What is the most embarrassing situation you've been in? r/AskReddit | Reddit Jar

what is the most embarrassing situation you've been in this just happened to me yesterday so I figured I would tell the tale to start off I am new to this city and was recommended a doctor by my boyfriend when I got sick with pneumonia the doctor turns out to be absolutely gorgeous and accepting patients so I booked two appointments one to get my mouth removed and a pap an STD better be safe than sorry tests which I asked to be performed by female doctor the Pap test was bought for nine zero zero yesterday and the mole removal the following week I walked into the clinic at nine zero zero promptly yesterday and informed the receptionist that I am here for my appointment I wait for a bit and she brings me into one of the rooms but doesn't give me a dressing-gown which I thought was a bit weird I proceeded to take off my pants and underwear and lie on that uncomfortable white paper sheet that the doctor puts down with my legs up and facing the entrance to the room at this point in the story I should probably tell you guys that I had pulled an all-nighter finishing some school assignments I'm in a game design all year intensive so yes I have school in the summer so I was exhausted finally the doctor comes in it was a really attractive male doctor turns out I mixed up the appointments I was supposed to get the liquid nitrogen today I'm perpetually late and therefore have to move faster than I should when going anywhere with time constraints so I was in Sweden for a semester late for class on a snowy day riding a girl's bicycle I'm six feet to 185 lbs little baby blue and with a basket with the seat all the way down cause I couldn't get the post up so I'm booking it and get to a small roundabout from which I have to make a left so 90 degrees but in an arc around the little circle I got about halfway through the turn and looked down and realized that there was absolutely no effing way I was keeping my balance as soon as I realized I was going to fall it was like a cartoon character that walked off a cliff straight down of course this was 9 a.m. so there were a bunch of cows waiting there was no danger as the circle was so small it was a one at a time kind of thing I had my backpack and gym bag which both went sliding across the circle along with my bike I ran over picked up all my ste and rode off still late that was better than the time I fell off a treadmill running in the gym though cause that time I got back on while it was moving and fell off again I think my life is a giant string of these the worst was by far while I was in Afghanistan for those unaware soldiers tend to get incredibly crude to keep themselves entertained SX jokes innuendo and various acts of humiliation are not only common but encouraged to keep morale up making fun of another guys small penis is preferable to going native and shooting other soldiers I guess during one random insult exchange where someone said something about jacking off on my pillow or something similar I replied with sorry I'm allergic to sea man big big mistake I didn't even comprehend exactly what I'd said in the room was dead silence for what felt like a year finally someone said you know the only way you would know if you're allergic to semen is to have some of it on you right what followed was around half an hour of hysterical laughing and more comments for the rest of the deployment and onward my nickname was skeet skeet one of the soldiers involved here called me not all that long ago and let a voicemail the first thing he said on the message was hey skeet skeet and I couldn't help but laugh not my story but a friend's first know that the way his living room in his parents house is situated the TV is on the same wall as the hallway that leads to all the bedrooms with the TV just to the right of the hallway he was about 14 and it was about 2 a.m. on a school night his parents had been asleep for a few hours at this point he had to share a room with his brother so anytime it's night he wanted to cough he had to go to the bathroom one night I guess he got worked up and decided it would be a good idea to get one of his older brothers porn DVDs and put it on in the living room so he's got the porn going on the room is pitch black dark and he's laying on the ground with his legs spread going at it right in front of the television keep in mind that the TV is shining right in his face so he can't see anything else in the room but he's locked up so he finishes all over his stomach then lays his head back and closes his eyes that's when a foot nudges him in the leg and he has his dad say go back to bed his dad walked away it was never spoken of and he has absolutely no idea how long his dad had been standing there my teenage best friend once confided in me but the story was too good not to share he'll never live it down one Sunday aged 14 he wakes up and decides to have a Five Knuckle shuffle before facing the day so he pulls the duvet covers over his head and proceeds to make sweet love to his right hand after around 20 minutes of furious undercover power wanking he blows his load pulls back the covers two catches and sees the steaming hot cup of tea that his mum had placed on the dresser next to the bed I was working on a five man dry ice industrial cleaning crew it's similar to sandblasting and pressure washing the main difference is that the dry ice evaporates leaving nothing behind so it's cleaner and a bit more expensive we were at a factory in Niagara Falls some sort of rubber or car tyre manufacturer I want to say Goodyear but I honestly don't remember anymore I'm spraying the ceiling removing mold and some sort of deposit along a trough that chemicals run through I stepped back on the scissor lift my boot catches on hose I trip and fall backwards and the nozzle arcs right by the sprinkler for the fire suppression system I stopped stared at it for about five seconds thinking everything was going to be all right then the glass bulb breaks and boom fire alarm these pipes fill with water once then are left until they are set off after sitting there for 40-plus years the water was disgusting literally just black [ __ ] the entire portion of the factory was f king covered in this black [ __ ] not to mention when a fire alarm goes off the entire factory has to be shut down in that wing evacuated I don't know how much money they lost but this happened around noon and there was still shutdown at 7 p.m. when we left for the day mom accuses me of having SX in the bush when I had snuck out with my then-boyfriend and got caught I argue and argue look in the mirror my hair is full of leaves and stick I'm missing an earring and my face is full of branch imprints fiance and I walked in on my 17 year old brother and his ex having drunk SX on my mom's couch walked in on my mom and her boyfriend naked watching TV shouted when I was 12 and had the flu and confessed to my mum when she asked why I changed my pants apparently that was a good day to go commando shouted when I was 18 again with the flu but this time I was only wearing an extra-large shirt and I ended up getting some on the bed fiance was in the room and totally witnessed the entire thing now anytime I mentioned having to poop really bad I get trying not to poop on the bed again dot I am now 22 so I have a feeling I'm never living this one down low well the good news is I only embarrassed myself with my mom and loved ones still don't know my rationalization behind this action but so I was swimming at the kids house in the neighborhood whose parents could afford a pool we were playing this game called shark where the shark had to stand backwards on the diving board and the fish were in the pool on the sides the goal was to make it from side to side silently without a guy on the diving board hearing you jumping into the water and tagging you so I was standing up there backwards fighting the urge to pee for some reason I decided it would be best to start peeing midair as I jumped in to tag someone I misjudged my efforts and timing and started pissing on the diving board and got called out for having piss streaming down my legs the shame that followed lasted years glad I can share this isn't bad like the others but still pretty embarrassing for myself I had just arrived in Sydney and it was my first day of work I was running around the city and super excited to be in this brand new place I was about to cross this big intersection which was pax Russia I tripped on the sidewalk and fell forward instinctively I grabbed onto the man walking in front of me I grabbed onto his shirt ripping it as I fell and then grabbing onto his belt the belt wasn't on tight enough so I managed to cool his boxers down with me this bloke was in his mid forties and angry as hell so here I am laying face down in the middle of the crosswalk still holding on to this business man's ripped shirt pants and boxers all his junk was hanging out it took me a few seconds to realize what had just happened by this time cars were honking people were yelling and we were holding up traffic I managed to get up help him pull his pants up and then run away as fast as I could I sprinted into the closest 7-eleven I could find and stayed there for a good hour TLDR unintentionally pounced some poor guy went surfing in some fairly cold water about 64 degrees or so for a couple hours when I finally got tired and decided to come in I was sitting on the beach in my board shorts with my knees up resting my elbows on top people kept walking by and giggling and laughing in my general connection but I couldn't figure out why about 20 minutes of this pass as I am sitting on the beach trying to warm up in the Sun when I notice a slight breeze down below I figured it was a little chilly because of the wet board shorts but as I reach down to make an adjustments to the junk I discover that I have a gaping tear in my board shorts I had split them down the middle from the bottom of the velcro zipper down to halfway up the ass so for the past 20 minutes or so I've had my cold water shriveled on completely hanging out with my legs split open and we propped up on the sand in perfect view joy when I was 13 I was horny big surprise heart while I was also in Kerala South India this is back in the very early 90s f ck the Internet we barely had landline telephones porn was just not available but I needed to get off so what did I do I improvised my sis had a bunch of Archie comics I took one of the larger pictures of Betty and started tracing it out I left the clothes out and filled the details in this artwork coupled with my fertile imagination did the trick I was spanking the monkey with Gaston deed done I put the drawing in my cupboard and went on my merry way later that day while a whole bunch of family were around something to do with creativity came up in the conversation my mom looked directly at me and said I trova can draw really well can't you dice roller dot I saw that glint in her eye and just knew she knew I swear to God I died of embarrassment that day in fact this is just my animated corpse typing this comment out sure enough when I check the cupboard picture was gone late one night after everyone was asleep when I was 13 or 14 I was whacking it to grainy internet photos tediously sought out on Usenet and downloaded mat 14 for so as to not make a mess my normal routine was to quietly go across the hall to the bathroom and make a deposit in the sink I would leave all the lights off so as not to alert anyone on one particular night I went across the hall to the bathroom throbbing boner in hand and proceeded to unleash my fury into the sink immediately I hear what are you doing dot my dad was sitting on the toilet in the dark I hadn't seen him a few days later my school sponsored Internet was disconnected my parents were phoned because they reviewed the logs and saw connection to love a sexy calm which at the time was Playboy's website TLDR ejaculated in close proximity to my father when I was a senior in high school I was hanging out with my girlfriend at her house her parents were gone and we were the only two there we were just hanging out watching TV down in the basement my girlfriend tells me she's going upstairs to take a shower I just stayed in the basement and played some Zelda for a while after a while I head upstairs the bathroom door is open and my girlfriend is standing with her back to me with just a towel wrapped around her I go up behind her and put my arms around her and slide my hand down the front of the towel to wrap around one of her breasts my girlfriend then lets out a little scream and turns around it was my girlfriend's mother from the back they look pretty identical my girlfriend comes out of the room her room just as this is happening to find me foundling her mother's breast she and her mom were really cool and they would just tease me about it but her father was one big truck driving ex-marine that I found a bit intimidating even before this incident after this happened my girlfriend and her mother would tease me about this right in front of my girlfriend's father it was all inside joke kinda stuff so they weren't directly saying what I did but I was scared as hell he will figure it out when I was in fourth grade I watched a lot of DBZ because I thought it was awesome some guys were picking on me and my friend a lot it happened for a long time anyway one day I snapped but instead of fighting them or doing anything physical I tried to go super saiyan I did the whole yelling and tried to power up I even posed I kept trying to do it but it wasn't working it still succeeded because as kids got the f ck out of there cause they thought I was crazy third grade teacher didn't let me go use the restroom so I shat in class everyone saw the teacher let me go whenever I please from then on I was at a Taekwondo parents appreciation event when I was a kid because I was taking Taekwondo lessons anyway every student had to come on stage to say something nice being a terrible public speaker at 10 years old I started then ended up crying in front of everyone we're pathetic when I was six I had a problem cleaning myself thoroughly after dropping a deuce the fix was for me to come outside bend over spread em and ask mom in my clean double-quote well a month into the school year I had to go drop a deuce at school I raised my hand ask permission go to the bathroom that was at the back of the classroom shared between two classrooms then Penguin waddle out with my pants around my ankles in the middle of some kind of class turn around spread my cheeks and Oscar Mike leaned in a loud voice yeah that story follows me to this day ninth grade chemistry my lab partner was this flirty blonde a real looker our legs rubbed she smiled and I got a raging erection so I did the patented waistband tuck not only does the tuck conceal the boner but the tension in the waistband against a hard-on is quite breathtaking anyways it worked perfectly fine until I reached up to grab something into my shirt came up a little bit and she totally saw the purple head of my tummy hugger I mean I saw her make eye contact with it and watched her expression change do you have a boner and with a glibness only matched by unrelenting ninth-grade wait I said no I always do it like this double quote I had just moved to the Netherlands and me and my then bf went out to dinner to meet a group of his close friends whom I had never met at a trendy restaurant in Amsterdam our table was elevated about half a foot from the floor which made us higher than surrounding tables and quite visible to everyone having enjoyed the fruits of Holland as only a new arrival can appreciate I was a bit shall we say unbalanced and when I scooted my chair back and stood up to go to the restroom I literally fell backwards onto the occupied table behind us freaking out the people eating at it and scattering all their plates needless to say I definitely left his friends with a lasting first impression one summer when I was 10 my family and I returned from the beach to get ready to go out to dinner to this day I have no idea what got into me but before I got into the shower I turned around in front of the full-length mirror put one hand on each butt cheek and started moving my hands to make it look like my ass was talking to top it off I was using this mr hankey sounding voice chanting my name is Billy Bob my name is Billy Bob double-quote all of a sudden my sister surprises me in my naked glory and yells what are you doing I screamed and nearly fell over and begged her not to tell mom and dad she left the room cracking up but I knew she must have thought I had screws loose when I was 12 a friend invited me on an outing with her family to a safari park I was a chubby teenager but insisted on wearing some really tight jeans the type you actually have to lie down on the floor in to do up I drank about a pint of coke at lunch usually my coke intake was rationed by my mother so this was like Christmas come early promptly I needed to pee really badly but for some reason I thought I could hold it for a while when I finally spotted ladies I run in and tried to take off my jeans I can't get them off I breathe in I still can't get them off all around I can hear running water I am forced to lie down on the toilet floor to see if I can wrestle the jeans off I can't next thing I know I've pissed myself two points made this worse one there were pale blue jeans too instead of admitting what had happened I pretended that a load of water had splashed me when I tried to wash my hands I had to walk around the safari park for the rest of the day smelling of pee clearly visible to all as the girl who had pissed herself wildest will no doubt be buried at the bottom of the page by this point I figure this is a good time to let it out in second grade around Christmastime a couple of kids at my table were going on about how their parents were divorced and how they are we having two Christmases I being somewhat weird and not wanting to be left out began lying about how my parents were getting a divorce when one of the other kids called me out I became so defensive about it that I actually broke down into tears and had to be taken to the principal's office where the secretary called my parents to ask if everything was alright at home I had completely repressed this moment up until sophomore year in high school when my mother brought it up on a road trip when I was in first grade way back in 1962 each child was provided a wooden Locker I was a bit of an odd kid and thought chestnuts from the chestnut trees looked cool so I would pick them up and put them in my locker I also felt sorry for the brown bags I carried my lunches in to me they had such short lives cut one sandwich to school and then into the garbage I took pity on them and saved them from their fate placing them with the chestnuts in my locker overtime I collected a lot of chestnuts and bags I happened across a stash of pornography someone had hidden or dumped in the bushes this also went into my locker jammed into the little crevices remaining there was an art to keeping it all in the locker on the night of the parent teachers meeting my first-grade teacher Miss Rowland let the parents look into their children's lockers each parent showed the others the cute things their kids had placed in their locker when my parents opened mine it was crammed full of the chestnuts brown bags and pornography my parents were mortified I was not invited to many birthday parties thereafter and my parents had me see the school psychologist I didn't even get to attend my most embarrassing moment in elementary school I was returning home from Myrtle Beach with my family plus one other that joined us on vacation on the way home we stopped at some restaurant we're waiting to be seated and I noticed a stuffed armadillo high up on a Ledge I really wanted to see what an armadillo feels like so I stand on a bench to reach up to touch the armadillo I could barely reach it so his eye strain up to touch it I end up pushing it a little bit this push is a nice cold pitcher of water over the edge which hits a woman and she lets out an extreme shriek I couldn't have been more embarrassed I ran outside and hid in the car I have another I was following a friend as he tailed his prom date back to her house to find out how to get to her house I followed because he asked me to I think we were hanging out after on the way I get a massive case of OMG I need to [ __ ] I don't know his date at all when we get to her house I have about 10 seconds before i sh t my pants so I yelled to her where is the bathroom she said in the door on the left I run in and drop the kids off at the pool loudly the bathroom was adjacent to the kitchen so I know her family and all the people in the house heard me walking out of the bathroom and talking to the complete strangers was horrible me and my friends were in the hot tub at my house back when we were about 15 after being in for a while we decided to get out and after my two friends left the tub I said hey guys this is how hot ladies get out of the hot tub and proceeded to gyrate and wiggle while going OHA chair you like that dot I finished by flipping my hair back and gasping her my friends were cracking up and I thought I did a good job until I looked to my right and noticed that verbatim Anne had come to my house just as I started to make things sexy he muttered euhh I'm just looking for the meter awkward I had one of those situations where I broke up with a girl and sort of lost my mind I started drinking a lot one night I came home drunk and my housemates weren't home so it was all prime me time at first I decided to snack on some frozen raspberries then I noticed that they smeared a little and turned towards writing things on the walls including a line from a refused song we want the airwaves back I also smeared it on my face and chest because I thought it was hilarious i drunkenly called it war painter no one in particular so I decide to draw baths because hey no one is home to come take a [ __ ] of course I'm drunk lonely and horny so this is a prime opportunity to masturbate I get out this nasty filthy cheap porn my roommates hadn't attempt to go to town except I'm too drunk to maintain anything that could resemble an erection undeterred I keep trying then my roommates come home see the writings and beeline it to the bathroom I'm sitting on the floor flaxseed penis in hands surrounded by filthy porn I look up at one of them look him directly in the eyes and just starts nervously laughing there being no honor amongst us guys they of course told everyone [ __ ] it albeit I was 11 why oh and I fancied this girl however being 11 and having watched one too many movies where the guy gets the girl in a really romantic way I decided to do just that so I got a massive Valentine's card and a large teddy bear and took them into school so at the start of a history lesson get these things out and give to her asking her out at that exact moment in front of the entire class she said no so the massive card and massive teddy bear were handed back to me so basically for the next hour of class I had to sit near the girl I had just asked out with props few years of being made fun of I was over at a friend's house helping him move and cleaning out his drawers when I noticed a pair of handcuffs not really thinking I put one of the cuffs on and asked are these real and he said yes and told me he didn't have a key we tried everything to remove those cuffs I was forced to drive to the Highway Patrol office and asked one of the officers to remove it they laughed took them off of me and gave my friend extra handcuff keys that was embarrassing for me but hardly compares to redditors naked stories AHA ha ha when I was 22 stroke 23 I worked in a gas station doing full serve one day it was cold really really cold - 35 see I tried to stay outside as little as possible because body parts were getting numb a car pulls up with a couple of really hot chicks looking for some gas so I go out to fill up their car when going to tell them how much money they owed they started asking if I would get them cigarettes the rules on selling smokes are very strict so I asked for ID they couldn't provide acceptable ID during this whole time my nose had gone numb by time they stopped looking around for valid ID and looked at me I had a snot noodle about a meter long hanging from the tip of my nose they started laughing at me but I didn't realize what was going on then they told me I probably turned bright red I took their money and they laughed their way out of there damn it why are you bringing back these memories I was with my ex-girlfriend and we were about to watch Zack & Miri Make a Porno her grandparents both about 75 were there as well but she said the moment we put in a movie they would go upstairs and give us some privacy they didn't causing the most awkward thing I've ever had to sit through her grandfather was transfixed and her grandmother was just praying under her breath oftentimes giving out little booms of displeasure Ashley found it f king hilarious and was laughing the entire time when it came to the coffee shop scene I thought they were going to have aneurysms well this one didn't happen to me but a friend of mine I've told this story for years and it's 100% true she was working as a Fiat a nurse and had recently moved into working for an orthopedic surgeon in this instance they were doing a hip replacement the patient's bone was apparently pretty much rotted away and had a giant cyst on it the surgeon was chipping away as they do with the hammer and chisel when he hit the cyst itself by mistake the thing basically exploded out of the patient and all over the fear to staff that were working on it my friend was horrified and disgusted to be covered in pass and unable to contain herself ran out of the room and vomited in the sink and outside though her return she was very concerned about the lack of professionalism that she had exhibited in front of the surgeon and apologized profusely he was pretty calm about it and said to her that's fine I have had nurses throw up inside patients before when I was 12 I occasionally pissed in water bottles if I stayed up late at night I could easily have walked across the hall and pissed in the bathroom but I got an adrenaline rush for some reason when peeing in a bottle so one summer I stayed at my grandparents summer house I had my own room for a week until my uncle and cousin would arrive so I didn't have much to do besides watch TV and read I liked staying up late resulting with me having to piss 2-3 times per night after doing this f ked up pissing ritual for six days I stuffed the water bottles under my bed and accidentally forgot them there about three days after my uncle and cousin arrived and took my room I hear my uncle calling me to his room one morning I walk in to see him holding four water bottles filled to the top with urine he asked what it was and I played it off casually that was until he showed me that my name was written and pen on the cap he told me he found them when they moved the bed and it made some swishing noises underneath five years later and he still laughs uncontrollably when I excused myself to go to the bathroom I was a weird kid Oh Who am I kidding I'm still weird so being bored and doing homework when I was 18 I decided that I wanted to see what the shape of the inside of my eye looked like so I stuck silly putty in my ear I'd done this before but this time apparently I stuck it in way too far and it got stuck it's 2:00 a.m. now and I realize that I have silly putty stuck in my ear and I can't get it out then I had to go and tell my parents who were crazy about it I wanted to take myself to the ER to get the silly putty out but my parents wouldn't have that so my extremely pissed-off father took me to the ER after hanging out there for a while a doctor had a crack at getting the silly putty out but couldn't remove all of it I ended up having to go seen an end doctor a few days later to get the silly putty vacuumed out my parents wouldn't talk or look at me for a solid week because they were so disgusted with me but my friends thought it was hilarious TLDR I had to go to the ER because at 18 and I got silly putty stuck in my ear it was also pretty embarrassing the time I vomited in my friend's bed because I drank too much what's [Music]

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Id: olno9n7Yldw

Length: 32min 32sec (1952 seconds)

Published: Thu Jan 02 2020