>> THIS WEEK MARKS THE START OF
"WHAT ABOUT WHITE HISTORY MONTH?"
>> TOMORROW NIGHT THE NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS WILL FACE THE
PHILADELPHIA EAGLES IN SUPER BOWL LII.
SO WHETHER YOU'RE A PATS FAN OR AN EAGLES REMEMBER CHILD SUPPORT
WAS DUE ON THE 1st. >> IT WAS REPORTED THAT A SEQUEL
IS IN THE WORKS FOR THE MEL GIBSON MOVIE "THE PASSION OF
THE CHRIST" SO GET READY TO SEE "I STILL KNOW WHAT JEWS DID LAST
SUMMER." YOU KNOW, I REFUSE TO SEE
ANOTHER "PASSION OF THE CHRIST" MOVIE UNLESS JESUS HAS THE LINE
"YOU CROSSED THE WRONG GUY." [ LAUGHTER ]
>> NAILED IT. >> NO, IT'S JUST -- EXPERTS ARE
SAYING THAT CAPETOWN, SOUTH AFRICA WILL RUN OUT OF WATER ON
APRIL 12th. MEANWHILE IN THE REST OF THE
WORLD, IT'S PRETTY INSANE THAT A MAJOR CITY IS ABOUT TO RUN OUT
OF WATER IN LIKE TWO MONTHS AND I'M JUST NOW HEARING ABOUT THIS.
IT'S KIND OF EMBARRASSING. YOU FEEL LIKE YOU SHOULD KNOW
MORE LIKE WHEN YOU RUN INTO AN OLD FRIEND AND YOU'RE LIKE HOW
IS YOUR SON AND SHE'S LIKE CHE HE'S YOUR SON TOO.
>>> HERE TO TALK TO US ABOUT MAKING A SUPER BOWL HAD IS OUR
OWN PETE DAVIDSON. >> YOU SHOT A COMMERCIAL
RECENTLY, RIGHT? >> YES, A FEW MONTHS AGO I SHOT
A DOCKERS COMMERCIAL BECAUSE THINGS IN MY CAREER A GOING
EXACTLY HOW I WANT THEM TO GO. I'M JUST PLAYING, DOCKERS ARE
GREAT, I WEAR THEM ALL OF THE TIME, THEIR DOPE, THEIR COMFY
AND THEY'RE CLEAN, THEY'RE DOCKERS.
>> GREAT WORK, WE GOT IT, NICE. >> SEAMLESS PLUS.
>> FOR SURE, THE PREMISE OF THE CAMPAIGN WAS THAT I HAD TO GO
OUT ON THE STREETS OF SAN FRANCISCO AND GET PEOPLE TO TAKE
THEIR PANTS OFF AND TRADE THEM FOR A PAIR OF DOCKERS.
WHAT WAS CRAZY IS WE SHOT THE CAMPAIGN LIKE A MONTH BEFORE ALL
OF THE WEINSTEIN-SPACEY SEXUAL HARASSMENT STUFF HAPPENED, SO
ALL OF THESE ARTICLES ARE COMING OUT ABOUT THESE MONSTERS AND
BETWEEN THEM ARE ADS OF ME ON THE STREET LIKE "HEY, LADY, YOU
WANT TO TAKE YOUR PANTS OFF? I'M PETE DAVIDSON."
>> SO NOT IDEAL TIMING. >> YEAH I WAS OUT THERE FOREVER
AND NOBODY WOULD LISTEN TO ME. I FELT LIKE AL GORE TRYING TO
TALK HELD ABOUT GLOBAL WARMING. MIAMI IS NOT GOING TO EXIST
SOON, YOU KNOW? SEE, NOBODY WANTS TO HEAR ABOUT
THAT. >> SO THE DOCKERS?
>> YEAH, SO FINALLY I GOT ONE GUY TO STOP.
I WAS LIKE WHAT'S UP, HE'S LIKE I'M STEVE FROM OAKLAND, AND I'M
LIKE WHAT BRINGS YOU TO SAN FRANCISCO, AND HE GOES "MY
DAUGHTER." >> THAT IS SWEET, MAN, ARE YOU
VISITING HER IN COLLEGE OR SOMETHING, AND HE WAS LIKE NO,
SHE'S IN THE HOSPITAL, AND I'M LIKE IS EVERYTHING GOING TO BE
OKAY. AND HE'S LIKE I HOPE SO, SHE HAS
CANCER, AND I WAS LIKE -- WOULD YOU LIKE TO TAKE YOUR PANTS OFF?
AND TRADE THEM IN FOR A PAIR OF DOCKERS?
>> WOW, THAT WAS GOOD. >> YEAH, THAT'S THE COMMERCIAL.
>> ALSO, BY THE WAY, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HAND.
>> I PUNCHED A DOOR, IT'S A REALLY GOOD STORY, YOU SEE LIKE
I HAVE MENTAL PROBLEMS -- THAT'S THE STORY.
>> OH, YEAH. >> IT'S BEEN A LEARNING
EXPERIENCE. I GOT REALLY GOOD AT DOING
THINGS WITH MY LEFT HAND, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
>> YEAH, YEAH. >> NO, I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN CLOSE
WITH THE RIGHT, BUT THE LEFT IS REALLY STARTING TO SHINE.
IT'S LIKE WHEN DREW BLEDSOE GOT HURT AND TOM BRADY SUBBED IN.
I LEARNED HOW TO MASTURBATE WITH MY LEFT HAND.
>> WE GOT IT. >>> MOLLLY WILL BE USING THE
PRIZE MONEY TO SOUNDPROOF HER BATHROOM.
>> UNITED AIRLINES PREVENTED A PASSENGER FROM BRINGING AN
EMOTIONAL SUPPORT PEACOCK ON A CROSS COUNTRY FLIGHT.
WHEN HAS A BIRD PUT ANYONE AT EASE, LET ALONE IN A CONFINED
SPACE. NO ONE EVER USED THE PHRASE "OH
GOOD, A BIRD IS INSIDE." >> THIS IS THE BEGINNING OF
FEBRUARY, THE SHORTEST MONTH AND OFTEN THE COLDEST, IT CAN BE
HARD ON YOUR SPIRIT, SO HERE TO CHEER US UP IS MY NEIGHBOR,
WILLY >> HOW ARE YOU?
>> I JUST LOVE, FEBRUARY, 28 DAYS OF FUN AND EXCITEMENT.
BY THE WAY, GROUND HOG SAW HIS SHADOW, YESTERDAY, YOU KNOW WHAT
THAT MEANS? >> NO, WHAT?
>> SIX MORE WEEKS OF LEAVING YOUR OVEN DOOR OPEN FOR HEAT.
>> THAT'S REALLY DANGEROUS, MAN, YOU CAN'T DO THAT.
>> PRESIDENT'S DAY IS COMING. AND, THAT MEANS MATTRESS SALES.
>> ALL RIGHT. >> LAST YEAR I GOT A MATTRESS
FOR ONLY 30 CENTS. >> REALLY, WHERE?
>> THE POLICE AUCTION. OH, IT'S A NICE ONE TOO.
WHEN YOU TURN ON THE BLACK LIGHT YOU CAN SEE THE CONSTELLATIONS.
>> THAT'S GROSS. >> MICHAEL, GUESS WHAT I DID FOR
BLACK HISTORY MONTH? >> DO I WANT TO KNOW?
>> YEAH, I WENT AND I TRACKED MY ANCESTORS.
>> IT'S REALLY EASY. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IT PUT IN
YOUR FULL NAME, SOCIAL SECURITY AND BANK INFORMATION TO WEST
AFRICA AND THEN YOU WAIT FOR THE RESULTS.
>> THAT SOUNDS LIKE A SCAM. >> EXCUSE ME, MICHAEL, BUT DO
YOU THINK THE GRAND NEPHEW OF PRINCE HAKUNAH MATATA WOULD FALL
FOR A SCAM. IT'S LIKE MY ANCESTORS USED TO
SAY IN THE VILLAGE, I WON A FREE BOAT TRIP.
>> WILLY. HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO MAKE
ANYONE FEEL BETTER. >> I'M A LITTLE EMBARRASSED TO
SAY THIS. I BOUGHT ONE OF THOSE SUPER
REALISTIC SEX DOLLS OFF THE INTERNET.
>> REALLY? >> YEAH, I GOT A GREAT DEAL ON
IT, TOO. SHE LOOKS SUPER REALISTIC.
LONG WHITE HAIR, LONG SHARP NAILS, SKIN COLD TO THE TOUCH.
>> OH, WILLY. >> LIMBS, STIFF A BOARD, AND AS
SOON AS I UNZIPPED THAT BIG BLACK BAG AND SAW HER EYES
STARRING BACK AT ME, I KNEW I WAS GONNA BE IN THE HOUSE ALL
NIGHT. >> OKAY MAN.
>> DOLLS DON'T HAVE TOE TAGS WILLY.
SUPER REALISTIC, HUH? SO ARE YOU GOING TO WATCH THE
SUPER BOWL? >> NO NO NO.
I'M GOING TO WATCH THE PUPPY BOWL INSTEAD.
MY OLD DOG LUCIOUS USED TO BE A COACH.
>> YOUR DOG, COACHED THE PUPPY BOWL?
>> YEAH, TAUGHT THOSE PUPPIES HOW TO RUN FAST.
HE WOULD JUMP ON TOP AND PIN THEIR SHOULDERS AND TEACH THEM
HOW TO TACKLE, AND HE WOULD PUT HIS PAW ON THEIR MOUTH TO TEACH
THEM HOW TO KEEP QUIET. >> OH NO, WILLY, COME ON.
>> IT'S LIKE THEY ALWAYS SAY, MICHAEL.
YOUR DOG IS A MOLESTER, WILLY. >> THANK YOU, WILLY.
♪♪♪
