ANNOUNCER: COMING UP ON "MARRIAGE TODAY WITH JIMMY AND KAREN"... JIMMY: KAREN EVANS TREATED ME BETTER THAN I DESERVED AND SHE REDEEMED ME A THOUSAND TIMES BY NOW. SHE'S COME AFTER ME. SHE'S DONE THE RIGHT THING WHEN I WAS DOING THE WRONG THING MANY TIMES. AND I REDEEMED HER, TOO. KAREN: I ALWAYS LIKE TO SAY THERE'S TWO SIDES TO EVERY MARRIAGE. AND YOU DEFINITELY HAVE ISSUES AS MUCH AS YOUR HUSBAND DOES, BUT WHAT I DID IS I ASKED THE LORD TO CHANGE ME. JIMMY: LET ME TALK ABOUT THE 5 MAIN CHOICES THAT WE HAVE WHEN OUR SPOUSE HURTS US, OK. SO THERE ARE 5 BASIC CHOICES. SO YOUR SPOUSE DOES SOMETHING, YOUR SPOUSE SAYS SOMETHING. I KNOW Y'ALL HAVE GOOD MARRIAGES. I MEAN, YOU'RE HERE AT A MARRIAGE CONFERENCE. YOU'RE TEACHABLE PEOPLE. AND SO YOU'RE HERE TO KIND OF TUNE UP YOUR MARRIAGE. BUT EVEN IN THE BEST MARRIAGES, WE STILL SAY THINGS FROM TIME TO TIME THAT HURT EACH OTHER. WE DO THINGS THAT, YOU KNOW, WE SHOULDN'T DO. SO HOW ARE YOU GONNA RESPOND? THIS IS THE QUESTION. WHEN YOUR SPOUSE DOES SOMETHING THAT HURTS YOU AND YOU DON'T LIKE, HOW ARE YOU GONNA RESPOND? LET ME GIVE YOU THE FIRST CHOICE. RIGHTEOUSLY RESPONDING TO OUR SPOUSE IN AN HONEST, LOVING, AND TIMELY MANNER. IN OTHER WORDS YOUR SPOUSE DOES SOMETHING THAT YOU DON'T LIKE AND YOU WALK UP UP TO THEM RIGHTEOUSLY AND SAY, "HONEY, CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR JUST A MINUTE? I LOVE YOU. I THINK YOU'RE GREAT. WE'RE ON THE SAME TEAM. THAT BOTHERED ME WHEN YOU SAID THAT. THE SECOND IS RECEIVE THE HURT AND FRUSTRATION AND HIDE OUR TRUE FEELINGS. THIS IS WHERE PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR COMES IN. IN OTHER WORDS, YOU HURT ME, I'M GOING UNDER GROUND. I'M GONNA ACT LIKE EVERYTHING'S OK, BUT I'M GONNA START, YOU KNOW, EATING POTATO CHIPS IN BED. I KNOW YOU DON'T LIKE THAT. I'M GONNA START, YOU KNOW, TURNING THE TV UP LOUDER. I'M GONNA--I'M JUST GONNA DO THINGS THAT I KNOW YOU DON'T WANT ME TO DO AND I'M NOT GONNA DO THINGS I KNOW YOU WANT ME TO DO. AND THIS IS GONNA DESTROY OUR INTIMACY, DESTROY OUR PASSION, AND NOW I'M BEING DISHONEST ABOUT HOW I FEEL. I'M GOING UNDER GROUND. HAPPENS ALL THE TIME WHERE PEOPLE DO THIS. NUMBER 3, REJECT OUR SPOUSE WHEN THEY HURT OR FRUSTRATE US. AND THIS IS JUST--AGAIN, IT CAN BE OVERT OR COVERT. BUT LISTEN TO THIS. HEBREWS 13:5 SAYS THIS. GOD SAYS THIS. THIS IS COVENANT LANGUAGE. "I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU NOR FORSAKE YOU." ON DAY ONE OF OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD, HE MAKES US TWO PROMISES. HE WILL NEVER PHYSICALLY DESERT US AND HE WILL NEVER TURN HIS HEART AWAY FROM US. LEAVE MEANS PHYSICAL, FORSAKE MEANS EMOTIONAL. SO DAY ONE--AND WE'RE GONNA DO SOME THINGS THAT JESUS DOESN'T LIKE. ANYBODY AGREE WITH THAT? WE DO EVERY DAY. AND SO, HERE'S WHAT GOD SAYS DAY ONE OF THE RELATIONSHIP. YOU KNOW SOMETHING, I'M ALL IN. I LOVE YOU, I'M ALL IN. I'LL NEVER LEAVE YOU OR FORSAKE YOU. NOW, HERE'S WHAT IT MEANS. THERE WILL NEVER BE A MOMENT IN ETERNITY WHERE GOD IS NOT FOCUSED ON YOU EMOTIONALLY. LET ME SAY THAT ANOTHER WAY. ALL BAD THINGS HAPPEN WHEN YOU TURN YOUR HEART AWAY FROM YOUR SPOUSE. THEY'RE NOT MEETING YOUR NEEDS. THEY'RE HURTING YOU. THEY'RE SAYING THINGS THAT YOU DON'T LIKE. THEY'RE DOING THINGS THAT YOU DON'T LIKE. AND IN RESPONSE TO THAT, YOU JUST REJECT THEM. YOU KNOW, AND AGAIN, IT CAN BE OVERT WHERE YOU CALL THEM NAMES, YOU'RE ANGRY, YOU'RE SARCASTIC, YOU JUST OVERTLY PUT ON YOUR GREEN ZIP-UP JUMPSUIT AND GO IN THE GARAGE AND BUILD SOMETHING FOR 30 YEARS. [LAUGHTER] MY NEIGHBOR--I USED TO HAVE A NEIGHBOR THAT DID THAT EVERY NIGHT. PUT ON HIS GREEN ZIP-UP JUMPSUIT AND HE'D--HE HATED HIS WIFE. WENT IN THE GARAGE AND BUILT SOMETHING. [LAUGHTER] WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? BUT UNDERSTAND THIS, ALL BAD THINGS IN MARRIAGE HAPPEN THE INSTANT YOU TURN YOUR HEART AWAY. NOW, YOU COULD BE SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO YOUR SPOUSE, BUT YOUR HEART'S NOT THERE. YOU'VE TURNED IT AWAY. AND THAT'S--THAT IS VERY COMMON IN MARRIAGE ISSUES, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU'RE FRUSTRATED. ESPECIALLY YOU-- WHERE YOU GET TO THAT POINT OF, WHY AREN'T YOU CHANGING? WHY AREN'T YOU DOING--I'M TRYING HERE. YOU'RE NOT TRYING. AND YOU GET FRUSTRATED, YOU GET ANGRY, THEN THE REJECTION COMES. THAT'S ANOTHER CHOICE THAT A LOT OF PEOPLE MAKE. THE NEXT IS REVENGE TO MAKE THEM PAY FOR WHAT THEY'VE DONE AND FEAR DOING IT AGAIN. AND THIS IS, I'M GONNA GET YOU BACK. I'M GONNA MAKE YOU SUFFER. AND PART OF THIS IS ESTABLISHING A SPIRIT OF FEAR AND DOMINANCE, WHERE I'M GONNA DOMINATE THE RELATIONSHIP AND YOU'LL EITHER DO WHAT I SAY OR YOU'LL PAY A HIGH PRICE. AND THAT HAPPENS, AGAIN, IN A LOT OF MARRIAGES, ESPECIALLY AS THE ANGER INCREASES, OK. BUT HERE'S--HERE'S THE FIFTH ONE. NOW, LET ME SAY SOMETHING REAL QUICK. NO ONE SHOULD SUBJECT THEMSELVES TO ABUSE. WHEN I'M SAYING SUFFERING, I'M JUST SAYING ALL OF US SUFFER IN MARRIAGE. BUT THERE'S A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SUFFERING AND ABUSE. SUFFERING IS DISCOMFORT. ABUSE IS DAMAGE. DON'T EVER SUBJECT YOURSELF TO ANOTHER PERSON DAMAGING YOU IN A MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP. YOU CAN--WE COUNSEL PEOPLE TO DO CONSTRUCTIVE SEPARATION. IF YOU'RE IN AN ABUSIVE MARRIAGE, DON'T DIVORCE. GO TO A NEUTRAL PLACE, HAVE YOUR SPOUSE GO TO ANOTHER PLACE. DON'T LIVE TOGETHER AND DON'T GO BACK INTO THE RELATIONSHIP UNTIL THEY GET REAL HELP AND DEMONSTRATE THAT THEY'VE CHANGED AND THAT THERE'S ACCOUNTABILITY IN A RELATIONSHIP. SO I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT ENABLING ABUSE. I WANT YOU TO BE SURE ABOUT THAT. I'M JUST TALKING ABOUT LIVING WITH AN IMPERFECT PERSON IN AN IMPERFECT WORLD WITH A DEVIL WHO HATES US. WE ALL LIVE IN THAT WORLD AND WE'RE GONNA ALL HAVE TO DO DEAL WITH THIS. WELL, HERE'S NUMBER 5 CHOICE. AND THAT IS REDEEM OUR SPOUSE THROUGH RIGHTEOUS, PROACTIVE BEHAVIOR. YOU'RE DOING THE WRONG THING. I WAS DOING THE WRONG THING. JESUS CAME, I WAS HURTING JESUS. I KILLED HIM, IN FACT. I WAS HURTING JESUS, AND HIS RESPONSE WAS TO DIE FOR ME AND TO SUFFER FOR ME WHILE I WAS IN MY SINS. AND BECAUSE OF THAT, I'VE COME BACK. AND I HAVEN'T JUST COME BACK, THERE'S NO ONE I LOVE LIKE I LOVE JESUS. OK. SO THAT'S MY FIFTH CHOICE, AND THAT'S THE ONLY CHOICE THAT WORKS. IT'S THE ONLY THING. THE WORD REDEEM MEANS TO BUY BACK OR RESTORE SOMETHING TO ITS CREATED PURPOSE. I'M GONNA--I'M GONNA PAY A PRICE FOR YOU THAT EITHER YOU CANNOT PAY OR WILL NOT PAY. JESUS PAID A PRICE FOR US THAT WE COULD NOT PAY. BUT I'M GONNA--I'M GONNA PAY A PRICE FOR YOU. THIS IS GONNA COST ME SOMETHING. IT'S GONNA COST ME SOME PAIN, IT'S GONNA COST ME SOME TIME, IT'S GONNA COST ME SOMETHING. BUT I'M WILLING TO PAY IT TO DEMONSTRATE MY LOVE FOR YOU. THAT'S WHAT IT IS. SO WE--WE'RE GONNA BECOME PARTNERS WITH GOD TO DO THIS. AND HERE'S THE QUESTION. AM I GONNA BE A REDEEMER OR AM I GONNA RESPOND TO MY SPOUSE'S PROBLEMS IN A SELFISH AND IMMATURE MANNER? THIS IS THE QUESTION. THIS IS THE QUESTION THAT WILL REALLY ANSWER THE DESTINY OF YOUR MARRIAGE, THE DESTINY OF YOUR--KAREN AND I, THIS IS JUST THE WAY THAT IT IS. OUR ANSWER TO THAT QUESTION IS EVERYTHING. SO HERE ARE 5 REASONS FOR ME TO USE REDEMPTIVE BEHAVIOR TOWARD MY SPOUSE. SO WHY SHOULD I DO THIS? NUMBER ONE, IT'S CHRIST-LIKE AND WE OWE A DEBT OF GRATITUDE TO GOD. I SHOULD DO IT TO YOU BECAUSE JESUS DID IT FOR ME. I SHOULDN'T FORGET THAT THE REDEMPTIVE LOVE FOR OF JESUS GOT ME WHERE I AM RIGHT NOW AND I NEED TO GIVE IT AWAY. THE SECOND THING IS THE ONLY METHOD OF RESPONDING TO OUR SPOUSE'S PROBLEMS THAT CREATES A TRUE SOLUTION. THREATS DON'T CREATE A SOLUTION, REJECTION DOESN'T CREATE A SOLUTION. REVENGE DOESN'T CREATE A SOLUTION. THIS IS THE ONLY THING THAT TRULY SOLVES THE PROBLEM. IT TRULY SOLVES IT. THE OTHER THING IS IT'S THE ONLY BEHAVIOR THAT GOD WILL BLESS AND STOPS THE VICIOUS CYCLE OF PAIN AND REJECTION. NOW THIS IS--THIS IS THE DEAL. YOU CAN ONLY DEFEAT A SPIRIT WITH THE OPPOSITE SPIRIT. IF YOU FIGHT FIRE WITH FIRE, YOU'RE GONNA GET YOURSELF A BIGGER FIRE. IF YOU FIGHT SIN WITH SIN, YOU'RE GONNA COMPOUND THE DAMAGE THAT'S HAPPENING IN THE RELATIONSHIP. JESUS SAID LOVE YOUR ENEMIES. BLESS THOSE WHO CURSE YOU. PRAY FOR THOSE WHO SPITEFULLY USE YOU. WHY? BECAUSE YOU CAN ONLY DEFEAT A SPIRIT WITH THE OPPOSITE SPIRIT. YOU CAN ONLY DEFEAT REJECTION WITH ACCEPTANCE. YOU CAN ONLY DEFEAT INSENSITIVITY WITH SENSITIVITY. RIGHT ON DOWN THE LINE. YOU CAN ONLY DEFEAT A SPIRIT WITH THE OPPOSITE SPIRIT. IT CREATES THE STRONGEST LOVE, INTIMACY, AND MARRIAGE BOND POSSIBLE. SO LISTEN TO MY STORY. THIS GIRL CAME IN TO SEE--WOMAN CAME IN TO SEE ME, AND SHE SAID, "PASTOR JIMMY, MY HUSBAND HAS A GIRLFRIEND. AND HE COMES HOME AND CHANGES HIS CLOTHES EVERY NIGHT, EATS, AND GOES AND SPENDS THE NIGHT WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND. IN THE MORNING, HE COMES BACK, EATS, AND CHANGES HIS CLOTHES, AND GOES TO WORK. THAT HAPPENS EVERY DAY." AND I SAID, "WELL, I THINK YOU OUGHT TO DIVORCE THE JERK, AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED." SHE SAID, "I LOVE HIM. I WANT TO FIGHT FOR MY MARRIAGE." I SAID, "OK, WELL, IF YOU WANT TO FIGHT FOR YOUR MARRIAGE, I'LL HELP YOU." I SAID, "BUT DON'T HEAR ME SAYING YOU NEED TO STAY IN THAT RELATIONSHIP." AND SHE SAID, "I KNOW. I KNOW." SHE SAID, "BUT I LOVE HIM AND I WANT TO WORK ON MY MARRIAGE." I SAID, "OK, I'LL GIVE YOU SOME ADVICE, BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO TAKE IT IF YOU DON'T WANT TO." AND SHE SAID, "WHAT?" AND I SAID, "WELL, I WANT YOU TO GO HOME TONIGHT AND I WANT YOU TO FIX UP. AND I WANT YOU TO FIX A VERY, VERY NICE MEAL FOR HIM. AND WHEN HE COMES HOME TONIGHT BEFORE HE GOES OVER TO HIS GIRLFRIEND, I WANT YOU TO TREAT HIM LIKE YOU WOULD JESUS CHRIST." SO SHE GOES HOME, AND A FEW DAYS LATER, SHE SHOWS UP WITH HIM. AND HE COME--HE'S GOT A GIRLFRIEND. TERRIBLE GUY. TERRIBLE. SO SHE COMES IN THE OFFICE AND HE COMES IN BEHIND HER AND SITS DOWN ON THE CHAIR. AND HE'S REAL DOWN. YOU KNOW, HIS HEAD IS DOWN, HE'S DOWN. REAL DEJECTED LOOK. AND I SAID, "HEY, HOW ARE YOU?" AND HE SAID, "I KNOW YOU KNOW ABOUT ME." AND I SAID, "I DO KNOW ABOUT YOU." HE SAID, "I KNOW SHE'S TOLD YOU I'VE GOT THE GIRLFRIEND AND ALL THAT KIND OF STUFF." I SAID, "SHE HAS TOLD ME YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND." AND HE SAID, "WELL, I DON'T LOVE HER." I SAID, "YOU DON'T LOVE YOUR GIRLFRIEND?" "NAH. I DON'T LOVE HER." HE SAID, "I JUST GO OVER THERE." HE SAID, "NOW SHE'S TREATING ME GOOD, AND THAT MAKES ME FEEL BAD." AND I WAS THINKING, WELL, POOR YOU. [LAUGHTER] AND I SAID, "WELL, YOU WANT TO CHANGE THINGS." AND LET ME JUST GIVE YOU THE SHORT VERSION OF THIS. HE GOT GLORIOUSLY SAVED IN MY OFFICE THAT DAY. HE WAS THE BEST HUSBAND AND FATHER I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. AND HE--THEY WERE IN OUR CHURCH FOR SEVERAL YEARS BEFORE THEY MOVED AWAY. I LOVED THAT MAN. HIS WIFE REDEEMED HIM TO JESUS. THINK ABOUT THAT. [APPLAUSE] AND I TELL YOU, ON A SCALE FROM ONE TO TEN, THAT'S A TEN. YOU KNOW, THAT OLD BOY'S A TEN. AND IT DOESN'T ALWAYS WORK THAT WAY. I MEAN, IT'S NOT GUARANTEED THAT BECAUSE SHE DID THE RIGHT THING THAT HE HAS TO RESPOND THAT WAY. BUT IT'S--EVEN IF YOU DON'T HAVE THE RESPONSE YOU WANT, IT KEEPS YOU FROM BEING DAMAGED. AND YOU DID THE RIGHT THING AND GOD'S GONNA HONOR IT. AND SO IT CREATES--AND LET ME SAY THIS. WHEN A PERSON HAS BEEN REDEEMED BACK, NO ONE LOVES LIKE THEY LOVE. HE ADORED HER. THIS WOMAN THAT HE WAS JUST HAVING THIS FLAGRANT AFFAIR RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER FACE, ONCE SHE REDEEMED HIM BACK, HE ADORED HER. ONCE YOU HAVE BEEN REDEEMED BY A PERSON, THERE'S NO GREATER BOND. THERE'S NO GREATER INTIMACY. THE DEVIL COULD NEVER TALK ME AWAY FROM JESUS BECAUSE THE DEVIL'S NEVER DONE ANYTHING FOR ME. JESUS DID EVERYTHING FOR ME. I LOVE HIM BECAUSE OF THE PRICE THAT HE PAID FOR ME WHEN I WAS IN MY SINS. AND THAT'S WHY I LOVE KAREN EVANS. KAREN EVANS TREATED ME BETTER THAN I DESERVED AND SHE'S REDEEMED ME A THOUSAND TIMES IN OUR MARRIAGE. SHE'S COME AFTER ME, SHE'S DONE THE RIGHT THING WHEN I WAS DOING THE WRONG THING MANY TIMES. AND I'VE REDEEMED HER, TOO, WHEN SHE'S DONE THINGS, YOU KNOW, TO ME THAT I DIDN'T LIKE OR HURT ME OR WHATEVER. I'VE HAD TO MAKE THE DECISION I'M NOT GOING TO REJECT HER, I'M NOT GOING TO RESPOND IN KIND, I'M NOT GOING TO TURN MY HEART AWAY, I'M GOING TO DO THE RIGHT THING FOR HER UNTIL SHE COMES BACK AROUND. AND IT WORKS. AND IT'S THE ONLY THING THAT WORKS. THE OTHER REASON THAT WE DO THIS IS BECAUSE IT'S WHAT JESUS WOULD DO. IF WE'RE DISCIPLES OF JESUS TRYING TO BE CHRIST-LIKE. LET ME JUST SAY ONE OTHER THING, IT'S THE RIGHT EXAMPLE TO YOUR KIDS. YOU DON'T WANT YOUR KIDS LIVING IN A HOME WHERE THERE'S CONFLICT AND FIGHTING AND BAD WORDS AND ALL OF THOSE KINDS OF THINGS. AND AGAIN, I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT ENABLING ABUSIVE BEHAVIOR, I'M TALKING ABOUT BEING CHRIST-LIKE IN THE FACE OF SUFFERING, 'CAUSE WE'RE ALL GONNA SUFFER. SO LET ME FINISH THIS MESSAGE BY TALKING ABOUT THE RULES FOR REDEMPTIVE LOVE. SO THIS IS FIRST PETER CHAPTER 2. "FOR TO THIS YOU WERE CALLED BECAUSE CHRIST ALSO SUFFERED FOR US, LEAVING US AN EXAMPLE, THAT YOU SHOULD FOLLOW HIS STEPS, WHO COMMITTED NO SIN, THERE WAS NO DECEIT FOUND IN HIS MOUTH, WHO WHEN HE WAS REVILED DID NOT REVILE IN RETURN. WHEN HE SUFFERED, HE DID NOT THREATEN, BUT COMMITTED HIMSELF TO HIM WHO JUDGES RIGHTEOUSLY WHO HIMSELF OR OUR SINS IN HIS OWN BODY ON TREE THAT WE, HAVING DIED THE SINS, MIGHT LIVE FOR RIGHTEOUSNESS, BY WHOSE STRIPES YOU WERE HEALED. FOR YOU WERE LIKE SHEEP GOING ASTRAY, BUT NOW YOU HAVE RETURNED TO THE SHEPHERD, AN OVERSEER OF YOUR SOULS." LET ME GIVE YOU THE RULES OF REDEMPTIVE LOVE. NUMBER ONE, YOU CAN'T SIN EVEN IF YOU'VE BEEN SINNED AGAINST. IF YOU SIN, IT'S NOT REDEMPTIVE. JESUS DIED FOR US WHILE WE WERE IN OUR SINS. HE DIDN'T SIN. HE COMMITTED NO SIN. THAT'S WHAT FIRST PETER TWO SAYS. WE CAN'T SIN. 99% OF MARRIAGE COUNSELING IS ME LISTENING TO A PERSON WHO DID THE WRONG THING JUSTIFYING IT BECAUSE OF WHAT THEIR SPOUSE DID. I KNOW I SAID THAT TO HER, BUT LET ME TELL YOU WHAT SHE SAID. I KNEW I THREW THE REMOTE AT HIM, BUT LET ME TELL YOU WHAT HE DID. YOU KNOW, AND THIS IS WHAT YOU'RE HEARING IN MARRIAGE COUNSELING. YOU CAN'T JUSTIFY THIS. YOU'RE JUST BUILDING A BIGGER FIRE. YOU'RE FIGHTING FIRE WITH FIRE. YOU'RE NOT GONNA PUT IT OUT UNTIL SOMEONE DOES THE RIGHT THING. AND I LOVE THIS SAYING. THE BEST PERSON DOES THE RIGHT THING FIRST. IF YOU'RE THE BETTER SPOUSE, YOU'LL DO THE RIGHT THING FIRST AND YOU WON'T JUSTIFY SIN. NUMBER TWO, YOU CAN'T USE YOUR MOUTH TO SEEK REVENGE OR TRY TO PRODUCE RESULTS ON YOUR OWN, EXCEPT FOR RIGHTEOUS AND LOVING SPEECH. IT SAYS WHEN HE WAS BEING REVILED, HE DIDN'T REVILE IN RETURN. WHEN JESUS WAS ON THE CROSS, THEY WERE JUST LAMBASTING HIM WITH ALL KINDS OF INSULTS AND MOCKING HIM AND ALL THAT. JESUS COULD HAVE OPENED HIS MOUTH AND DESTROYED ALL OF THEM. BUT HE DIDN'T RESPOND IN KIND. AND PROVERBS 18 SAYS THAT--THE POWER OF PROVERBS 18:21. "DEATH AND LIFE ARE IN THE POWER OF THE TONGUE. AND THOSE WHO LOVE IT WILL EAT ITS FRUIT." LET ME SAY, WE LIVE IN A VULGAR, SMART ALECKY SOCIETY, DON'T WE? AND YOU WATCH MOVIES AND TV AND YOU JUST SEE OUR SOCIETY, PEOPLE ARE USING THEIR MOUTHS TO DESTROY PEOPLE, LITERALLY TO DESTROY PEOPLE. AND IF WE'RE GONNA BE REDEEMERS, IT MEANS THIS THING RIGHT HERE HAS GOT TO CHANGE. AND WE CANNOT USE THIS TO HURT. WE CANNOT USE THIS TO SEEK REVENGE OR PUT ANOTHER PERSON DOWN. IN FACT, WHEN YOU'RE REDEEMING, YOU'RE SPEAKING DESTINY INTO A PERSON WHO'S NOT ACTING LIKE IT RIGHT NOW. YOU KNOW, LITERALLY, YOU'RE CALLING INTO EXISTENCE THAT WHICH IS NOT AS THOUGH IT WERE. AND THAT'S WHAT FAITH DOES AND THAT'S WHAT REDEMPTIVE LOVE DOES. NUMBER 3, YOU HAVE TO TRUST GOD FOR THE RESULTS AS YOU PUT YOUR FAITH IN HIM. SEE, MARRIAGE PROBLEMS TEST YOUR FAITH IN GOD. THEY REALLY DO. FIRST PETER CHAPTER TWO--OR FIRST PETER 3, IT SAYS, "IN THE SAME WAY YOU WIVES BE SUBMISSIVE TO YOUR OWN HUSBANDS"--MEN AND WOMEN ARE EQUALS. IT'S TALKING ABOUT IN ATTITUDE. "BE SUBMISSIVE TO YOUR OWN HUSBAND SO THAT EVEN IF ANY OF THEM ARE DISOBEDIENT TO THE WORD, THEY MAY BE ONE AS THEY OBSERVE--WITHOUT A WORD AS THEY OBSERVE YOUR CHASTE AND RESPECTFUL BEHAVIOR." AND THEN IT TALKS ABOUT A GENTLE AND QUIET SPIRIT, WHICH IS PRECIOUS IN THE SIGHT OF GOD. THE PROMISE IN FIRST PETER 3 IS A WOMAN CAN WIN HER HUSBAND WITHOUT A WORD AS HE OBSERVES YOUR RESPECTFUL BEHAVIOR. AND THEN IT SAYS A GENTLE AND QUIET SPIRIT IS PRECIOUS IN THE SIGHT OF GOD. A GENTLE AND QUIET SPIRIT IS THE SPIRIT OF A WOMAN WHO HAS FAITH THAT GOD IS POWERFUL ENOUGH TO CHANGE HER HUSBAND. SEE, WHEN I'M USING REDEMPTIVE BEHAVIOR ON KAREN, THE FOCUS ISN'T KAREN, THE FOCUS IS GOD. I'M GOD'S PARTNER. AND KAREN'S STRUGGLING OR KAREN'S GOING THROUGH SOMETHING OR SHE DID SOMETHING I DIDN'T LIKE OR SHE SAID SOMETHING I DIDN'T LIKE, AND MY TENDENCY--AND MAYBE I SAID SOMETHING TO HER AND SHE DIDN'T RESPOND THE WAY I WANTED HER TO RESPOND. AND MY TENDENCY THEN IS TO GET ANGRY AND TO GO UNDERGROUND OR TO REJECT HER OR TURN MY HEART AWAY AND PUT ON MY GREEN ZIP-UP JUMPSUIT OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. WHAT REDEMPTIVE LOVE SAYS IS, NO, I'M GONNA FIGHT FOR HER. I'M NOT TURNING MY HEART AWAY. AND I'M GONNA LOVE HER THE WAY JESUS LOVED ME WHEN I WAS IN MY SINS. AND WHAT I'M BELIEVING IS AS I DO THAT, SHE'S GONNA COME BACK AROUND. IT WORKS EVERY SINGLE TIME. NOT MAYBE IN TWO HOURS, BUT IT'LL WORK. AND WHAT HAPPENS IS THE RELATIONSHIP GETS STRONGER AND STRONGER. YOU--IT JUST BECOMES A NATURAL INSTINCT THAT WHEN SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS, YOU DON'T DO THE WRONG THING, YOU DO THE RIGHT THING. AND GOD HONORS THAT. YOU FALL MORE IN LOVE THAN YOU'VE EVER FALLEN BEFORE JUST SIMPLY BECAUSE IT WORKS. AND HERE'S RULE NUMBER 4. YOU HAVE TO BE WILLING TO DO THE RIGHT THING FOR SOMEONE WHO'S DOING YOU WRONG. YOU HAVE TO MEET THEIR NEEDS WHEN THEY'RE NOT MEETING YOURS. AND THAT'S REAL HARD FOR SOME PEOPLE. YOU HAVE TO BE WILLING TO BLESS THEM WHILE THEY'RE CURSING YOU AND PURSUE THEM WHILE THEY'RE IGNORING YOU. [LAUGHS] IT'S KIND OF QUIET IN HERE RIGHT NOW. [LAUGHTER] THAT'S WHAT REDEMPTIVE LOVE DOES. YOU'RE NOT MEETING MY NEEDS. WHAT AM I GONNA DO? I'M GONNA MEET YOUR NEEDS. YOU'RE BEING SARCASTIC, WHATEVER. WHAT AM I GONNA DO? I'M GONNA BLESS YOU. YOU'RE DISTRACTED, YOU'RE IGNORING ME. I'M GONNA PURSUE YOU. BUT THE FOCUS ISN'T YOU, THE FOCUS IS MY GREAT GOD AND HOW BIG HE IS TO CHANGE YOUR HEART. AND WHEN HE'S CHANGING YOUR HEART, YOU HAVE SOMEBODY TO COME BACK TO. I'M NOT ANGRY. I'M NOT YOUR ENEMY. I'M NOT BITTER. I'M NOT GONNA TALK DOWN TO YOU. I LOVE YOU. WELL, I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THAT TEACHING. THIS IS FROM A SEMINAR THAT I DO CALLED "OUR SECRET PARADISE." IT'S A 6-PART SEMINAR SERIES WITH A LOT OF REALLY GREAT INFORMATION TO BLESS YOU IN THE AREA OF YOUR MARRIAGE. AND WE WANT TO PUT THESE RESOURCES INTO YOUR HANDS. RIGHT NOW FOR YOUR GIFT OF ANY AMOUNT TO SUPPORT US HERE AT "MARRIAGE TODAY," NOW, WE'RE A MINISTRY AND A MISSION, AND WE HOPE THAT YOU'VE BEEN BLESSED BY "MARRIAGE TODAY." BUT WE GO ALL OVER THE WORLD HELPING PEOPLE TO SUCCEED IN MARRIAGE, HELPING PEOPLE TO HEAL FROM BAD MARRIAGES, ALSO HELPING FAMILIES TO STAY TOGETHER AND LITTLE KIDS STAYING TOGETHER WITH THEIR PARENTS. SO WHEN YOU GIVE HERE TO "MARRIAGETODAY," I HOPE IT BLESSES YOU WITH THE RESOURCES THAT YOU GET, BUT UNDERSTAND YOU'RE BLESSING A LOT OF PEOPLE. RIGHT NOW FOR YOUR GIFT OF ANY AMOUNT, WE'RE GONNA SEND YOU THE CD SINGLE "THE SECRET OF BUILDING A LASTING MARRIAGE." IT'S A GREAT TEACHING. AND YOU CAN EITHER HAVE IT ON CD OR AN MP3 AUDIO DOWNLOAD. IT'S YOUR CHOICE WITH YOUR GIFT OF ANY AMOUNT. AND THE INFORMATION IS THERE ON YOUR SCREEN OF HOW YOU CAN GET IT. ALSO WITH YOUR GIFT RIGHT NOW OF $55 OR MORE, WE'LL SEND YOU THE FULL 6-PART CD SERIES "OUR SECRET PARADISE" WITH THE BOOK "OUR SECRET PARADISE." FOR YOUR GIFT RIGHT NOW OF $90 OR MORE, WE'LL SEND YOU THE FULL DVD SERIES, ALONG WITH THE BOOK "OUR SECRET PARADISE." THIS IS GREAT INFORMATION. IT CAN SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE. IT CAN TAKE YOUR MARRIAGE FROM BEING OK TO GOOD OR GOOD TO GREAT. IT CAN ALSO CHANGE YOUR FAMILY FOR GENERATIONS. HONESTLY, IT CAN. IT'S WORTH THE INVESTMENT. WE HOPE THAT YOU'LL GET THIS RESOURCE AS YOU GIVE TO THE MINISTRY HERE. YOU'RE BLESSING US, WE WANT TO BLESS YOU BACK WITH THESE RESOURCES. HERE'S HOW YOU CAN GET THEM. ANNOUNCER: DISCOVER THE KEYS TO A SATISFYING AND PASSIONATE MARRIAGE WITH THE SERIES "OUR SECRET PARADISE." FOR YOUR GIFT OF $55 OR MORE, YOU'LL RECEIVE THE CD SERIES AND BOOK. FOR YOUR GIFT OF $90 OR MORE, YOU'LL RECEIVE THE DVD SERIES AND BOOK. IN THIS SERIES, JIMMY WILL SHOW YOU THE FOUNDATIONS FOR ESTABLISHING PEACE AND INTIMACY, KEYS TO BECOMING YOUR SPOUSE'S BEST FRIEND, AND HOW TO DEFEAT THE REAL ENEMY OF YOUR MARRIAGE SO THAT YOU CAN HAVE A SECURE, SATISFYING, AND PASSIONATE MARRIAGE, THE WAY GOD INTENDED. JIMMY: WE'RE BUILDING SOMETHING GREAT. WE'VE GOT TO COUNT THE COST 'CAUSE IT'S GONNA TAKE US EVERY SINGLE THING WE HAVE, AND THIS IS GONNA BE CHALLENGING. THE OTHER SIDE OF THAT THING IS WE'RE GONNA SUCCEED AND IT'S GONNA BE THE MOST AWESOME THING WE'VE EVER DONE IN OUR LIVES. ANNOUNCER: FOR YOUR ONLINE GIFT OF ANY AMOUNT RIGHT NOW, WE'LL SEND YOU THE TEACHING, "THE SECRET OF BUILDING A LASTING MARRIAGE," AVAILABLE AS AN MP3 AUDIO DOWNLOAD OR CD SINGLE. YOU CAN HAVE A MARRIAGE THAT LASTS HAPPILY EVER AFTER. CREATE YOUR OWN SECRET PARADISE TODAY. JIMMY: WELL, TODAY THIS IS A VERY IMPORTANT PROGRAM BECAUSE WE'RE TALKING ABOUT THE ISSUE OF REDEMPTIVE LOVE. AND, YOU KNOW, KAREN, IN MARRIAGE, YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO REDEEM EACH OTHER MANY, MANY TIMES. AND IF YOU DON'T, THE PROBLEMS ARE JUST GOING TO ACCUMULATE WITHIN THE MARRIAGE. IN OTHER WORDS, REDEMPTION MEANS THAT I'M DOING THE RIGHT THING FOR YOU WHEN YOU'RE DOING THE WRONG THING FOR ME. AND WE'RE NOT TALKING ABOUT ENABLING ABUSE. WE'RE JUST TALKING ABOUT IN THE BEST MARRIAGES, WE FRUSTRATE EACH OTHER, SOMETIMES WE HURT EACH OTHER, AND WE'RE NOT DOING THE RIGHT THING. AND THE AN-- THE QUESTION IS, HOW AM I GONNA RESPOND? KAREN: THAT'S TRUE. JIMMY: AM I GONNA GO ON THE ATTACK, AM I GONNA REJECT YOU, OR WHATEVER. SO THERE HAS TO BE A SPIRIT OF REDEMPTION. YOU HAVE REDEEMED ME, I REDEEMED YOU. AND WHEN WE HAVE PROBLEMS IN OUR MARRIAGE--EARLY ON WHEN WE WERE IMMATURE, WE DID EVERYTHING WRONG. BUT AS YOU MATURE IN MARRIAGE, YOU HAVE TO COME TO A POINT OF REALIZING YOUR SPOUSE IS GONNA MAKE SOME MISTAKES AND YOU HAVE TO--YOU HAVE TO RESPOND TO THAT RIGHTEOUSLY. KAREN: AND I THINK AS HUMAN BEINGS, OUR FIRST RESPONSE ALWAYS IS ANGER. YOU KNOW, WE GET ANGRY AND FRUSTRATED AND, YOU KNOW, THEN THAT BUILDS. AND JUST, YOU KNOW, YOU DO ALL THE, YOU KNOW, PITY STUFF. SO I THINK IT'S ALL JUST NORMAL, YOU KNOW, HUMAN RESPONSES, BUT YOU'RE EXACTLY RIGHT. I MEAN, I LOOK AT WHAT GOD WENT THROUGH JUST TO REDEEM ME. I MEAN, I SHOULD AT LEAST GIVE THAT TO YOU. JIMMY: WELL, AND THAT'S THE EXAMPLE. THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING. LET ME READ A QUESTION TO YOU FROM ONE OF OUR VIEWERS THAT SAYS, "JIMMY, MY SPOUSE BLAMES ME FOR THE PROBLEMS IN OUR MARRIAGE. I'M NOT SAYING I'M WITHOUT FAULT, BUT THERE'S NO ACCOUNTABILITY OR OWNERSHIP ON HIS PART. WHAT CAN I DO?" SO THIS IS A WOMAN. WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO THAT, KAREN? KAREN: WELL, IT'S WHAT YOU AND I WENT THROUGH. I MEAN, YOU KNOW, YOU BLAMED ME FOR EVERYTHING AND YOU WOULD NEVER TAKE RESPONSIBILITY. AND SO, I THINK IT'S JUST, YOU KNOW, SOME PEOPLE ARE THIS WAY. AND HONESTLY, I ALWAYS LIKE TO SAY THERE'S TWO SIDES TO EVERY MARRIAGE. AND YOU DEFINITELY HAVE ISSUES AS MUCH AS YOUR HUSBAND DOES, BUT WHAT I DID IS I ASKED THE LORD TO CHANGE ME. YOU KNOW, I STARTED OUT BY JUST ASKING GOD TO CHANGE MY HEART. AND WHAT WAS--WHAT ARE THE THINGS IN ME THAT NEED TO BE CHANGED. AND I LET GOD FOCUS-- I LET MYSELF BE FOCUSED MORE BETWEEN ME AND GOD AND WHAT WAS WRONG WITH JIMMY. AND SO-- JIMMY: THAT'S HUGE. KAREN: YEAH. AND SO I JUST ALLOWED THE LORD TO WORK ON ME. AND THEN I JUST STARTED PRAYING. I MEAN, I PRAYED CONSTANTLY. I WAS ALWAYS IN MY PRAYER CLOSET JUST CRYING OUT TO GOD. AND MOST OF THE TIME I DIDN'T, YOU KNOW, EVEN THINK THAT GOD CARED ENOUGH TO HEAR. MOST OF THE TIME I FELT LIKE, YOU KNOW, HE LIKES HIM BETTER BECAUSE HE KEEPS ACTING THIS WAY. AND SO, YOU KNOW, IT WAS HARD, BUT I HUNG IN THERE AND I KEPT BELIEVING-- JIMMY: WELL, AND YOU TREATED ME BETTER THAN I DESERVED. KAREN: EXACTLY. JIMMY: THAT'S PART OF REDEMPTIVE BEHAVIOR. KAREN: I DIDN'T LOSE FAITH THAT GOD CHANGE BOTH OF US. JIMMY: YEP. WELL, SEE, WHEN THE BIBLE--WELL, REGARDING REDEMPTIVE BEHAVIOR, FIRST PETER 3, IT SAYS TO WOMEN, YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR HUSBAND WITHOUT A WORD AS HE OBSERVES YOUR CHASTE AND RESPECTFUL BEHAVIOR. WELL, YOU KNOW, SOME WOMEN WOULD SAY, WELL, I'M JUST--I'M NOT THAT WAY. YOU KNOW, I DON'T HAVE THAT GENTLE AND QUIET SPIRIT THE BIBLE TALKS ABOUT. KAREN: IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT. JIMMY: NO, IT DOESN'T. AND THE POINT BEING, WHEN IT--WHEN A WOMAN HAS THAT SPIRIT, IT IS FAITH IN GOD. THE REASON THAT I DON'T HAVE TO USE MY MOUTH TO CHANGE YOU IS BECAUSE MY GOD'S GONNA CHANGE YOU. THE REASON I DON'T HAVE TO BE UGLY TOWARDS YOU TO CHANGE YOU IS BECAUSE I'M TRUSTING GOD THAT AS I'M DOING THE RIGHT THING THAT HE'S GOING TO CHANGE YOUR HEART. AND SEE, THAT'S WHAT CHANGED ME, IS YOU FOCUSED ON YOURSELF, YOU FOCUSED ON GOD, AND YOU TREATED ME BETTER THAN I DESERVED. AND THAT'S WHAT--ULTIMATELY, THAT'S WHAT CHANGED ME. LET ME SAY THIS, I WAS AN UNRIGHTEOUS MAN. AND IF YOU WOULD HAVE COME AT ME UNRIGHTEOUSLY, I WOULD HAVE WON. I MEAN, WE WOULD HAVE DIVORCED. IT WOULD HAVE DESTROYED OUR MARRIAGE. BUT YOU CAME AT ME RIGHTEOUSLY AND THAT REDEEMED ME. AND SO, IT'S THE SECRET OF EVERY GREAT MARRIAGE. IT'S JUST YOU'RE NOT GOING TO HAVE THE MARRIAGE YOU WANT IF IN RESPONSE TO ALL OF YOUR PROBLEMS, YOU GO ON THE ATTACK, YOU BLAME, THINGS LIKE THAT. I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOUR SPOUSE ISN'T A PROBLEM. I'M NOT SAYING THAT THEY DON'T HAVE ISSUES. BUT WHEN YOU CHANGE, YOUR MARRIAGE CHANGES. AND WHEN YOU GET ON GOD'S SIDE, YOU'RE ON THE WINNING SIDE. AND GOD IS A REDEEMER. HE DOESN'T REJECT, HE DOESN'T ATTACK, HE REDEEMS. THAT'S THE ONLY REASON WE LOVE JESUS IS HE CAME TO REDEEM US FROM OUR SINS AND TO WIN US BACK TOWARD HIM. SO WE HOPE THAT THIS IS HELPFUL TO YOU TODAY AND THAT IT WILL ENCOURAGE YOU IN YOUR MARRIAGE AND FAMILY RELATIONSHIPS. THANK YOU GUYS FOR STANDING WITH US FINANCIALLY. THERE'S INFORMATION ON YOUR SCREEN ABOUT HOW YOU CAN GIVE TO US HERE AT "MARRIAGE TODAY." PLEASE GIVE YOUR MOST GENEROUS GIFT RIGHT NOW TO HELP US KEEP COMING BACK TO YOU, BUT ALSO GOING ACROSS AMERICA, AROUND THE WORLD, HELPING PEOPLE SUCCEED AT MARRIAGE, KEEPING CHILDREN TOGETHER WITH THEIR FAMILIES. THANK YOU SO MUCH, WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT TIME. GOD BLESS YOU. ANNOUNCER: GOING THROUGH DIVORCE IS A LOT TO ASK OF CHILDREN AND OFTEN RESULTS IN YEARS OF EMOTIONAL PAIN. IT'S A VIOLENT RIPPING APART OF THEIR PARENTS AND A SENSE OF ABANDONMENT. WHAT SOMETIMES WE SEE AS A QUICK WAY OUT CAN MEAN COMPLETE LOSS FOR A CHILD. JIMMY: YOU HAVE A 100% CHANCE OF SUCCESS IN MARRIAGE. YOU WERE MADE FOR MARRIAGE. ANNOUNCER: "MARRIAGE TODAY" EXISTS TO PROTECT CHILDREN FROM THE PAIN OF DIVORCE AND TO STEER COUPLES AWAY FROM MARITAL FAILURE BY TELLING THEM THE TRUTH. WHEN YOU STAND WITH "MARRIAGE TODAY," YOUR INDIVIDUAL EFFORT MULTIPLIES WITH OTHER LIKE-MINDED PARTNERS AND TOGETHER, WE CAN REBUILD A LEGACY OF STRONG FAMILIES AROUND THE WORLD. CHOOSE YOUR LEVEL OF PARTNERSHIP TODAY AND RECEIVE IMMEDIATE ACCESS TO THE VIDEO STREAMING LIBRARY. BECOME A ROCK SOLID PARTNER TODAY. Thank you for watching MarriageToday. Subscribe to MarriageToday's YouTube channel for more marriage-building videos and updates.
