Weekend Update Colin Jost and Michael Che *SLIGHTLY POLITICAL* 🤣🤣 Joke Swaps

Burger King has introduced a Halloween themed burger that has a black bun oh sure but when I turn black for Halloween I'm setting back race relations parties in Arizona spent nearly two hours chasing a pair of llamas through the streets after they escaped from a petting zoo but thankfully this story has a happy ending no one was hurt and the llamas were safely returned to their prison of unwanted touching well it's pretty crazy uh but look it's not the end of the world okay because this is the end of the world that's right scientists basically published an obituary for the Earth this week and people were like yeah but like what does Taylor Swift think about it Eric and apparel wants to stop using what they call Instagram hoes for their ads and instead hire professional models but good news they're still going to make them up to look like they've been kidnapped by human traffickers because when I see ads for American Apparel I don't want to buy clothes I want to see those women rescued by Liam Neeson foreign opening day at Chicago's Wrigley field lines for the bathrooms were so long that fans resorted to urinating in cups a move Chicagoans are calling Hey free beer and oh no a woman it's all survived after her SUV got stuck in the snow and mud for nearly a week the woman says she couldn't have made it without her children her delicious delicious children Observer said that President Trump looked bored but I think he was just getting an idea he was thinking wait before this whole Mueller report comes out I could just fake my own death and escape to the last place anyone would ever look for me Mexico and you know Trump will be the first guy to ever fake his own death via tweet interesting fact gritty was actually the first mascot ever based on the crayon drawings of a five-year-old who saw his parents murdered the New York Times also published a report accusing the Trump family of cheating the government out of 500 million dollars in taxes personally I think the IRS should just seize all the money the Trump family hid and give it to Puerto Rico or four four better yet they can make Trump's biggest nightmare come true and let a bunch of Puerto Ricans come live in his buildings I begged you not to do that the author who wrote children's books under the name Lemony Snicket announced that he is donating one million dollars to Planned Parenthood it's an amount that will cover a whole series of unfortunate events besides listen Kyle Kaepernick is not the only one trying to raise awareness during the football game for a sad cause they're turning the uniforms pink for breast cancer tomorrow and nobody's upset about that I bet if the police went around shooting unarmed boobies everybody would take a knee was only twice it's important to note that this deal is not a treaty and won't be put into writing until June but when it comes to preventing a nuclear Holocaust the last thing I want to hear is don't worry I've got it all up here then last night Trump apologized the way a drunk X would at midnight on Facebook he said that Bill Clinton has told him much worse on the golf course which might be true but you know Bill Clinton said it way smoother than that Mitt Romney announced Friday that he would not be running in the 2016 presidential race to its Republicans responded no please no okay it looks like she's like cool on Safari you know but don't don't it's Disneyland this is also about Disney this is what she texted me uh Disneyland having trouble with the measles maybe they should Rebrand it as Mouse pox then show Mickey with spots on serious note this is why vaccination is so important to beat Wisconsin 68-63 to win the NCAA Championship afterwards disappointed Wisconsin students took to the streets to Riot the only way white people know how without consequences you lucky bastards researchers have announced they have found the strongest evidence yet of flowing water on Mars sadly all the fountains had signs that read greens only you got a long way to go on that planet too worst thing ever said this is this is the worst thing he said to Billy Bush while miked on an Access Hollywood bus the most telling thing Trump said was they'll let you do anything because you're a celebrity so you're literally explaining your entitlement Mitt Romney is reportedly considering running for president in 2016. in a related story Charlie Brown is planning on finally kicking that football I mean we're sharing sharing a bit together and conservatives are all sprawled out in the middle while Liberals are on the edge passive aggressively tweeting you want this if you want this relationship to work we got to cuddle man we got to talk get familiar can't just wait until you're in desperate need of attention and then poke her in the back with your penis ass you sleep anytime my friends come back from vacation they tell me two things what they ate and who they had sex with and I'm scared I'm scared that soon Earth is going to be alien Thailand with strange alien businessmen make us do weird tricks with ping pong balls I don't got the hips for that Colin this week Colin Joe spent three days in his dressing room crying like a then I found out the Mets lost people Magazine's sexiest man alive is Dwayne The Rock Johnson yeah he once again beat his longtime rival Dwayne the scissors Johnson but you listen to him anyway and you should because he's got that loud sticky icky oil I ain't easy to find the New Jersey Governor Chris Christie has filed paperwork to form a political action committee which is step one toward a possible presidential campaign however Christie maintains at Step Zero on his Fitbit carry an accountant begged me not to tell that joke how could any guy even be against birth control if it means better sex and no kids we don't even get any of the side effects women do and they're fine with it honestly I don't know how we're getting away with this it knocks their entire chemistry out of whack women are basically putting their bodies through global warming just so I can keep pretending to have a latex allergy well guys we were off for a month but conveniently so was the government president Trump the man who said he would own the shutdown clearly does not care about the people who are working unpaid who can't afford basic things like food but why would he care he's a billionaire who controls all the hamburgers in the world Facebook Facebook has introduced a new feature allowing people to connect with someone they have a secret crush on to learn more watch a future episode of Dateline called the Facebook murders robots are even taking the jobs that we thought we'd never lose like laid off Factory workers became truck drivers because those trucks ain't going to drive themselves well guess what in about two years those trucks are going to start driving themselves and white people freaking out over nothing news among them all Russia gives to foreigners in fact the only higher honor Russia can give you is president of the United States insiders are saying that the Obama Administration is extremely upset that Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu plans to ask Congress for additional sanctions against Iran saying that he will quote pay a price which brings the number of countries that have threatened Israel up to an even all of them I don't think there's ever been two more unlikable candidates not one time in this election have I heard anyone say you know what I like them both and Donald Trump is now the oldest person ever elected president and has never held a job in government if you're 70 and you have no experience you couldn't get hired at Target police in North Carolina say that a 12 pound package of marijuana washed up on a beach for some perspective this is what a 12 pound package of marijuana looks like [Applause] horrible woman's night should not be my [Applause] wow that wouldn't be my first choice for a defense Iran's supreme leader ayatolli ala Khamenei clarified the meaning of the common chant death to America saying that it does not mean death to America but instead refers to America's policies you know sort of how like the people outside are chanting dump Trump but they really just mean what are his ideas on Health Care at the Republican debate Senator Marco Rubio called for a return to vocational training saying that we need quote less philosophers and more welders but I don't know I think maybe we need less presidential candidates and more working senators it was reported that Sam Smith has agreed to pay Tom Petty royalties for his hit song Stay With Me due to its resemblance to Petty's song I Won't Back Down while Petty has agreed to pay royalties to Disney due to his resemblance to Jiminy Cricket

Channel: Practical Comedy

Views: 650,142

Keywords: #ColinJost, #MichaelChe, #WeekendUpdate, #SaturdayNightLive, #SNL, #Comedy, #Humor, #Funny, #Jokes, #Entertainment, #LateNightTV, #LaughOutLoud, #StandUpComedy, #HumorIsTheBestMedicine, #FunniestMoments, #Hilarious, #BestOfSNL, #TopJokes, #ComedyCentra, #FunnyVideo, #ViralVideo, #JustForLaughs, #FunnyClips, #HumorMatters, #EntertainmentIndustry, #PopCulture, #CelebHumor, #TVComedy, #LaughingOutLoud, #goodjokes

Id: tE0IEvbqs48

Length: 10min 54sec (654 seconds)

Published: Fri Jun 09 2023