What's Your "Accidentally Racist" Moment?

what's your accidentally racist moment i was waiting to cross the road with my girlfriend one day when i got a really strong waft of chinese food and surprisingly it had come from a nearby restaurant my automatic response was to exclaim oh i smell chinese and as i turned back towards my girlfriend i realized that we were standing next to two little old chinese ladies who were looking at me in horror and disgust the shame a group of us were walking through a city we were visiting and my quite nia friend says i've been smelling chinese for the past mile not realizing they had been a chinese couple walking behind us for the past 15 minutes i used to live in a remote town deep in the woods of northern california with my dad he had an australian shepherd named black who was always getting into trouble anyway i've got black in the car at a gas station go in to pay come back out and he has jumped out of the car and is running across the street i just start yelling black black no black at the top of my lungs suddenly comes into focus an african-american family at a pump between me and the dog staring at me completely horrified i'm like i'm sorry my dog's name is black he just ran across the street the family looks across the street in unison black is nowhere in sight time slows down i make a show of running across the street to look for him finally thank god as they were leaving i had black by the collar and was dragging him back to the gas station the whole family bursts out laughing the dad was yelling black and pointing at me as they pulled away they probably still laugh about that i had just watched dude where's my car there's that scene where he remembers a documentary about smart monkeys using sticks to get ants and uses as something to disarm a bomb well fast forward to a day at work and something is stuck back on the tip of an oven and i can't reach it my black co-worker uses a pokey tool we use to clean fryer to push it to me and i look at him and say oh you're one of the smart monkeys i was just thinking about the movie i realized real quick what i said and apologized we had a good laugh about it it was really embarrassing though i am white i've always called my white son my sweet little monkey because he used to make the cutest little monkey sounding noises as a baby i was at a playground when he was pre-school-aged and the cutest little black girl of all time ran up to us and started playing she just looked so dang cute i was like you are such a sweet little monkey goddammit i wanted to leave the country my brother picking up a black hyundai accent at the address he was given walks up to front desk of the office building hey uh i'm looking for a guy with an accent girl at front desk oh what kind of accent thinks a moment i don't know a black one this is almost a dad joke i referee soccer and one time a team wearing white was playing against a team wearing red the ball goes out of play touched by a red player a black player on the white team goes to throw the ball in and i point to confirm that the throne is for the white team and i say black ball instead of white ball everybody looks at me knowing full well what happened i tried to play it off as having said back there but i highly doubt anyone bought that frick i'd never get to sleep again growing up i was playing with my neighbors i'm pretty much the only white kid around my friends were being goofy and not focusing on the basketball game we were playing so i playfully call them porch monkeys and encourage for the game to continue well their guardian aunt heard me and lifted me up by one arm and took me inside asked me the who what where why of the word and i explained that just means goofy kids or rugrats to me and that's what my dad would call us if we were playing around and he couldn't hear the tv so we ended up going back to my place for the adults to talk lol it's cool i'm taking it back this thing might be a bit hard to translate but it fits the theme whole thing happened in poland i'm polish as well i was at a party once and there was this black guy from africa he knew polish so he had no trouble getting along with everybody at one point he brought a strawberry-flavored vodka and was running around offering it to everyone he approached me and said you want some to which i replied thanks i don't like colored ones zekey nilby kalorawik took my a while to realize what i said but he immediately knew that it was about vodka not him we had a good laugh about it good thing grammatical cases in number help you out with that i feel like in polish a lot of ambiguity can be settled because we have this over the english language i was heading to work and waiting to cross the street at an intersection as the crosswalk sign went from a red hand indicating weight to a white man indicating walk a jogger runs ahead of us and nearly gets hit by a car who tried to turn on red after being stunned from seeing this jogger nearly get hit the driver has the audacity to loudly honk her horn at him when it was clearly her mistake fuming from the adrenaline from seeing this guy nearly get killed i yell out at the driver hey he was white referring to the white man sign indicating walk not the white guy who ran across the street immediately after yelling this i realize how this could be totally misconstrued now seeing the woman driving is black and staring at me adding to this i realize i'm walking in the same direction as many of my colleagues to work i walk a different direction to work now my dad asked a black female employee at walmart for some help with picking a good watermelon you look like you would probably know what's the best watermelon his intentions were to be i've seen you in produce many times you seem to be the person to ask advice on choosing what is best to buy he didn't realize his mistake until he was watching tv hours later and refused to go back for two months i told my co-worker he had gorilla hands he's black as soon as i said it i had a jd moment from scrubs where i just screamed internally for 10 straight seconds in college apartment cleaning guy came in as scheduled big black dude who's nice as frick we're doing the small talk thing i move a few things around for him and pick up my then gf's binder it spills a page of her notes and i retrieve it i look at it and jokingly say psh we don't need emancipation this is one of those things that i wake up thinking about at 3am i think i will also wake up thinking about this at 3am now yikes i'm a lawyer and my paralegal is always trying to leave a little early it's a game we play she'll buy me a cookie at lunch and then plead to go home early usually i allow it because cookie once we actually had some strict deadlines to meet so when she asked i said no i own you and i'm chaining you to your desk there was silence i totally forgot that she was black her response was to slowly raise her hand and say i object i wanted indian food my friends wanted italian after sitting down at an italian restaurant i open the menu and joke i don't see any indian food i look up at our indian waiter asking for our orders um oh god no i used a cashier in a sub shop one day we were running low on chicken and only had a limited amount to make sandwiches with we were told at the beginning of the shift to call over to the line workers to ask how we were doing on chick in every few transactions to be sure we didn't let someone order a sub with chicken after we had run out well a few minutes had gone by and multiple transactions had occurred so i called to the line how we doing on chicken guys silence then one of the guys calls back that we had about one large subs worth left i turn and realize a black family had just walked in the door right before my very loud restaurants allowed inquiry they looked at me weird probably thinking i was worried they'd all order fried chicken or something after all i had yelled that as soon as they walked in the door i still cringe when i think about it that's more white guilt than anything everyone loves chicken it's not just black people and they know it everyone loves watermelon too now grape soda on the other hand sergeant friend of mine had a dead battery and asked a helpful black man for a slave in the army a slave cable is a specialized jumper cable designed to work on military vehicles so asking for a slave is like asking for a jump nice civilian guy did not know this and just thought my friend was being a racist prick i was on the bus to school and i saw an old friend from a previous school he's black and i'm white and we had a pretty cool catch up however when he was about to get off the bus being the smooth guy i am my brain tried to say both see you and bye at the same time and the result was me shouting at a black dude on a busy bus i'll buy you yikes i'll buy you i'm white and one of my best friends is black we have an agreement that when the race wars finally start depending on whichever race wins one of us would buy the other and treat him well when i worked as a summer camp counselor we gave themed awards to our campers at the end of the week one week i choose harry potter as my theme i gave the only black kid in my cabin the serious black award i'm a firefighter paramedic and just the other day we had a medical aid call for a chinese woman complaining of pain she localizes her pain to her upper right abdomen where the liver is located one side effects of liver failure something that could cause that pain is jaundice or yellowing of the skin so i absentmindedly said hum you look a little yellow and my captain immediately walks right up to me looks at me incredulously and asks really fortunately the patient and family missed it 10th grade ap world history we were writing some sort of essay on world war ii and i was pressed for time so instead of japanese i abbreviated as japs not realizing that was highly inappropriate for that essay i figured british people are brits so japs must also be okay teacher let everyone know first thing next class yikes man the other day when i was getting my hair cut i was talking to the lady and a possible new job the baba was a black lady and i'm white the job involves moving cross country we were chatting about it and i joked about moving to a whole new place and i said something about being sold into human trafficking there was an awkward pause but she rolled with it then we were talking about my siblings wedding and how its police themed weird but not my wedding and she joked it could be worse it could be hillbilly themed she actually got more worried that i would be offended by a hillbilly comment than a slavery joke but i guess i was the tip holder at that point i tipped her very well just in case i love the concept of you both making jokes and then moments later trying to remove your foot from your mouth interactions like this make me really hopeful for the world my almost accidentally racist story i watched a lot of looney tunes as a kid and i used to say how now brown cow whenever a friend was thinking about something or was in a tough spot in a game well in college i was playing pool with a very overweight african-american girl and i had left her in a terrible position on the table her only choice really was to just whack the heck out of it just as she lined up to shoot i said how now bro uh good luck i was at the slave house at gory island in senegal with my soccer team my team was all white with the exception of our black goalie we were touring the different rooms where they kept the slaves and i was fascinated with how many people they kept in such small spaces with up to 200 people stuffed in something about the same size as a regular living room as our goalie walked in one of them i asked him to stand still and let me take a picture so people could see how it looked like referencing the size of the room and how small it was not the fact that he was black he just stared at me and i quickly understood what i just said and started apologizing he was cool about it but my god was that embarrassing this was about five years ago girlfriend and i are throwing a joint birthday party at our house her and two friends share a birthday we had done a lot of work and cooking to prep for the party the doorbell rings girlfriend and i answer it open the door to find an asian man holding a large brown paper bag who immediately asks is tim here i was a little offended after all our hard work cooking and turned back to yell across the room and over the entire party tim did you order a fang chinese food asian guy sees tim and steps past me to give him a hug and pulls a bottle of scotch out of the brown bag that he had bought as a gift for his birthday in my defense who doesn't introduce themselves to the hosts of a party the first time they come to your door lol never quite did live that one down but the asian guy japanese in fact and i are actually really good friends now to this day even the night of we were able to laugh about it after i apologized profusely my partner is cuban before meeting her i had never eaten a papaya i told her parents about how she gave me my first papaya to eat apparently papaya slang for lady parts in some part of cuba really wish i hadn't told her dad how surprisingly juicy the papaya his daughter gave me was not so much racist as a clash of cultures i guess but still mortifying i'm white and have a cousin who inherited all his skin tone jeans from his black father and therefore he was the only person in my whole otherwise very pasty white family that i know of who is black his father left before he was born and he's older than me so i never met his dad for years i'd refer to him as my chocolate cousin it wasn't until my friend explained to me when i was about 10 that i realized why everyone used to flinch when i said it i used to work with a hispanic lady who taught her kids to refer to people as different types of chocolate white milk dark her grandkids were her chocolate kisses she was married to a black man so i think that was just the best way she could come up with for her family i always found it uncomfortable though my 10 year old and six-year-old sons take taekwondo from a white instructor i'm a korean adoptee in the small town midwest and this is important to the story the instructor is a genuinely nice guy and super kind at the end of each class he has a brief chat with the students basically kind of imparting a lesson about being a good person inside and outside of class for this session the talk was about respecting other people regardless of their race or station in life he begins with something like there are four different kinds of people on earth black people white people red people and yellow people average lurkers 10 year old and 7 year old come up to the front of the class but my children walk up to the front of class and stand beside their instructor instructor hey boys where is your mom from boys seem a bit confused but gamely reply south korea instructor class people from asia are yellow people chinese japanese and korean people are considered oriental or yellow people my boys come home and laughingly tell me that they are yellow people and i am too their dad is not asian i had to explain to the boys that even though this was a well-intentioned talk most asian people are not super happy with being referred to as yellow or oriental unless it is in a joking manner there are blue people in appalachia too i was getting groceries and i bought three boxes of special k cereal well i went to the checkout line and the african-american cashier asked me with a smirk on her face if i liked case i was a bit confused so i just went in my way i got home and put the boxes next to each other on the shelf and then it dawned on me that i had spelled kkk in front of the cashier with my cereal i think she was messing with you my fiance is japanese and has a lot of japanese friends i'm white but i speak fluent japanese we're at a japanese cultural event in the neighborhood mulling around when suddenly he turns to greet this east asian couple the says oh you when he first sees them which is like the equivalent of oh hey so i not missing a beat say konnichiwa with a smile and there's this full second of awkward silence they were korean american we're at a japanese cultural event you had an easy pass just greet everyone that way i was an odd dude in high school and one of my shticks was to endearingly call people in my great cute animal names so for example i would go up to someone i knew and be like hey little puppy don't ask why anyway one day i was going up to say hi to the one black girl in our grade and i say hey monkey it took me a second to realize what i had done but it was too late so in order to remedy the situation i turned to the indian girl beside her and said hey other monkey to her in order to prove i wasn't racist that didn't overwhelm either i'm [ __ ] double save or double fail i was at a party where a blunt was being passed around and i tried passing it to a black guy i hadn't met he said i'd love to but i can't write now to which i replied oh you on probation apparently he was in the navy and did not like that suggestion at all but honestly the only reason i made the assumption was because two of my friends both of them white had recently been busted for possession and were unable to smoke i tried explaining but i'm not sure how well it went over to be fair him saying i'd love to does led one more to the probation assumption while working with a hispanic friend a carabiner was in the way of our workspace i said get that [ __ ] out of here i meant the clip not my friend i have been made fun of relentlessly for it but my friend didn't really mind in fact his new nickname has become friolito or little bean it's all really quite terrible frigilito a long time ago i met an indian man whose last name was patel we were talking and he mentioned his wife really liked turtles i worked with an indian woman whose last name was patel and had turtles so i asked if she was his wife she was not trying to explain why i asked was awkward but he's super nice and we still chat when we see each other i've learned since that what i did was akin to asking a white craig smith hey are you married to jennifer she likes dogs oh the cringe yeah unless they were one of two indian families in town not a safe assumption capital s also for future reference patel is a super duper common indian surname does this count was my mom being accidentally racist i'm filipino american the first time i brought my then boyfriend now husband who is caucasian home to meet my family my mom cooked a meal with rice ham veggies etc after we said grace and started to dish up she turned to him and asked have you ever had rice before 26 years later we still joke about it the ham is another story altogether i was in a giant hot tub with my friends at a water park and all the guys sat on one side and the girls sat on the other my buddy go separate bit equal and then turns around to see a black family literally three feet away from us staring at him yikes my little brother-in-law who was maybe six at a time saw a little asian kid in a stroller he became fixated on the kids eyes and loudly kept asking my mill why is that baby so angry you know because asian eyes never had i seen my mother-in-law look so horrified it made me smile not mine but my ex-mother-in-law we had a large group at a church's chicken in indianapolis the person taking our order was black when she finished ordering and he asked where we were sitting she responded we are over here with the clan clan with a c scottish clan we're scottish i swear oh god just kill me now when i was about four i was on an elevator with my mom and sister an african-american lady came on and i asked mom what's wrong with her skin obviously my mom was horrified if i hear a very thick accent i will unconsciously begin to mimic it it sounds like teasing apparently and got me called names when i worked at a subway by a vietnamese church i now don't speak at all if possible holy frick saying my friends always mimicked accents in middle school and high school now whenever i hear someone speak with an accent i have to resist the urge to mimic it not mine but something happened to me i am asian and was a starbucks barista i handed this guy his coffee and he responded thank you in chinese although i'm not chinese i wasn't offended or anything just wanted to bust his balls jokingly so i called him out he was so so so apologetic about it said he just got back to the us after spending a decade in china so it was more of a habit than racial profiling if you are new to the channel you can subscribe i publish new videos every day until then check another video [Music] bye for now

Channel: Updoot Everything

Views: 39,835

Rating: 4.959023 out of 5

Keywords: accidentally racist, accidental racist reaction, accidental racism pewdiepie, accidental racism, #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny reddit stories, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, reddit stories 2021, people of reddit, reddit cringe, memes, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, story, stories, rslash, comedy, fresh

Id: 8ll-EShp6h4

Length: 22min 21sec (1341 seconds)

Published: Tue Feb 23 2021