Doormat Covert Narcissist Turns Primary Psychopath

many of you send me questions and ask can the covert narcissist become a classic narcissist can the classic narcissist become a covert narcissist in the somatic become a cerebral etcetera seizure well let me tell you something children I'm old enough to have dined with the dinosaurs and I can tell you one thing I've learned in my long and fruitful life the only constant thing is change so yes every mental construct every mental health diagnosis within the cluster B personality disorders can and does metamorphosize into other personality disorders within the cluster P which is precisely why I've been advocating since 1997 to unify all these direct separate diagnosis into a single diagnosis of personality disorder cluster B with different emphases but that's a subject for another video today what I would like to discuss is what happens to the covert narcissist when he or she more frequently he when the covert narcissus transforms what does the covert narcissist change into when subjected to stress to humiliation to rejection to abandonment to mortification we know that borderline women women diagnosed with borderline personality disorder a Psychopaths ask any spouse of a portal and woman and he will confirm this borderline women when they are stressed when they're frustrated when they humiliated a rejection of a dependent or perceive abandonment or anticipate abandonment or whatever they tend to react like Psychopaths do but they are secondary Psychopaths they are Psychopaths with emotions and with empathy but they're still psychopaths they react in antisocial ways they become defiant they lose impulse control they don't think about the consequences of their actions they don't have long-term thinking etc Sidra I've dedicated a whole video to this as a video about the borderline woman is a secondary psychopath I recommend that you watch it the covert narcissist when a is under similar adversary problematic circumstances tends to become a primary psychopath in more rare cases in fewer cases the covert narcissist becomes a classic narcissist that's more rare and it's more rare because the covert narcissus has difficulty to solicit an elicit narcissistic supply from the environment the covert narcissist you remember is shy he is fragile he is runnable he is avoidant he is anxious and so the covert narcissus doesn't have the necessary tools to extract narcissistic supply from other people either by coercing them charming the cajoling but I mean he doesn't know what to do this so what happens to the covert narcissist in most cases is that he becomes a primary psychopath and this is the topic of today's today's conversation today's video and so we started by saying that there is no type constancy for example the overt of the classic narcissist can switch from somatic to cerebrum from cerebral to somatic from inverted to classic from classic to inverted etcetera etcetera similarly the patient with borderline personality disorder can suddenly become a secondary psychopath why is that it's because these people don't have an identity they have something called identity disturbance identity diffusion instead of a core a very strong identifiable core with strict demarcate boundaries these people have a cloud a cloud or a swarm like a swarm of bees or locusts or a hive mind they are all over the place and they are utterly inconsistent and they are all-inclusive and they assimilate and assemble influences constantly in these influences affect who they are not only what they remember not only their moods mood lability not only their emotions emotional dysregulation but who they are their identity crucially dependent crucially depends on input from the environment on their milia on what people tell them on how they are judged on criticism or disagreement on applause or approval or modulation of admiration you name it feedback input from the environment is crucial for the regulation of their internal internal environment actually they confuse their internal environment with external their internal objects of external the external objects are internal and this is why they have severe difficulties in their relationship and this I've dealt with this in other videos but today we are going to deal with the covert narcissist the covert narcissist has many similarities to borderline personality many but it has a few outstanding features a few special features again I described these features in a series of videos end in an interview I gave about covert narcissism and you can find all of them on my youtube channel the foundational work in covert narcissism is Cooper and a guitar in 1989 and they were the first to describe phenomena phenomena such as pseudo humility the covert gnosis is pretends to be modest and humble but it rose it's a cover for grandiosity they describe shape-shifting so they go to these videos and have a look at what covert analysis a word of warning most of the material in covert narcissist online is after sheer unmitigated nonsense for two reasons it does not rely on scholarly studies and research and the second reason is the diagnosis of covered narcissism is extremely new we don't have a sufficient body of research to substantiate or support any of its features psychodynamic features clinical features and so on so we are groping in the dark at this stage anyone who pretends to tell you what is exactly a covert nas disease is basting is basing himself himself on anecdotes misdiagnosis or sheer nonsense which he took out of his sleeve be careful be careful as I would say from my experience anywhere between 90 that's 9 0 in 95% of all the so-called information out there including information given to you by people whose whose names are preceded by dr. is absolute trash so whatever you hear try try to do your own research try to find scholarly articles in academic journals in n sona's of go to reliable websites and so on because YouTube is assessable in a cesspit of nonsense and worse let's go back to the and this is a warning and been giving in each and every video because I am appalled by what I learn by water and watching online sometimes ok let's go back to the covert nos disease so the covert narcissist is forced very often to be people-pleaser there is a proposed subtype of borderline known as shy borderline of honorable borderline shyness is a common phrase it is not clinically substantiated many attempts have been have been made to find such a soft i'm we failed it's precisely the reason why it's not mentioned in any textbook in it's not mentioned in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual you can find it on the online and usually in the work of one or two highly specific therapies so I'm sure it's very profitable but unfortunately it has no no legs to stand on in other words when I'm trying to tell you there's no such thing as a shy borderline it's completely and unmitigated nonsense there are both alliance who internalize their aggressive impulses and their ego discrepant and ego-dystonic emotions such as guilt and shame but all bottle eyes do it from time to time borderline spend you late this switch between internalizing and externalizing Psychopaths only externalize they are angry you'll be the first to know they they are vengeful you will pay the price they are they externalize every and you you bear the brunt of their dissatisfaction their unhappiness their rage and so on what the lines are not like that border lines go through two phases and the first phase they actually internalize they feel they feel ashamed they feel guilty they feel dysphoric in other words said sad or depressed they feel anxious and they they accumulate and they accumulate and they they don't don't show anything not express themselves don't don't let it out and then they erupt they erupt like a volcano they become secondary Cylons and this is the typical pattern of borderline the accumulation phase followed by the eruption face very geological and I think this is the source of the confusion when we come to shy borderlines the shy border lines have longer than usual accumulation phases but all border lights all border lines without a single exception act out they can act out by cheating on spouse they can act out by breaking objects they can act out by engaging in extreme forms of silent treatment or catatonic behavior they can sit on a chair and not move for two weeks they can act out by not taking a shower for a month by not leave by not getting out of bed for two for two days but I mean there are million ways to act out but all borderlines act out all body lines externalize their aggressive impulses this is very crucial to understand it's similar with the covert narcissist the covert narcissist goes through an accumulation phase the humiliations the because covert gnosis is the hyper vigilant they know that they are deficient they know that they are lacking they know that they don't have what it takes to obtain narcissistic supply in a way you could say that covertly sister in a perpetual state of collapse they are perpetual collapse narcissist and exactly like collapse narcissist they react with aggression but it takes a long time takes a lot longer than usual for the covert gnosis is to react with aggression and then when it does react with aggression it's highly channelled and highly structured and very dissimilar not the same like the aggression of the classic narcissist the aggression of the classic narcissist is infantile it's like the temper tantrum of a spoiled brat an idiot the aggression of the covert narcissist is very similar to the psychopath and we come to it we've come to it in a minute this is the topic of this video but the convert narcissist can go for years for years without showing anything everything underground everything surreptitious everything hidden concealed that's why it is called covert everything is convert all the bad emotions bad blood the animosity the hostility the envy envy the the feelings of inferiority festering seething in and then finally erupting throughout the life of the covert masses he experiences losses men people have been taking away from the covert narcissist even what's rightfully his all his life the covert narcissist grids gets used because he is not a certain assertive because he has no functional boundaries exactly like the classic narcissist and because he doesn't know to extract supply to compensate for the wounds and for the errors and slings of fortune because he doesn't have this Arsenal arsenal of grandiosity in compensatory to certain diseases he experiences life is a constant state of loss and everyone takes away from him everything people take away from him is his time his ideas his money his reputation his women his contacts you name it even if they don't that's how he experiences relationships with people because he is hyper vigilant and a bit paranoid a bit paranoid and because he is pseudo pseudo humble not really humble he experiences every interaction as a bruisin a bruising competition in which he is bound to lose his man is bound to lose because he cannot stand up for himself he feels that he is not if his amendment is not a man and in him in any case he feels that everyone is is trampling over him everyone is stepping on him everyone is humiliating burying him in the mud and it's a horrible feeling and it's a feeling that provokes even in healthy people would provoke negative affectivity negative emotionality extreme aggression in 1939 there was psychologist Donald he suggested that frustration is automatically converted to aggression and almost fully converted to aggression so such concentrate frustration breathes aggression aggression is a fixture in feature of the person in other words the covert the covert narcissist is an aggressive personality but this aggression even this aggression is counterproductive because he has to suppress it he cannot show it he cannot release it he doesn't allow himself for example to be really angry instead of being really angry instead of communicating and verbalizing his rage his grudges his complaints his grievances the covert narcissist would prefer to be passive-aggressive he would undermine he would procrastinate he would sabotage he would make sure things don't happen he would diss intimate it would destroy intimacy in a variety of mechanisms and ways and methodologies so and it's all there this swamp this swamp both of black evil negative you know it's all bad and there is a limit to what any human being can tolerate and convert messages are no different many of the measurement beings and so there's a limit to what they can tolerate and they go through life and they adopt a posture of a people-pleaser they faint first of all they feign indifference they pretend to be indifferent to what's being done to them like if I don't show you that it hurts me if I have a devil-may-care attitude if I have a you know go ahead to what you want see if I care then I'm impregnable then I'm untouchable then you cannot hurt me then you deliver the satisfaction to see me hurt you don't have the satisfaction to see the pain in my eyes I'm gonna pretend that you're who cares that what you want so indifference is a major apathy indifference is a major defense of the covert processes and in very extreme cases they become numb and expressionless literally expressionist they've like a blunt face and because they pokerface pokerface not to show their hand you know it's covered poker anyway and the second thing they do they collude in their own abuse they collude in the plunder they collude in the pillage they collude in the invasion of their territory in the violation of their own boundaries they collude in their own maltreatment and mistreatment and humiliation cuz they internally they perceive that if they collude with this then they are in control if they made it happen then they made it happen it's thick they started the process they controlled it so they tell them some stories the covert narcissist can tell himself I allowed people to abuse me because I'm self-destructive I'm so destructive um self-defeating I actually used them I used these people as pawns they I I took them in if they were my instruments they were my tools for self destruction so they they they create this false fake narrative they reframe situations which are essentially abusive situations which involve loss and pain and hurt devastating hurt they reframe it as I made it happen those of you who watched the previous videos about mortification this is the classic mechanism where an external mortification something that happens to to the gnosis is from the outside and challenges his personality in his grandiosity and the cohesion and coherence of his ability to function so when this happens sub narcissist sunglasses replace the storing reframed the story instead of saying someone hurt me from the outside they say I made this person hurt me that when they replace external modification with internal modification they restore the locus of control if someone did something to you from outside then you're not in control there is an external locus of control but if you say I made them do it I provoked them I I took merely that they my abuse them so they abused me back you know I rejected them so they rejected me i humiliated and humiliated me I took something from them another pride their well-being their happiness so they took something from me if you reframe the story this way you made things happen you are godlike it's a grandiose defence so covert narcissus have this a lot and so they try they try somehow to control the situation and one way to do that is to be totally self-destructive self-defeating passive-aggressive sabotaging undermining even perhaps the word evil fits here somehow but even lot in the religious philosophical ethical sense but even in the sense that disembark without everything that's one strategy but there is another strategy which is much more common by the way covert process is try to be people pleasers they try to have no boundaries no dignity no self-respect or even to pretend to be crazy no sanity there like the perennial clowns or the Kings the Kings Joker you know in in this way what they're saying is look and childlike and tried like I'm defenseless don't hurt me I will give you anything one I will do anything wrong you can take from me anything what do you want you want my wife take my wife want my money take my money that's it do what you want but I'm defenseless so don't hurt me beyond what you absolutely have to and and so they say to themselves whatever people can do to me and to mine people around me but my loved my nearest my tears is limited by their PT by their compassion maybe by their sense that there is nothing more to take maybe people will stop hurting me when the main tanana's course becomes too high so some covert narcissus become people pleasers and rely on the kindness of strangers to borrow a term from streetcar named desire the famous theater play moving so they rely on the kindness of strangers they rely on the pity compassion of strangers and others as I said they become passive aggressive and they do this so that the cost of abusing them will skyrocket and escalate and at some point the abuser would say okay enough is enough it's not working but of course this makes everyone around the covert gnosis is feel unsafe unprotected especially his women especially his wife espouses girlfriend but not only his his colleagues his his children they feel unsafe to feel unprotected because it's not a lack of assertiveness it's willingly willingly foregoing boundaries dignity self-respect sanity predictability safety they feel insecure and of course they feel disillusioned everyone around the covert nurses it feels dissolution so ironically even the covert narcissist people-pleasing is not the normal type of people pleasing not that the same type of people pleasing and in the typical people-pleasing setup the people pleaser pleases people sacrificially she or he she usually says ok my interests are less important than your interests my well-being is less important than your well-being I will sacrifice I'm a sacrifice my happiness sacrifice my future sacrifice my well-being for your sake it's not healthy but it's far more sane and grounded in the code then the covert narcissist version the covert lastest version is not to say I will sacrifice something for you the covert narcissus version is to say if you want if you want to take something from me whatever it is even if you're taking from me my pride my dignity I will vanish I will disappear and by disappearing I will undermine you because then there will be no one to take anything from and indeed the main strategy of the covert narcissist is the vanishing act suddenly he or she is nowhere to be seen nor to be seen absenting themselves not only physically actually rarely physically but absenting themselves emotionally not there and not here you can't hurt me I'm not here and it's a passive-aggressive strategy but in their minds it's a people-pleasing strategy so for example a covert narcissist may tell you I'm leaving you're alone because you want to be able or I don't care what you do with other women because I want you to be happy in other words I'm not here the covert gnosis is realized that he is mentally ill that she is utterly dysfunctional if it's a female covertness they realize this they know that they're incapable of maintaining even the rudiments of a relationship sometimes are not capable of having sex proper sex not sadistic sex or masochistic sane or kinky sex prophecies they definitely are not able to gauge reality or to act in reality self efficacious it is this lack of self efficacy that underlies convert narcissism cava processes is a narcissist who failed to act efficiently on the environment failed to extract supply to regulate his internal psychodynamics to allow him to function so it's a failure the essence of covert narcissist is rarified failure recklessness is defeated and so even if the correct Asus's decides or minimal targets like I will hold on to what's mine I will hold on to who is who is ready with me I will hold on to to my wife because I love her I will hold on to my possessions because they're mine even these decisions are not defensible he doesn't have the resources even to to implement this kind of super minimal you know targets which which you're the lowest of the lowest can and so gradually everyone comes to regard the covert narcissist with a mixture of wariness because it's like you know it's like a snake you never know when he will lash out and kind of you know with the spiked tongue will do something so with a mixture of wariness you realize that there's some some processes going in the background that you will never be given access to stealth stealth processes ambient processes not good processes something-something giving you realize that processes there which are not totally healthy indefinitely not benevolent there's a lot of malice malevolence malicious in the air ambient so people tricked the cover people when I say people I mean men and women by the way it's a rare case where both were both men and women treat someone the same way so where it is pity revulsion in contempt gradually covert narcissist experiences only these reactions from other me they are never loved they never had they are never kissed they're never embraced they never they never they never feel at home they never feel welcomed and accepted let alone unconditionally they only experience is contempt disgust revulsion weariness before will keep away from them and pity overwhelmingly and so some covert classes of course are gifted and people are envious of the gifts of such a cover technologies and and many people project this envy and their sense of guilt and shame for abusing the covered narcissist by becoming even more aggressive there is an an unholy and only an awesome cycle of aggression with the covert narcissus his reticence his reluctance to engage his inferiority his pseudo humility his fakeness his identity diffusion and instability his cunning his passive aggression they provoke aggression they provoke an aggressive reaction in a gressive reaction from his environment but then people are ashamed that they had reacted to him this way they feel guilty and sometimes they mvgame for some of these people so this provokes even more aggression and this more aggression provokes the covert gnosis is to be even more covert and more narcissist so this provokes more aggression the covert passages cannot extricate himself from this never-ending cycle of maltreatment and mystery I mean covert narcissus in all the videos that you see in online YouTube they have been portrayed as some kind of demons devilish entities who are out cunningly - so we subterfuge and Machiavellian ideation they've just spent all the days thinking how to destroy you in a not so not so the typical covert narcissist is actually very very sad very broken very damaged in once very much not to be himself but can't they can't ultimately cobra processes lose everyone interline everyone walks away having squeezed the covered gnosis is dry or any usefulness is correct narcissus is so it's soy it is so impossible to have any type of productive happy mutually rewarding reciprocal relationship with the correct narcissus did people very often and very fast gravitate to a transactional relationship with the covert gnosis they take something from him and if he insists they give himself but it becomes a transaction now covet narcissus can start a love affair and we need six months it will not be about money he can establish a business with full trust and loyalty and within a year his publicist will have betrayed him and introduced another someone else instead of him substitute for him and he's constantly be trained constantly abandoned constantly dropped concept because he offers nothing of himself and he offers nothing on himself first of all because there is no search exactly like a classic and overt narcissus there's no one there but he also offers nothing of himself because he's hyper vigilant paranoid suspicious and he is afraid to offer something so there is something I called the doormat doormat narcissist from time to time the tormach narcissus tries to fight back the doormat narcissus is a covert narcissist who was trampled upon to the point that he became like a doormat and he also adopted doormat strategies give him give him before you're destroyed I mean the alternatives up don't give in be defined and be destroyed or given so there's this variant of correctness Isis which I tongue-in-cheek called the doormat narcissus from time to time to tour magne four vertices tries to fight back but even the ways that he tries to fight back are utterly dysfunctional and counterproductive as he tries to fight back by emulating then imitating a psychopath a primary psychopath a web browser just looks around this is look at me hello Amy everyone everyone has sex with my with my wife everyone stole my money everyone who believes me moxme ridicules me the rights may decrease me criticize me criticizing me disagrees with me all the time whatever I'm doing is considered to be passive aggressive cunning disgusting people revolted people pity me people makes job make jokes at my expense covert analysis of something called referential ideation they think everyone is gossiping about making jokes at their expense so finally the correctness sisters okay can I be different let me try to be different can I stop all this can I can I extricate myself from this cessful from this system and he looks around this is Wow you know what Psychopaths get it right no one know it [ __ ] with the Psychopaths no one dares to screw with a psychopath psychopath gets his way Psychopaths rule Psychopaths rock I'll be a psychopath and so when covert narcissus attempt to become self efficacious when they attempt to reassert control over their lives and to establish functional boundaries they do so by imitating primary Psychopaths not secondary like the borderline the mother line becomes a secondary psycho secondary Psychopaths is someone who engages in antisocial behavior impulsive behavior socially unacceptable behavior unethical behavior but still maintains emotions in empathy so she feels bad about what she's doing the pervert narcissus tries to imitate and emulate very successfully sometimes a primary psychopath there's a psychopath with no conscience like the famous title of the book by Robert hare see someone without conscience some with no compunction no regret nor remorse no guilt no shame nothing no empathy muffy people objects to be used abuse discarded end of story next case this primary sector promise our path is not even in the senses no honey tiny minority primary psychopathy SATs and so this primary psychopaths inflict pain because they derive pleasure from inflicting pain but the overwhelming majority of psychopaths are Nazis when they do inflict pain when they do hurt people it's instrumental in order to get something they call oriented the goal focused they're not all the time very self efficacious many Psychopaths are all over the place I call them to collect Li Psychopaths I make a distinction between the collector Psychopaths and the hair segments the collector Psychopaths are losers zeroes but all Psychopaths the mischievous clownish clinically Psychopaths and the goal-oriented chief executive officer Psychopaths knows where he is going know how to get there all Psychopaths of every conceivable variety primary and Psychopaths trample on people all of them use people automobiles we've all regard people as objects all of them don't care don't care what their actions might duty so the doormat narcissus looks around as well this works it's a great strategy look at this guy here's money his beautiful girls all over him he enjoys life is traveling English I'll be like him I'll be as a primary psychopath so he tries to fight back by becoming primary Psychopaths so many covert gnosis is for example will become become quantities scammers they call people out of money they assert themselves they assert themselves by taking instead of giving most of the lives they give they have to give to survive but now they want to take so how do they take fraud cheating cheating I mean monetarily money stealing antisocial activities or the covert narcissus would insist on sexual exclusivity at the commencement of an intimate relationship coupled with kinky and sadistic sex that's his way under men now you know so it's very aim of putting very off-putting to watch because you have this warm warm of a person this [ __ ] this zero this loser who suddenly you know puffs up and I know and now the king will and I'm not the rooster I'm the king of the year you know king of the hill and yo and he he's imitating his imitating real Psychopaths Reznik Amundson it's very off-putting because we see them again again it's a strategy of faking covert gnosis is no only up to fake even when they are talented and so they would build on their talent and their gift and their endowment and fake they would use it to fake that would leverage whatever gifts they have some of them have gifts they would leverage these gifts to think to to misbehave to undermine water water I swear okay but you know what the covert narcissist is a failure I said it before and even here when he tries to imitate this primary psychopath he fails time and again people for example see right through him walk away women team up with him and then cheat on him repeatedly why because their needs emotional needs physical needs are not met and in the hope that he will set them free and let him go once they have made him aware of their ostentatious sexual in flagrante turn gracious this one thing the covert narcissus is very good at is clinging clinging neediness motional blackmail stalking you can't just come to covet narcissus if you are a spouse intimate partner individual romantic partner countries come and say listen you know you're not getting along we're not compatible let's break up like two others there's no doubt there is nobody there Adamo or even child in the case of the classic narcissist you have a child in the case of the covert narcissist he with an absence but true absence the gnosis is the classic narcissist provide you with a Hall of Mirrors there's a child there that's a true self swindled it's broken it's damaged is crying it's not functional so you can't really interact with you concede is the intimate part of the narcissist you can see the shot you could fall in love with this child you can have maternal instincts and reflexes to protect this child to nourish and nurture this child but you can't really reach each child and there's no really growth a progress but at least the gnosis is provides you with all of Mirrors at least the idealized mystic generates in you psychodynamic he generates in your processes false emotions something covert narcissus is not even this it's a howling howling deep space void is not even a Hall of Mirrors for example covert classes are very bad at idealized they don't know to idealize so but they cling they are needy they demand they stop you Stoker's come especially hero two maniacs daughters come come out of the of the roles of covert narcissist so covert narcissus is likely to become in a Romanian stalker or any type of stalker paranoid stalker much more than a classic Nazis the sicknesses will just let you go replace you you are interchangeable your commodified commoditized you are dispensable not so with correctness convert losses would become a stalker or will not let you go simply I'll be physically not let you go emotionally black with you threaten suicide or something with it in this sense the covert narcissist says the same behavior like the borderline patient and like some very sick in extreme cases of codependency dependent personality disorder that's the clinical diagnosis so cough right message is the very dependent and when they are pushed to the corner when they are under tremendous when they when they experience tremendous stress stress sores when they humiliated and rejected and abandoned at risk of being abandoned so they suddenly become borderline or codependent and then when this doesn't work they become primary cyclists of course if you look at it it makes sense because the borderline is a bridge into psychopathy remember that the borderline becomes secondary psychopath so what happens is essentially the covert narcissist when rejected humiliated abused abandoned stress etc distress depressed the correct message then becomes borderline in other words he becomes a secondary psychopath and then becomes a primary so you can see the logic entry in the but the internal experience of the current gnosis is of course it is different by the way this is common with healthy people's no one experiences the world and himself or herself precisely as other people experience you that's why talking to people is important socializing is a very important self regulatory function people provide you memory they provide you with calibration they set you straight so the current gnosis doesn't experiences experience himself the way other people experience him for him for example when he when he calls people when he cheats on people and steal their money he would have for him this is setting boundaries asserting himself but of course is this kind of reframing is confabulated and fallacious think about it for a minute what does a covered narcissist do corporate masters it becomes a con artist when he's when he transitions to the primary psychopath mode when he says enough is enough I've been abused I've been molested I have been everything I'm putting a stop light from now on I'm a firm men woman I am going to get what I'm gonna be a primary cycle okay what am I gonna do I'm gonna steal money from people so even then what the covert analysis does is he invents a character the core art the con artistry is built on a fictitious character a fictional character so the covert Nasus invents a fictional character in this fictional currently extracts money for me or sex or power or whatever it is that the covert gnosis is decided will set him free and make him whole when covered gnosis becomes primary psychopath he decides on goals the goals of who make him feel better no ego-syntonic better with himself so whatever the Gold's are he doesn't do the covert gnosis doesn't dare to go out there as himself he creates a character a fictional character and he lets people interact with this character so there's over a classicist character people and people never interact with covert narcissist in the primary psychopathy phase they interact with the fictitious of fictional character that he had constructed for this purpose but then wait a minute if he had created a fictional character as a primary psychopath for the corn job it defeats the purpose again actually the covert narcissus ends up giving everything of himself to another person it's true that this other person was conjured up by the governesses please try to understand what I'm saying all his life other people took from the covert narcissist everything now he's fed up is pissed off he wants to put a stop it what does he do he lets invents yet another person and that invented conjured imaginary scripted person again takes everything from the covert gnosis is locked locked into a pattern which he cannot break out off he is used to giving to other people he is used that other people take from him so even when he wants to take something he doesn't feel that he can take it he feels so inferior so lacking in efficacy so such as zero in a loser that even when he wants to steal money from people he doesn't dare to do it himself he invents another person and he gives everything he has to that invented creature to death new entity to dead new person again he perpetuates he the story of his life again he gives everything to someone else that he had invented this someone else means nothing psychologically it's again not you it's a game not in the benefits that flow from the corn from the fraud from the cheating they don't flow to him they flow to this imaginary firewall to this mode to this separation to this partition they flow to this creature to this character and that's where they stop the covetous is does experiencing and if he does experiences it by proxy is a secondary benefit like a very distant echo chlorosis doesn't allow himself even the primary psychopath to enjoy the fruits of his misconduct if he if he got a drunk woman to sleep with him she's not sleeping with him she's sleeping with a fake men that he created had created for her if he stole money from her from a pension ear from a retiree he didn't steal the money nor does he enjoy the money it's the person he had created that the the comp artist this imaginary figure that takes the money from the retiree from the pensioner and essentially in Jersey it never gets to him even now he is always one step behind one step removed watching in Envy his life unfolds in front of his eyes but I'm able to touch it and able to reach it because he's looking through a glass darkly it's like in the Bible Moses prophet Moses God let him see the land of Canaan but never allowed him to enter after forty years of walking the nation of Israel through the desert God did not allow models did not allow us to enter the land of Canaan that was his punishment and that's the punishment of the contract narcissus he-e-he ke can see he can grasp we can perceive what it would be like to experience life to live but he can never leave he can never really experienced he always has to because he's so weary so afraid is a paranoid so suspicious so hurt so damaged so broken so inferior so so inefficient he has to he has to avoid life whatever happens can happen to the entity that he had invented when he became a cyclone and of course the classic narcissist has this on a permanent basis precisely the roles of the four safe that's why the narcissist the classic nose never experiences life as people are not reacting to the narcissist they are acting to the false self and the false self is not the narcissist is not they are they are not the same they are as for self as very little to do with the Nazis but characteristics his trades his behaviors don't they don't he doesn't share anything with us let such a woman falls in love with a false self she falls in love with a 40 lakh with the Nazis if the Nazis makes money is the four separate enjoyed not the narcissist loss is it always an observer a spectator watch my previous video hyper hyper reflexivity the Nazis always watches his life from the outside as though it were some curious insect some object to be perused and studied scientifically it's a horrible feeling it's like you removed from your own life and what do you do when you don't exist at all who is this who is observing in the case of the covert gnosis even this question is unclear comrade gnosis is mixed woman women fall in love with a false apparition with an emanation with a thespian project a role player an oral at a stage play never we do with the real him when the grooming phase is over and the and the potential mate intimate partner enters the shirt fantasy she discovers to her dismay that the covert gnosis is had called her into a relationship with a complete abusive and mentally disabled stranger with him so he presents one one facade this the love bombing and grooming face I have a video about these two I think I have a video about everything I have to change so in the love bonding and grooming phase the covert narcissist and the classic make make the potential partner the intimate barber fall in love with some totally imaginary character with a fictitious character with a protagonist with a with a with a with a screen with a visage I do not worry fata morgana mirage but when of course the relationship starts in earnest she discusses the discrepancy between the person or the man she had fallen in love with and the real man and this piece is rough this disillusion sir she becomes angry disappointed frustrated she feels that she had been fooled and lied to and deceived and her most fervent wish is to up and walk away by any and all means necessary if she has to have casual sex with the stranger to get rid of the covert narcissus she would she would do anything she would rob a bank she would stand naked in the in the square in the days before social distance she would do anything just to get rid of him because the pain that the covered narcissist inflicts on his intimate partner is double first of all she had been deceived in light and that's a very bad feeling always but also she had been fooled so she's a fool he is a constant reminder how gullible and stupid she'd be to have fallen in his trap no one can no one can suffer this and again by luring women into his lair I'm saying women but of course you can switch the problems by luring women into his lair correct narcissist is giving himself abundantly but to another men he is luring this women not to himself but to the men he had invented a fictitious character I don't know the irresistible genius the covert gnosis is doing the dirty work for this fictional protagonist he satisfied the grandiose and statistic needs of this imagined invented created character to uphold and prove his irresistibility to taunt frustrate you mili and despoil women captain either one whatever the needs of this imaginary primary psychopath character the covert narcissist gets to work he is the servant of his own creation it's like the golem the golem in the in the famous Jewish story were you know they made from from mud mud and soil they made their kind of monster and then they put the name of God in the monster monsters mouth and he came alive it's the same with the covert narcissist it's a Frankenstein he's a Frankenstein he's dr. Frankenstein he creates this column and then he puts the name of God primary psychopath in the in the mouth of the column becomes primary psychopath but the covert narcissist is a servant of this golem he's working for the government whatever happens happens to the Golan the sex and Easter columns the mind the money's the columns the pleasure derived out of sex and money's the columns the power is everything everything she's channeled everything drains into the golem the correctness is just does does the dirty work for the goal and these are the needs of the fictional character not of the doorman covert narcissist in the dorm at the dorm and covert narcissist being the people please as it is he dedicates all his resources to cater to the needs of this fictional character of this imaginary entity the superhero the the primary psychopath which he conjured up like a magician it's very difficult to comprehend but imagine that you invent imagine that you want someone very much but you're very afraid to reveal who you truly are so you invent false identity on tinder on tinder you invent a false identity and then you interact with with a hot frog or the drop-dead gorgeous but who is interacting not you your false identities interact what are you doing you're maintaining the false identity you're working on behalf of the force you have become the false identities indentured servant that's how the covert narcissist experiences his life and so women in committed primary diets often complain to casual sex partners to date so to lovers when they astray when they when they cheat when they commit adultery so they often complained to the partners about the relationship notice the relationship how its dysfunction brought on the adultery same with metaphors men who stray out of committed monogamous sexually exclusive relationships they complain about the relationship they can complain about the partner but they would complain about how the partner functions in the relationship but their focus would be on the relationship but typically the spouse of the intimate partner of the of the covert narcissist would complain to her cheating partner or to his cheating partner about the covert narcissus not about the relationship about the covert narcissist and very often she would say things like he doesn't exist or all he knows to do was to be angry or something like this but the focus would be the focus would be on the that problem the dysfunction the reason for the adultery the reason for the extramarital affair the reason for the strain and the cheating the reason the reason for exiting from the extra dyadic sex exiting the the diet the couple the reason is the identity or lack of identity lack of core of the partner when the partner is a covert narcissist if the partner is healthy the complaints would usually be Center revolve around the relationship the relationship is not working because the partner is doing this or not doing this but it's be about a relationship it's important distinction very often the covert narcissus intimate partners business partners they like many elements in the relationship with the correct dosages vary up often they miss these elements after the breakup or after the dissolution of the business they miss these elements there are many there were many elements in the in the interaction that they liked wanted but there was no way they could countenance the covert narcissist himself what he did how he acted how he reacted sometimes is acceptable more even more and more than acceptable but he himself is not something is seriously awry with a covert narcissist himself with who is or rather with who is not and it makes even the greatest rewards the greatest gifts greatest adventures the greatest sex and in commensurate compensation insufficient compensation this I don't know that possibly it's like having great sex with a sex doll or having a very intelligent conversation with an artificial intelligence up there's a feeling that everything that happens happens independent of the correctness every behavior of the covert nonces every contribution every gift every endowment every every wonderful moment is there but kind of not not directly emanating from the current assets as a caddis joint disjointedness between the covert narcissist and all the whirlwind and whirlpool around him and these are the only two modes that the covert narcissist has the torment in this primary cycle sometimes after crisis the covert narcissist becomes dormant and he keeps the psychopath comatose and for very long periods of time he remained he might be related or not but the primary psychopath always comes to the fore always erupts always returns always takes over always now two concepts switching is the transition from one type of personality to another switching is a term borrowed from the clinical psychology of dissociative identity disorder multiple personalities or a multiple personalities own social identity disorder when the person whatever that is switches from one alter to another for one personality fragment on one cell state to another you can see this they are usually visible signs not always but usually and this is called switching same happens to borderline you can see distinctly when she switches from borderline to secondary psychopaths psychopath ask any disgruntled husband children lovers or whatever hopeful borderline they will tell you you know immediately when she switched to a psychopath it's the same way to convert narcissist you know immediately when he switched to a primary primary psychopath what about modification can the covert narcissist experience modification like the classic Nazis yes of course he's a narcissist covered narcissism master sees only a failed one collapse one but they still the masses is certified so he can experience modification but in his case there is an added condition to experiencing modification modification in the covert narcissist occurs when the doormat wakes up is provoked within a shared fantasy which is micromanage by the subtle so when the covert narcissist is in a phase of a psychopath and for example has a shared fantasy with a with an intimate partner and then she does something she externally modifies him the doormat wakes up and then there's a conflict the dormant is modified and there's a conflict between the dormant in the cycle it is this conflict that the covet narcissist experiences as modification so the convert narcissus cannot cannot reconcile two dissonant cellar states doumitt and psycho when he's a doormat is never a psychopath and that's why I keep saying convert narcissists are not evil they are not psychopathic when they are doormats so when is the doormat is of the psychopath when is a psychopath is never a dormant on rare occasions owing to external mortification the doormat can wake up even as the psychopath is in charge and this creates a conflict because they are both especially in the dormant they're genuine serve States they are real they are authentic it's creates a conflict by the way exactly the same happens with multiple personality disorder when for example therapy is mismanaged or sometimes it happens that two dissociative alters to remind you someone with multiple personality has a core personality it's called the host or the moderator or whatever and many many other personalities which are called alters alternatives alternative personalities so usually the alternative usually there are rare diagnosis where this is not true rare dissociative diagnosis where this is not true but in the bulk of vast majority of dissociative diagnosis the alters don't know about each other when alter one is in control all the other Walters atonement inactive when altered six is in control alter one is is dormant and inactive they don't know about it or communicate with each other they don't inform each other except through the mediation in the agency of the host personality sometimes therapy is mismanaged in two dissociative alters are forced to meet each other in to communicate with each other and these streets and normos break down enormous dissonance leading sometimes to psychosis psychotic disorder in a way this is the equivalent of mortification in someone with multiple personality same with the covertness disease he can be mortified when this happens when the doormat is forced to control the psychopath to realize that there's a psychopath of the psychopath looks what he does to people the insult was doumitt the qualities of the torment the characteristic characteristics the traits behaves unlocked absolutely not ly exact a metrical opposite of the primary psychopath the doormat abhors the primary psychopath and of course the primary psychopath abhors the doorman because he thinks that all that is weakened business to die so there is a lot of self-destruction in the process the psychopath wants to kill the dormant as he regards the doormat is a vulnerability is a weak despicable wretch who needs to be eliminated in the dormitory guards a psychopath is an abomination is the beast so they both they both eat each other's throats fighting in the internal space and it próxima is very much dissociative identity disorder multiple personality even as the doormat continues to process the mortification the psychopathic own it continues apace with his exploits and so he forcefully dissociates Adama in order to function so there is another process here where the psychopath is trying to push the doormat back in to bury him to to deactivate him kind of when the covert narcissist experiences external modification for example he's been horribly horribly publicly humiliated his defenses crumble the doormat exists but the psychopath is in control sacrifices bloody hell here is again I have to marry this I have to eliminate him because weak is vulnerable it's a danger same dynamic exactly exists in multiple personality disorder identity disorder the host personality activates protect our personalities personalities that protect the fragmented hyper structure or super structure of multiple personality and if the core personality is at risk the protector personality will emerge and protect in most protector personalities most protector personalities in MPD in multiple personality most of them are psychopaths primary segments people sometimes say the covert narcissistic is gifted but he's high-maintenance and difficult it's very typical for the cover losses to lose jobs because of this women say he's interesting he's fun to be with his great sex maybe even his lovable but there's something very wrong about him and we cannot put the finger something is wrong or right they someone puts a put the parts together wrongly does this uncanny valley feeling feeling of failure of key of note something is not OK and you can't really verbalize it can identify it accurately and this is a feeling that over classes it provokes even more than the classic gnosis classic Maoist is a bumbling clownish grandiose pompous verbose fool a fool of himself fool you know man I mean you say it immediately convert gnosis is different you very often do perfect narcissus passes is totally normal for very long periods of time but every time you meet him there is in you this alert constant background alert that you want to shut off because there's no reason or rhyme or indication why it should be activated but your intuition knows better anytime this alert is on walk away in 1995 I invented invented the no contact strategy have been criticized for for well over a decade by therapists and so today it's the mainstream not contact red alert warning sign walk away do not speculate and do not be grandiose and assume that you can diagnose the person or that you can fix the person don't you can't both

Channel: Prof. Sam Vaknin

Views: 143,085

Rating: 4.9018245 out of 5

Keywords: isolation, pain, hurt, defences, sex, romantic, workplace, unconscious, consciousness, ego, introversion, id, superego, sadist, sadism, humiliation, degradation, narcissistic supply, mortification, punishment, masochism, narcissist, borderline, shock, shame, guilt, fear, personality, false self, true self, grandiosity, splitting, needs, cheating, intimate partner, relationships, anxiety, morals, empathy, healing, trauma, self awareness, child, mother, fantasy, psychosis, delusion, covert narcissist, primary, secondary, psychopath

Id: QA3Zuu_O0-M

Length: 69min 54sec (4194 seconds)

Published: Sat Jun 27 2020