What's It Like Being An Orphan That Never Got Adopted?

orphans who didn't get adopted what happened and how is life now I went into foster care when I was 13 and eventually aged out I was in about 12 homes between the ages of 13 16 it's not easy to place a teenage girl I'm white and 10 out of my 12 families were black my state I'm not sure if this is something that is done everywhere had an annual foster child of the Year award you get nominated by social workers and foster parents when I was 16 I was nominated in one got to go to a big banquet met Stedman Graham was given $1,000 anyways after I won that I was placed with a very nice family who I stayed with until I was 18 always thought they would adopt me but they never did I'm 28 now and I don't talk to any of them anymore now I own my own business I'm getting married in two weeks I made my own family out of friends who I celebrate holidays with sometimes I feel left out when people are talking about their childhood and the things they did growing up I've had rough patches I get lonely it would be easy to get bitter but I know how much life can truly suck and I'm grateful for every day it doesn't so I was never adopted grew up in four different gov homes and then was going to be kicked when I turned 18 I was in school and the military was always showing up doing those recruiting booths I joined the Air Force and have been in 19 years now found my own family and really proved the phrase blood doesn't make family I have been to seven continents and over two dozen countries I have to tell your retirement is scarier than those days as a kid I wasn't an orphan in the sense that my parents were dead but neither were capable of caring for me at age 13 I was forcibly removed from my mom's care she lost physical and legal custody of me and my siblings and I was placed with family my grandparents had temporary custody of me until my mom was fit to be a parent again problem was she never got her act together so I remained a ward of the state with legal guardians until I graduated high school I wish I was put in foster care with stray then at least the neglect abuse trauma experienced would be more understandable but the way I see it it must be easier to treat strangers poorly than your own flesh and blood if I was living with strangers I wouldn't have taken it all so personally it's been about 13 years since my family was split by the courts and in this time I managed to graduate from high school and college have a few relationships albeit failed once I have a kid who is pretty awesome and eight years of therapy to show that I've made some positive progress emotionally I ultimately hoped to work with families who are impacted by addiction and mental health which is what split my family to connect them with resources and built emotional psychiatric resiliency to cope with these problems I believe I've stopped the cycle of abuse in my family I want to help others stop the cycle too I believe I've stopped the cycle of abuse in my family I want to help others stop the cycle too this is profound I was effectively raised in a big facility for kids they didn't have room for kids too damaged by abuse the system to be out and about these days I'm mostly upset about what it did to the continuity of my education my past ruined my future and the only girl I've ever loved doesn't want me because I'm a mess and it just kinda kills me everyday to know I'm so disposable an auxiliary person I think because I've never had a stable family or being accepted anywhere I put a lot more value in human relationships than other people and time after time I've learned I'm not worth it to the rest of the world it's weird because I've always been reasonably intelligent and done well in school so all the things most people really value have come easy to me I'm working on grad school will get a doctorate I play the bass guitar I've travelled a bit but all I ever wanted was to love and be loved and it just feels impossible all I want is something everyone else just seems to have I still watch everyone go to their parents houses for Christmas and Thanksgiving and I've got nowhere to go I've graduated college with no one there to cheer me on I'm just getting tired of exerting myself when truthfully no one really cares when I was being hurt growing I always felt like it was something to rise against I always knew I could forge a future for myself with education get a good job and love someone in a way no one's loved me these days though at 30 I just feel like I missed the boat and I'm tired of the miserable world I live in not trying to be creepy it's probably 500 percent creepy but I saw in your post history that you were having a hard time and living out of your car it was five months ago but I just wanted to see how you're doing now if that's still the case I'm in the pnw also and just want to make sure you've got a good place to sleep tonight I was in foster care that was never adopted I was taken away from my biological family at a young age and from then on I only met them by appointment on a weekly basis for about an hour under supervision I went from home to home being told directly that you are only here because you make us money and if you were my real son you would be treated differently when I would misbehave my foster parents would threaten to call the agency and return me like some sort of defective product during the summer time I was sent to camp so they can get a break from me and spend alone time with their biological children it took a mental toll on me and I lived in constant fear the people I was surrounded with in my foster homes maybe believe that anybody that interacted with me wanted to use me and that led me to withdraw from everybody and isolate myself to be on the safe side I really only felt at home when I was in school things are better now I am working on my PhD and I'm trying my very best to build healthy relationships with people but it is extremely hard to open up when I've been hurt so much when I see stray cats on the street that don't trust me to feed them I feel I have a deeper understanding of why they act the way they do my walk out life has taught me that all things are transient but the best feeling that I've ever felt is love if you have any children give them a big hug and tell them you love them it means more than you would ever know goddamn some people suck glads things are looking up I wish you the best you deserve it I'm not a foster child [ __ ] my friend wasn't in middle school Arnett forget people were picking on her and she said to me it's okay that they make funny TC because my parents picked me out of all the other kids they could have chosen another child but they picked me and I'm here at this school we were at a private school that I took for granted looking back idk they'll just kinda always stuck with me there's something special I think about being adopted for long term I was in foster care with relatives after my mother died but was never in the system per se they kicked me out at 18 but I was eligible for a lot of benefits due to being a ward of the state my teen years my aunt and uncle never officially adopted me I struggled through college but I did end up graduating and have a solid job a home and him getting married in less than three months congratulations you've overcome some astounding odds I'm very happy to hear that you've found someone to share your life with going forward I was in foster care but I was never adopted my first foster parents never legally adopted me but we call each other family they never were emotional and I constantly live in fear of being disowned if I don't finish college or maintain a catholic lifestyle both motivating and depressing I was taken in by relatives but never legally adopted they raised me fine and the only real issue is that I didn't have insurance between the ages of 18 when I was dropped from their plan for being an adult and 24 when I had to purchase insurance for the Acker if I was legally theirs I could stay on their plan for another two years same exact thing with me except I got insurance at 23 when I got a full-time job after college I'm surviving not technically an orphan but grew up in foster care I have no family but my baby sister who is now an adult and is surviving as well I've always been like her mum so we do holidays and things together with the souls we had at the time life is hard especially when you have no one to turn to for help friends make it better but I don't have any super close ones except one my mom is still around but not really as a mom in the sense of wanting to take care of us things could be and as I type this I look around to all of my fur babies and see all the things I own and I feel grateful for what I have if I know anything it's that my life won't always be this way and things always get better another foster parent here even my toughest placement was so so so worth taking I love doing it even with the love its ups and downs and it has made me passionate about foster care and children's rights thanks to you kind of people I lost my brother sister and my parents on one single night that was the hardest period I had ever suffered even though the feeling was never the same my foster parents had definitely got me through were their care my mom was in 42 different foster homes orphanages etc a mom never got adopted for two reasons they would not split her and her psychotic violent brother up and my sociopath of a grandmother would prevent anyone from adopting mom if mom was getting emotionally attached to her foster mother psycho grandma would find out and have mom pulled out of the home mum would tell grandma about snice foster mother during planned visits even though mom and uncle had two parents they were still in orphanages and foster homes since their narcissistic mother and playboy father couldn't be bothered with taking care of their own kids my mom turned out okay finally found stability in my dad who loved and cared for her until the day he died now I take care of her she's had such a tough life and her strength shows she came out of that traumatic childhood sane and able to raise a family I was never adopted and ultimately I go through life feeling unloved no matter who is around I believe nobody will ever love me emotionally I'm all messed up but professionally I'm doing well and physically I look good so I'm not an orphan but had to be put in care due to abuse and other things reading all your stories makes me feel like you are my family we guys get each other know what we went through and how freaked up emotionally we are now love you all I was adopted from orphanage in Haiti some of my friends that didn't get adopted have been sponsored by wealthy family in Canada they said my 1460 they are pushed out of the orphanage compound and into the real world some continued with education but most try to find their way in a country with little to no opportunity some have moved to Dominican Republic for more opportunity the ones that have been sponsored as spend the first five years learning the language of getting a job okay so my parents both relented their rides so I was a ward of the state but I was kicked out of foster care at 20 because I got my own place and they saw that as being defiant so I'm currently going to school for meteorology I have a full-time job I have my own car I do suffer from depression but I have ambitions and I refuse to be like my parents I think I'm going great as far as never being adopted well that was my fault I was a very badly behaved foster kid and I flicked up every chance I had for a family I regret it now but I don't let it hold me back finally something I know a little about I grew up in state care from about age 9 to 17 I lost my father when I was about six years old to suicide and I don't remember him much my mom sort of went downhill from there drugs bad boyfriends the whole nine yards I went into state care and started my extended stay with the state I bounced between about 12 different homes before getting myself stuck in a dreaded group home for at-risk youth I quickly about pulled my crap together and applied to a private foster care program called Casey family programs I finally got a shot at a little normalcy before aging out of the system I now work as a software engineer and I'm doing pretty well all things considered have a great relationship with my foster adopted family and even some halfway decent relationship with my birth mother today I'm doing good unfortunately the little foster kid in the back of my head is always ready for things to fall apart I was raised by various family members I did the little time in a foster home the subject of adoption never really came up my mom's family helped me through college along with student loans I teach English in China now and I'm looking to return to the US next year best part my abusive parents had the decency to a shoot himself in the head and then be she died off cancer a year later so honestly I don't give too many shoots about their passing away well but now it was 30 years ago and it was a long road to get to where I am now wasn't a pretty one at times I struggled a lot with being self-destructive depressive and all sorts of things I still struggle a lot it remind myself on a daily basis that crap can always be worst enjoy what I have now and don't be crippled by thoughts of the past isn't always easy but it often it's all I got so it has to do for stunned at age 14 here growing up was drastically different than everyone else I've noticed I wouldn't say it was all bad but the majority of it was crappy I didn't realize it at the time I'm 22 now and I have a really hard time making any actual connection with people honestly I find a lot of the time I have a difficult time feeling sympathy or empathy don't get me wrong I do feel them just not too often for the longest time I resented people who had a whole family and especially the ones who hate their mom dad but I've grown out of that now I'd say I'm a mostly functional human being I've done some freaked up things to some people I am what I am and I'm always working on being a better person losing your parents sucks but but I think comparatively I've had it easy I'm not putting all the details in here because I'm busy but if you have any questions I'll answer them I was left at the hospital by my biological mother immediately after being born she hadn't lined up an adoptive family or even contacted an adoption agency this was in the late eighties when the have AIDS panic was high while I was eventually adopted there were a lot of babies in my situation who were not because adoptive parents were fearful of adopting an infant if the mother's HIV status wasn't know quite often the foster parents want precious little babies to adopt the reason that a lot of older kids go to group homes is often because no foster parents are available or willing to take them behavior can steer them to better or worse places I was raised in foster care from age seven til I aged out I lived at a few homes but never found my forever home so to speak something unlovable about me I I still call my last foster family family but legally we aren't anything I really struggled in my twenties with drug and booze wasted a lot of years trying to self-medicate I did get a BA degree in history somehow quit drinking won't even touch more than two aspirin I have a real job a retirement account and own my own home I have two children I adore and make sure they have none of the issues I hired I still have a lot of issues and get depressed because I know if I had the least bit of a normal life I could be so much then what I am now I never got adopted but the state surrendered me back to my parents right before high school that was about seven years ago all of my observations often the Texas foster care system but they should generally be indicative of the systems across the country but federally they are supposed to be organized similarly the system is tough in some place absolutely lovely in others I had a good experience in the foster care system FCS but some kids don't generally we all just knew that anyone who made it passed about eight without getting adopted was pretty strongly not likely to get adopted a lot of kids get to be a bit bitter and angry that they never get adopted and that absolutely kills their likelihood to get adopted there's also a fair amount of racism amongst the middle school and elder kids at bigger group homes where the parents don't work to make it feel like a family but it seems to generally be against the white kids who are a minority in the foster care system you can always tell which parents really love being foster parents and which are either burnt out or don't really love it the ones who love raising kids always keep their homes disciplined and they really will make you realize how lucky you are to have em just like the good teachers in school good foster parents in the circuit have a good reputation I can't speak for other states but Texas has a good system a friend of mine was removed from his home as a kid his dad was in white collar Jail and his stepmother beat him a neighbor called the cops when they found my friend half-naked under box trying to keep the snow off himself in winter dad refused to give up writes mother who took off years ago refused so he was stuck in a group home until he was 18 he said it sucked but was better than being beating or not fed at 18 they gave him the boot onto the streets he got a job an apartment and lost it shortly after the landlord kicked him out for having a friend over he lived with us a year after that my family wanted him to have a safe place to grow up a bit more and breath before hitting the real world he struggled for a few years but he got his college degree got married had a kid and is doing well now he always was bitter that his parents wouldn't give up their rides he could have had a proper home instead of belonging to two people who forgot about him and don't even see him I didn't live in a foster home I was placed into a group home after me and my brother were removed from our home for child abuse so I don't know if I would be counted as an orphan but I will share anyway I was removed when I was 17 but I have been in state custody a few times for child abuse on my mother's side I lived in a Georgia and since I was so close to outgrowing the system they offered me an Independent Living Program where DSCs would help me get an apartment and a job but I was placed back at my house right before I turned 18 I have been on my own since I have been 18 April I had no job just kicked out of my home and no itten no license and the first thing DFCS did when I called them was meet me face to face and tell me I was no longer in the system but to call them if I needed anything else while I was still in custody I was college bound in the most DFCS did for me was financially hinder me to the point that I might not be able to attend college this fall after filling out my FAFSA for college I was awarded the fullest support possible by the state but when I was audited for my fall semester they wanted a lot of papers from the IRS and DSCs but the IRS won't respond to my faxes calls or even online DF C's is even worse I had almost five different caseworkers while in the system and now every time I called es C's about help with my or if they don't pick up my calls no represent it will help me and basically have cut off all support and contact so now I have no way to get a loan for school because I have no family no way to get a job because I start school soon and getting a job now would mean I can't go to school this semester and my only way of going to college as either DFCS help me with the audit or I win the lottery and pay for my first semester out of pocket TL DR not doing so well find the closest office and sit in there every day bugging people until you the information you need if someone says they can't help you ask for their manager and don't leave until you get help from someone don't take their crap don't take another phone number if they want you to meet with someone else you have them call while you are there and set up an appointment my parents got by but never had much money they divorced when I was 10 my dad was a Vietnam vet in an alcoholic a tough combo my mom was perfect she wasn't but that's how I remember her my dad drank himself to death when I was 15 and then my mom had a heart attack and died in her sleep when I was 16 the day after Thanksgiving I frickin hate Thanksgiving but I was lucky a friend's parents offered to take care of me until I graduated high school and my aunt and uncle legal guardians loved me a lot they tried to make themselves a presence but didn't want to force the mom and dad's thing down my throat either the relationship with my friend really suffered because he felt I got preferential treatment when it came to discipline I did I stayed out late at night skipped dinner frequently she was a terrible cook my mom was freaking gourmet and generally acted like kind of an butthole for the two years that I was there his mom used to get really pee at me when I would show up five minutes after curfew and shrug it off the upshot of staying in the same school as I met a girl we hit it off and started dating and her family was really good to me they Femi good food and treated me with respect and without pity I really liked them too we stayed together through college moved in together and got married I started working for her father then he got sick really really sick he had a super-advanced stage of bowel cancer and had a few years left if that he asked if I wanted to take over his business even though I had only been working for him for a year or so I said yes and when he died a year later I took over anyway life turned out okay I kept the business afloat and bought a house with my wife after a few years now we've got two kids and things are looking pretty good I miss my parents a lot though I wish they could see their grandkids when I got out of foster care I joined the army I was in for seven years and got out when my wife got pregnant now I am a veteran with a great job a house two cars and two kids so glad I did kill myself at 15 : I'm not dead lol my dad was never in the picture and when I was 15 my mom went to prison for manufacturing and distributing em she was sentenced to five years and I haven't seen her since I lived with cousins also drug addicts until I was 16 got a job selling newspaper subscriptions door-to-door after school went for the get the same year and started college but ended up dropping out because I had no car and couldn't make it to school and had no one to help after that I joined the army and now that I'm out and have the GI Bill to provide a little stability I'm finishing my degree I'm an orphan and went to live in a foster home over the years around 200 other kids came and went it affects you not having a real family I am still in contact with my twin sister who had the same date of birth as me and my little brother that is 13 years my junior but I took him under my wing because his parents died in a crash as well I'm not going to say life was easy it wasn't there were some mental health issues I spent some time in a mental hospital but came out got into university got my degree went to work in the private sector done well there no one seemed to care about my mental health past no one asked about my parents or life growing up I now work in a university after the crash of 2009 I am married with two kids which I love more than life I will do everything I can to show them how much I love them and protect them from the bad in this world all in all it wasn't a start to my life but you learned from everything and more importantly you can grow my girlfriend was kicked out of her home at 14 her parents were addicts with anger problems my parents let her move in with us it's been seven years and we had our own place together now it was so nice of my parents to do that I don't know what shape she would be in have they not been so loving as to welcome her into our home I was in foster care since shortly after birth no father in the picture never made the guide to this day although I have been presented opportunities and mom did not have any education from Mexico have an older brother that got into trouble frequently which kept both of us bouncing from foster home to foster home at the age of six we moved to a home where I would stay from then to aging out felt like part of the family foster and thought things were good very close to my 18th birthday I was asked by my social worker if I had somewhere I could stay if needed I told her yes and I was told they had new foster kids coming in a few days moved out that weekend after spending 12 years with these people was not given any kind of goodbye all right I'm taking off then all right tried work my way up job ladders after dropping out of Community College at nineteen stroke 20 lost her job and tried to apply places with a lot of experience and could not get a job to save my life after a 10-year hiatus went back to Community College and transferred to a four-year starting my senior year which I plan to continue with a master's degree and hope to go into school counseling would love to make an impact on what I consider the most important years of dvelopment middle school I also lived in home for children a children's home as you will I ran away from an abusive family taking my younger brother with me since before I can remember my mother was a drug abuser and an alcoholic thus equalling neglect and abuse schooling was not a thing that she cared about to her children's well-being we skipped around in direct relation to her skipping from a man's bed to bed I ended up teaching myself how to read a diving into literature to escape eventually enough was an once I started getting wise to self independence and ran I was 12 we lived in a few neighborhoods that had an abundance of fruit trees stealing to survive drinking out of hoses etc people got wise and called the police they scooped us up and put us into CPS custody they moved us halfway house to halfway house the finally to a 24-hour facility for about a year to determine out temperament as children once they assessed us they sent us to Chasse it's a facility run but families male and female and then in alternate I saw a lot of kids phase and phase out and aged out of care the two hardest things about it was never having the sense of belonging as if they truly did not care school was a nightmare I started in seventh grade never knowing another child I was back placed because of the lack of education supposed to be an eighth making friends was hard they saw us as differ and alienated us because we were from the home I tried to fit and played varsity football for four years running away makes you fast it seems had a job and was likable but it never worked I graduated went to college couldn't afford it had to put my education on hold joined the military served for six years and three tours in war zones I'm currently working on my bachelor's in business in retrospective my biggest problem I think is the inability to love and trust I care deeply for people mostly my friends which I treat as if family but overall I care out on top for the people that still struggle dig deep find something you love hold up to that and use it to help you grow I apologize for the rant talking about it all helps I'm a white American male who has two living divorced parents who raised me in an upscale suburb Frick I'm lucky and yet I still have days where I feel like I'm tricked up but I'm grateful for post like this that helped keep me in check not me but my dad he was fortunately a great athlete got a baseball scholarship to college then dropped out to join the Marines and fight in Vietnam came back became a police officer drank a lot got married three times had me and finally died at 51 from drink himself to death I'm incredibly proud of how hard he fought to achieve upward mobility in society we were never rich but we never wanted for anything either still though growing up in an orphanage for kids really freaked him up and it's why he drank if someone had just bothered to love my dad as a kid he might still be alive today if you are new to the channel you can subscribe I publish new videos every day until then check another video bye for now

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Keywords: orphan, orphan tears, orphanage, orphan life, orphan life story, orphan lifestyle, orphan real life, orphan real life case, #updootst, updoot, reddit, r/askreddit, askreddit, ask reddit, r/, \r, r\, best of reddit, reddit stories, reddit story, top posts, funniest posts, funny, funny posts, funny askreddit, reddit funny, askreddit funny, askreddit stories, sub, reddit cringe, memes, comment awards, dankify, toadfilms, updoot everything, updoot reddit, chill, story, stories, reddit on tap

Id: 4XBi2jiEdx8

Length: 29min 56sec (1796 seconds)

Published: Sat Jun 20 2020