yourself it's very important when you're in relationship with somebody with narcissistic personality disorder that you use boundaries to protect yourself remember the boundaries may not change their behavior but you can use them to protect yourself emotionally physically well legally financially structurally right with boundaries we often want the other person to acknowledge that it's a healthy boundary or that it's worthwhile that is just not going to happen with a narcissist and narcissists can take things to an extreme I worked with a woman not very long ago who had a family member who was taking out loans in her name was signing her name to his bank statements and she did not want to like go to the police on him and she kept trying to talk to him about how he couldn't do this and he would completely deflect by telling her that she had enough money or you know she could do it because of this reason or that reason completely not acknowledging that what he was doing was illegal and abusive and it's very hard to think about needing to take legal steps against a family member but sometimes the boundaries really require you to protect yourself because if you're simply trying to nap navigate it by getting the other person to understand what they're doing wrong narcissists don't think they're doing anything wrong ever which leads us back to that as is because they'll never change because they don't think it's their problem okay hoping that makes sense I'm gonna pause just for a second here because we often don't set boundaries with people because of the way we feel about ourselves sometimes we have a positive self-image of like I'm always nice and caring and therefore I should always be nice and caring or sometimes we have a negative self-image right both of those things can contribute to our not setting boundaries and I do have a free and sort of fun the boundary personality quiz I'm going to link it below I do think it gives you some insight as to what internal self-statements might be driving your difficulty setting boundaries number four I remember distinctly when a counselor told me believe Behavior not words because there was some somebody in my life who had always the greatest words but the behavior never matched a narcissist knows how to manipulate you with words how to tell you what will change what will be better in the future but there's no follow-through and if we put more importance into the words we're hearing than into the behavior that we're actually seeing we will remain confused and stuck and not accept the reality so believe Behavior not words and I think this really applies to everybody but it's very dramatic when you're in a relationship with a narcissist and part of this is also to realize that your behavior matters more than your words so think through is my behavior actually communicating what I want to communicate if I tell somebody I won't tolerate this Behavior but then my behavior is I stay and I tolerate it even if I'm saying I won't tolerate it might be behavior is the main thing communicating so very important tool it's helped me enormously in my relationships and my understanding of relationship Dynamics now number five validate your own needs do not look to the narcissist to validate your feelings when we're in relationship with somebody and we aren't feeling good or we are doing something that maybe isn't seen as all that nice like we're pulling away and we want to explain to the person we want them to understand we want them to understand how we feel yeah probably not going to happen so validating our emotions for ourselves and to do this it might be necessary to really shift your focus to a support system that does validate your needs and desires and wants we can even validate what it is we want right so validating this stuff for ourselves and not looking for the narcissist to validate this is a very important step towards healing so I'll put the link below for the boundary personality quiz which is boundarypersonalityquiz.com but also comment below let me know what you thought did I miss something any questions and thank you for being here with me today and I'll see you next week foreign

Channel: Barbara Heffernan

Views: 611,194

Keywords: barbara heffernan, barbara heffernan anxiety, how to deal with a narcissist, narcissism, what are narcissists, never argue with a narcissist, how to set boundaries, setting boundaries, setting boundaries with people, how to argue with a narcissist, boundaries with narcissists, dealing with a narcissist

Id: S2nm35oK-bc

Length: 7min 31sec (451 seconds)

Published: Thu May 04 2023