"What's Up" is a violation of the Geneva Conventions

hey guys so today is my best friend Chris's birthday and we had a series on this channel called mockbuster video where we reviewed terrible mockbusters such as ratat toying the Little Panda fighter and a car's life there was one movie that we always talked about doing next and now I'd like to finally get to it as a finale to this recurring Series this is what's up balloon to the rescue arguably the most infamous mockbuster of them all for reasons we'll soon learn about on the surface it looks like it's mooching off of UPS success but there's only a couple of surface level aesthetic similarities like floating house balloons and old weirdly enough the plot is slightly more reminiscent of Monsters versus Aliens which came out the same year as up you see they both have monsters and huh I guess that's it all right that's as good of an intro as this atrocity deserves let's dive straight into what's up balloon to the rescue yay first things first you know it's going to be an absolutely fantastic movie when there's no music or sound effects accompanying the title we're in for such a [ __ ] treat today so we see a news broadcast about a team of Monster Hunters and it's being watched by this kid who is humping his couch I think sure why not if we become hungry we can receive bananas from Pluto and nectarines from Neptune um actually both of those planets do not support life especially not fruit then the news broadcast basically says don't worry guys he isn't just an amazing scientist he also has a really hot niece but he's not just about spectacular contributions to science he also happens to be the uncle of the lovely and most eligible young lady in our city Amanda I love how large her fingers are in this one magazine cover and only on the one hand too incredible I also love how the narration just stops because they didn't show the third cover yet young lady in our city Amanda maintaining her habitual we are dealing with a professionally made artistic Triumph insiders say she's been seen flirting with an actor in The Local High School Musical holy [ __ ] Troy is cheating on Gabriella with her I knew that mother was up to no good anyway Amanda and the kid who is named G sure why not awkwardly watched the broadcast for a little bit before switching the channel oh look it's the old guy scientists talking about how they made a balloon capable of lifting a house oh do you get it it's it's like like it's like it's like real movie he also reveals the secrets of making the house float a super energized rock that they created and he continues to blurt out that it is the power to hypnotize the entire world and that the secret password to activate it is lavender he says all this on national TV even while the other guy is telling him not to say this is he stupid I'm sorry what's up balloon to the rescue but this is unrealistic and I cannot suspend my disbelief any longer I really expected better from you okay fine I'll give you a second chance and just assume the doctor's scile I mean he has to be he lets the random news lady fiddle around with the controls to lift the house while Amanda and G are still inside it I love child endangerment good work movie anyway in the next scene they're having tea and the doorbell rings and they forgot to put the outside texture on the other side of the door so it looks like this guy is just coming from another room of the house cool so this guy is French that's his entire character no mercy I French we drink wine anyway the French guy saw a monster in the Amazon and he needs the Monster Hunters to go get it they dick around for over a minute like oh we can't go this guy's a afraid of heights we don't travel well and then they just go anyway and it's not a problem I love when terrible movies waste my time it's great and uh-oh the French guy says this when we arrive there you'll all be in for a little surprise I can't wait to hypnotize as many people as possible see this is actually a clever and subtle reference to the fact that this guy is a Twist villain I personally never would have caught that so I'm relieved that he said it out loud in the room where all these other guys are can you imagine how confusing the movie would be if he didn't do that God I don't want to live in that Universe we then cut [Music] two our Intrepid explorers are in the cave searching for the monster as Amanda simps for the French guy since that's what we got to have our only female lead doing again can you imagine a universe where the female lead in this movie doesn't have a guy to obsess over cuz I can't but but uh-oh it's a trap the French guy tricked them because he was after the Mind Control Stone hey why does a stone that powers a hot air balloon house also have a Mind Control Function if you ask that question you're an idiot because how dare you question the scientific logic at play in this glorious cinematic achievement shame on you go sit in the corner and think about what you've done but oh no he can't activate the stone because every time he tries to say lavender his accent stops it from working you know what I'll give the movie this it is kind of funny to make fun of French people that French Quon is probably at a luxury hotel taking a bath after this little Amazon adventure and goodness knows he needs one whoa whoa um okay I know I just said making fun of French people is funny but that was um that was a little out of pocket I don't know starting to get into calling people by a certain food from their culture and assuming he doesn't bathe is I don't know feels like the beginning of a slippery slope oh well I'm sure this won't escalate into anything horrible again French people are some of the only acceptable targets to make fun of along with British people and Americans so I guess I can let all this slide anyway good news I guess he got the stone to work I'm a genius H that was a pretty funny edit I just put in there right well guess what that wasn't an edit that was how it actually fing happens in the movie and now the miracle Stone has has a new purpose outside of powering a hot air balloon and mass hypnosis it opens a portal that shoots out three monsters in their default poses the monsters see a bunch of photographs of real life locations and then jump out of frame presumably all the way to those places except one of them jumps at the French guy but ends up captured by the scientists how did they escape the cave there was no indication that they had a way out of the cave are they going to say how they got out of the cave no okay we mustn't forget get to write the ETS to thank them for these lasers hey reference anyway I'm only now realizing that this is where they get the balloon and The Rock was just making them fly without a balloon before I apologize for this Grievous error I have slandered the good name of what's up balloon to the rescue with this misinformation so the scientist puts attack and monster into Google this is such a riveting scientific process and oh what do you know turns out the monster is attacking the Eiffel Tower so they got to go to Paris the French guy also attempts to use the code word to activate the Rock in front of everyone hello is he stupid I don't trust this Frenchman yeah I wonder why I wonder what about him is so untrustworthy something's just not right with him his accent will get better what what do you mean get better what exactly do you mean by that Mr what's up scientist man okay I take it back maybe it is possible to be racist against French people but surely that's as bad as the movie gets in that regard right anyway it's time for the epic battle with the monster it happens in the background and they just shoot it with the laser twice and then it shrinks and gets in the bubble and that was it I'm trying to imagine kids watching this like is this going to work for any of them oh wow a Monster hunting movie where all the monsters don't do anything cool and the fights with them just happen in the background and most of the movie is old guys saying questionable things about a French dude I'm getting be honest in terms of the video brinko Cannon I really got a lot more enjoyment out of ratat toying the Little Panda fighter and whatever the [ __ ] car movie was they had a lot more so bad it's good qualities to them and they really stuck out in our minds as a result here this movie better have something memorable up its sleeve something that I'll never be able to forget we then get an unbroken 25sec shot of the stupid kid eating a piece of candy the French man gave him and I guess he got ruy cuz he falls asleep after eating it this all happens right in front of Amanda I'm telling you these people are the dumbest [ __ ] alive anyway he keeps trying to tell her that they should take up the Monster hunting business and the old dudes should retire then we get a scene where the kid eats candy in front of the monsters and mocks them for not having any I guess that means he's a little [ __ ] but honestly I can't be bothered to hate him I feel absolutely nothing towards this movie it is draining me with its overly long unbearably drawn out 45-minute run time but at the very least it's all going in one ear and out the other none of this is going to stick with me great waro I can see the shadow of the Great Wall of China so I guess now the French guy ruy is the two old dudes and Amanda is totally down for this cuz she wants them to rest cuz they're too old okay so Amanda and French go to China and nothing about this scene is right the boy showed up even though in the last scene Amanda told him to go to his room and she has no reaction to the fact that he's here the French guy sees the monster then there's a bunch of other dialogue then he's like EK a Monster yeah That's the monster you just fing saw that you were here to catch Amanda's like why don't we let my uncle help us what you mean the guy you roofied am I just going insane or is this how the movie is I would tell you guys to check it out yourselves and let me know but then again I don't want to subject you to this torture so French boy is like let's get this monster and I will hypnotize the entire entire world and for some reason this is when Amanda finally realizes hey maybe this guy who talks about hypnotizing the entire world in front of us multiple times wants to hypnotize the entire world also he somehow broke the [ __ ] laser gun he needed to use on the monster how did that happen when did that happen does it [ __ ] matter I hate this movie so much it is so worthless and nothing about it is going to stick in my mind after it's over junky camera made in China oh oh arato no problem but Arigato is Japanese I'm Chinese my name is Ching Ling hello this a racist cartoon so I'm sorry that I ever asked for this movie to have something memorable in it I take it back I take it all back I want to forget this movie ever happens I mean I guess it was kind of funny how the whitest lady alive said Arigato to a Chinese man that confidently so maybe the movie is just going to joke about how ignorant everyone else acts towards this guy right that's not as bad right so everyone escapes on balloons hey reference and the new plan the old guys concocted is for the kid to wear a cookie costume how did they come up with that plan so quickly if the kid was over there with Amanda and French it's almost like you should have just not had him in that scene and then it would have made sense since he would be back at the house with with the old guys and okay I think we're living in a post questioning the logic of this movie world nothing makes sense nothing matters it now I want to see if they're going to call me a sidekick mascot tag along they're going to know my name is G so anyway what's his name distracts the monster just so the scientist can shoot him with a ray gun what I thought the ray gun was destroyed and if you had a spare ray gun then why did you need to distract him with a kid dressed up as a cookie why not just shoot him with a ray gun what was the point of the cookie okay I said I wasn't going to question the movies logic it's just so easy to find holes cuz this movie is so bad once again nothing about its awfulness is fun or endearing like the other mockbusters the only thing that makes it stand out is the Chinese guy is in with my monsters I don't want that Chinese guy in there with my monsters he didn't even say anything when I showed him the cookie did you try showing him a fortune cookie huh what's going on what am I watching this might actually be the worst animated movie I've ever seen like at least Surfs Up to wave Mania was I don't know not actively and flagrantly racist God what a deplorable film even without the random out of nowhere racism it's practically worthless it added no value to my life I'd like to amend what I said in my Whisper of the Heart video the world is a better place with your story in it unless you made what's up balloon to the rescue in which case [ __ ] you you dumb piece of [ __ ] so this guy is totally cool with vibing in the monster bubble and the Monsters don't try to eat him or anything okay and Amanda doesn't immediately tell anyone that the French guy is evil and they just let him walk around the house then later she tells old guy one and he's like oh no we got to stop him but no he got the rock this was the most easily preventable conflict of all time you just had to say he was evil before they let him back in the fing house anyway he hypnotizes all of them except the stupid kid is wearing sunglasses so I guess the rock doesn't work on him he then shits his pants and he makes the guy Drop the Rock we then get the riveting climax where the monsters are slowly chasing the boy this is so cool hey Beijing give me a hand will you perfect China I promise to give you some Muk guy Pin when we get back to the house you know sometimes you look at a kid and you can just tell they're going down the alt-right pipeline when they get older like no kid has ever given off that energy quite as much as this [ __ ] we then get the Epic suitup Montage that probably should have happened earlier than the last five fuing minutes of the movie it reminded me of the suitup Montage from ratat toying and made me think God I wish I was watching ratat toying right now and if you're actually making me think that then that's how you know you're one of the worst movies ever conceived by human Minds anyway they strand the French guy in another dimension and they say oh well there's nothing else we could have done that was the punishment he deserved and it also turns out that Amanda is dating the Chinese guy I wonder what comments the rest of the family will have about this but did you really have to pick someone who might be smarter than me huh I thought he was just going to make us some dinner you shut the [ __ ] up you shut the [ __ ] up I hope you die in a fire if you make something like this movie you're a bad person I've never once said that about a piece of art before for I think doing so can be a bit reductive but I think it's safe to say that for this movie after all it has zero Defenders I dare you to try defending it it's a truly agonizing ordeal that is Head and Shoulders beneath every other mockbuster I've seen I cannot think of a better finale for this series than what's up balloon to the rescue so thanks for watching our silly little mockbuster reviews over the years everyone and happy Birthday [Music] [Applause] Chris

Channel: Schaffrillas Productions

Views: 778,191

Keywords: Schaffrillas Productions, What's Up, Up

Id: iRDJzPbn5jw

Length: 16min 21sec (981 seconds)

Published: Mon Oct 09 2023