What Is Self-Sabotage & How To Know If You're Doing It

do you self-sabotage and do you know what self-sabotage is well by the end of this video you will know what self-sabotage is and you will know whether or not you do it and the truth is a lot more of us who are not reaching our goals who are not having the things in life that we really want our self sabotaging and so we're gonna talk about how to deal with this and what's really going on with it if you're new to me and this is the first time we're connecting my name is Julia Kristina and I'm a registered clinical therapist a researcher a coach and an online course creator of a master's degree in counseling psychology and I work to help men and women get through the crap that is holding them back so they can like themselves and their lives more every day and self-sabotage can be a big crap that holds us back and some examples of how self-sabotage can show up is if you're someone who never seems to be able to have healthy relationships or you're never able to reach your career goals or you're never able to get to your health goals or you find yourself putting things off and avoiding things more often than maybe you're you're comfortable admitting oftentimes self-sabotage is involved in all of those the most common ways that we do self-sabotage are through things like procrastination through overeating through making up excuses through even checking out and numbing through things like drugs and alcohol through social media Netflix binging things like that or even when it comes to relationship picking fights when there's no real issue oftentimes these are forms of self-sabotage these are some of the most common forms of self-sabotage when we have things in their lives that are important to us but we are subconsciously or maybe semi consciously doing things to prevent ourselves from getting them and having them so why do we do it and there are a few big reasons I'm gonna go through five of them here today as we're going through them the ones that connect with you I want you to put in the comments section below my eyes are opened I had no idea or I've been doing this one and I'm gonna change my ways whatever it is let us know if any of these connect with you if you have any uh ha or revelations or big mindset shifts as we're going through it and the first reason why we self-sabotage is because of our sense of self congruence and that's just kind of psychological jargon that just means what we feel on the outside is oftentimes how we play out our life on the outside so we want things how we're feeling on the inside to be congruent with how things are playing out on the outside and if our outside world is not congruent with how we feel about ourselves and what we believe about ourselves on the inside we will kind of subconsciously do things to bring them into alignment and usually it's not changing our beliefs about ourselves to match the good things that are happening in our lives we kind of make the good things in our lives we destroy them we sabotage them we ruin them to meet how we're feeling on the inside what we believe we deserve to have on the inside so if you're someone who doesn't believe that you're worthy of success or worthy of love or or worthy of feeling good of reaching your goals of being healthy of being fit of feeling strong if you're fundamentally do not believe that you deserve those things or are worthy of those things you might have great motivation you may have great ambition you might be gung-ho one day to get started and you might even get started and you might even start going through the motions and thinking like yes I can have this I can do this but then part way through you give up you come up with excuses you may procrastinate or you start doing things to ruin it and that is essentially because you don't believe that deserve it and if things are going well on the outside and you don't feel well on the inside you're gonna do things to ruin what's on the outside to match how you're feeling on the inside I hope that wasn't too tough of a pill to swallow that might be for some of us that might have been a big realization like holy crap I need to work on my relationship with myself so that I can have good things on the outside that are congruent with how I'm feeling on the inside the next one is this idea of a glass ceiling so maybe it isn't that you feel like crap on the inside maybe it isn't that you don't believe that you deserve good things but oftentimes a lot of us have this sort of imaginary glass ceiling for our lives kind of dislike this box if you can imagine sort of a box where we kind of allow ourselves to exist where we kind of keep ourselves in the middle maybe to the upper limits of this box maybe to the lower limits of the box but rarely below it and rarely above it so we might have this sort of general idea of this is how much success I'm allowed to have maybe it's some success but maybe not too much success or I can't get too big for my britches or I can't be too happy because you know what happens when with people that are too happy I mean I don't know what happens with people they're too happy they're happy but we have this kind of like glass ceiling and whenever we want this kind of glass box and whenever we get to the upper limit of it we will kind of think like Oh too much I don't deserve this this isn't okay and I need to kind of bring myself back down to be within this idea of Who I am what I'm allowed and what I deserve we also will sometimes you know if we notice ourselves going below that we will subconsciously again do things to bring ourselves back up but we it's why sometimes you can say you know like I feel pretty good about myself and I think that I deserve these things but there might be something going on in your psyche that's saying you deserve them but only so much of them you only deserve so much happiness you only deserve so much success you only deserve so much love you only deserve so much you know health in your life so really looking and uncovering some of those beliefs that you have about your self the next one vulnerability avoidance oftentimes we self-sabotage because we think we'd like to have all these wonderful things but oftentimes going for things and reaching our goals and fulfilling our dreams and having the things in our lives that are really important to us means taking risks putting ourselves out there and putting ourselves into situations that are not fully in our control and as human beings most of us are control addicts we are control freaks we need what we think we need to control what we don't realize is that control is just pretty much an illusion but we'll talk about that another day but we think we need control we get we feel safe when we feel in control and so oftentimes going for things that we want having wonderful things in our lives things that are really meaningful and fulfilling involve going and stepping out of our comfort zone involve taking risks doing things that are out of our control that makes us feel vulnerable and we don't want to put ourselves out there and be vulnerable because we're scared of getting hurt we're scared of having to deal with discomfort we're scared of things not working out and then being having to deal with being in pain or being hurt and so we kind of say I want these things but I'm not really willing to take the risk or subconscious is saying like you might get hurt things might not work out it might be uncomfortable it might be difficult don't do it pare yourself back sabotage it a bit bring yourself down a notch for fear of vulnerability so we try to avoid it the next one is something that you may have heard me talk about before impostor phenomenon I have a whole video about it a link to it below you can go and watch that but basically one of the key elements of imposter phenomenon is as we rise higher as we start to have kind of more goodness in our life whatever that is that it looks like healthier relationships you know reaching more of our goals having more success feeling healthier you know in our bodies sometimes when we get to a certain level we start to feel this pressure and we start to kind of feel like I don't deserve this I'm not worthy of this this is too much and maybe even what are people going to think it's only a matter of time especially when it comes to the success part it's only a matter of time before people realize that I don't know what I'm doing that I'm just a big impostor that I'm just a big fake I'm just a big fraud I don't really deserve where I'm at right now and so we will knock ourselves down we will do something to ruin it to thwart that success because we're scared of being found out we don't actually believe that we deserve it which does fit into that self-concept thing that we talked about earlier impostor phenomenon can be a big doozy especially the higher you rise the next one and this is another really big one it's to protect our ego so sometimes we self-sabotage because we fear failure because we sometimes tell ourselves you know if you if you go for it if you really give your all and it doesn't work out then it's going to actually mean that you don't have what it takes that you are a failure that you're not good enough but if you kind of put in like a half a half effort or if you procrastinate a little bit or if you kind of leave things to the last minute or you kind of do a bit of a half job then if it doesn't work out or if you don't if you don't have success or if you don't do it properly if you don't reach your goals then well it's because you didn't put that much effort in it's because you didn't try all that hard it's because you didn't really give it your all so it's a way to protect our ego does that make sense if that makes sense to you I want you to put in the comments section below yes makes perfect sense maybe you haven't thought about that before maybe you didn't realize it but oftentimes yeah when it comes to things like procrastinating leaving things to look things till the last minute that is a way to protect our ego because if we go you know full force full out there give it all up and go for it give everything we have and it doesn't work out we're scared that it's gonna mean that we are no good that we don't have what it takes that we don't meet the mark and our ego doesn't know if it can handle it so it stops us by these self-sabotaging behaviors from ever having to potentially face that thought or those feelings which aren't true even if we do get there that's just a bunch of that's just a bunch of hogwash anyways so interestingly enough oftentimes people think that self-sabotage is a fear of success it's actually a fear of failure it's this fear that if we go for something if we give our all and we come up short it means that we are a failure now I have a whole other video on what failure means and how we look at failure and how we can change our relationship with failure and I'll link to that in the description below as well so make sure you go and watch that one because that is an important one so in order to deal with self-sabotage first of all we have to heal our relationship with ourselves and start to believe that we are worthy of the things that are meaningful and important to us that we deserve them and it's okay to have them that we are worthy of having them and then also really need to look at our relationship with failure and heal our relationship with failure because failure not really a bad thing it's not a good thing or a bad thing it's just a thing and we make it mean something again I go really into that into that other video have you done any of these now that I mentioned it are there any of these that you have done if they if there are let me know in the comment section below let me know by saying something like yup been there yup done that yep now gonna start working on it let me know which one connected with you most if there was one or two or three or all of them that did connect with you but if there's one in particular that gave you a big shift that gave you an aha let me know in the comment section below and I have a tool for you to help you become a little bit more self-aware and a little bit less attached to our thoughts and a little bit less caught up in all of these things that we make things mean it's a ten-minute guided mindfulness exercise it's an audio exercise you can do anytime anyplace I'm gonna put the link below make sure you grab that it's free it's for you it's awesome it's helpful it really does have an impact on our psyche hundreds of people have downloaded it already I get emails and comments and messages all the time people telling me how much they appreciate and have valued doing this exercise and the difference that it's made for them in their lives so make sure that you grab that come and join my facebook group good for me group comm share this video out subscribe to the channel let's stay connected make sure you subscribe don't forget to do that do not leave without subscribing so that we can stay connected and like the video did I say that I don't know but make sure that you like the video if you liked the video don't forget to give the thumbs up until next time take good care

Channel: Julia Kristina Counselling

Views: 111,880

Rating: 4.9449902 out of 5

Keywords: Self-sabotage, stop self-sabotage, Sabotage, Negative thoughts, How to deal with self-sabotage, What is self-sabotaging, imposter phenomenon, imposter syndrome, Tony Robbins, Anna Akana, AwakenWithJP, subconscious mind reprogramming, self-sabotage psychology, subconscious psychology, how to stop self-sabotage, why we self sabotage, stop sabotaging yourself, are you sabotaging yourself, what is self-sabotage

Id: CIW5qVInlQE

Length: 14min 45sec (885 seconds)

Published: Wed Aug 15 2018