Understanding & Meeting Your Spouses Needs

marriage today presents understanding and meeting your spouse's needs by Jimmy Evans the most important thing we do for our marriage is to pray and to read the Word of God and let God deal with our hurts our fears our insecurities our needs our desires and then out of the overflow of God's love we love each other we simply don't have the ability to love each other in a healthy functional manner without first having a relationship with God we remember down the Garden of Eden it was not Adam and Eve it was Adam and even God and everything was marvelous as long as God was there when God left the garden or when he kicked them out because of sin that's whenever the problems happened we desperately need a relationship with Jesus Christ but there are needs that we meet in each other that that are important in other words if we could meet our own needs we wouldn't get married but we get married because we need to meet each other's needs meeting each other's needs it creates and maintains the attraction between each other it truly does Metta needs are a huge thing in just maintaining the help of the relationship and minimizing outside risks is when you're meeting each other's needs it doesn't mean that there would never be a problem but it means it minimizes outside temptation or meeting each other's needs in marriage there are several problems when we're meeting each other's needs in marriage common problems and the first is the rejection of the inherent differences in the opposite sex your spouse is different than you are the four major needs of a man are different than the four major needs of a woman this doesn't sound good but it's a true statement if you marry someone normal they're not like you okay that doesn't sound good but if you married and I thought I just you know I thought Karen she's the most attractive woman in the world but gosh she's so weird you know you know he's huge is so strange and the reason she was strangest she wasn't like me because I'm the epicenter of normal normals mean anything so she was just so different than me and I most people take the energy that God gave them to love each other trying to change each other and in many marriages it's a battle of who's going to win is this going to be a woman home or a man home is it going to be a home where my needs prevail or your knees prevail let me say this in a Christian marriage it's a win-win situation no one loses everyone gets their needs met but when they're when you have a bad marriage it means I'm rejecting your inherent differences let me say this when you reject my needs you reject me when I'm telling you what my needs are and you keep rejecting that that's rejection it feels like rejection it's frustrating and so when I'm telling you what my needs are I just need you to believe me and I need you to accept that and I'm going to talk about what our needs are here in just a minute the second problem that we have is translating our spouse's needs into our language which is really frustrating men one of a man's primary needs is sex I'm going to talk about that in just a minute one of a woman's primary needs is affection non-sexual touching and affection so a man goes to his wife and says to her I need sex and a woman has sometimes a problem processing that because she's thinking you're a pervert you I'm not feeding the monster you want way too much sex what you actually need I'm going to translate this for you what you actually need is just to be he'll come here and he's a no sister I need sex that's as complicated as it gets right there but she's translating so woman comes to her husband and by the way this is how different men and women are men when men are asked how important sex is to them it's always like 1 or 2 right right up in there and women were asking one survey how important sex was to them it was ranked 13th number 12 was gardening together that's wrong so a woman comes up to her husband and says honey can't you hold me well can't you just hold me no funny business can't you just told me there's not a cell and Imran's brain that can get that and so you can just told me saying have you seen you want me just admit it right who can blame her so what we do is we tell each other what our needs are but we just we just translate it it's just frustrating no that's not what I need I need what I said I need it but because we reject the fact that we're different we can't talk without translating it and then trying to meet your need in my way which just ends up with more frustration another problem we have is selfishness you know just being selfish the greatest marriage is two servants in love no limit let me say this the worst marriages are two masters in love two servants in love is a phenomenal marriage I like this picture of heaven in hell it's not it's not biblically accurate but I like I like it anyway it's a I heard someone tell this story one time the picture of heaven in hell in heaven there's this banquet table and it's just phenomenal the angels are waiting on you it's just this incredible food and heaven and God is there and everyone has utensils strapped to their arms that they can't take off and these utensils are so long that you can scoop the food and serve somebody else but you can't serve yourself it's too long to feed yourself hell is the same way hell is this wonderful banquet table God isn't there but it's a wonderful banquet table and they're all sitting in hell and they have the same utensils on in the same incredible food in front of them but the difference between heaven and hell is in heaven everyone is sitting helping each other eat and serving each other but in hell they're so selfish they starve to death without serving each other the food is there but they're just all so selfish that they won't help each other out and they can't listen if we could meet our own needs we wouldn't get married if I could take the utensils and somehow feed myself I wouldn't have a need for careness you wouldn't have a need for me the greatest greatest marriages and see you have what it takes to meet each other's needs all the banquet is set before you every single day and the heaven marriages are the marriages where we're just sitting here all day long loving each other and meeting each other's needs in your language not in my language I'm doing for you what you need me to do what you couldn't do for yourself and you're doing the same thing it's to servants in love feeding each other the worst marriages are the hell marriage is where we're both so selfish or one of us is so selfish we're I'm just going to sit there and watch you suffer but I'm not going to serve you we have to serve each other in order to have the kind of marriage you have what it takes let me say you know you have what it takes because you fell in love and the way you fell in love was feeding each other every couple falls in love the same way and that is being sensitive to each other being sacrificial and servant hearted and you fell in love we get into bad habits sometimes we're married and sometimes we just don't understand the differences in our spouse so let me talk about the four major needs of men and women and how to meet those needs I'm going to begin with men but ladies be patient with me because I'm going to get to the your needs here in just a minute for needs of a man and how to meet them number one need of a man is honor and respect this is our mega need women have a mega need and Men have a mega need this is our mega need and when the Bible says in Ephesians 5:22 wives submit your husband's as to the Lord in verse 33 it says you respect your husband men and women are total equals the verse before that says submit to one another in the fear of Christ so I don't believe in a in a concept of submission women should submit because they're not as equal or you know something like men and women are completely equals what what is being tried to what Paul is saying here is respect your husband like you with the Lord not the way your mother did your father not the way you see on television not the way your friends do their husbands how would you respond to Jesus Christ if you were in or if you were in a relationship with Jesus and you were responding to him that's the standard the Bible gives for women because men have a need for respect and honor it's our biggest name is men gravitate to the place where they get honor and respect and they run from any place where we feel like I may be disrespected and again it goes back to this this issue of the way that women talk to their husbands is you say anything you want to say it's just a how issue and I want to talk about how to give your husband honor just the practical aspect of if you ought to do it then how do you do it well the first is allow him to fail how do I honor my husband let your husband fail I'm not talking about self-destructive behavior I'm not saying that your husband is in some kind of a destructive behavior and you just stand back let him fail but I'm just saying your husband is imperfect and he's going to fail don't scream when I say that you know the don't want you B to shot your husband is imperfect and he's going to fail a lot of damage that women do in their marriages is trying to keep their husband from making a mistake okay I love Joyce Meyer story one day her husband Dave were in the car driving she's telling this story on one of her teachings and they were in the car driving you know this when you're driving you know it's just and I've got the most emotive wife in the world when she has a name for everybody on the road she talks to her be on the road and she screams and grabs the - all those kind of things so we we've learned to live with it you know it's just one of those things but Joyce Meyer was right driving down the street with with Dave one day and she was telling him you know turn here stop go all the things that you know wives do everything so they was mad he was he was mad she was frustrated and they were at a stop sign and the Lord said to her they were sitting there and you know he was mad she was frustrated she was telling one and the Lord said to her why can't you shut up I'm gonna milk that for just a minute longer I know words just let him go his own way let it make her own turn let him get lost and by the way men don't get lost we're just we're just it's an adventure and we don't need some stinking person telling us what to do and but let me make a mistake let it you don't have to correct him probably that's not your role is to correct your asthma everything sleigh make mistake and you you support it and in other words I'm not talking about self-destructive behavior the second thing is confront your husband but let God be the enforcer your is equal you can say anything that you want to say but the question is who's the enforcer you go to your husband say honey I don't agree with that I think that's wrong I don't think well would be doing that and your husband says huh he does anyway get your prayer closet and ask God to get him you know just that's what my wife does she has a relationship with Jesus let me say if you're telling the truth God is on your side and he can change your husband and it won't drive your husband away from you okay if you're wrong he would correct you there's not much of a chance that you're wrong but there's a chance there's a chin so you tell your husband honey this I'm not the enforcer the Holy Spirit is the enforcer amending to do the same thing otherwise you do neck and you get into a fear mode not a faith mode first Peter 3 talks about women can change their husbands without a word as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior and it says that a gentle and quiet spirit is precious in God's sight listen gentle and quiet is not a mousy little beaten down woman because I know some of you have very strong personalities and you're offended by that now don't blame you okay gentle and quiet is the opposite of rough and loud and the reason that you become aggressive is because of fear typically something my husband is going to make a mistake and I've got to stop him no you need to say what you need to say and you need to trust God to change your husband again if its destructive behavior call somebody in I'm not saying stand back and watch your husband self-destruct the next thing is honor him where you want him to be not where he is honor him but this is what Karen did for me proverbs 31 talks about the excellent wife and it says her husband is an elder in the gates of the city it attributes it to her not him her husband is an elder in the gates of the city because of her in other words her husband probably wasn't acting like an elder in the gates of the city but she treated him as though he were an L burn the gates the city and he became according to her level of Honor listen men become in an atmosphere of honor men will do anything for honor we're crazy for honor and so when a wife is honoring her husband beyond her he is undeserved honor in other words speaking destiny into your husband beyond what he's doing right now what are you seeing your husband what did you see any when you were dating him and you honor him at that level he he rises to that level of Honor and the number four is cover his faults and focus on his strengths the devil the devil is the accuser of the Brethren and he's always accusing constantly accusing and what the devil wants us to do is constantly think about the worst qualities in our spouse what God wants to do is cause us to constantly think about the best qualities in our spouse this is men and women both and when the when the devil has had our his way our minds become negative in fault-finding and all we do is see the wrong thing you know on any given day you can wake up and write down all the bad things about your life but on any given day the good things about our lives far outweigh the bad things but we have a tendency to take the good things for granted and focus on the bad things that's why praise is such a critical discipline between us and God praise and thanksgiving means when I wake up God we enter into his gates with Thanksgiving introduce courts with praise God never lets a negative person into his presence and praise and thanksgiving means I'm doesn't mean I don't want more and it doesn't mean I don't have problems it means I'm constantly aware of the goodness of God in my life and upon that foundation I ask for everything else that I want God's like guys like any parent if you had a child that came to you and said well you're not very good parents you're sure not as good as Billy's parents Billy's got stuff I've never even dreamed of having and if you want to work your way out of it let me just tell you there's a new Xbox out if you buy it for me I'll stop griping well every parents going to run to the store and buy something for that child course you're not you want a child that comes and says mother and father you're just incredible let me just say that right off the bat I mean you're just incredible parents and thank you for the breath ascend my lungs by the way and I've got a little thing to ask of you your child comes you do anything for that child a thankful child God's the same way men want to thankful wife I think you're a good man I'm thankful that I married you you're leader I see it in you I believe in you that's that's what men want to hear focus on his strengths and when I say cover is false again I'm not saying that you you know you enable a destructive us but I'm just saying every man is imperfect don't don't tell other people what he's doing wrong don't focus on it don't don't let it be the highlight of your life remind yourself every day about the good things that your husband does and and if as you begin to remember that you'll realize that's a lot ii need that men have is sex and so if men are typically twenty percent of women are more sexual than their husbands but most men are more sexual than their wives and so the way that you meet your husband's need for sex is first of all you communicate to your husband that you accept his need and that you're committed to meeting it I said I accept this name and again I want to say when I did pre marriage counseling for a long time getting people you know couples ready to be married in regardless of how much I told the young Brides about their husbands need for sex you know typically six months into the marriage they're convinced they married a pervert you know all all all he thinks about sex in and typically what what women do is typically is they sometimes try to shame their husbands out of it like again it's impossible it is your this isn't healthy again in lectures and browbeating it's like what is I I accept the fact that you're more sexual than me and that's really the way that it is God gave your husband that need to keep drawing him back to you understand it men are visual and physical much more than women and women are blind related to sex but men men are visually stimulated right they want to see their wives naked which means either naked or lingerie and not flannel and not canvas not I did a seminar one time in Baltimore and I made I didn't know there was a stand-up comedian the audience and I said ladies there's a place for flannel nightgown this guy yelled out the fireplace and so men don't need non-sexual touching we want sexual touching and and we want we want to see our wives bodies and many women don't feel good about their bodies and this this is just no man should ever compare his wife's body to any other woman okay I marry the most beautiful woman on the earth period when she's ninety nine years old she will be the most beautiful woman on the earth period and I will never compare her to another woman period I will not compare my wife's body to anyone who has not paid the price to bear my children and so you should look at other women you shouldn't compare your wife to any other woman and so but many women compare themselves and they don't feel good about themselves but need to understand your husband has that need another way that you meet your husband's need for sex is be more sexual than you feel now I'm going to talk to your husbands in just a minute about your needs and we're going to talk about communication okay in your need for open and honest communication and many men don't don't feel like talking they're just not natural talkers and so when I talked to your husband in just a minute you're going to you're going to be really thankful because here's what I'm going to say to your husband it doesn't matter how you feel about talking you cough it up pal I'm just giving you a preview of what's about to happen it's exciting isn't it doesn't matter if you feel I don't care if you feel like talking or not talk just talk okay so let me rewind here for just a minute doesn't matter how you feel you be sexual yep let me talk about let me talk for just a minute about matching libidos matching libidos okay having the same sex because some people say well you know sex you have sex in marriage when you both feel like it you'll have sex about eight times and most sex and marriage is meeting a need in your spouse that you don't have and if your wife has more sexual than you you do that for her you made sure unit meet your spouse's needs otherwise you you just you know leave them to their needs being unmet which is which is a very bad thing be more sexual than you feel and be energetic and creative and meeting your husband's needs very important finding friendship is another need that men have we want to be fun we want to be friends with our wives I want Karen to be my friend I don't want to be mother is I want I want Karen to be my buddy men want their wives to be their best friends and that means come out of your world into his world and don't lose your identity and mother I'm sure you're a terrific mother but don't become matronly and don't lose your identity in being a mother and forget that you're also his buddy you need to come into his world I love a story that a pastor told about a couple in his church and their marriage was on the really really in a bad state and this woman this woman went hunting with her husband a she knew that he loved to deer hunt and she said honey out I want to go deer hunting with you and of course he was a little worried because he thought maybe she wanted to get him along with a firearm and but what she did she came out of her world into his world and he'll their marriage they went on a hunting trip let me say something your husband will never be as open with you it's when he's having fun with you you'll be sitting somewhere having fun and all the sudden you'll find your husband just opens up because that's the way we're when you're my friend I'll open my heart to you until you're my friend I don't know because that's one of the most important needs I have you come into my world and you be my buddy that's what I need from you number four support at home now listen men should do their equal share at home is that I meant housework when you get home your job just started it didn't end at home I vacuum I take out the trash I fold clothes I do laundry I don't cook for health and safety reasons it's just better if I don't but Karen does not pick up after me I mean she does sometimes but I pick up after myself I don't put those burdens on Karen and but here's what I need from Karen women have the gift of nesting and turning a house into a home I had a couple one time and he was an interior decorator and and he would come home and she had nested you know she had the home and he would redo it and they were in for counseling she was mad oh she was mad and she said I like to do my house and when he comes home he redoes it and he said but it's technically incorrect I said you're technically about to get killed and so women are happiest when they're domestically centered even if you work outside the home focus on nesting focus on making your home into a place that your husband come home to that those are our needs that's you know we need honor we need sex we want to be buddies and we want support at home those are our needs that's the way we're wired here are the four needs of a woman and how to understand and meet her needs in the first is security it says husband's love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her the standard the standard for women is respect your husband the way you would Jesus the standard for men is give your life for her just like Jesus gave his life for you you love her more than you love yourself you sacrifice yourself for her women women this is the mega need that men have the mega the mega need for men is honored the mega need for women is security so women feel most secure in an environment where there is a sacrificial sensitive man that they're married to women feel most insecure when they're married to a selfish detached man security to a woman just simply means to my hurt I will meet your needs I come second I'm not the head of this home so I can get it my way and I get the big chair and the clicker in the living room I'm the head of this home so that I can serve you and make sure whatever you need you get it first before I get it you come before me and you'll never have to nag you'll never have to beg tell me once I'm studying you you're on my heart tell me once and you'll get it and if I don't agree I'll tell you right up front but if I tell you no it's only because it's not a good thing for you but I will sacrifice to meet your needs women are in heaven women are in heaven they need security here's how to meet your wife's name for security communicate your commitment to sacrifice for her husbands love your wives as Christ loved the church he gave himself for her I will have to sacrifice something I'll have to sacrifice an interest a hobby a friend an event an opportunity a promotion I don't know what I'm going to sacrifice but here's the issue nothing is as important to me as you are and I will sacrifice to make sure that your needs are met just the way Jesus sacrificed for me I'm going to sacrifice for you the second is be sensitive to your wife's needs and don't make her nag or beg never ever should your wife have to nag or beg wrote romance when you send your wife flowers or cards or your romantic to your wife what you're saying to your wife is your on the heart the lack of romance simply means I don't think about you you're not on my heart my uncle now this this is a did my uncle's funeral this is years ago and my uncle man were married for 40 years had a wonderful marriage I did my uncle's funeral and when I was doing his eulogy my aunt told me that for 40 years of marriage he wrote her a new poem every day let me say something there's only so many ways you can work around roses are red bow think about that for this minute every day for 40 years and they had I never even thought about they had a wonderful marriage she she was a happiest woman on earth I said are you kidding me she said on our dining room table every morning there was a new poem that he wrote me you know what that means when he was alone every morning he was thinking about her as opposed to a man who's never romantic it just means my mind is somewhere else and so I'm sensitive to you be a faithful provider and a faithful money manager because that's another part of her security is knowing that she's going to be provided for it let me say this whatever job you have some of the some of the most important people in society are not well paid teachers policemen deserve a lot more money than they get and the issue give them a hand and the issue isn't the size of the paycheck the issue is the size of the commitment which is simply means I'm going to provide for this home and I'm going to make sure that that I lead in the in the financial management of the home and I'll talk about that more in just minute number two need for a woman is softly on sexual affection is again women women need this and the more non-sexual soft affection they get the more sexual they become which is an amazing thing and so you need to you need to be if a physically affectionate with your wife you need to listen to her when she's telling you she wants to be held and be patient gentle and what it communicates to her is she's more to you than just a sex object that again you're connected on a higher level than just sex and to her that's connection when you're holding her holding her hand your arm is around her I had one couple that he only touched her sexually and she said outside the bedroom he's never touched me you know he never held my hand never put his arm around me and in there was a tremendous amount of anger and frustration there I grew up with two to have two older brothers Damien and Lucifer and we fought every day we my parents were not affectionate people I had wonderful parents they were not affectionate people and my brothers I was the youngest of three boys we fought every day I mean I just lived in a war zone and I didn't know how to be affectionate Karen and I started dating and I knew how to be rough or sexual I didn't how to be affectionate we started dating and I just didn't know how to be affectionate Karen wanted me to be affectionate when I held her hand I pinched around on it and I like that it feels good I like that thing she didn't like that at all she say that hurts I said you'll toughen up you know I don't let my brother's beat you up two or three times you'll get used it but and then I get nervous you know I just didn't know how to be affection so I put my arm around her and I put her in a headlock okay and she said I don't like that I don't like that don't do that and again I think you'll get used to it it really was she never got used to it so we were we were married and she was sitting across the room one day folding clothes and the Lord just impressed on me walk over and put your arm around her and just nothing beyond that just put your arm around her well I'd never done that for I mean well I was so nervous you know so she's over there folding clothes were sitting in the room so I walk start walking across the room and I'm gonna be affection she sees me coming you know it's like Berber large you know incoming but so I sat down next to her put my arm around her you know and just kind of patted her there for just a minute and good course she knew something you know either wrestling sex or a combination of the two impending at that moment but but I didn't and I and I just kind of patted her there for a minute you know and then then I got up and walked cross stream see what what what'd you do that's why I'm being affectionate she said I liked that I thought well now fold her and so we got we got in the car one day and I said let me hold tray I was I was getting better being affection I said let me hold your hand she said no because she didn't trust me no because I pinched around I said let me hold your hand and she said no and I said let me hold your hand she said it just healed up yeah but I remember I held her hand and I didn't pinch it and I just thought this you know phenomenal and so I learned to be affectionate with Karen and it changed everything I mean when that's normal for me I mean I love it but your wife needs non-sexual touching and affection and some men would say well that's just that's just not the way that I am that matter you'd change you need to meet her name it wasn't natural for me I wasn't raising that kind of a family and it wasn't it's not a need that I have it's not a need that I have but it's a need that she had and so when I changed it changed our marriage it was tremendously important her number three need that women have is open and honest communication is women don't want headlines they don't want grunts and groans they don't want to hear nothing who'd you see today nuff no one what you do nothing I drove to work stood in front of a blank wall tell everybody to be quiet and I drove directly home I have spoken to no one today his when your wife she wants she wants this again this is how she connects to your world is through communication and so an to your heart and so when your wife says to you what did you do today here's the answer she wants you want to say I didn't do mine I didn't even know I just I saw Bob and Bob is the same as Bob has always been okay she says how was your day here's what she wants to hear 6:32 a.m. I came into consciousness I still had my eyes closed but I was feeling a little emotional about my meeting with Bob and that she wants the whole day and she doesn't just want the event she wants the feelings the feelings associated see I would talk to Karen for years and she would I tell her something she said well how'd you feel about that and I say feel how'd you feel I don't feel anything you know well men come emotionally unassembled and women wire them up you know and that's how they do it they get you talking then they start saying this is a feelings see right there it's a feeling and you're going to have more of those as more conversations take place and so again I I told Karen wanted me to talk you know I felt like she was nosey anyway and I thought I'm not feeding the monster information is the worst thing for her you got to starve that thing out of her because she's know she knows it she wants know about everything so that's honestly the way I felt bad and I come in the door and she start asking questions just like so I told Karen when I changed I said okay I'll talk okay so I said let me come in have a little bit of time and you'll put the kids down then we'll talk so we made a time to talk face to face now was I was afraid of this not honestly was nervous about it because I just I wasn't good at it I didn't know how to do it but I knew it was important to Karen so I told her when I said we'll sit down and we'll talk for as long as you're not talking about anything you want to talk about and I thought I am the greatest man ever lived and B they'll find me dead tomorrow with my brain sucked out cuz the sister will suck my brain right out my ear I don't stand a chance so we we got together that night and we set face to face turned off the TV we sit face to face and we talked and Karen what she'd never done this for I'd never I had never patiently talked to my wife ever in our marriage and given her the response that she was looking for so we started talking and Karen you know this and this and this and this and this and this and she yes what about this what about this what about this and she would say well how'd you feel about that well there's a couple of things in my childhood she knew about it she always want to know cuz she knew I was messed up yeah and she was just trying to locate the exact time in place but she pretty much did it so she asked it Oh how'd you feel about that I did I didn't know honestly when I was growing up I just shut off emotions because I couldn't handle them but some of the things that happened just like all of us I just didn't know what so I just shut him off well Karen knew that those things were still in there because women remlick women are amazing in this regard they really are and Karen would say well how'd you feel about that and I said that's the Karen honestly I didn't feel anything about that she said yes you did you don't know what I feel and so is amazing because about a week or two later I was praying and the Lord brought it all back to me and began healing my life in that area and Karen Karen has been amazing in with me because I love to talk now I love talking to Karen's one of the favorite things I love to do because it opened my world to something I didn't know before but let me say we sit and talk that night I don't know hour and a half or three eternity or however long it was but and at the end she said oh that's all and I said that's all she said for tonight and effect but let me tell you something it was the most when hear our sex secrets women which their husbands knew from Reader's Digest these are sex secrets that women wish their husbands knew for a woman great sex begins with her life as a whole okay that's not a sex secret many women find intimate conversations stimulating was I have to a sex attention after sex can be vital to a woman's satisfaction that's after sex that doesn't count women need non-sexual touching and tenderness those are women sex secrets well that's not what men want to hear blow into my ear to 45-degree angle and you know that's what we need is the technical help us out sex secrets women wish their husbands knew okay give us some real sex secrets talk to me that's our sex secret hold me a lot of times we as men we want to you know one-dimensional eyes and objectify our wives the way pornography does and just think they ought to turn on and turn off and just have sex just anyway like that but when you hold your wife and you talk to your wife that will open her heart to you and will also open her to intimacy with you on a level that you've never experienced before very very important her and I want to I want to say now is because I said remember when I fast forward to just minute ago this is this is that moment okay so I said to your wives earlier it was worth the price of admission I promise you that I told your wives be more sexual than you feel okay if she doesn't feel like having sex she's having sex anyway okay that's what I said to her you're welcome yeah okay now now here's what I'm going to say to you who cares if you feel like talking she's thank you your wife should meet your sexual needs because she has the gift of sex she probably won't want it as often as you didn't do but your wife needs for you to talk and you say well I'm just not as verbal as she is yeah you are it's just an attitude you can talk as much as you want to talk if you're with your friends at a basketball game you talk they're off you talk her ear off you tell her what she wants to know with a good attitude and you open your heart up to her she deserves that it's the way she connects to your world we don't meet each other's needs based on our needs or our desires we based meet each other's needs based on their needs in a commitment that we're going to do that for the rest of our lives you meet each other's needs women be more sexual than you feel men be more conversational that you feel and you'll have a happy marriage I'm almost done last need of a woman is leadership women don't want to be dominated they want to be treated as equals but they want their husband to be the loving initiator of the home in four important areas the children romance finances and spiritual matters they want you to be the loving initiator of the home that you say well I have more of a passive personality especially you need to stand up and just be the initiator it means you begin the conversation about your children you begin the conversations about discipline you begin the conversations about budgeting you begin the conversations about church and spirituality and prayer and things like that again she wants to be an equal partner she don't want to be dominated and if you have a naturally strong kind of a dominant personality you got to ratchet that down you got to slow down you have to make a decision that you're not going to make decisions without her and you're not going to drag her or push her in the process that you're going to treat her as an equal partner in everything that goes on but you are going to be the initiator women love to be in a relationship with a man who is the loving initiator they don't like it when they're being dominated they don't like it when their husbands passive and won't lead I had a problem in that area because I was dominant and it really hurt our relationship but everything that Karen and I do now is we do as equals and I will not make her pay a price for being honest but I am the initiator of our home now listen Jesus is the only one that can meet your deepest needs but once Jesus has met your deepest needs they're important needs that you have that you need to be meeting in each other's lives for men it's honor sex it won't be friends with their wives they won't have domestic support for women they want to feel secure they want to be held and to have physical soft non-sexual affection they want to be talked to in an open in a patient manner and they want their husband to be the loving initiator of the home this is heaven that this is the heaven marriage you've got the banquet set before you and you've got utensils on your hands that are too long to serve yourself because you can't meet your own needs but if you'll be a servant to each other even when your needs are not getting met you serve your spouse and you love your spouse you'll be committed to the marriage if you'll serve each other you can have the marriage of your dreams this concludes session 3 please continue with destructive husbands and wives the next teaching in this series marriage today is devoted to helping couples thrive and strong fulfilling marriages and families led by Jimmy and Karen Evans marriage today touches millions of lives through online outreach extensive resources television broadcasts and its new rock-solid churches program which will help launch or enhance your church's marriage ministry get to know what we're about find out more at marriage today calm

Channel: Lasting Impact Church

Views: 320,183

Rating: 4.8428063 out of 5

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Id: 6JX3NAMc4Y8

Length: 42min 38sec (2558 seconds)

Published: Wed Feb 04 2015