>>> H & M HAS APOLOGIZED AFTER
USING A BLACK CHILD TO MODEL A SWEATSHIRT WITH THE LOGO,
"COOLEST MONKEY IN THE JUNGLE." WORSE, THE SHIRT WAS MADE BY THE
SADDEST CHILD IN THE SWEAT SHOP. [ LAUGHTER ]
I'VE SAID WORSE. >>> STEVE BANNON ANNOUNCED THAT
HE'LL BE STEPPING DOWN FROM BREITBART NEWS.
THOUGH, TECHNICALLY HE'S NOT STEPPING DOWN, SO MUCH AS HE'S
SLIDING AWAY IN A TRAIL OF MUCUS.
>>> IT WAS REPORTED THAT BACK IN DECEMBER PRESIDENT TRUMP, DURING
A MEETING IN THE OVAL OFFICE, REFERRED TO A MEMBER OF HIS
STAFF AS A "PRETTY KOREAN LADY." WORSE, IT WAS JARED KUSHNER.
>>> IT WAS REPORTED THIS WEEK THAT MARK WAHLBERG WAS PAID
$1.5 MILLION FOR RESHOOTS OF THE MOVIE "ALL THE MONEY IN THE
WORLD", WHILE HIS CO-STAR MICHELLE WILLIAMS MADE ONLY
$80 A DAY. HERE TO COMMENT IS AIDY BRYANT. >> HI, COLIN.
>> HI AIDY, THANKS FOR DOING THIS.
>> OH, WELL, THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME.
I'M SORRY I ROLLED OUT HERE SO WEIRD.
DID I RUIN IT? >> NO, NOT AT ALL.
OF COURSE YOU DIDN'T RUIN ANYTHING.
THERE'S NOTHING TO APOLOGIZE FOR.
>> OH, I KNOW. I JUST DO THAT.
YOU KNOW, IT'S KIND OF MY NATURAL STATE, BECAUSE I LIKE
MOST GIRLS HAVE BEEN TAUGHT TO BE ACCOMMODATING AND BE POLITE.
LIKE ONCE I FELT BAD ABOUT TELLING AN UBER DRIVER THAT HE
MADE A WRONG TURN, SO I JUST WENT WITH HIM TO NEW JERSEY.
>> WOW. SO WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO
WITH MICHELLE WILLIAMS? >> I GUESS I JUST UNDERSTAND THE
IMPULSE TO BE ACCOMMODATING IN A DIFFICULT SITUATION.
YOU KNOW? LIKE I EASILY COULD HAVE BEEN IN
MICHELLE WILLIAMS'S POSITION. NOT IN THE POSITION OF BEING IN
A MOVIE, I'VE ONLY BEEN IN ONE MOVIE, AND IT WAS "SPIDER-MAN 2"
AND I HAD ONE LINE AND IT WAS UNCREDITED.
ALTHOUGH I WAS RECENTLY OFFED THE ROLE OF FAT UGLY PRISON WIFE
WHO BRINGS INMATES SEX AND CAKE. AND THAT'S REAL.
>> WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PUBLIC RESPONSE TO THIS STORY?
>> EVERYONE IS TALKING ABOUT HOW WOMEN SHOULD NEGOTIATE HARDER
AND ASK FOR MORE MONEY. AND THAT'S TRUE.
AND I REALLY THINK WOMEN ARE READY TO DO THAT.
I FEEL LIKE MAYBE, JUST MAYBE, THE MEN AT THE TABLE COULD ALSO
JUST BE LIKE A LITTLE BIT MORE DEC.
YOU KNOW? >> DEC, LIKE DECENT.
>> YEAH, I'M TRYING TO SAY COOL AND DECENT, BUT I'M TRYING TO BE
COOL SO I DON'T COME OFF LIKE A SHREW.
>> RIGHT. SO YOU ARE SAYING WE NEED TO
FIND SORT OF A MIDDLE GROUND. >> YEAH, WELL MIDDLE GROUND
WOULD BE EQUAL PAY. AND THAT'S THE GOAL.
BUT AT THIS POINT, I WOULD BE HAPPY IF WE COULD EVEN JUST GAIN
A COUPLE OF YARDS. AND THAT IS A STRAIGHT UP SPORTS
REFERENCE FOR THE BOYS. I'M SAYING IF I'M GOING TO THINK
A LITTLE MORE LIKE MARK WAHLBERG, THEN MAYBE
JUST MAYBE MARK WAHLBERG CAN TAKE A TRIP INSIDE AIDY BRYANT'S
BRAIN. >> ARE YOU SAYING PEOPLE SHOULD
ACT MORE LIKE THAT? >> NO, COLIN.
NO ONE SHOULD ACT LIKE THIS. IT IS A PRISON OF THE MIND.
BUT AT THE SAME TIME, NO ONE SHOULD LIKE THIS.
>> WELL, WAHLBERG DID ANNOUNCE THAT HE IS DONATING HIS SALARY
FROM THE RESHOOTS TO THE "TIMES UP" LEGAL MOVEMENT.
>> YES. AND THAT'S GREAT.
AND THAT'S THE RIGHT THING TO DO.
BUT IT WOULD BE SO COOL IF IT DIDN'T TAKE A WEEK-LONG PUBLIC
SHAMING TO DO THE RIGHT THING. AND MAYBE DO A DAILY PRIVATE
SHAMING, WHICH IS WHAT I'VE DONE MY ENTIRE LIFE.
>> THAT SOUNDS LIKE SOME GOOD ADVICE.
>> YEAH. WELL TO QUOTE MARK WAHLBERG'S
CHARACTER FROM TRANSFORMERS, I THINK WE JUST FOUND A
TRANSFORMER. I'M SORRY.
THAT WAS THE WRONG QUOTE. "YOU HAVE GOT TO HAVE FAITH,
PRIME, IN WHO WE CAN BE, BECAUSE WE CAN ALL BE TRANSFORMERS."
>> AIDY BRYANT, EVERYONE. >> THANK YOU EVERYONE.
I'M SORRY. >> DON'T APOLOGIZE.
>>> THE NEW YORK CITY COMMISSION ON MONUMENTS HAS DECIDED THAT
STATUES OF CONTROVERSIAL HISTORICAL FIGURES, SUCH AS
CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS, WILL NOT BE TORN DOWN BECAUSE IT'S JUST
NOT WHAT WE'RE MAD ABOUT THIS WEEK.
>>> GENERAL MOTORS ANNOUNCED THAT IT'S MAKING A LINE OF
SELF-DRIVING CARS THAT HAVE NO STEERING WHEEL, NO GAS OR BRAKE
PEDALS, NO WINDOWS, AND IT'S A COFFIN.
>>> KOEHLER HAS INTRODUCED A NEW TOILET THAT CAN BE FLUSHED BY
VOICE COMMANDS. SO GET READY TO HEAR YOUR
COWORKER IN THE NEXT STALL YELLING, "FLUSH!
PLEASE FLUSH! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, FLUSH!"
[ LAUGHTER ] >> ONE TIME.
>>> THIS WEEK, 1.6 MILLION PEOPLE WATCHED ON FACEBOOK HAS
LaVAR BALL'S SONS, LiANGELO AND LaMELO, MADE THEIR DEBUT FOR A
BASKETBALL TEAM IN LITHUANIA. HERE TO COMMENT IS LaVAR BALL. >> HOW YOU DOING, MICHAEL?
ME? I'M MAGNIFICENT.
>> OH, YOU ARE IN A GOOD MOOD. >> WHY SHOULDN'T I BE?
I'M A INTERNET SENSATION. I'M A MULTIBILLIONAIRE.
>> ALL RIGHT. YOU ARE NOT.
>> I OWN 16 TOYOTA COROLLAS. [ LAUGHTER ]
AND I'M THE ONLY MAN IN HISTORY TO OUT PIZZA THE HUT.
NEVER LOST. >> AND YOU JUST GOT BACK FROM
LITHUANIA. >> YOU DAMN RIGHT.
FLEW ALL THE WAY BUSINESS ECONOMY.
MIDDLE SEAT. ONE HOTEL ROOM TO SHARE.
THE ONLY HOTEL IN LITHUANIA THAT'S IN THE BACK OF A SOUP
RESTAURANT. NEVER NOT SMELLING LIKE CABBAGE.
NEVER NOT THE CABBAGE. >> NEVER NOT THE CABBAGE.
SO JUST TO BE CLEAR, YOU TOOK 19-YEAR-OLD LiANGELO OUT OF
COLLEGE AND 16-YEAR-OLD LaMELO OUT OF HIGH SCHOOL TO PLAY IN
EASTERN EUROPE. WERE THEY OKAY WITH THAT?
>> MAN, THEY LIVING THE DREAM, MICHAEL.
I TOLD THEM PACK UP YOUR THINGS. WE MOVING UP.
I'M TAKING YOU OUT OF THIS DUMP CALLED LOS ANGELES, AND WE ARE
GOING TO PRIENU VYTAUTAS. WHERE THE FORECAST IS ALWAYS A
CRISP NEGATIVE 2 DEGREES CELSIUS, WITH
100% CHANCE OF FREEZING RAIN EVERY DAY.
NEVER DRY. NEVER DRY.
>> AND YOU ACTUALLY THINK THE LITHUANIAN LEAGUE IS A GOOD
TRAINING TO PLAY IN THE NBA? >> ABSOLUTELY.
I LOVE THE LITHUANIAN LEAGUE. ALL WHITE TEAMMATES.
NOBODY ABOVE 140 POUNDS. VITAMIN DEFICIENCY.
SOFT TEETH. ALL LAYUPS.
NO DUNKS. PERFECT TRAINING FOR THE NBA.
I LOVE IT. EVERY NIGHT, THE HUGE CROWD OF
61 PEOPLE JUST GOES WILD CHEERING AND WAVING WOODEN
SPOONS IN THE AIR. >> ALL RIGHT, MAN.
THE BIG BALLER COMPANY HAS BEEN HAVING SOME PROBLEMS LATELY.
I SAW YOU JUST GOT AN "F" FROM THE BETTER BUSINESS BUREAU.
>> MAN. DON'T TALK THE ME ABOUT NO
BETTER RATING BUSINESS BUREAU. >> OKAY.
>> I TOLD MY KIDS THAT F STANDS FOR PHENOMENAL.
AND YES, MY KIDS ARE HOME SCHOOLED.
NEVER TARDY. >> YOU KNOW, WORD IS YOU ARE
GETTING A LOT OF COMPLAINTS FROM CUSTOMERS.
>> WELL, THAT DON'T MATTER BECAUSE I JUST LAUNCHED THE
FIRST BIG BALLER PRODUCT IN LITHUANIA.
IT'S SELLING MILLIONS. IT'S CALLED BEATS BY LA BALL.
>> OH, SO THEY ARE HEADPHONES. >> NO.
NO. THEY ARE JUST BREATHES, FROM THE
GROUND W. THE ROOTS STILL ON. THEY ASSAULT BALLER, THEY MAKE
YOUR TOOKY REDDER THAN SANTA CLAUS.
ORDER YOURS TODAY, AND IT WILL ARRIVE BETWEEN ONE AND 11
MONTHS. >> LAVAR BALL, EVERYBODY.
FOR WEEKEND UPDATE, I'M MICHAEL CHE.
>> I'M COLIN JOST GOOD NIGHT.
