Weekend Update on Woman's Selfie Accident - SNL

>> LAST WEEK AN AIRPORT UNVEILED A BUS THAT A SOCCER PLAYER WHO LOOKS LIKE THIS, BUT THE STATUE CAME OUT LIKE THIS. THE ARTIST IS A JESUS FANATIC. HELLO, CECILIA. DO NOT WORRY ABOUT THE SCULPTURE. PEOPLE ARE GOING TO LOVE IT. >> PEOPLE LOVE YOUR JESUS PARTICIPATING AND IT'S A HUGE TOURIST ATTRACTION. >> JESUS IMPRESSED ME AT NIGHT HE COMES TO ME AND LOOKS UPON ME WITH HIS KIND DARK SNAKE EYES AND SAID -- AND I THANK JESUS FOR EVERYTHING HE HAS DONE AND HE SAID TO ME -- IT WORKS OUT FOR YOU, KIND OF. IT WORKED OUT FOR YOU SO IT CAN WORK OUT ON THE SCULPTURE. >> IT'S BEAUTIFUL ART. WOW. THE FIRST QUESTION ANY GREAT SCULPTURE MUST ASK ABOUT HIS SUBJECT IS WHY WOULD HE LOCK LIKE IF HE HAD A STROKE. HE HAD THE STROKE WHILE SAYING CHEESE. LOOK AT THIS. LOOK AT HIS EYES. THEY LOVE EACH OTHER. THEY WANT TO BE TOGETHER. THEY ARE LIKE A LITTLE LESBIAN TEENAGERS AT A SLEEP OVER TRYING TO PUSH THEIR BEDS TOGETHER IN THE NIGHT. PERFECT. LOOK AT THIS. IT'S LIKE THEY TAKE MY BEAUTIFUL FACE AND PUT IT THROUGH A SNAP CHAT FILTER WHERE THE FEATURES ARE TWISTED AND SUCKED INTO THE NOSE. >> DO YOU REALLY -- THANK YOU. DO YOU REALLY FEEL LIKE THIS LOOKS ANYTHING LIKE REYNALDO? >> OF COURSE IT DOES. IT'S PERFECT. IT'S THE SPITTING IMAGE OF REYNALDO AND THAT'S WHY SO MANY PEOPLE SPIT ON IT. LOOK AT THE GORGEOUS SMILE. THAT'S A SMILE THAT SAYS I GOT A FISH IN MY MOUTH AND I'M TRYING TO KEEP IT IN THERE. AND JUST TO SHOW SOCCER IS NOT JUST FOR BOYS, THEY MAKE THE NECK OUT OF A VAGINA. >> YES, YES, I SEE HOW YOU MIGHT LIKE THIS, BUT I FEEL LIKE A LOT OF SOCCER FANS OUT THERE WHO THINK IT'S PRETTY BAD. >> WHY? THIS IS A PERFECT IMAGE OF REYNALDO PLAYING FOOTBALL. SEE HOW THE ARTIST CAPTURES HIS LOOK WHEN THE BALL HIT HIM IN THE FACE? >> YOU THINK IT'S AT AN AIRPORT AND YOU THINK THEY WANT TO SEE IT? YOU ARE SO SAD. YOU WANT TO SEE A FRIENDLY FACE OF A MAN WHO PETS A BUNNY SO MUCH IT DIES. OH, MY GOD. WOW. >> WHAT IS YOUR NEXT PROJECT? YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE WORKING ON? >> NBC HAS COMMISSIONED A STATUE FOR YOU FOR OUTSIDE AND GUESS WHO THEY HIRED TO DO IT? >> WHO DID THEY HIRE? >> ME. >> I COULD HAVE GUESSED THAT. YOU ARE DOING A STATUE OF ME. >> I ALL RIGHT DID IT. LOOK AT THIS. >> CECILIA JIMENEZ, EVERYONE. >>> A WOMAN IN CALIFORNIA WAS INJURED AFTER SHE FELL 60 FEET WHILE TRYING TO TAKE A SELFIE FROM A BRIDGE. WORSE, SHE NO LONGER HAS A GOOD SIDE. >> A WHITE HOUSE UNVEILED MELANIA TRUMP'S PORTRAIT AND SHE POSED IN FRONT OF THE SAME GIANT SPIDER WEB I DID IN FIFTH GRADE. IT'S OFFICIAL, BARRY MANILOW IS GAY. THIS STORY WAS FIRST REPORTED IN THE COMMENT SECTION OF HIS YOU TUBE VIDEOS. AN 18-YEAR-OLD WOMAN IN ROMANIA AUCTIONED HER VIRGINITY FOR $2.5 MILLION, THE SECOND WORSE THING SOMEONE HAS DONE FOR MONEY THIS WEEK. >> OFFICIALS AT THE CLEVELAND ZOO ANNOUNCED THAT ONE OF THE CRITICALLY ENDANGERED BLACK RHINOS IS PREGNANT. STILL NO WORD IF SHE PLANS TO KEEP IT. NEW RESEARCH SHOWS 59% OF PEOPLE EAT THE EARS FIRST ON THEIR CHOCOLATE BUNNIES. THE REST ARE LIKE ME AND GO STRAIGHT FOR THAT BUTT. >> IT WAS REPORTED THAT YAHOO AND AOL WILL COMBINE TO FORM A NEW COMPANY BECAUSE NO ONE WANTS TO DIE ALONE. AND MANATEES. >> DO YOU OWN ONE? MANATEES HAVE BEENY HAVE BEEN UPGREAT THE FROM ENDANGERED TO THREATENED. FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY, THE McMANATEE IS BACK. THE WEEKEND UPDATE. >> BACK AT YOU!

Channel: Saturday Night Live

Views: 3,589,229

Rating: 4.8613544 out of 5

Keywords: SNL, Saturday Night Live, Season 42, Episode 1721, Louis C.K., Weekend Update, Colin Jost, Michael Che, live, new york, comedy, sketch, funny, hilarious, late night, host, music, guest, laugh, impersonation, episode 17, Louis C.K. 2017, actor, writer, producer, director, comedian, stand up, netflix, netflix special, comedy special, louie, Dave Sanderson, the chainsmokers, roses, closer, don’t let me down, something just like this, paris, the one, Memories...Do Not Open

Id: bQszk-opKVg

Length: 6min 25sec (385 seconds)

Published: Sun Apr 09 2017