Weekend Update on Stomach Bug Shutting Down High School - SNL

>>> A HIGH SCHOOL IN ILLINOIS HAS CANCELLED CLASSES FOR A SECOND DAY AFTER MORE THAN 800 STUDENTS WERE OUT WITH A STOMACH BUG. WHICH MAKES SENSE FOR A SCHOOL WHOSE MASCOT IS A WARM SHRIMP COCKTAIL. [ LAUGHTER ] ADORABLE. >> THIS WEEK MARKS THE TENTH ANNIVERSARY OF THE iPHONE. AND I THINK I SPEAK FOR EVERYONE WHEN I SAY, THANK YOU, APPLE, FOR HELPING ME IGNORE MY FAMILY. [ LAUGHTER ] IMAGINE HOW DIFFERENT OUR LIVES WOULD BE RIGHT NOW WITHOUT iPHONES, WITHOUT AN iPHONE YOU WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO SEE THAT YOUR FRIEND IS CALLING AND WAIT UNTIL THEY STOP CALLING AND THEN TEXT THEM, WHY ARE YOU CALLING? KIDS IN AMERICA WOULD HAVE GREAT POSTURE. AND KIDS IN CHINA WOULD HAVE A DAY OFF. [ LAUGHTER ] >> I'M SURE THEY WOULD BE BUILDING SOMETHING. >>> FORD HAS ANNOUNCED A NEW SUV IN 2020. JUST IN TIME FOR PAROLE. [ LAUGHTER ] >> A FEDERAL INVESTIGATION CONCLUDED THAT THE CITY OF CHICAGO'S POLICE OFFICERS USED EXCESSIVE FORCE AND UNFAIRLY TARGET MINORITIES. OH, SO THAT WAS THE PROBLEM. AS A BLACK DUDE WHO GREW UP IN THE GET DOUGH, I NEVER UNDERSTOOD WHY COPS DON'T LIKE US. I MEAN, BECAUSE WE HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON. WE'RE BOTH PORTRAYED NEGATIVELY ON THE NEWS. YOU CAN HEAR OUR CARS FROM BLOCKS AWAY. EVERYONE GETS NERVOUS WHEN THEY THINK WE'RE FOLLOWING THEM. WE'RE THE ONLY TWO PEOPLE I KNOW WHO CAN HOP A FENCE IN BOOTS. WE BOTH BRING OUR OWN GUNS TO FUNERALS. I CAN GO ON AND ON. BUT THE BIGGEST SIMILARITY IS THAT BLACK PEOPLE DON'T LIKE BEING IN CRIME INFESTED AREAS EITHER AND I THINK THAT GETS LOST. THAT'S WHY I HATE THE TERM BLACK ON BLACK CRIME BECAUSE IT MAKES IT SEEM LIKE IT'S JUST A RACE ISSUE. WHICH MAKES PEOPLE WHO AREN'T BLACK CHECK OUT. I DON'T BLAME THEM. IF I SAW A HEADLINE THAT SAID, WHITE WOMAN CUTS OFF WHITE MAN'S PENIS, I WOULD BE LIKE, DAMN, WHITE PEOPLE ARE CRAZY, I'M GLAD I'M NOT WHITE. BUT IF YOU TOOK RACE OUT OF IT AND THE HEADLINE SAID INSTEAD, IF HE HAD UP WOMAN CUT OFF CHEATING MAN'S PENIS, I WOULD BE LIKE, OH, NO, THIS AFFECTS US ALL. [ LAUGHTER ] [ APPLAUSE ] >>> WE HAVE A LOT OF POP STARS PERFORM HERE ON "SNL." IT TURNS OUT -- THAT'S THE WEIRDEST TRANSITION. TO PIGGYBACK ON THE CHICAGO STUFF. WE HAVE A LOT OF POP STARS PERFORM ON "SNL." WE MIGHT HAVE AN EMERGING POP STAR RIGHT HERE IN OUR CAST. HERE SO EXPLAIN IS BECK BENNETT. >> I LOVE YOU, THANK YOU SO MUCH. WOW, LOVE YOU. >> BECK, IS THAT A NEW HAIRCUT? >> OH, I DIDN'T NOTICE. I GUESS SO, YEAH. IT'S JUST NATURAL, I DON'T KNOW. >> OKAY. SO WHAT'S GOING ON WITH YOUR MUSIC CAREER? >> THANK YOU FOR ASKING. WELL, IN A WORD, IT'S EXPLODING, COLIN. PEOPLE DON'T KNOW THIS, BUT MUSIC'S ALWAYS BEEN A HUGE PART AND I'VE ALWAYS LIKE LISTENED TO THE RADIO. I LOVE SONGS. >> SO, THEN YOU'RE LIKE A TRAINED SINGER? >> I'M NOT AS MUCH OF A TRAINED SINGER ANYMORE. I'M JUST SORT OF MORE OF A -- I DO, I DON'T KNOW, ORIGINAL CHART TOPPING STUFF. >> DO YOU WANT TO TRY OUT ONE OF YOUR SONGS RIGHT NOW? ♪ EVERYBODY IS ON THE PROWL EVERYBODY'S GOTTA GET THAT SOMETHING SOMETHING THAT MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY ♪ >> THANK YOU SO MUCH. [ APPLAUSE ] >> THAT WAS SORT OF ABOUT THE ECONOMY AND MONEY. >> YES, YOU SAID MONEY LIKE TEN TIMES. >> I HAVE ANOTHER ONE TOO. >> OH, GREAT. I WAS GOING TO SAY THANKS FOR COMING. BUT SURE, YEAH, YOU CAN DO ANOTHER -- >> FAIR WARNING. IT'S REALLY TENDER. ♪ HONESTLY WE'RE HERE BEFORE AND HONESTLY I'VE SEEN YOU THERE HONESTLY WE'VE BEEN DOWN THIS ROAD ♪ [ LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE ] >> THAT WAS THE WHOLE SONG? >> I DO LITTLE SONGS, COLIN. A LOT OF SINGERS WILL DO, I DON'T KNOW, EIGHT TO TEN SONGS IN AN ALBUM, WHEREAS I'LL DO ANYTHING FROM 300 TO 600 SONGS. I'M AN ABSOLUTE MACHINE. >> THAT'S TOO MANY SONGS. >> I'M ALWAYS PRODUCING. >> MAYBE SLOW IT DOWN. WHY DON'T YOU MAYBE JUST DO ONE LITTLE SONG. ♪ THE PIN GOES IN THE PIN GOES OUT I'M TRYING TO MAKE A BLANKET THE PIN GOES IN ♪ ♪ THE PIN GOES OUT I'M SEWING SOMETHING NEW ♪ [ APPLAUSE ] >> ALL RIGHT, YEAH, THAT COULD BE GOOD. ♪ MAYBE IT'S A HAT OR GLOVES MAYBE IT'S A BRAND-NEW COAT MAYBE IT'S A LITTLE STUFFED ANIMAL ♪ [ APPLAUSE ] >> THAT SONG ENDED UP BEING ABOUT A STUFFED ANIMAL. >> WOW. THANKS, MAN. THANKS FOR WALKING US THROUGH THAT. I THINK THERE'S NO EASY WAY FOR ME TO SAY THIS. >> UH-HUH. GREAT. >> OBVIOUSLY I DON'T WANT TO HURT YOUR FEELINGS. >> GOOD NEWS ALERT. >> I JUST THINK AFTER LISTENING TO YOUR MUSIC -- >> I SHOULD QUIT COMEDY AND DO MUSIC FULL-TIME? THAT'S GREAT BECAUSE I ALREADY DID IT. ♪ EVERYBODY IS ON THE PROWL ♪

Channel: Saturday Night Live

Views: 2,914,437

Keywords: SNL, Saturday Night Live, Season 42, Episode 1715, Felicity Jones, Colin Jost, Michael Che, Weekend Update, Beck Bennett, live, new york, comedy, sketch, funny, hilarious, late night, host, music, guest, laugh, impersonation, episode 11, star wars, jyn erso, golden globe, theory of everything, a monster calls, rogue one, inferno, actress, sturgill simpson, singer, country, a sailor’s guide to earth, Stomach Bug, High School, Illinois, iphone, police, apple, chicago

Id: Ng2VVBY0ngE

Length: 6min 22sec (382 seconds)

Published: Mon Feb 27 2017