Self-Sabotaging Habits That Are Keeping You Stuck

self-sabotage so many of us are doing it we're not even conscious or aware that we are doing it we have habits we have beliefs we have patterns that we are doing that we are repeating without even often knowing it but they are keeping us stuck they are holding us back they are keeping us frustrated they're preventing us from being happy and having the life that we want to have and I'm going to talk about three of them today three big ones I've also posted them on my Instagram feed so I'm going to put the link to that in the description below so if you want a quick reference to go back to if you forget you can screenshot that you can save that post but I'm going to talk to them today in detail and talk to you about why they are getting in your way and how you can stop them from holding you back so you can go forward every day intentionally living and moving towards and being in a life that you love if you are new here and this is the first time we are connecting welcome to our incredible little corner on the internet we are so glad you are here and you are so lucky to be here because this is an incredible community that we've built here together and if you're back welcome back I'm always so grateful to have you here if ya either way new or not my name is Julia Gers Dina and I am a registered clinical therapist a researcher a coach and the creator of the breakthrough coaching program I have a master's degree in counseling psychology and it worked to help heart center go get our men and women break through the crap that is holding them back so they can like themselves and their lives more every single day so let's talk about this let's talk about these three self sabotaging habits that are keeping you stuck and maybe you don't do all of them but I'm gonna guarantee that all of us are doing at least one of them at least sometimes and it is not helping or serving us in any way so the first one is setting impossible self rejecting expectations of yourself I'm going to say that again cuz it's a bit of a mouthful setting impossible self rejecting expectations of yourself and what does this look like because this one is subtle it shows up a lot especially in the personal development realm in the personal development field if you're into the whole personal development thing then you've heard this before people saying who do you need to be who do you want to become and it sounds inspirational it sounds motivational but what it is is a subtle form of self-hatred and self-rejection because what it is saying is that who you are now is not good enough who you are now doesn't count who are now isn't worthy you need to become something or someone else in order to earn that worthiness in order to be someone significant but that my friends is a big lie because you know it and I know it we can't be anyone other than who we are and that is exactly what we need to do we need to be focusing on being more of who we are not trying to be something or someone else which is impossible and it's self rejecting we need to be more of who we are and what I mean by that is being your authentic self not being the self that is showing up you know overcompensating or making yourself small or making yourself overly big or trying to prove something when you are showing up clean and what I mean by clean and maybe that totally connects with you you're like oh my gosh exact exactly what I mean you say it's showing up clean but for those of you who don't what I mean by that is when you are showing up authentically as yourself like what I said when you don't get are getting caught up and then all of these these inferiority things and this over compensation and all of this stuff and all of these things that come in and throw us off and get in our way of being who we really are showing up clean asking yourself Who am I when I have nothing to prove no one to impress and nothing to earn meaning I don't have to earn a sense of worthiness I don't have to earn a sense of significance who are you as that person who is showing up comfortably and confidently in who you are that is our goal that is what we need to be focused on not all this other stuff about becoming someone else break through the crap that is holding you back from being exactly who you are and another way to look at this this whole idea of wanting to become something or someone else in order to feel good enough whatever that is if you want to be more successful if you want to be more motivated if you want to be more attractive you want to be more powerful if you want to be more whatever that is thinking that that is gonna make you like yourself the only reason why we want to be or become something or someone else is so that we can like ourselves more so that we can be happier but those are all just beliefs and stay with me on this one this is gonna get a little bit out there but they're all just beliefs their ideas they are thoughts that when I am this thing I will feel something I will feel good enough I will feel worthy enough and it's just a made-up thing that if I can be or become something else then I'll feel good enough so what if we just change those thoughts and thought more on purpose thought more helpful responsible thoughts by allowing ourselves to be who we are because that is irresponsible to think that we can be or become something or someone else in order to feel good enough because first of all like we talked about you can't become something or someone else you can't become someone other than who you are is not possible without denying who you are rejecting who you are it is pretend it is not real and that's not who you are and the gig will be up sooner rather than later so why not change those thoughts just that thought I need to become someone else all right to be good enough to change it to a different thought Who I am now is good enough Who I am now is worthy enough Who I am now counts and I'm gonna learn and I'm gonna grow and I'm gonna heal and I'm going to get through the crap that is holding me back because that is a natural expression of being a human being growing and expanding those are all things those are things that are natural expressions of human beings we don't do well if we just sit here staying and just say okay I'm just gonna coast from here on out expanding and learning and and pushing ourselves is a natural expression of being a human being we do well when we are learning and growing but not when we ourself shaming and self rejecting and trying to become someone else so that is a self sabotaging habit it's going to keep you stuck the more you try to become someone else the more frustrated and discouraged you are going to feel because it is not possible the next self sabotaging habit is comparing yourself to others and I'm going to talk about this in a way that maybe other people aren't talking about as much not anyone that I've heard talking about it but comparing ourselves to others absolutely keeps us stuck and I think sometimes it's a subconscious way that our brain is trying to keep us from learning from growing from taking risks from trying new things from putting ourselves out there from having the life that we want from making the choices that we want for having the goals and dreams and going after them in the way that we want to that that comparison thing is just our brains way of trying to keep us stuck because you know it when is the last time you compared yourself to someone and you use that as a sustainable long-term life-giving motivation no that's not the way that it works when we compare ourselves we end up feeling down we end up feel depleted we end up feeling discouraged we end up feeling oh I can never have that or be that or look like that or accomplish that or do that so I'm just gonna not even try thinking that what someone else has or is or does is a threat to you in any way is just bad math what someone else has what someone else does who someone else is cannot take away from you you know you've heard that saying there's plenty of pie for everyone but the thing is you're not eating even eating from the same pie as someone else we all have our own pies you are not eating someone else's pie and they're not eating or so if they have more pie it can't take away from yours because they're not even eating from your pie we are all on our own journey we are all doing our own thing we are all responsible for our own lives and our own choices and how we show up every day and it actually nothing to do with anyone else someone else being successful someone else being beautiful someone else being strong someone else having it more together than us or a better family than us or more kids or a better marriage or whatever that is that you look at someone else and you envy it cannot take away from what you're allowed to have what you can create how you can grow what you can do it has nothing to do with it and if you think about it like this remember the last time you're doing your thing you're trucking along you were feeling good you were you know kicking butt and taking names and you were doing it all and you were feeling so good and then you hopped on social media or you heard about someone who had done more than you in less time or who had something that you wanted or what accomplished something you had been working hard towards and all of a sudden you felt like crap just that information about what someone else was doing or had her at accomplished that made you feel like crap but before you even knew about that you were fine that person was still doing that that person was still doing those things that you've that you're not that you weren't doing or this you're doing it in less time or having more success or whatever that was that person was always doing that and you're fine when you didn't have that information it did not affect you the only thing that affected you was your thoughts and beliefs about what that meant do you see how it's always an inside job the majority of our problems in life come because of our thoughts and our beliefs and what we make those things mean and how we use our interpretation of these situations that we are in and we are facing how we use our interpretation to hold us back to bring us down so taking that into consideration next time you thought think about comparing yourself how can somebody else take away from you other than in your thoughts or beliefs that they can that's it so using comparison as the subtle form of self-sabotage as an excuse sorry but it doesn't fly anymore the next self sabotaging habit and oh man this is definitely one that I have done and I have worked really hard and I'm going to tell you my little practice around this one but letting fear make your decisions for you anytime you don't do something because you're scared or you're worried you're letting fear make your decision you your conscious self you are not making that decision and let me okay but let's back up for a second here and let's talk about fear because yes fear is a helpful thing fear is useful in some circumstances a few years ago I was with my sister and we were up in northern Saskatchewan say that five times fast those of you who know where that is it's in candidates in central Canada it's up kind of in in in woodland in Lake country and my brother has a cabin up there and we go up there most summers and so me and my sister we're going for a walk and we were on it was a paved road but it's still in the wilderness are still forests on either side and then there's wildlife around but we are on this paved road and you know there's not too many cars going by but there it's not like desolate but we looked up ahead and in the ditch on one side a little ways ahead like it was a significant amount of distance I don't know exactly how far maybe 500 meters or like I don't know how many yards that is but it was a ways up we saw three black figures in the ditch and they were black bears and it was very obvious that it was a mom bear and her two cubs and as you know mama bears are fierce and fiercely protective and often a bear black bears are not typically aggressive but if they are ever feeling threatened of course like any species well maybe not any I don't know but most species if they're young ones are feeling are being threatened in any way if they feel that they are going to get aggressive and so we saw that and like right away I was like Jill there's bears there too mom and two babies we turn around and we got to get out of here fast that is good fear that is healthy fear because living is good and being mauled by a black bear not so good and so that kind of feared that is serving absolutely but the truth is most of us are using fear all wrong we are using fear to hold us back from living from growing from experiencing from fulfilling our goals and our dreams and the things that are important to us failing is not dangerous being judged is not dangerous speaking up and sharing your your expertise or your opinions or your knowledge and not everyone agreeing with you is not dangerous not being liked by everyone not dangerous when we let fear make our decisions about the things that are important to us about stepping up and stepping out and showing up in life and we are using fear to hold us back we are sabotaging ourselves because it's not none of those things are real threats they are not real threat so I want you I want to ask you right now to put in the comments section below what have you been letting fear talk you out of what have you been believing about fear to hold you back and is that a real threat and I want you to ask yourself is this a real threat and be careful with that bond because your brain is going to try and trick you and be like oh well you know if not everyone likes you then people will be talking about you and and and and what so everyone doesn't like you or people judge you or people have different opinions than you are people are going to look at you a certain way if you fail so what you get to decide what that means and you get to decide what you do you are always 100% responsible for your life and your choices and what you do with that we don't always have control over our circumstances don't get me wrong there but we always have choices within them so what have you been letting fear talk you out of and are you ready to kind of say no way No to kind of say are you ready to say no way I make my decisions and I bring the fear along with me if necessary I'm gonna do it scared I'm gonna do it with the fear and I'm gonna guarantee you that you do it over and over and over again with that fear eventually the fears gonna say man I guess I'm not calling the shots here I'm gonna move along and it will absolutely do that and that's not just a little a cute little metaphor a cute little picture of this that is actual brain science when our brain gets used to something and sees that there's not a threat we can prove to our brain that there's no real threat our brain is like okay I don't have to be scared anymore I don't have to be worried anymore I'm not in danger so show your brain so show your brain show show so show your brain that there is no threat you are not in danger you have to show your brain that because it is going to try to get you to believe otherwise but you were in charge fear isn't if you're ready for more if you want to be doing this work on a more transformational level if you want to stop letting things like fear or comparison or not feeling good enough hold you back then I'm going to highly recommend taking my unmess your emotions course I'm gonna put the link below with all the information you can check that out it is full choc to the brim of the essential tools and step-by-step processes and information that you need to get out of your own way so make sure you check that out and now my invitation to you going forward my invitation view for every day to be showing up with intention to be going through your day intentionally being yourself when you are showing up clean being authentically who you are without needing to prove or earn or impress anyone my invitation to you is to be intentional about keeping your eyes on your own life your own journey your own growth because it has nothing to do with anyone else to keep focus on how you are learning how you are growing how you're expanding every single day my invitation to you is to be intentional about making your own decisions for your own life with or without fear maybe that fear needs to come along at first but you make your decisions fear doesn't when you do that let me know in the comments section below if you are up for the challenge to be living every day with more awareness and consciousness and intention and if learning how to ground yourself in the present and not getting so caught up in the mental chatter is something that you want to start working on I have a really great 10-minute guided mindfulness exercise for you it's free and it's just gonna help you be able to take a step back when you are feeling overwhelmed with all of these thoughts and all this stuff and everything that's going on around you so you can find that calm place within you make sure you grab that it's going to be in the description below as well and also check out the unmess your emotions course it is a life changer there's so much stuff in there for you like the video share it out subscribe to the channel so that we can stay connected I love having you here and if you do share it out please let me know in the comment section below so that I can thank you for that that is one of the highest forms of flattery and of compliment and I really appreciate all of you who do that come in join my facebook group good for me group comm and until next time take good care okay

Channel: Julia Kristina Counselling

Views: 39,506

Rating: 4.9400544 out of 5

Keywords: self-sabotage, stop self-sabotage, mindset blocks, subconscious beliefs, self-destruction, why we self-sabotage, stop sabotaging yourself, what is self-sabotaging, how to know if you're sabotaging yourself, how to know if you're self-sabotaging, what is self-sabotage, subconscious beleifs, Julia Kristina Counselling, julia kristina self sabotaging, Conor Neill, Project Stronger Self, self-sabotage habits, what are self-sabotaging habits

Id: cnz9DaBc2t0

Length: 19min 14sec (1154 seconds)

Published: Wed Jan 01 2020