What's The Best Advice You've Ever Gotten? (r/AskReddit)

what's the best advice you've ever received learn something about everything and everything about something from My Father you can love the company you work for all you like just remember the company does not love you back excellent advice measure twice and cut once never argue with a fool onlookers may not be able to tell the difference Mark Twain and never argue with stupid people they will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience Mark Twain when your anger passes the relationship is still there basically when you're no longer angry the damage done to your relationship while you acted on your anger remains and permanently hurts the relationship in a year from now you'll wish you started today don't promise when you're happy don't reply when you're angry don't decide when you're sad I think I came across this one in 2012 and it has had a significant impact on me don't buy groceries when you're hungry don't look at what people say look at what they do mama always said stupid is as stupid does if it smells like crap where ever you go check under your own shoes first along the same lines if you meet an butthole in the morning you met and butthole if you run into buttholes all day long you're probably the butthole a bend in the road isn't the end unless we fail to make the turn if you can't be good be safe my father if you can't be safe name it after me my grandfather if you're ever caught with your eyes closed at work the first thing you need to say our men just ask my father's advice to 16 year old me on how to get laid your dad seems pretty cool people aren't all good and they aren't all bad being an optimistic person the first part is sometimes harder to accept it's more of a hindsight piece of advice but it's good never be too proud to sweep the floors freak that if everyone at my workplace had this attitude I'd be out of a cleaning job keep dry and away from children I got it from a box of matches still good advice you keep cool do not freeze says my mayonnaise jar when you have a generous impulse follow it if it randomly occurs to you to give money to a homeless guy or offer to help a friend move or pay the toll for the person behind you just do it I've noticed that I have thoughts like this all the time but then I'm talking myself out of it by the next thought if I keep this advice in mind then I'm much more likely to go through with it and performing small acts of kindness makes everybody happy if I hadn't agreed to help an acquaintance move neither of us would have met our wives I ended up dating and marrying one of his exes and he ended up with one of mine buy a plunger before you need a plunger as a teenager when I first started working part-time jobs my dad said to me if there is no work to be done don't just stand there with your hands in your pockets pick up a broom and start sweeping best work-related advice I ever received if you say no to one social arrangement you say no to 100 more that will come out of it oh good that is much more efficient keep moving forward from a sign in an underground parking garage if you take yourself too seriously no one else will on the flip side if you never take yourself seriously no one else will either everything in moderation we judge ourselves based on our thoughts the world judges us based on our actions really opened my eyes let's see if this changes anything up you judge others by their actions and yourself by your intentions always crap before you shower my dad always told me when du/dr cheetah's I am wrong bish Dan bish I am falchion Rome translated if you're the smartest in the room you are in the wrong please don't take this advice kindergarten teachers never mention a woman's facial hair learned from experience I once told the GF fault mine she should wear deodorant she was Asian and said Asians do not need deodorant we don't sweat like white people she needed the augment she was not aware four years of her occasional body odor she was not impressed however it probably helped her in the long run to keep jobs and make friends so she's welcome my guess if you ever get married don't freak other women buy some dude who goes by giraffe you'll notice you live your life so much more when you stop giving a crap about what you think others think about you surprise everyone show them you're more than a pretty face and then laugh as them when they look shocked that you've made it told to me when I was 17 and was suffering depression and really hated who I was took me until I was 21 to be confident enough in who I was to actually do it I live by those words it feels so liberating going into university everybody there is just as new to this environment as you they don't have friends they don't know the streets for the first time since the first day of school you're all on a level playing field nobody knows you nobody knows anybody you can be whoever you want uninhibited by the past that crap made me so much more socially adaptable in school I was quiet and recluse if I was one of the rejects now I can talk to anyone without a problem and my confidence is higher than ever the other week I recommended a band to some random girl in a CD shop whereas I'd never have done that before same goes for asking people a time making phone calls making friends sparking conversations with strangers etc in school if you're unpopular you don't get to go up and talk to the popular kids at university you can go up to a jock geek whoever shoot the crap and not worry about him knowing you by your high school blunders starting fresh in a place where nobody else has friends yet was fantastic honestly that experience was more valuable than the degree itself you deserve what you accept one of my university professors once told me that and it has stuck with me and I will never accept failure and it taught me never to blame my shortcomings on circumstance or anyone else I understand this one but I can't read it without picturing a snooty B in a retail store asking the staff to perform miracles or abusing fast-food workers for a slight mistake in an order as a parent you cannot protect your children from this world you can only prepare them if you think you know something find someone who disagrees and listen to them the money you save buying bad food will later be spent on hospital bills Serbian dude in a grocery store when my family first came to America it's better to pay the grocer than the doctor Italian saying two pieces of advice are tied for the best ever when you shake hands place the webbing of your thumb against the webbing of the other person's thumb before your grips close this will give you a firm handshake and prevent the other person from trying to assert dominance by crushing your fingers on my first day of gradual school a faculty research assistant said whenever there's a free food event go because the stipends are not that large the office administrators always send out email notifications of free food in the main office I've since set my phone to auto update my inbox on high frequency your black and short you need to work harder than everyone else to get a good job thanks dad prepare for the worst hope for the best my dad's advice upon finding out I was gay well you've still always got to wear a condom because men are filthy and will literally flick anything you have to be your own person first my high school band teacher in response to a student friend of mine she was dating someone in the Navy US and he was being deployed to Maryland she wanted to drop everything and go with her boyfriend after her music lesson she asked what to do I was in the room across my lesson was next the single best piece of advice I have indirectly received it's better to regret something you did than something you didn't do the butthole surfers but prison says otherwise be confident and act like you belong got me into some places for free I was at a music festival in the summer they had slip and slides and whatnot so I was wearing a bikini they had this VIP area for dollar sign 150 a person where you will get free drinks and food I walked in there without a wristband when I was stopped I pointed to some promo models from a gym wearing a similar color bikini at me I said I was with them got a wristband and a job the person who owned the gym saw it and offered me to be part of his promo crew that led to me being a ring-card girl for some amazing boxing matches I knew it was a silly idea to talk about being a female and getting into places in reddit at least I get some more content for creepy rooms I'm staying at my parents house and my father and I are both on laptops on either side of the room I'm supposed to be doing my coursework he's supposedly doing his taxes he says that verbatim all the time I'm now wondering if they are both procrastinating on reddit , the acid of bitterness eats the container that holds it comel I never learned anything when I was talking , you cannot change the past but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future , life becomes easier when you learn to accept the apology you never got comma cutting people out of your life doesn't mean you hate them it simply means you respect yourself not everyone is meant to stay right double quotation mark comma you really need to know a person inside and out to be in love with them if you're filling in blanks it's likely infatuation comma you are not required to set yourself on fire to keep other people warm I think I've seen some of these on Facebook set to a blurry background of a flower I was in the Thai countryside as an English teacher for half a year once second week the principal's brother whom I was staying with took me to see a Buddhist temple out in the forest I think mostly he wanted to show off his foreign guests anyway he sat me down in front of the head monk and then the two of them sat talking for half an hour in Thai when he went to the car to get something the head monk leaned forward conspiratorial ium said to me fat you exercise okay story time so one day I was sitting around I was an early teenager so it was pretty much a given that I was super frisky I began jacking off because well what else is there to do am i right anyways I was jerking and working and I wanted to escalate my masturbatory experience I wanted to Frick something unfortunately for my young narcissistically promiscuous self this is easier said than done but so I set out on a quest introspective and next respective to find some object that is Fric of all I looked at Luther's and chairs and trash cans and trash but nothing quite fit the size of my pubescent dong until I found the one it was a calendar I had several years out of date that was bound with a metal spiral like a notebook the spiral seemed just the right size to fit my monuments to horniness so instead of taking precautions like looming up or getting all the way hard or thinking I went gung-ho at it as I said before I was not quite all the way erect and so as I was going at it the tiny monster began to expand as you can imagine it started to get a little uncomfortable in a couple of ways so I decided to give it a rest unfortunately the little guy had swollen a bit both from bonner OCT and from some chafing from the metal rings I had found that my dong had gotten stuck in the calendar so there I was saving the date in a very special way and nobody else was home I couldn't pry my Excalibur from this stone to crown myself the king of stupid freakin ideas I had to get somebody to help though I wasn't about to call 9 1 since I had heard that she got billed for that sort of stuff and I didn't want my mom finding out about this escapade the only person nearby that I could think of was old man Nicholson my neighbor this guy had to be 70 at least he had been in the war and was short stocky and I'm pretty sure was made of calluses for the huge extent that I did not want to go to him for help I had to so I went a waddling over next door as discreetly as possible with my pants most of the way on I rang the doorbell and after an uncomfortable minute or so he came to the door at first he didn't notice the problem but I said something like mr. Nicholson I need some help and look down at the problem that had arisen he didn't even bat an eye he took me inside and using some pliers we eventually got the rings are parked enough for me to withdraw he didn't ask any questions but when I was walking out of the door he looked me in the eye and said son you just don't Frick calendars don't take life seriously no one gets out alive anyway has served me very well over the years don't let your circumstances choose your actions for you you can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themself into you have been spotted by the rare flying flew fur if you comment good boy below he don't steal your hot dogs any more if you are new to the channel you can subscribe I publish new videos every day until then check another video or don't either way have a great day you magnificent people you

Channel: On Tap Studios

Views: 33,281

Rating: 4.9329844 out of 5

Keywords: #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, sub, reddit cringe, memes, comment awards, dankify, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, chill, story, stories, reddit on tap, reddit advice, top post, askreddit fun, askreddit new, just ask reddit

Id: TTiDF2ix_Ug

Length: 14min 20sec (860 seconds)

Published: Sat Nov 09 2019