What Are The Best Rumors You've Heard About Yourself? (r/AskReddit)

what is the best rumor you have ever heard about yourself not me but a dude I was in high school with apparently died in a motorcycle accident goodbye posts for him flooded my Facebook feed days later we found out he was just playing pool somewhere and had no internet connection must have been hilarious for him after just two days of eighth grade I had e.coli that landed me an IQ for six weeks the rumors spread like crazy about what happened some said I was I was poisoned others thought I had stomach cancer at the varsity football game the announcer asked for prayers as he told everyone I wasn't expected to make it through the night no doubt I was really sick but my favorite was that I was airlifted to Florida to have a stomach transplant since no human stomachs were available it was a cow's stomach that would be transplanted the irony here is the B E coli came from a burger a few years ago I volunteered in a desolate little village way up in the northwest corner of Georgia the country then as now I was a brown haired blue-eyed ginger bearded translucent skinned Irish American after six months of teaching I left the village for a week or two of summer vacation by the time I'd returned a room I had spread among the villages that I was actually black dotto told me that you are black okay well who told darter that he just said he heard it around all right but look at me how am i black I don't know , they say that you are black but you are lying about it , this went on for a month or two then a rumor started spreading about the Irishman in the next village over that he had gone on a bender in Tbilisi blown all his money and hiked some 150 miles home so that took the heat off me for a while this would be a perfect sitcom episode on something like It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia I started in a kitchen and every time I would walk in someone would turn off the ceiling fan and everyone would be suspiciously quiet with their pots and pans turns out the boss convinced them that I was some duper secret soldier friend of his who had come back with shell shock but ceiling fans remind me of choppers and loud noises will send me into a rage it was hilarious because I'm the most laid-back passive dude ever that is actually really sweet of them to be so considerate of your condition I had a week off school because I was run over by a milk float Thank You older brother I got straight tackle hugged by the 300-pound guy who taught me how to fix Xerox copiers he had heard one of his ex students died and he thought it was me so when he saw me on the street he was stoked a pretty sweet considering it was only a two week class was just recently apparently I quit my job and started a poster making business definitely not a case and weirdly specific when I was in high school I made out with a girl who knew one of my best friends I found out a few days later from my friend that the girl was telling people we had slept together and that I was apparently really good double edged sword that one I fell out of a balcony later that week I got a message from a friend in London asking if it was true that I was pushed out of the window of a girl's apartment well there must be some reason you fell off that balcony so when I was in high school I burned my wrist while taking a pizza out of the oven so had to wear a bandage for a few days for it to heal some girl that was in my French class told people that I tried to kill myself she also asked me did you commit suicide at one point yes I committed suicide and I'm dead now that's why I am sitting here I got that at school burned my wrist on the edge of an iron trying to pick it up cack-handed was called into the office and grilled on whether everything was alright at home once I realized and explained my form chuta laughed called me a clumsy T and told me to frig off out of his office he was an awesome teacher I heard a rumor when I was 16 that I had slept with some boy at my school he had been telling everyone all about our supposed night of loving so I told went along with it told people he called out his mum's name wanted me to spank him and call him a naughty boy I went so far as to say that when we were done he asked if he could lick my toe best revenge ever I went along with most of it but I absolutely refused to let him use the fairy costume his first sona was just weird I don't care how much he begs I'm not calling him wedgie apparently was dating six different co-workers in two months of work all have separate times in reality I was one of the few guys that said job capable of talking to and getting along with whoever I worked with that I was dating an older woman for cash it was in my last year in high school I started to work out and wear clothes that fitted me better and somehow people concluded that my transformation from ugly duck to not so ugly Swan had something to do with an older woman paying me for intercourse more than one teacher tried to help me to get out of this life god bless them props to your teachers for at least attempting to help misguided but nice that I was in a drugs gang and moved away from a city because of rival gangs I moved from London outs of the countryside when I was 14 15 because my family hated the city just before we moved one of my close friends was murdered by a gang that thought he was somebody else he was completely innocent it was just a case of mistaken identity there was a picture online of him me and a few other friends someone at my new school saw this picture and assumed because my friends were all tough looking black guys they must have been in a gang and I was friends with a guy that just got murdered in gang-related activity people thought I was a badass and so many of the popular kids wanted to be my friend because they thought I dealt coke the funniest interaction was a guy shouted something at me and I just told him to freak off and walked away he's twice my size and could easily kick me butt and starts wanting to fight but his friends quickly step in and say how he should be scared because I know people that would freak him up all of this wore off once they actually spoke to me realized I was just another nerdy kid that happened to be friends with tough looking people one of which was murdered basically people from the countryside was scared of black people and anyone at his friends with them I've had multiple friends independently come to the conclusion that I'm gay one of them right off to congratulating me on my new girlfriend it's okay I had a girl asked me if I was gay immediately after freaking when I was 13 I was dating a 17 year old cheerleader a kid saw me going into her house a couple times a week and sometimes in the yard together truth our moms were friends and my mom hired the chili that achieved to me because I know math girly I returned to college at 30 after breaking up with my boyfriend and moving in with my sister I made new friends and most of them were couples probably because my new friends were in their 30s and 40s lots of times folks were having barbecues or denies of their houses and I was catching rides to get there with random sets off friends because the car I purchased with cash was a hoopty sometimes I stayed over at people's houses because I had to get up for school in the morning in their house was closer whoever picked me up that week was obviously the couple I was currently sleeping with that rumor went around for three years before I figured it out I heard by my now ex that I was freaking anyone India that had a bag didn't take me long to figure out who made that rumor when I saw who she was dating after that I wish that rumor were true but I would have never cheated on her to begin with sports day in school girlfriend's best friend told literally everyone that would listen that when I sat down on the bench after my race she could see my dong in the gap between my shorts and my leg and that it hung down by the side of my leg to quote her he's hung like a horse I'm really not but I was grateful for the amount of female attention I received after that I dropped my high school girlfriend during vigorous stand-up intercourse which caused her to throw her back out and be unable to walk properly X was an absolute Bruin told everyone that I'd freaked her hard enough to cause a back injury making me a legend around school for a week or so she didn't even spill the beans when we bro six months later ex is the real MVP when I was in high school for reasons unknown I guess it went around that I was gonna bring a bomb into school with this rumor going around a lot of kids avoided me and often talked about me behind my back and now I found this situation hilarious and petty so I decided to start pushing it along I started carrying my lunch in a small wooden box that I carried around with the rest of my stuff that I would keep underneath my desk when asked by other students what it was I would reply along the lines of it's not your problem or a you'll find out eventually eventually this drew a lot of attention and a couple days later the principal called me into his office stating that I was causing a mass panic that he called my mother and that he needed to see what was in the box when she arrived alas it was only my lunch and I played them to the rumors and my mother was peed that she came all the way here just to see what I packed for lunch great times the rumor was that I had AIDS rumor was based on my sudden weight loss turned out they got the wrong illness I had and still have cancer that went from two real quick man when I was in high school there was this kid wheel coal maker he was a straight-up dog all the time but he never touched me he always just used words like to talk a lot of crap about me as much as possible it seemed he started rumors about me all the time and the weird thing was I never really understood why like I had never done anything to this dude anyway in 10th grade my mother my sister and I went on vacation to Virginia and we were gone for like a week when I came back everyone was keeping their distance and making weird faces at me when I walked by my best friend came up to me and was like mickr told everyone your family all got body lice and you had to be out of school for a week while you were getting rid of it I tried to shake it off and not worry about it but it was really freaking bothering me that day after school I was waiting on my ride and Micah was also waiting on his ride so I confronted him in front of like 15 other people and asked him why he was always talking crap and spreading lies he tried to act a couple of times but I wouldn't back down and told him basically in so many words that this was going to be a fight and that we were past the point of talking and that lousy little bee ran from me and so a new rumor got started that maker was a be only that rumor was true and then he later got kicked out of school for selling pills to people so I feel like everything worked out in the end I saw in an online forum thread that apparently I've taken up pizza baking as my new career when I was 16 there had just put up the goal posts in our local park me and a couple of friends were playing a game where you take three steps in the six yard box and then jump and grab onto the crossbar it was too easy so I decided to try and make it with just two steps I ended up just getting my fingertips onto the crossbar falling hard on my back and pretty much snapping both my forearm bones in my right arm I had to spend the nights in hospital and missed a day of school when I came back with my arm in a cast these are just some of the reasons my friends had told people I'd been off Toby a boy in year seven at our school who was at a dead giant must have been at least six feet at 12 years old mugged me for my arrow be pro shouted Toby smash and broke my arm a huge dog knocked me down I got hit by a car I got hit by a car trying to get my frisbee back from Toby they pretty much changed the story for every person they told we all got a good laugh out of it Frick Toby visited Samoa in 2009 while at tsunami hit a friend back home spread a rumor throughout our school that I was swept by the wave and broke both of my legs and almost died supposedly two people cried for me my boss was a very attractive female I am a male she told a couple of my co-workers that I am gay because I never hit on her people started asking in subtle ways my orientation there was a rumor going around my primary school when I was there that I had a big dong some people even referred to me as B II D big enormous dong sadly it is far from true I used to work in a secondary school the rumor with the kids with that over the summer holidays I left to fight the Undertaker I didn't put them straight on that one that I was a hit man age 22 I was in prison and had recently been transferred to a new facility one of my old friends was there let's call him Joe and upon greeting one another he walked me around the yard to introduce me to everyone this is a pretty normal disguise with me sawed off courtesy which typically allows you to bypass the usual working out where you fit into the pecking order fights so Joe's walking me around and last havel we head over to this table where some of the older guys were playing cards because this was our last stop I understood that these were the most senior serious people he introduces me to each of them and then goes and boys this is h8 speech he is a hitman now he was joking and usually nobody would ever take a line like that seriously however there was a sort of confluence of circumstances the first thing was that half the guys at the table were colors so it's not too far off possible the second thing was that my mate Jill who'd been walking me around is a serious gangster and everyone knows it so it was plausible that he would now hit men the third thing was that obviously he and I knew each other from way back and nobody else knew how the fourth thing was that I got peed off at him for saying this intone him off see I realized these guys are bad [ __ ] I don't want them thinking anything like that and I don't want them thinking I'm even claiming it but I didn't sink hey I should be careful what I say to Joe because I knew him so well to me he was just my major to everyone else though Joe is pretty impressive and so when the young guy me tells him off in a peel-off voice then they kind of think whoa craps about to go down because you don't talk to guys like him like that when Joe apologized instead of stomping on my head they figured I must be a real badass and that therefore Joe had been telling the truth I was wearing that Rhett for the next few months awkward many redditors called me a fat American neck but living in my mom's basement I'm a skinny asian girl and my mom doesn't even have a basement ha ha ha good one Dennis I'll see you at our next D&D campaign buddy this week she's sleeping with the boss we saw them share a bottle of wine after work what Alice the guy is married with kids overheard this whilst I was in the washroom the following week she is a lesbian during the party she was hugging the girls whilst singing karaoke make up your freaking mind I can't be sleeping with my boss who's male if I'm a bloody lesbian you freakin torts you can but only if it's for professional reasons Rumour gay stoner reality unattractive straight drunk I got better I had a small thing with a girl the summer before my parents shipped me off to military school on the other side of the country I was sent because they believed I needed to be more focused on my academics well apparently this girl saw an opportunity and she took it I got out on winter break a week before my old school did so I visited one day at lunch and I was basically shunned by everyone some of my old closest friends wouldn't even talk to me I said Frick that and got out of there and never looked back a few years later I was at a party and saw the girl she looked at me and froze like a deer in headlights then took off running one of her friends came up to me and said are you the guy and I explained I had no idea what the Frick was going on her friend informed me that I was sent to military school as a punishment for abusing her and then stalking her when she tried to break it off and that she had to leave the party because she had a restraining order against me it was all news to my ears at the time eventually after a few years things war often now one of my best buds is dating her it's funny how the world works that I had a foot long dong she either had really poor eye judgments or she honestly had no idea how long a foot was either way I thought it was all fun and denied nothing until I realized that it might have led to me having to disappoint a size Queen sometime so as much as it pained me at the time I had to go lol that's ridiculous when someone was up front and asked the Wicked Witch of the West is coming to to steal all of your Halloween candy like this video in 2.1 seconds or she'll take all of it if you are new to the channel you can subscribe I publish new videos every day until then check another video or don't either way have a great day you magnificent people [Music]

Channel: Updoot Studios

Views: 88,399

Rating: 4.9214988 out of 5

Keywords: #updootst, updoot, updoot reddit, updoot everything, reddit on tap, toadfilms, pewdiepie, reddit, askreddit, funny reddit, reddit stories, top posts, reddit top posts, reddit cringe, comedy, reddit compilation, /r, r/, r/askreddit, top posts of r/, askreddit reading, best reddit posts, top posts of all time, people of reddit, askreddit question, ask reddit, subreddit, sub, best rumor, funny rumors, reddit rumors, reddit school rumors, reddit stories rumors, stories about yourself

Id: 6vwWXLGqpHU

Length: 17min 41sec (1061 seconds)

Published: Thu Nov 14 2019